FR+ WTF...

[AFCnoob]

It would be just wrong to only post some FR's and not others. That would give a distorted or partial picture, which would border on deceit. I'm not happy about some of my lower quality FR's (those from my tryhard/out of control posts), but this is the first one I'm downright embarrassed by. Still, I can't pretend to be something I'm not:

Summary: 42 year old tries to pick me up and I...go for it??

[Tina] German [Rating: objective 4/subjective 5][Age: 43](closed)

Open: passive (?)
I noticed [Tina] while having a drink in one of my "home base" venues. She was definitely much older than me, but was clearly attractive when she was younger, she only gets a 4 because she was...43 (I know exactly how old she was, because Red-1 asked her Chinese animal year, like an ass). I had no interest in talking to her, but then she came right up to me and said I reminded her of a celebrity. I thought it was cute and for some reason...started talking to her. There were several people present, and this was one of my main venues, not to mention the exact venue I'd taken [Sandy], the main girl I'm currently pursuing to a week before. So my actions were completely unadvised and highly, dangerously visible.

Escalation: passive
I shouldn't lie, or try to save face. The truth is, I was returning [Tina's] IOI's, not because I really wanted to, but just because I liked the feeling of doing it. I put in some gum, and [Tina] asked if it was because I wanted to kiss her, then she kissed me. I didn't back away, but returned it. She even started swapping ice cubes with me...I hadn't realized at first, but she was a bit drunk, and very affectionate, at one point she actually came upstairs when I was going to the bathroom, caught me coming out, and tried to uh...you know...

My standard wing, Red-1 was present, and was loving the whole thing. I was desperately trying to eject somehow and actually gave him several semi-overt signals. He ignored every single one. He was actually rubbing my nose in it, and was the first to offer to hold the camera when [Tina] suddenly wanted to take pictures. "Show her your tat!" he shouted, grinning from ear to ear.

Rarely have I hated Red-1 more. Then again, it was my own damn fault for engaging. I gently explained to [Tina] that I had to go, and wasn't going to sleep with her. She did not take it well (girls never do). Then I left.

Move: N/A

Close: N/A

[Interaction Rating]: 1
Why did I do it? Stupidity and ego. The only thing I learned is I'm a dumbass who loves attention, and is risking FU with some girl I'm actually pursuing to kiss 42 year-olds. Way to go. This interaction gets a 1 instead of a 0, because it was so embarrassing that I'll never do it again.

 

[Nova]

Lol made me laugh. I relate hugely to that. Not so much anymore but a few years back I used to seduce any girl I saw, 'just for the hell of it'. I guess I did it for a mixture of ego stroking and wanting to improve my skillset. The latter of which I guess is harmless, but nevertheless I have learnt that unless you are willing to drive things forward with a particular girl it is unfair on the girl and can cause problems if you try to seduce her/give her cues that you like her.

I think when you are around girls who you have no intentions of taking to bed, it is always safest to just be a nice guy, crack some jokes, have a bit of banter, but don't do anything suggestive and try to make it clear indirectly that you have no intentions of going out with her etc. It will save you a lot of trouble believe me.

The last thing you want is a girl who you work with daily on auto rejection,

 

[AFCnoob]

Yeah.....she texted me today (why did I give her my number?????). Lesson learned.

 

[Nova]

Good luck to you, lets just hope shes not crazy you didn't tell her where you lived right? haha

 

[AFCnoob]

I'm surprised I didn't at this point.

 

[Trilogy]

Ah, there’s a good lesson for me here, I haven’t learned the wisdom of selective targeting yet. I’ve always been a super-social kind of guy who will chat up anyone, and while not intending to lead someone on I have crossed that line before. Your FR brings up the very good point of what to do when you’ve over-extended yourself in an interaction with a girl. I don’t do “nice guy” anymore like Nova suggested so that usually leaves me with resorting to anti-seductive behavior to turn an unintended target away. Although sometimes, this can have the opposite effect and they start chasing hard which only makes matters worse.

I love to socialize and I LOVE talking to girls, but I don’t like being a heartbreaker. I think this is an unfortunate side-effect of being a PUA, a don’t hate the player hate the game kind of thing. I never really understood what that meant until I started to learn pick-up skills. Having been on the other side of a casual sex pick-up that I got too emotionally involved in, I can say it’s no fun getting hurt like that. It wasn’t her fault it happened, she told me straight up what the deal was but I chose to ignore it...and started chasing.

If you’ve stated you intentions and set up firm expectations, any fallout should rest squarely on her shoulders (although she may see it as though she’s been played.) Since we’re all here learning this great skill of how to become better men and be better with women, part of that being how to deal with blowback, we need to hold ourselves accountable for our actions that may cause suffering to another. Chase wrote a great article about buyer’s remorse that covered how women react when they feel they get burned, and how to mitigate such occurrences. I believe that a sexy, powerful man can also be compassionate and understanding.

Thanks for sharing your “embarrassing” story AFCnoob (not that bad really, but funny!), and as always I’ve gained a new perspective from reading your reports.

 

[AFCnoob]

I believe that a sexy, powerful man can also be compassionate and understanding.

Or, that he is required to be. I really respect that one of the main tenets touted on the blog is to Not Hurt A Girl, because ultimately it's never necessary. When I say I'm a "soldier" on the "battlefield of love" I'm certainly not fighting girls, but my own egoism, weaknesses, fears, insecurities, and shortcomings. Once I've conquered those, I'm sure blunders like these will vanish.

Thanks for the input, and thanks for reading!