- Joined
- Mar 21, 2022
- Messages
- 140
Not intending to be misogynistic here. Both men and women can be selfish and irresponsible in different ways, but this thread is hopefully to examine the way that may women do so. So here I tell a tale of my own, that was part of what caused me to form this opinion. Firstly just to say that generally I don't mind dealing with one woman in a group of men, or perhaps even one on her own. But if it's me and two women involved in any sort of thing where I've invested time or money, then that's where I need to be very careful. As a character Jack Nickolson played once said (when asked how he was able to write women so well):
"I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability"!
All in all I think the lesson for me in this story below, is that if a man is wronged by a women, that he often doesn't get to complain. I think it's because any complaints remind him of the shame he should have for not spotting the red flags in the first place, and of course because she doesn't feel she can be held accountable. The thing I like about dealing with men is if I feel I'm wronged by a man, I can confront him about it and he can't act like I'm a freak for doing so. It would probably never come to that, but there's something about knowing that.
Anyway, so the story is that I was dealing with a recruitment lady who reached out to me on LinkedIn in concern to a position that would essentially be my first decent job (related to my college degree). I replied but didn't get any response. Then 3 weeks later she rings me up, and after a bit of chat I find out that she basically wanted me to urgently attend an interview for said position. I never asked to see a job spec or thought about whether the position was even advertised. As I was only on a bum job in a filling station, the offer seemed promising. I suggested some time in the next week when I'd a day off work, to which her reply was "it would need to be tomorrow", said almost in an apologetic way as if not forcing me. It was convincing though, and gave me the impression that it was now or never. I told her I'd work at 4pm and I knew realistically I'd time to fit it in beforehand, so I agreed. Funnily, given that she made the phone call when I was getting organised for work for my bum job, it made me arrive 1 minute late that day; which was pointed out to me by the manager.
I've since realised that it would never be likely that an employer would need a new employee that urgently... unless of course (in this case) their lab technician walked off the job, and they'd samples that were due to go to waste unless tested quickly. That was obviously just her trying to satisfy the client at my expense. The job interview location was a 1:40 hour drive away. The interview was held in a hotel instead of their business location, which made my drive 10 minutes longer. When I arrived, only one of the two interviewers was present, and I'd to wait for close to 40 minutes in the reception area for the other one (the lab director) to show up! While I waited, due to my naivety, I was only thinking about interview preparation during this time. I wasn't thinking about how much of a window this delay would leave me to get to work afterwards. As I waited, the interviewer who was present waited in some conference room. She came out to me three times during the wait, each time saying "she's nearly here now, she's nearly here".
During the interview I was told about the role and that the lab wasn't set up yet! At the end of the interview they offered me the job right there and then. I would have thought that they might have at least asked me to step out for a moment so they could discuss it. But it was only the director who seemed to have the say in deciding to give me the job. She also apologised for being late and I think I then made some remark like "these things happen". She replied, almost as if to brag "it happens every day". At the time I felt, that because they looked so unorganised, that it made me look good by comparison, and that this helped me get the job. I didn't question whether or not there were others being interviewed, but there was clearly no one after me.
I rushed back for work and I ended up being 1 minute late! That's twice in a row, so they saw that as a pattern. I think it was the next day I was fired. I knew there was no point in telling them about what actually happened that caused me to be late, as they'd their minds made up, but I just couldn't help it. The petrol station manager immediately asked if I got the job. I answered yes, and then she of course used that as if to say that firing me didn't matter.
Over the next few weeks any dealings I had were with the recruitment lady, and I remember pretending to her that I was still working at the petrol station in case it would some how look bad. Anyway, she kept telling that my start date would be three weeks away worst case scenario. Then a few weeks would go by and she'd say oh there's delays and that it would be another few weeks. After the first excuse I knew it would probably be more like a few months! But the problem was that because I was embarrassed that I'd been fired, I instead decided to tell my dad that I quite the job... saying that it would be nice to have a few weeks to myself before my first real job.
It must have been the third time I was onto the recruitment lady that (in trying to convince that the start date would actually be soon), she told me that I could probably go ahead and hand in my notice at work, even though there still was no start date given. Now I'd already been fired but she didn't know that. It was irresponsible and unnecessary of her to tell me that. I eventually ended up signing on for welfare, and in doing so it meant that their department needed to contact my previous employer for verification. That thought was embarrassing! The start date kept getting pushed out, which really rubbed in the regret I'd made of pretending that I quite the job, as my dad kept saying it was a terrible decision and I couldn't say anything back. The recruitment lady wasn't doing anything wrong as such... she was just passing on the info from the director. She probably didn't believe any of it, but it wouldn't have been her job to second guess it. I eventually got a start date and the pay was as promised, but because the lab was still not ready, I was put doing yard work! All of the other employees that were starting around that time (fresh out of college) were in labs where they were supposed to be, except for me. Some of the yard work was dangerous and I complained about it one Friday evening. I was suspended without pay by the director. I think I was going to be suspended until the lab was ready! I was annoyed about this and decided to return to work after that weekend anyway. This was seen as defiant, and she used this excuse to fire me.
I rang the recruitment lady about all this. She listened and asked me to send an email to her outlining what had happened. In the email I explained the one mistake I had her on, which was that there was no need of her to tell me to hand in my notice. As expected I never heard from her again. So I was silly enough to think that I could take the gamble of pretending that I didn't get fired because I trusted two women (who I didn't know) to organise the job as soon as was promised. I rationalised this in my mind as being a small gamble! Boy was I wrong. Can you imagine if I rang up the recruitment lady again and complained that I was hurt about the fact that I took her advice and quite my job because of her saying the start date was soon? I'd probably have been told "you're a grown man, act your age"!
