Really inspiring story!! How did you get your social circle and sleep with 20 something year old women? Idk if you wrote that already somewhere on here but I’m interested. And I think I read that you’re Black? Just curious because I have had Black men around your age saying to me that attracting women that are a lot younger isn’t possible unless money is involved. So it would be refreshing to see the opposite of that because all I keep hearing is that from them.
This is going to go a bit off topic but I'll happily answer.
Nope, not Black, I'm as white as they come, and no more than a very light tan in the summer - maybe. I like to think I've got my fundamentals sorted, good hair cut, a bit of style in the way I dress, etc. I had to ask a lady friend to help me with that though because I was pretty awful without her advice. I'm average looking, some girls think I'm good looking, some don't, much the same as we see girls I guess. It did take me a couple of years to realise I sometimes over dress a little which can put you in the "unattainable" category but I'd always say slightly over dress than under dress for a night out.
I started going to Salsa classes, but you could easily replace that with Ceroc or anything similar that provides a good social mix and is a bit cool in your area. The class is basically a bit like "speed dating" without awkward silences, in that you move round to a new lady every minute or 2 so you get to dance with anything from 6 to 30 ladies of all sorts of ages. It does depend where classes are held; if they are in a trendy bar you get a younger crowd, say 18-35, in a church hall you'll get more slightly older, say 25 to 50. It also depends on geography too. The classes I go to are in a trendy bar in the middle of town which has a high student population and high level of "foreign" workers for the hospitality sector, therefore a high proportion are younger and in their 20s, making lives away from close friends and family and are open to dates/meets etc.
Like most guys early on I struggled with approach anxiety but when you start to understand the social dynamics and read the room etc this goes away. It does take practice and commitment to go every week if you want to get better, BUT, at class and the social after there is always a "churn" of new women coming in. It doesn't matter in the slightest if you're any good at dancing as long as you enjoy it and are enthusiastic. This gives me a good opportunity to try stuff out on lots of ladies, not just dance moves but more importantly seduction skills. I can use the same lines or variations and try setting frames etc repeatedly through a class. So lots of practice in a safe environment. After the class it's easy to go and ask one of the girls in class for a dance as you've met them already. After the class, or even during it, you can do a bit of deep diving and set up a date or meeting for another day/time.
One thing I would say, is don't escalate too much at socials, a bit is fine but no more than a light touching (to show confidence/dominance) here or there. Set out your "shop front" as a fun, lightly flirty guy to chat to, always with a welcoming smile and open to dance no matter how good or bad someone is. Once you've set that as your image just take time for a girl to come to you for a chat/dance and THEN set a more specific frame and drop in the conversation " . . that it would be fun to catch up for a drink/coffee and a chat away from the dance scene as you can't get any peace to enjoy her company while you keep changing partners . . . " and you have in effect asked her out leaving her to think about it and accept if she's interested. Some girls accept straight away and you can say we'll swap numbers after class, some won't accept but smile sweetly, be careful here and be a gentleman and accept it leaving the door open (this is often her testing you), most won't accept right off but will come and ask the following week or even later in the evening if I was being serious and you've got her investment straight off so just agree a date or swap numbers.
Remember in these environments social proofing/reputation is important and must be maintained. Girls talk!. I know of several guys that can't get a date, not because they aren't good looking or nice enough, but they've damaged their reputation to a point that girls know these guys have asked every other girl out already and they don't want to be the one at the end of the invitation line. Take time to deep dive, find out about her, establish a connection, set a frame that you trust her and give a bit of your secret side that you don't easily share, see if she will share hers with you, build the connection a little more. This may happen over severals dances in class or even in the social. Don't rush moving to the ask and be selective.
Some weeks I can get a couple phone numbers and rarely do they "flake"; some weeks none at all but that's life. I've got a couple of girls at dance that are FWB and will date pretty much anytime they don't have a date. They trust me to be discrete and not damage their reputations, similarly I trust them. Also I'll help introduce them to guys if they want me to and they will introduce me to girls if I'm interested which gives great social proof.
In addition to the classes there are often weekend socials where you will see some of the girls that go to class so you already have social proof and can go right up and say hello and get introduced to their friends. Their friends may not "dance" but they will be open to having a bit of fun on the dance floor with someone who can. If you then like them you can deep dive, isolate and escalate if the opportunity is there but usually it's better to get her phone number. In these situations it's better to circulate the room and build social proof and dance with a variety of girls and date them separately so they don't feel bound by social constraints.
Sorry for taking post off topic a bit but that's where I am. I could go on but that's really how I've built my social circle although dance has helped me be able to go into a bar or supermarket and engage quiet easily. It's taken a few years to work to this level but I guess I've kinda stacked the deck in my favour in lots of ways. I don't go out simply to "game" women, I do it as part of being sociable. Just very screwed now with the current situation.
