When You Take the Red Pill and Understand Why Things Went Wrong.

[Paulie Walnuts]

So it's been quite sometime since I've posted, I've been really busy with work (and of course going on lots of dates and running Nightgame ).

Just today I had something happen and I thought I'd come ask my friends at GC what they thought of the situation; I'd been texting this girl who's number I popped off Okcupid about a month back, we originally scheduled a date for Friday a couple weeks ago. Ended up not hearing back from her after I sent a confirmation text the day before, so I NEXTED and moved on; she ended up adding me on snapchat a few days later so I figured what the hell, I'd send her a message. She ends up telling me her phone broke and how sorry she is that she didn't get back to me.

I say not a big deal and we schedule a new date for the following Friday, she ended up saying (after I suggested coffee again, I had a bad experience taking a girl Bowling; we still made out but Chase is so right about not being able to get to know someone properly doing an actual activity). "Why don't we do somethin fuunnnnn" and I of course said I wanted to get to know her better and that coffee would make it easier to do that properly.

She agreed and said "Well then you need to start being a better texter ", long story short we start texting a lot (yes I know the rules regarding texting and not to have long convos but.... it seemed like the smart play here), she ALWAYS replied much faster than me, she'd text almost immediately everytime, whereas most of the time it would take me a couple hours at best to respond.

Anyway she flaked on date number two (had to pick her dad up from the airport), she gave me a really good apology (I usually don't allow more than 2 flakes), so I said fine and rescheduled for Wednesday. I went out that Friday (when we were supposed to hangout) and ran Nightgame and had an amazing night, hooked up with this hot South African Au Pair I got from Tinder that happened to be out at the bars too; and also since I'd gone out with a Natural (Naturals really do make incredible Wings), we ended up pulling two University girls back to their dorm room for "Cards".

She tells me she thought my snap story was hilarious (just pics of us raging and having a good time, nothing too naughty or seeming like I was hooking up with other girls). Sunday we're texting and she tells me that we should meet at a Starbucks closer to her house (since we were meeting at the halfway point), I asked her why she wanted to do that and she said "So she didn't have to drive as far", I said "The person that flaked twice shouldn't get to have it easier ", she agrees but is adamant that she didn't flake. I point out that breaking plans is still flaking, but it's cool I know she had her reasons. Didn't hear back for a couple hours so I texted again to confirm Wednesday and she said she'd been with family all day. I said it was cool I was working, she asked me about why I was working on a Sunday and then I told her "I'm a broker, I'm always working". Heard nothing back, woke up today and noticed she blocked me on snapchat so I texted "Hey Olivia, was just adding new people on snapchat and noticed that you blocked me...?" Didn't hear back so I texted again: something along the lines of "I can guess what happened and that we're off for Wednesday, if you ended up meeting someone else that's totally cool, but it's better dating etiquette to just say so!"

I wanted to see if she blocked my number so I tried calling (with the intention of saying it was a butt dial and sure enough... blocked lol; tried from a *67 and it rang; so the intention was definitely not accidental and it was to cut all contact.

Any idea what happened? I think I know to be honest buuuuut I thought I'd ask anyway (Note, she did throw a fair amount of sexual framing into our conversation, saying she wanted to Netflix and chill the X-files someday, telling me she wanted to kiss me etc.)

 

[ray_zorse]

Sounds like attention-whore syndrome, in my brief flirtation with Tinder I matched with a woman a bit like this, all talk and no action, I indulged her with sexts and so on believing we would meet up soon but nogo. I eventually told her truthfully that I was deleting Tinder and here was my contact if she wanted to stay in touch. Never heard from her again. I think she prob did not believe me and didn't bother to save my contact, but reading your story I realize that once you fall into the attention-whore trap you've basically failed her tests, hmm.
Ray

 

[Paulie Walnuts]

You think so Ray? I mean I know why Chase teaches us not to have long texting convos, it just seemed so harmless; like it's worked before (but with much shorter time spans before a meetup).

I figured the more likely possibility was that because it was on Okcupid lead, she was actively dating other guys too; and I didn't measure up to whoever the other guy who was her #1 pick. Could be that the flaking was legitimate, but when contact is cut off that quickly my guess would be she went out with him last night; they fucked and she's trying to lock him in and doesn't need a backup anymore.

 

[Paulie Walnuts]

Also explain test failing to me..... I think that's something I struggle with.

 

[ray_zorse]

Could be man, yes the back pocket mentality could be operative here, I didn't think of that. But then again I try not to think about ANYTHING other than my direct interaction with the girl. I tend to take the view that if my game is good enough then any kinds of objection or competition will just fall away. I don't think you can afford any mental investment in the girl or to try to excuse or explain her behaviour in terms of shit going on in her life because it's IRRELEVANT. Get back to basics! She texts me, she texts me not... she invests or not... she accepts my touch... she acts excited to be in my life or not.

