Well, fucked it up. We had a really nice dinner, where I did some deep diving, and she seemed really into the conversation. Like I said before, I didn't touch her through the evening, just talked and tried to seem sexy. The restaurant we went to was really crowded, which I think was good, and it meant that we got about 45 minutes of talking in. She asked me where my apartment was and if I had any roommates while we were waiting to be seated, which was a pretty clear indication to me that she was interested in coming back to my place after we were done eating. My apartment is less than a minute's walk from the restaurant so we arrived less than an hour after first meeting.
We went up the stairs, maintaining a kind of shaky, nervous conversation. Her voice was kind of quivering, like she was trying to hide her nervousness-I huess mine must have sounded similar. Anyway, I couldn't think of a good way to maintain the conversation once we were in my apartment. Even though it's my home turf, and I should have the comfort advantage there, I couldn't think of much to say. I wanted to kiss her, but I fell into the trap of waiting for a good moment-you see, her body language was really close off, arms folded across chest. I couldn't really see how to go for a kiss when she was closed like that, and I was too nervous to do any more deep diving, or really even any more small talk. I also made one really big mistake, that doesn't have anything to do with inexperience...I offered her a drink of wine, which is fine, but I had been keeping it in the freezer, and it wouldn't pour, which made me look stupid.
Anyway, at about the 15 minute mark she was really uncomfortable, and said she would get going. I kind of panicked then, and I asked her if I could kiss her. Not if she wanted to kiss me, but whether I could kiss her. I'm not sure if that was better or worse than doing nothing, but it just made her want to leave. She told me, we need to talk about this in a more public place, or something to that effect...
Then she said, "I don't know if I want to be in a relationship with you." I can't remember the exact words, but something like that. "I don't even really know you...why do you want to be my boyfriend." I said to that "I don't want to be your boyfriend." She was controlling the interaction at this point, though, and I was just following her down the stairs. Then, she guessed at my inexperience, saying "have you ever had a chinese girlfriend before." I had to admit that I hadn't. In fact, I have had sex with a chinese girl before, but never been in a relationship with one...I didn't say anything like that, though. Than she asked me if I had ever been in a relationship at all, which in fact I haven't been. Not a sexual one, anyway. To this I answered "it doesn't matter..." A weak answer, but infinitely better than saying "no."
Anyway, at this time I had already gotten to the point where I saw the chances of having any kind of relationship with this girl as being virtually nil. Move fast and fail badly, and you're out. But at this point, when I had nothing to lose, I stopped being nervous, and started being a jerk. Not really intentionally, it isn't in my nature at all to be like that, but I was frustrated. We were walking around a nearby shop for half an hour, me trying to convince her to come back to my place, her resisting...at first she seemed pretty flattered by the attention, actually, but eventually it was getting extremely awkward for her. This time I was trying to put my arm around her, grab her hand, etc...she kept brushing this off. But it was an exercise in futility, since she had already made her decision when she left my apartment the first time.
Her sticking point on the resistance was that she was looking for a long term relationship that would eventually lead to marriage, preferably with a chinese guy. She also gave the point that people might find out, and me being younger than her, etc...that stuff is obviously just a nice way of saying that I messed up and she is no longer sexually attracted to me. I finally let her go, since I was getting tired of the argument, and my reason was setting in and I was starting to feel bad about making her pay twice over for my ineptitude. When things go this badly, I think it's necessary to protect one's reputation; so I apologized to her via facebook, in a way that I think would make her feel like the situation was diffused.
So, the story is now over, and I have turned a girl who quite possibly would have gone to bed with me into a certain amount of experience. In order to make the whole thing worthwhile, I need to get the most out of the experience, and find out what to do better next time. I feel sorry for her having to go through that, but how else will I gain any skill?
The main problem with the approach I chose this time, is that I don't have enough of a sexual or dominant vibe going to dispence with the touching. At my level, I need to touch a lot. I believe that what I should have done was to take her on a moderately long walk after the restaurant-and hold her hand, put my arm over her shoulder, even try a kiss...just to get her used to me before we go into a sexually charged environment like my apartment. I say this because I'm obviously not good enough to dispense with those things. I believe 15 minutes of hand holding beforehand would have changed the course of my night completely. Oh well, not a bad start, I suppose, but it was emotionally trying.
-Xen
