- Joined
- Apr 6, 2019
- Messages
- 119
When I go out and do cold approach, I get these amazing feelings.
I get an adrenaline rush from approaching new girls.
Of course having sex with a new girl for the first time gives an amazing rush as well.
These feelings are fairly fulfilling, and tend to GIVE me energy, rather than DRAIN me. I'm left off feeling a bit of a social buzz that I can then carry forward in a good state.
And it's not due to me labelling the experience as "being good" for doing those things... it's like a deeper social need is being fulfilled.
I know as humans socializing is a need and that studies with mice show elevated stress from social isolation. But it's specifically COLD APPROACH - something about actually cold approaching a set with attractive girls... it's just different.
Versus, I could be in a social setting like when I was living with my girlfriend, and at times just feel so stressed to be around someone who I already have a history.
Cold approach on the other hand... yes there can be AA, but there's just something about meeting someone NEW who has never met me before...
WHY IS THAT ?
Obviously if I run into an old friend, I INSTANTLY get good feelings from all the memories... but then not too long later I'm kinda bored with them... it's like there's a drive within me for new girls, better friends... is this just the dopamine seeking drive for novelty ?
Social media and texting both seem to give a similar dopamine rush IMMEDIATELY in the moment..... they are addictive, yet if I spend even a 15-20 minutes texting or on social media, I distinctively feel a "false high". The second it goes away, a type of empty feeling shows up. It's like this guilty feeling of knowing I could be spending my time better... like im just clinging onto every text, checking my phone for the next one. And I feel the same ways on phone calls as well... I just want to keep phone calls going and going in a super ADHD way jumping from topic to topic (kinda like RSDTyler in his seminars) YET at the same time I feel myself being drained and that I could be spending my time doing better things. So when I'm on a phone call it's like I'm simultaneously somewhat hitting my social needs but also feel guilty/drained. It could definitely be because I just use phone calls as procrastination almost like watching a movie/tv show... however:
COLD APPROACH IS NOT LIKE THIS. THE GUILT FEELING ISN'T THERE. Cold approach just gives me like a pure steady stream of healthy energy.
I felt the same false high feelings when I did cocaine in college a few times here and there... I ended up hating it because it makes you feel good immediately... but part of me knows I don't deserve that dopamine, and I can't enjoy it really because I know the crash and feeling shitty is coming. I feel the same false high with watching porn or jacking off.... like I feel guilty because im feeling dopamine even if I did nothing to earn it... It's like the good feelings are just an temporary illusion and not something I can build on.
What's crazy is there are SO MANY false high traps out there... it's like walking a tightrope to not be exposed to false high stimulus in the post-social media world (think junk food, fast food, social media, youtube, porn, sexual images on IG, sugary foods, gambling).
Meanwhile, with cold approach this isn't the case... the good feeling tends to last.
Cold approach has been addicting af for me at times... but I feel it's one of the few TRULY positive addictions (of course if you stop taking care of other areas of your life, it could be negative, but I'm specifically talking about the feelings it gives being sustained positive feelings)... others I've noticed would be meditation and exercise
In a lot of ways, maybe what differentiates these positive addictions is that it's usually uncomfortable before the reward... meanwhile social media, texting, watching porn, jacking off all cause you to instantly feel good and then feel shittier after.
With cold approach, meditation, exercise, you have to experience discomfort, and then you feel AMAZING afterwards.
With cold approach, the discomfort is the AA.
With meditation, it can be uncomfortable to sit still and slow down the mind.
With exercise, it's physical exertion, which quite often in the beginning of the workout feels annoying af to do.
Is it as simple as that ? That immediate gratification things are fucked while delayed gratification things are just always more fulfilling ?
Or, are these things just fundamentally different experiences ?
Like why can I be on a relatively normal phone call with my girlfriend for 1 hour and be left feeling drained, vs I could get rejected by an ugly girl and feel awesome ?
Does anyone else feel this way ?