By the way I saw your other post talking about your journey since finding GC. I have to say we are in almost EXACTLY the same place now, except that when I reached the point you're at, I got overconfident and didn't think I needed to learn game so much anymore since I was clearly on the cusp of a major breakthrough... so I got into an LTR and quickly got rusty and forgot a lot of what I'd learned (well my basic game is still in place, but the icing isn't on the cake if you get my meaning).

Now I write mainly in the relationships board, I searched for "failing test" in my posts and it threw up tons of examples and explanations such as this one so I highly recommend you do the same as it will open your eyes a bit. Although I've mainly written about tests in a relationship, the principle is basically the same for tests during approaching and dating. Ex. I approached 2 girls sitting in city last year and chatted and invited them to darts which they accepted. They then told me to help them carry their grocery shopping to the darts venue, I laughed and replied "do I look like a shopping trolley?" ... instant attraction spike (and she carried her own shopping). Another ex. my current GF gave me an LJBF test after several dates, I didn't believe her so I laughed and said, well you call me umpteen times a week, you must want SOMETHING... she shook her head in a kind of amazement and muttered "so confident...". Another ex. I asked a long gamer chick to coffee at uni, she worked in 7/11 and I'd chatted to her on and off and eventually discovered she's at my uni... she hesitated and suddenly perked up "what faculty are you in?", a test which I failed by giving a boring truthful answer (caught by surprise). NOW I would laugh and say "the faculty of making women smile" and get attraction + a date.

There's an animated GIF of Brad Pitt somewhere in these boards which is a perfect example of how to pass tests in person, can someone link to it? For attention-whore tests over text, if you are correctly rewarding and punishing to ensure her continued investment it shouldn't be an issue I believe.

Overall what I recommend for your game right now is (a) a focus on fundamentals particularly your eye contact fundamental, sexy slow voice, slow smiles, pauses to build tension (b) inner game work, lots of affirmations EVERY DAY and ALL THE TIME about what a sexy beast you are and how so many women want your dick that you can't possibly give it to them all (this is actually true, you just have to realize the fact). Have your affirmations on a continuous loop while you walk around practicing your posture, sexy walk and looking over the heads of the crowd, focusing intently on what you are doing and never becoming distracted by people or events in the environment unless you decide to approach. An alternative to the affirmations is to practice being Present, see Eckhart Tolle. These things are hard work but will take your game to the next level since you are experiencing diminishing returns by learning "outer game". Having said that I still recommend to take the GC quiz and you'll probably find you are a Technician, it will give you a series of articles to read every day for ~3wks.

Ray

 

[Paulie Walnuts]

I just read that thread you linked in Ray..... Good God I have so much to learn....................................

 

[Chase]

trackrunner-

Yeah, you know, the primary reason to avoid long text back-and-forths is because you usually stand a better chance of eventually sleeping with the girl if you DON'T use these. Sometimes they work, but most of the time they don't.

The secondary reason is because it's not efficient. You can text logistics with 4 or 5 different girls, or you can have a long text convo with 1 girl. The odds you sleep with at least 1 girl is a lot higher when you're texting logistics with 4 or 5 of them than when you're devoting your time to a high investment texting process with 1.

A tertiary reason though is so you aren't becoming overly invested in this one girl and becoming emotionally dependent on the outcome. If you've plowed hours into texting her, waiting for her response, and thinking about what to say next, odds are you're going to be more nervous with her, you're going to put more pressure on yourself to do things right, and if she doesn't play ball you're going to be more hurt or upset.

Best to keep your texting to moderate at best. And usually you want to avoid adding women to social media profiles before you sleep with them. Just leave the invitation pending and accept it after sex. I know there are a few guys who swear by it, but unless you're a guy it's a really reliable channel for, usually it's just a big distraction and a way for her to get validation from you without having to come out and meet you in person (or sleep with you).

Chase

 

[Paulie Walnuts]

@Chase, Yeah even though I took the red pill I still have moments where I fuck up and fall into traps (like long texting convos), probably from a lifetime of listening to societies white knight bullshit. I completely agree about the logistics and emotional attachment, I'm always setting up logistics with multiple girls (and because the convos are short I don't really care when they don't reply) it's only when we've been texting awhile I start to care; so now I'm avoiding it like the plague.

As far as social media it's just snapchat I have trouble with, I typically only add girls that don't respond twice (sometimes they get back in contact and I have pulled an LR from it, it's a draft I just haven't had time to write the last 3 of mine up).

I seek validation from seeing the girls (even the unresponsive ones) seeing me succeeding at things (like today when I got on a City Government Comission, or my grades when I got straight A's last quarter, or when I pull a new real estate deal together) and having fun with life (or with hot girls or at parties that look really cool and have crazy shit going on). I'll even snapchat food or drinks on a date but with the girl I'm out with's lowcut shirt in the frame (making it obvious I'm on a date); it stems from all that high school bullshit and I probably need to get over it.

BBoy said it best when he said I'm still focused on extrinsic value rather than intrinsic.