Why do I need to be so explicit when leading people?

[Dough]

I'm walking down the hallway at uni. A girl I know appears in front of me, and we stop to quickly chat. She's fidgeting so I ask "are you in a rush?". She says that she has to go to the bathroom. So I say "good luck with that, I'll be in the cafeteria". She responds "oh have fun, bye!" and then I never see her again, as if I had said some completely irrelevant information. Another day I tease her about it (because it was super weird imo) and she apologizes profusely for not realizing that I even expected her to go to the cafeteria.

Obviously I could've solved this by communicating and leading more clearly, but is this abnormal? Situations like this one keep happening to me, where the person didn't realize what I wanted from them despite me thinking I was quite clear. Do the people where I live have really terrible social skills? Or am I having an autism moment expecting people to mind-read?

 

[Tryst]

Obviously I could've solved this by communicating and leading more clearly

Yes.

but is this abnormal?

Your behaviour, yes; her behaviour, no.

You stopped a girl, had a brief and polite conversation, invite her to leave the conversation with "Are you in a rush?", and she takes the invite to leave. You then just told her where you're going.

- Hey bro, good to see you!
- Yeah bro, good to see you. I gotta go to my lecture now, damn.
- I'm going to eat in the cafeteria. See ya!

Is it understood that the two bros are about to meet up somewhere?

then I never see her again, as if I had said some completely irrelevant information

That's because you did say some completely irrelevant information.

Another day I tease her about it (because it was super weird imo) and she apologizes profusely for not realizing that I even expected her to go to the cafeteria.

Good job on teasing her. It's a good mindset to not take her or her rejection seriously. However, never mention a girl's IoDs unless you've reframed them into something that isn't her rejecting you. You don't want a girl to be apologising profusely, you don't want her to feel these negative emotions. Try instead,

"Hey Beth! I'm always running into you in the hallways, you nerd. Do you ever actually go to lectures or you just walk around here with no friends? Hey, do you know what I study? Human heat retention. [Feeling her up through her clothes] Haha, yeah, you're pretty hot, you should probably strip down a little. Just kidding, lmao, relax. You've not even bought me a drink yet. Hah, that's cute, your nose wiggles when you giggle like that. Man, actually, that reminds me of this girl I met at this party last night, she had me backed up against the wall, like super up in my face, getting waaay too close [getting all up in her space, pushing her against the wall][...]" etcetera etcetera.

- Tryst

 

[Dough]

invite her to leave the conversation

The way you phrased this implies that I shouldn't say things like that. But It was very clear to me that she needed to do something urgently. What should I be saying instead? Like, sometimes a person just has to go take a piss right this second and I feel like it's good calibration to pick up on that.

The IoD thing is a great catch. I've been doing the "cold when she's cold, hot when she's hot" thing thankfully, but I didn't really know why it worked so well. It's really helpful the way you broke it down.

 

[Tryst]

The way you phrased this implies that I shouldn't say things like that

I actually don't really have a strong opinion on whether you should allow a girl easy outs of the conversation or not. Probably in cold approach with absolute strangers it's a bad idea, with people in your university, maybe a good idea. Allowing outs increases comfort, but maybe if she realises that you don't feel confident enough to capture her attention it could be DLV. Basically idk.

The most important thing though, is that you should be giving her good emotions so that she at least wants to stay. You shouldn't just see that she wants to leave and be like "alright safe bye then"; you should be gaming her. You need to hook her so that she wants to stay. And suppose she really can't stay, like she has to go to the toilet or an exam immediately, then she just leaves and the outcome is the same except she wishes she could have spent more time with you.

"Hey Beth I swear this is like the fourth time I've seen you this week. You're stalking me. Because you girls can be such stalkers. [playfully pushing her away from you] Man, you girls can be such real predators it's kind of scary. Like yesterday, at this party- actually nevermind get away from me I don't need to be around creeps like you. I'm going to the cafeteria. You better not follow me there too!"