Let me know what you think of the story, and if you think my poorly articulated opinion is in any way accurate! Thanks
"I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability"!
All in all I think the lesson for me in this story below, is that if a man is wronged by a women, that he often doesn't get to complain. I think it's because any complaints remind him of the shame he should have for not spotting the red flags in the first place, and of course because she doesn't feel she can be held accountable. The thing I like about dealing with men is if I feel I'm wronged by a man, I can confront him about it and he can't act like I'm a freak for doing so. It would probably never come to that, but there's something about knowing that.
Anyway, so the story is that I was dealing with a recruitment lady who reached out to me on LinkedIn in concern to a position that would essentially be my first decent job (related to my college degree). I replied but didn't get any response. Then 3 weeks later she rings me up, and after a bit of chat I find out that she basically wanted me to urgently attend an interview for said position. I never asked to see a job spec or thought about whether the position was even advertised. As I was only on a bum job in a filling station, the offer seemed promising. I suggested some time in the next week when I'd a day off work, to which her reply was "it would need to be tomorrow", said almost in an apologetic way as if not forcing me. It was convincing though, and gave me the impression that it was now or never. I told her I'd work at 4pm and I knew realistically I'd time to fit it in beforehand, so I agreed. Funnily, given that she made the phone call when I was getting organised for work for my bum job, it made me arrive 1 minute late that day; which was pointed out to me by the manager.
I've since realised that it would never be likely that an employer would need a new employee that urgently... unless of course (in this case) their lab technician walked off the job, and they'd samples that were due to go to waste unless tested quickly. That was obviously just her trying to satisfy the client at my expense. The job interview location was a 1:40 hour drive away. The interview was held in a hotel instead of their business location, which made my drive 10 minutes longer. When I arrived, only one of the two interviewers was present, and I'd to wait for close to 40 minutes in the reception area for the other one (the lab director) to show up! While I waited, due to my naivety, I was only thinking about interview preparation during this time. I wasn't thinking about how much of a window this delay would leave me to get to work afterwards. As I waited, the interviewer who was present waited in some conference room. She came out to me three times during the wait, each time saying "she's nearly here now, she's nearly here".
During the interview I was told about the role and that the lab wasn't set up yet! At the end of the interview they offered me the job right there and then. I would have thought that they might have at least asked me to step out for a moment so they could discuss it. But it was only the director who seemed to have the say in deciding to give me the job. She also apologised for being late and I think I then made some remark like "these things happen". She replied, almost as if to brag "it happens every day". At the time I felt, that because they looked so unorganised, that it made me look good by comparison, and that this helped me get the job. I didn't question whether or not there were others being interviewed, but there was clearly no one after me.
I rushed back for work and I ended up being 1 minute late! That's twice in a row, so they saw that as a pattern. I think it was the next day I was fired. I knew there was no point in telling them about what actually happened that caused me to be late, as they'd their minds made up, but I just couldn't help it. The petrol station manager immediately asked if I got the job. I answered yes, and then she of course used that as if to say that firing me didn't matter.
Over the next few weeks any dealings I had were with the recruitment lady, and I remember pretending to her that I was still working at the petrol station in case it would some how look bad. Anyway, she kept telling that my start date would be three weeks away worst case scenario. Then a few weeks would go by and she'd say oh there's delays and that it would be another few weeks. After the first excuse I knew it would probably be more like a few months! But the problem was that because I was embarrassed that I'd been fired, I instead decided to tell my dad that I quite the job... saying that it would be nice to have a few weeks to myself before my first real job.
It must have been the third time I was onto the recruitment lady that (in trying to convince that the start date would actually be soon), she told me that I could probably go ahead and hand in my notice at work, even though there still was no start date given. Now I'd already been fired but she didn't know that. It was irresponsible and unnecessary of her to tell me that. I eventually ended up signing on for welfare, and in doing so it meant that their department needed to contact my previous employer for verification. That thought was embarrassing! The start date kept getting pushed out, which really rubbed in the regret I'd made of pretending that I quite the job, as my dad kept saying it was a terrible decision and I couldn't say anything back. The recruitment lady wasn't doing anything wrong as such... she was just passing on the info from the director. She probably didn't believe any of it, but it wouldn't have been her job to second guess it. I eventually got a start date and the pay was as promised, but because the lab was still not ready, I was put doing yard work! All of the other employees that were starting around that time (fresh out of college) were in labs where they were supposed to be, except for me. Some of the yard work was dangerous and I complained about it one Friday evening. I was suspended without pay by the director. I think I was going to be suspended until the lab was ready! I was annoyed about this and decided to return to work after that weekend anyway. This was seen as defiant, and she used this excuse to fire me.
I rang the recruitment lady about all this. She listened and asked me to send an email to her outlining what had happened. In the email I explained the one mistake I had her on, which was that there was no need of her to tell me to hand in my notice. As expected I never heard from her again. So I was silly enough to think that I could take the gamble of pretending that I didn't get fired because I trusted two women (who I didn't know) to organise the job as soon as was promised. I rationalised this in my mind as being a small gamble! Boy was I wrong. Can you imagine if I rang up the recruitment lady again and complained that I was hurt about the fact that I took her advice and quite my job because of her saying the start date was soon? I'd probably have been told "you're a grown man, act your age"!
Let me know what you think of the story, and if you think my poorly articulated opinion is in any way accurate! Thanks
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