It just confuses me:
1. why does texting feel like annoying tedious work to me?
2. why are even good phone calls fairly draining to me ?
3. why does hanging around/being "trapped" in a conversation/interaction with someone I already know for too long (maybe more than 30min-1 hour depending on the person) ALSO often feel draining/annoying to me ?
VS with cold approach I feel awesome afterwards even if I didn't have any success, but I simply opened a bunch of new girls...
On personality tests I always score as a more introverted person... but cold approach isn't draining to me at all lol. Meanwhile with the situations described above in 1, 2, 3 I DO feel drained (as an introvert should).
Is it really just as simple as that with each new approach I have a fresh slate to be whoever I want to be ? There must be something deeper here. Is it just that I'm addicted to the feelings of freedom/growth ?
Is it just that I'm specifically an adrenaline addict ? I do know that when I went skydiving the adrenaline feelings lasted much longer than any drug, it was an warm feeling afterglow that lasted 2-3 days.
Anyways.. the reason why is definitely interesting... BUT, the more practical reason I'm making this post is what can I do to not feel drained all the time ?
I'm thinking the best thing I can do for my life is just create strong boundaries with myself so that I minimize the need for texting/phone calls. And carve out huge amounts of "me time" where I'm able to grind on my business/tasks during the day and not feeling accountable/needy with anyone. Then, at night or during late afternoon (day game), I make time for cold approaches to get my social needs met in the purest way.
A few ways I've tried/considered to do this:
1. have a second productivity phone with all social media apps blocked that only a few key business contacts have the number for. and use this phone for the majority of my day...
2. practice delegation. have assistants/VAs/account managers to handle certain interactions. For instance, I have clients that I'd prefer don't have direct access to me and instead most of the day-to-day communication goes through an account manager.
3. have little pockets of grounding time, when I put away all devices and disconnect/unplug from digital communication to meditate/read.
Any one else feel the same way as me and can explain what's going on and how to live a healthy cold approach life while not getting addicted/bogged down with texting/phone calls/social media ?
I get an adrenaline rush from approaching new girls.
Of course having sex with a new girl for the first time gives an amazing rush as well.
These feelings are fairly fulfilling, and tend to GIVE me energy, rather than DRAIN me. I'm left off feeling a bit of a social buzz that I can then carry forward in a good state.
And it's not due to me labelling the experience as "being good" for doing those things... it's like a deeper social need is being fulfilled.
I know as humans socializing is a need and that studies with mice show elevated stress from social isolation. But it's specifically COLD APPROACH - something about actually cold approaching a set with attractive girls... it's just different.
Versus, I could be in a social setting like when I was living with my girlfriend, and at times just feel so stressed to be around someone who I already have a history.
Cold approach on the other hand... yes there can be AA, but there's just something about meeting someone NEW who has never met me before...
WHY IS THAT ?
Obviously if I run into an old friend, I INSTANTLY get good feelings from all the memories... but then not too long later I'm kinda bored with them... it's like there's a drive within me for new girls, better friends... is this just the dopamine seeking drive for novelty ?
Social media and texting both seem to give a similar dopamine rush IMMEDIATELY in the moment..... they are addictive, yet if I spend even a 15-20 minutes texting or on social media, I distinctively feel a "false high". The second it goes away, a type of empty feeling shows up. It's like this guilty feeling of knowing I could be spending my time better... like im just clinging onto every text, checking my phone for the next one. And I feel the same ways on phone calls as well... I just want to keep phone calls going and going in a super ADHD way jumping from topic to topic (kinda like RSDTyler in his seminars) YET at the same time I feel myself being drained and that I could be spending my time doing better things. So when I'm on a phone call it's like I'm simultaneously somewhat hitting my social needs but also feel guilty/drained. It could definitely be because I just use phone calls as procrastination almost like watching a movie/tv show... however:
COLD APPROACH IS NOT LIKE THIS. THE GUILT FEELING ISN'T THERE. Cold approach just gives me like a pure steady stream of healthy energy.
