When deep diving during cold approach, how do you invite her to start asking?

[kristian]

I am stumbling across a little bump in the road when I start conversations in street pick-up. Pre-opening and delivering my line makes them a little intrigued and flattered, and I am becoming better at the I transition to deep dive.

A conversation usually is like this:

-"So what are you doing on a day like this?" (This is the line I always use to find out what they do and why. Girls respond to this all the time, but 6 out of 10 times the following happens.)

Her: "I work as a barista, and I am studying arts."

Me: "Why arts?"

Her: "Because I love it, I always been an artsy type of person I guess, and I would love to have an own gallery someday"

My problem is making them invest in the conversation and not only answering my questions.

I usually continue to deep dive a couple of more minutes, but then I want her to start investing a bit more. I've tried some baiting to see if she wants to ask me something about myself, but sometimes, she is not that socially aware and doesn't ask me anything in return.

So what kind of tools can I use to get her starting to become curious about me? I've tried some social pressure techniques (like just not saying anything and smiling) to make her ask me something about myself, but usually this backfires a bit cos some girls cant handle the pressure and suddenly excuse themselves.

It could be that these girls arent interested and me pressuring them is a tool to weed them out. But I think that making them ask some things in return could ramp up the attraction. I could be wrong, but I need some perspectives on this one.

So how do you make cold approach-conversations a little more interesting for her? Cos right now, after not making them invest enough they usually give me the bf-excuse when I try to move forward. Any help would be great.

 

[Drck]

Re: When deep diving during cold approach, how do you invite her to start asking

Try to move away from the formal style of questioning such what do you do for living, why do you that, why do you like this and not that, what makes you happy and sad... It makes many people uncomfortable, they are being questioned like if it was a job interview, they need to think about proper answers - which kills all the attraction. She will leave and never calls you back because she doesn't want to be questioned...

WRONG:
Why do you go to college?
Because I like to study.
What do you like to study?
I like to study arts.
Why arts?
Because I like it.
What do you like on arts?
Well, one day I want to have my own gallery...
What kind of gallery, what kind of paintings?
... If she is not biting her tongue by this time, she will be in 10 seconds. It is horrible conversation, question after question, no sharing, no common interest... It is boring, she doesn't want to be bored, that is why she doesn't ask you any questions back...

Of course she studies arts because she loves it. Why else would she study arts?


Try to adapt more sharing style in stead of questioning style. BETTER:
You: Why do you go to college?
She: Because I like to study.
You: Cool, I began college 2 years ago, at first I wasn't really sure what to study but after I took couple classes in science I've decided to focus on science as my future carreer. Currently I'm taking biology, and I took already chemistry. I think I will like physics next semester, blah blah (Now you are more sharing, now you are opening yourself, now you are leading by example as you are sharing - ideally she will follow your example and start sharing about herself, without you questioning!)
She: That's good, I can't do much science, eh, I don't really like much science but I really like arts. (she is still reserved, doesn't share)
You: What kind of arts, anything specific?
She: Yea, maybe painting (still reserved).
You: Painting is cool, I don't know how artists can do it. I tried many times, I can't even draw a straigt line with my shaky hands - extend you hands and show her how they shake (cool, now she giggles, hopefully laughs, but it still awkward silence).
You: I've seen some of the great paitings, I think it was DaVinchi or Michalagelo. I don't know what is so intersting on Mona Lisa and why is she so popular, I don't see anything special, but I find other DaVinci painting really interesting, such as his self prortait, it is so detailed and elaborated, you can see in his drawings that he was also really a scientists, blah blah blah. Or sculptures of horse that I've seen are really good, I think it was Michalengelo. One really has to be a great artist to create something amazing like that... Well, you don't really have a clue what the heck are you talking about, but who cares? Let her educate you! Let her talk and talk about art, let her give you lessons in art!
She: Yea, I don't really see anything extra on Mona Lisa either, I think the Last Supper is more elaborated. I think DaVinci was also a great scientists as you say, I guess you are right (now she is slowly opening)
You: Is that so?
She: Yea. But I am more into surrealism, I really like fantasy, not much science...
You: You mean fantasy paintings? You mean like these abstracts pictures where fish is flying above naked angels, and in the background there is this vast and deep ocean in the skies in stead of clouds?
She: Yea, something like that. Now she giggles because how can you be so stupid and yet so confident about it? But and now she starts talking and talking, she is talking so much about all that fantasy nonsense.

Couple more seconds and she will start talking. Now she just talks about what comes to her mind, she knows that you will not judge her because you are the one who started being silly. She talks so much that you wish you never asked! Now your head hurts because she talks and talks. You are trying to keep up with all the details she talks about, but you just can't, your brain is not built for that. But it is all good, now you touched upon her passion, now you are listening to her without questioning much, now she feels great because she found somebody she can finally connect with, somebody she can tell all about her passion...

You: Nodding and nodding. Hey, isn't there a gallery in college that we can go see?
She: Yea, but I think they open in half an hour
You: Cool, lets go see some of those drawings, you can tell me all about it. We can get some coffee before we get there, but first I got to stop at my place if you don't mind... Let's go (grab her hand gently and drag her with you)


... Much better. You simply share about you first, tell some quick stories, tell what you like, what is your passion and so on. Don't just talk about yourself for half an hour though, those should be just sort of starters, sort of "hey, this is what I like, this is my passion - what do you like and what is your passion?" approach. See, if you open first it is much easier for her to follow...

 

[kristian]

Re: When deep diving during cold approach, how do you invite her to start asking

Thanks for the reply , Drck.

I guess I stumbled across this sticking point because I have been using Chases technique of talking as little as possible for a wile. Talking, like you now demonstrated, feel just a little needy for my taste. I've been more like a person who has baited a bit and tried to be mysterious, but that only works on girls that are more aware socially and that are much more interested. I should try this one and see how I can implement it in my conversations.

But how do not come across as needy with this approach? Do I need to have my fundamentals to a tee or do I do something else. I should however try this and see what kind of results I can get.

 

[Smith]

Re: When deep diving during cold approach, how do you invite her to start asking

Drck +1

It also has to do with the way you ask those questions. It's perfectly fine to ask interview questions to get the conversation going. Put some tonality and pauses in your questions. and come from the frame of wondering what she's like as a person.
and also try to understand what she's telling you beyond the surface. Empathize with her and put yourself in her shoes.

Me: "why do you go to college?"
Her: "Because I like to study"
Put yourself in her shoes..why would you like to study? what does that mean for you? Are you working towards something?"
Me: "oh cool..so you're working towards a big goal I assume? I don't see why anyone would like to study for the sake of study haha"
Her: "haha yea I want to become xx and own my business in a few years."
Now you're actually deep diving, then you can appreciate the qualities she has.
Me: "that's awesome.. you're very ambitious! I like that. what's your name?" Then you can relate to her like Drck said, but make sure she can follow what you're saying and you're not just ranting...does she look bored? or intense?