Why do you think this girl is stalling?

[DoWhatWorks]

TLDR: A girl I slept with on the 1st date is avoiding a 2nd meet up at my or her place. Instead counter-offering bars & walking dates.

She’s the one pushing for the meet, not me.

Why do you think that is?

Further Context

My theory is she wants more investment from me & has labelled me a potential BF. I say this because on the 1st date:

1. She invited herself to stay over my place
2. She asked for a public kiss when we walked out
3. Made comments like “I love your place & could live here” in a jokey way (I hope)

Curveball:

We organised a triple date between her friends & mine in 1 weeks’ time. I’m not fussed about this girl and it was her idea which I thought “why not” as potentially getting my friends laid is a better outcome then me fading away from her

Really can’t be bothered to play the slow game. I could probably meet her at a bar near her, spike the emotions then lock her in but debating whether the juice is even worth the squeeze.

Thoughts?

 

[POB]

Considering what you said, she is hunting hard for a provider!
Not a good prognostic in my opinion, as girls usually tend to wait a little bit before showing those strong signs they want to commit.

We organised a triple date between her friends & mine in 1 weeks’ time. I’m not fussed about this girl and it was her idea which I thought “why not” as potentially getting my friends laid is a better outcome then me fading away from her

This is a red flag...it's too soon to socialize with common friends!
Agreeing to this arrangement shows her you are willing to play ball on her turf, meaning you are accepting her frame of "I'm gonna make you behave like my BF". If you wanted that, no problem, but if you just want to have sex, socializing with friends is a no no.

By the way, how old is she?

 

[DoWhatWorks]

By the way, how old is she?

I think 24

she is hunting hard for a provider!
Not a good prognostic in my opinion, as girls usually tend to wait a little bit before showing those strong signs they want to commit.

This is along the lines of what I’m thinking. With her age in mind & me front loading how “broke I am” I think it’s more boyfriend hunting. Girls like that usually don’t give it up so easily on the 1st date. Unless that’s her whole technique to tie guys in?

Although I doubt it as my read is that this girl isn’t that experienced (at least in comparison to me)

She just thinks there’s BF potential so is texting my investment level.

This is a red flag...it's too soon to socialize with common friends!

Yeah very valid point, I’m definitely going against my own rules here lol. Think I went along with it because in my head:

Option A - Don’t bother seeing her again

Option B - Introduce my friends to girls

Thought option B was a logical no-brainer & wasn’t bothered about long term consequences as I’m not that interested in seeing her even on a causal basis unless she does something to change my mind.

I’ve pulled off something like this before & got similar issues but it was further along (IE months not weeks).

Will think on it but I may just abort the whole thing. Girls trying to (badly) get me investing puts me off.

 

[POB]

I think 24

This is along the lines of what I’m thinking. With her age in mind & me front loading how “broke I am” I think it’s more boyfriend hunting.

Oh, now it makes sense
Yep, she's BF hunting for a bad boy and you happened to fit the criteria.

Yeah very valid point, I’m definitely going against my own rules here lol. Think I went along with it because in my head:

Option A - Don’t bother seeing her again

Think about all the work you are going through to get a lowsy day 02.
She got you right where she wanted!

Option B - Introduce my friends to girls

Thought option B was a logical no-brainer & wasn’t bothered about long term consequences as I’m not that interested in seeing her even on a causal basis unless she does something to change my mind.

If that's the case, I would keep the plans and flirt with her hottest friend.
Maybe even get her number on the side...also try to set her up with one of your friends.
If they talk about it between themselves, even better.
It's a blunt way of breaking out of her frame.
Never waste opportunities to meet new chicks!

Will think on it but I may just abort the whole thing. Girls trying to (badly) get me investing puts me off.

See above...mind you what I suggested is a risky move though.

 

[DoWhatWorks]

She got you right where she wanted!

Damn it’s good game from her I guess. Maybe a part of her knew the whole meet friends thing would make me more likely to see her

I would keep the plans and flirt with her hottest friend.

Definitely a high risk move like you said aha.

I’ll dodge this 1:1 to meet & see if we can keep the group thing. If that plan fizzles out so be it.

Apologies in advance to @topcat not that you need the assist anyway lol.

 

[Chase]

@DoWhatWorks,

I like @POB's analysis, though I'll venture another possibility here.

When I've had this happen with girls (first date / fast sex, then the girl pushes for a public meet the second time) it has sometimes been a "what if he doesn't respect me?" issue of one sort or other. Whether because things ended too abruptly or the girl has her own insecurities, or some other reason, she is worried I am not going to respect her as much if she just comes straight to my place the second time.

Basically, by pumping the breaks a little, she is trying to not be just totally on your hook after shag numero uno.

However, other times it is a, "Whoa, that was fast... am I sure I even like this guy?" issue. Even if she was complimenting you a lot or effusive the first time around, once the after glow fades it can be like, "I know I said I liked that guy, but maybe he just pulled me into a trance for a few hours and I'll feel differently about him the next time we meet. What if we meet again and I'm not feeling it?"