I felt the same false high feelings when I did cocaine in college a few times here and there... I ended up hating it because it makes you feel good immediately... but part of me knows I don't deserve that dopamine, and I can't enjoy it really because I know the crash and feeling shitty is coming. I feel the same false high with watching porn or jacking off.... like I feel guilty because im feeling dopamine even if I did nothing to earn it... It's like the good feelings are just an temporary illusion and not something I can build on.
What's crazy is there are SO MANY false high traps out there... it's like walking a tightrope to not be exposed to false high stimulus in the post-social media world (think junk food, fast food, social media, youtube, porn, sexual images on IG, sugary foods, gambling).
Meanwhile, with cold approach this isn't the case... the good feeling tends to last.
Cold approach has been addicting af for me at times... but I feel it's one of the few TRULY positive addictions (of course if you stop taking care of other areas of your life, it could be negative, but I'm specifically talking about the feelings it gives being sustained positive feelings)... others I've noticed would be meditation and exercise
In a lot of ways, maybe what differentiates these positive addictions is that it's usually uncomfortable before the reward... meanwhile social media, texting, watching porn, jacking off all cause you to instantly feel good and then feel shittier after.
With cold approach, meditation, exercise, you have to experience discomfort, and then you feel AMAZING afterwards.
With cold approach, the discomfort is the AA.
With meditation, it can be uncomfortable to sit still and slow down the mind.
With exercise, it's physical exertion, which quite often in the beginning of the workout feels annoying af to do.
Is it as simple as that ? That immediate gratification things are fucked while delayed gratification things are just always more fulfilling ?
Or, are these things just fundamentally different experiences ?
Like why can I be on a relatively normal phone call with my girlfriend for 1 hour and be left feeling drained, vs I could get rejected by an ugly girl and feel awesome ?
Does anyone else feel this way ?
It just confuses me:
1. why does texting feel like annoying tedious work to me?
2. why are even good phone calls fairly draining to me ?
3. why does hanging around/being "trapped" in a conversation/interaction with someone I already know for too long (maybe more than 30min-1 hour depending on the person) ALSO often feel draining/annoying to me ?
VS with cold approach I feel awesome afterwards even if I didn't have any success, but I simply opened a bunch of new girls...
On personality tests I always score as a more introverted person... but cold approach isn't draining to me at all lol. Meanwhile with the situations described above in 1, 2, 3 I DO feel drained (as an introvert should).
Is it really just as simple as that with each new approach I have a fresh slate to be whoever I want to be ? There must be something deeper here. Is it just that I'm addicted to the feelings of freedom/growth ?
Is it just that I'm specifically an adrenaline addict ? I do know that when I went skydiving the adrenaline feelings lasted much longer than any drug, it was an warm feeling afterglow that lasted 2-3 days.
Anyways.. the reason why is definitely interesting... BUT, the more practical reason I'm making this post is what can I do to not feel drained all the time ?
I'm thinking the best thing I can do for my life is just create strong boundaries with myself so that I minimize the need for texting/phone calls. And carve out huge amounts of "me time" where I'm able to grind on my business/tasks during the day and not feeling accountable/needy with anyone. Then, at night or during late afternoon (day game), I make time for cold approaches to get my social needs met in the purest way.
A few ways I've tried/considered to do this:
1. have a second productivity phone with all social media apps blocked that only a few key business contacts have the number for. and use this phone for the majority of my day...
2. practice delegation. have assistants/VAs/account managers to handle certain interactions. For instance, I have clients that I'd prefer don't have direct access to me and instead most of the day-to-day communication goes through an account manager.
3. have little pockets of grounding time, when I put away all devices and disconnect/unplug from digital communication to meditate/read.
Any one else feel the same way as me and can explain what's going on and how to live a healthy cold approach life while not getting addicted/bogged down with texting/phone calls/social media ?
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