- Joined
- Jun 21, 2021
- Messages
- 269
Most people green at frame control usually tend to ,for some strange reason, approach every interaction as a frame war.
"It's always my frame has to win " for them
Yet meet enough people from different walks of life and you'll quickly realize not every interaction is a frame battle.
Certainly ,if you’ve got knowledge about how to win at frame control ,you’ll fare better at getting what you want than others.But ,this happens naturally.
You do know that if you stand your ground and have firm conviction in what you say ,people will tend to do the things you want them to do or be convinced in what you have to say(are saying?).
Oftentimes though,noobs will want to outframe everyone or force others to yield to their frames.
Don’t get me wrong, feel free to do either of these but go at it savvily.
Times when noobs do this wrong that come to mind are:
1.They outframe the other party but fail to take into account what the other party wants or desires.
2.The “frame war” turns into an argument and ego gets involved.
3.They use it with everyone they know of and everyone they meet.
Why are these wrong?
1.Outframing the other party and not taking their desires into account engenders a bad feeling in them towards you especially if it’s something they mostly want(ed).And for good reason.Would you be pleased by someone who was only out for themselves and ignored what you wanted?
I can already hear you muttering an unequivocal ‘no’.
2.I’ve said it before on here and will say it again -you don’t have to win at frame control by making others bitter or sending them into auto-rejection.Nor do you have to one-up them.You ‘win’ but end up losing when all is said and done.
3.Again , feel free to use frame control with whoever you want to get what you want… but don’t go souring the relationships you have with those that mean most to you or those you will be involved with more and more in the future by forcing them to yield to your frame every single time.This doesn’t matter that much as long as everyone is happy and feel that what they want is given or that their needs are being met.
When you are some jerkass that is going around forcing others to yield to your frame and their needs aren’t met or what they want isn’t given, your relations will end quickly than you think.Guaranteed.
All that said,how do masters at frame control fare better at it while still being lovable to all?
First ,by realizing that not every interaction is a frame war.Ask every master frame controller(for lack of a better word ) whether you need to win everytime at frames and they’ll tell you not necessarily.
Which means as long as you are getting what you want and the other party isn’t setting any frames that will affect you or paint you negatively,you don’t have to challenge them on it.
Second, learn to take what other people want into account especially if it’s really important to them.Give others what they want and they’ll love you(don’t be a doormat about it or go around supplicating). I know of no one that got bitter or went into auto-rejection when others gave them what they wanted or took their thoughts into account before they had to voice theirs .A reason why pacing and lead works so well.Heck addressing objections too.
Third,you don’t have to argue with others to win them over to your way of thinking .You instead can be a warm and inclusive guy towards them while still standing your ground.No need to create a mountain out of a molehill.
Finally…I know I’m sounding like a broken record here, but don’t make others feel as lesser beings by forcing your frames on them while not taking into account what they genuinely want or trivializing their wants,needs,desires…whatever you wanna call it.
It’s easy to say you don’t care if you are inculcating an asshole vibe in you ,but you end up losing friends,lovers ,and opportunities that may have meant much more to you if only you went at things right .
You really can fare better at frame control while still being lovable.Take it from me .
Chad Tyrone.
"It's always my frame has to win " for them
Yet meet enough people from different walks of life and you'll quickly realize not every interaction is a frame battle.
Certainly ,if you’ve got knowledge about how to win at frame control ,you’ll fare better at getting what you want than others.But ,this happens naturally.
You do know that if you stand your ground and have firm conviction in what you say ,people will tend to do the things you want them to do or be convinced in what you have to say(are saying?).
Oftentimes though,noobs will want to outframe everyone or force others to yield to their frames.
Don’t get me wrong, feel free to do either of these but go at it savvily.
Times when noobs do this wrong that come to mind are:
1.They outframe the other party but fail to take into account what the other party wants or desires.
2.The “frame war” turns into an argument and ego gets involved.
3.They use it with everyone they know of and everyone they meet.
Why are these wrong?
1.Outframing the other party and not taking their desires into account engenders a bad feeling in them towards you especially if it’s something they mostly want(ed).And for good reason.Would you be pleased by someone who was only out for themselves and ignored what you wanted?
I can already hear you muttering an unequivocal ‘no’.
2.I’ve said it before on here and will say it again -you don’t have to win at frame control by making others bitter or sending them into auto-rejection.Nor do you have to one-up them.You ‘win’ but end up losing when all is said and done.
3.Again , feel free to use frame control with whoever you want to get what you want… but don’t go souring the relationships you have with those that mean most to you or those you will be involved with more and more in the future by forcing them to yield to your frame every single time.This doesn’t matter that much as long as everyone is happy and feel that what they want is given or that their needs are being met.
When you are some jerkass that is going around forcing others to yield to your frame and their needs aren’t met or what they want isn’t given, your relations will end quickly than you think.Guaranteed.
All that said,how do masters at frame control fare better at it while still being lovable to all?
First ,by realizing that not every interaction is a frame war.Ask every master frame controller(for lack of a better word ) whether you need to win everytime at frames and they’ll tell you not necessarily.
Which means as long as you are getting what you want and the other party isn’t setting any frames that will affect you or paint you negatively,you don’t have to challenge them on it.
Second, learn to take what other people want into account especially if it’s really important to them.Give others what they want and they’ll love you(don’t be a doormat about it or go around supplicating). I know of no one that got bitter or went into auto-rejection when others gave them what they wanted or took their thoughts into account before they had to voice theirs .A reason why pacing and lead works so well.Heck addressing objections too.
Third,you don’t have to argue with others to win them over to your way of thinking .You instead can be a warm and inclusive guy towards them while still standing your ground.No need to create a mountain out of a molehill.
Finally…I know I’m sounding like a broken record here, but don’t make others feel as lesser beings by forcing your frames on them while not taking into account what they genuinely want or trivializing their wants,needs,desires…whatever you wanna call it.
It’s easy to say you don’t care if you are inculcating an asshole vibe in you ,but you end up losing friends,lovers ,and opportunities that may have meant much more to you if only you went at things right .
You really can fare better at frame control while still being lovable.Take it from me .
Chad Tyrone.