Girls will have this experience where they shag a guy they thought was great, but if it happened fast and they didn't really know the guy, and they go to see him a second time, sometimes they get there and it's like he's a totally different person and they are like, "Geez, what did I even see in this guy the first time? How do I get out of this situation? I don't really want to have sex with him again."

As such, I've had girls do this to me who:

1. Were boyfriend-hunting (like @POB's example) and worried I'd bedded them too quick and wanted to rein it back in
   
   
2. Were chicks I same-night pulled from a bar or nightclub and probably wanted to see me by light of day without alcohol in them before they consented to another round (lol)
   
   
3. Were chicks I shagged on the first date who didn't know what they wanted with me but hadn't expected first date sex and it simply did not fit their view of themselves to have first date sex then go straight to the guy's apartment for second date sex

My response is always something like "lol, that's fine, we can meet for ice cream or drinks or what have you. What'd you have in mind?"

Then she either proposes something, or just the fact that you were willing to meet her in public chills her out enough that she says never mind, it's fine, I'll just come to yours.

Just meet her up somewhere convenient for you, chill with her for 30 minutes there, let her see you respect her, let her see you're every bit as sexy as she remembers, then pull her back to your place for Round 2.

Chase

 

[DoWhatWorks]

@DoWhatWorks,

I like @POB's analysis, though I'll venture another possibility here.

When I've had this happen with girls (first date / fast sex, then the girl pushes for a public meet the second time) it has sometimes been a "what if he doesn't respect me?" issue of one sort or other. Whether because things ended too abruptly or the girl has her own insecurities, or some other reason, she is worried I am not going to respect her as much if she just comes straight to my place the second time.

Basically, by pumping the breaks a little, she is trying to not be just totally on your hook after shag numero uno.

However, other times it is a, "Whoa, that was fast... am I sure I even like this guy?" issue. Even if she was complimenting you a lot or effusive the first time around, once the after glow fades it can be like, "I know I said I liked that guy, but maybe he just pulled me into a trance for a few hours and I'll feel differently about him the next time we meet. What if we meet again and I'm not feeling it?"

Girls will have this experience where they shag a guy they thought was great, but if it happened fast and they didn't really know the guy, and they go to see him a second time, sometimes they get there and it's like he's a totally different person and they are like, "Geez, what did I even see in this guy the first time? How do I get out of this situation? I don't really want to have sex with him again."

As such, I've had girls do this to me who:

1. Were boyfriend-hunting (like @POB's example) and worried I'd bedded them too quick and wanted to rein it back in
   
   
2. Were chicks I same-night pulled from a bar or nightclub and probably wanted to see me by light of day without alcohol in them before they consented to another round (lol)
   
   
3. Were chicks I shagged on the first date who didn't know what they wanted with me but hadn't expected first date sex and it simply did not fit their view of themselves to have first date sex then go straight to the guy's apartment for second date sex

My response is always something like "lol, that's fine, we can meet for ice cream or drinks or what have you. What'd you have in mind?"

Then she either proposes something, or just the fact that you were willing to meet her in public chills her out enough that she says never mind, it's fine, I'll just come to yours.

Just meet her up somewhere convenient for you, chill with her for 30 minutes there, let her see you respect her, let her see you're every bit as sexy as she remembers, then pull her back to your place for Round 2.

Chase

Thanks for the feedback! @Chase

To update the thread I decided to meet up for the date tonight (after a conversation with topcat) who advised I could easily turn this round and that I should treat it as an experiment.

Long story short we went for drinks at a bar near her place and we had sex in the bar toilet before I even pulled her back to her place lol.

Think she just wanted to feel me out more.

Appreciate all the contributions!

 

[Skills]

Thanks for the feedback! @Chase

To update the thread I decided to meet up for the date tonight (after a conversation with topcat) who advised I could easily turn this round and that I should treat it as an experiment.

Long story short we went for drinks at a bar near her place and we had sex in the bar toilet before I even pulled her back to her place lol.

Think she just wanted to feel me out more.

Appreciate all the contributions!

Correct, again guys I made a post explaining this come on... I made exactly this point after sex guys get comfortable and lazy and what happens is they trigger asd, after I bang a girl through texting I get a feel, most of the time I meet them on purpose just like you did, to get tacos or a band a second informal date vs coming straight over... how many times do I have to explain this you fucked her you got nothing, is a make out now a days... you need to start like nothing till 3 fucks, unless she is super invested and making the lay obvious in subcommunications through text and even then I still want to play high odds and meet them close to home I want her fucking me, you guys get to exited, over confident and lazy after the fuck...3 fucks rules or you got nothing...

How to increase odds after having sex with a girl for the 1st Time

What to do after having sex with a girl for the first time: A guys i am trying to help a fellows seducers exhibit a and exhibit b (both got laid post lay game went to totals shit), so i will make a full post, so in the future i can help other dudes going through similar (trust me i wish i had...

www.skilledseducer.com

 

[TomInHo]

It must be because its Valentine's season. My last 3 lays did this exact thing..

One of them said to me immediately after we banged..

Her: "That was great, so tell me. Do you have a girlfriend? And do you want one right now?"
Me: ""