TL/DR - You need to move away from the binary of tease vs compliment. And when you get some traction in the conversation, you need to tap into a deeper well of emotion that she wants to talk about.
The Too Long
At a certain point,
I stopped saying things to get a particular emotional response. Emphasis on the verbal aspect.
That's what you're doing. Saying things for effect, for reaction. And that reaction carries forward into a number, instadate, actual date, or bang.
You have a binary of nice things to say vs not-so-nice things to say to an absolute stranger.
And it's working, a good portion of the time, especially compared to what you did before. (which was probably some unstructured, improvised, no sense of direction BS like most guys).
I think this is a great beginner approach.
Say stuff, get reaction, move the ball forward.
To improve on this base.
Step 1 - Broaden your content from the binary of Nice/Not-Nice to just other things. Stories, Jokes, Cold Reads, Errant Thoughts, there is an infinite number of things to say to a girl that aren't compliments or teases.
Step 2 - Refine your Non-Verbal parts of the interaction.
If you're getting success, the nonverbal improvement is probably occurring naturally
- You're more confident, so you probably deliver lines smoother, slower, clearer.
- You know what reactions to expect when you tease/compliment, so your body language doesn't change.
- You have a good mental attitude about women.
- You are moving the ball forward.
And you can get some results without the girl "chasing".
A girl doesn't need to respect you, doesn't need to want your respect or your approval to sleep with you. That's one of the misconceptions of The Game imo. She'll sleep with you for all sorts of reasons. Moreover, you see chicks coupled with all types of guys that don't fit the "respect/approval" requirement.
So Let's Define The Chase.
A girl is chasing when she wants the player's approval and takes visual steps to get his approval.
Identifiable chasing behavior
- Finishes the guy's sentences
- Starts the conversation back up when it falters
- Makes long and sustained eye contact
- Touches first
- Hangs on every word
- Reacts appropriately, like a chick trying to impress a guy (you need some social knowledge to get this one)
- Self Edits (see reacts appropriately)
- Her responses end with an approval seeking tone
There are many more.
In girl speak, "She's into him"
So what makes a girl chase?
1) Biology - A guy like Zan will get chicks to chase him, to want his approval, because he's a classically good looking guy, and he has all the right unconscious behaviors. He might not be Alpha, but he's "alpha". Zan and other guys like him, reach directly into the reptilian brain which only thinks about eating, sleeping, shitting, fucking, and fighting.
Reptilian brain attacks are what women are doing with make up, jewelry to draw your attention, cleavage to show off fertility, showing a lot of skin, showing a lot of curves, that baby voice, bubbly personality, high heels etc. It's patently unfair. For me personally, an ugly girl in flats, can't become sexually interesting by putting on some stilettos - it's just not right - but it happens far more often than I care to admit.
Chicks engage in brain hijacking as an everyday routine.
Most of the time your cerebellum doesn't decide if a chick is hot, she just is. (Attraction is not a choice, it's not a deliberation, 99% of the time)
It's chicks on the edge that call in higher brain function. Is Taylor Swift hot, or just pretty? Haile Berry? (Lil Mermaid) What about Natalie Portman...I digress.
So if Zan and the top 10% crew are getting chase behavior responses from compliments because of the "hindbrain" - How do the typical PUAs get girls to chase?
2) Psychology
There is something that a man can do to a chick that taps into her psychology, that makes her want his approval, that makes her chase.
Right now, you seem to be choosing between Zan and Todd V - classically masculine vs poker/chess player braniac style that seemingly depends heavily on verbal content. In some ways, Todd V is the ultimate classic PUA from the bygone era, and didn't actually absorb those early "natural game" RSD teachings. Lemme stop.
What is Todd doing that makes chicks chase?
He's a fairly attractive guy, but he's relatively short (5'10") - so it's not his looks.
Todd's game is very cerebral.
Todd usually depends on a girl catching a certain word or phrase that hits her in her emotional center. He's also a fan of NLP, and you can catch some of that if you listen closely. He likes to imply a lot about his status and his experience with girls. It's very technical, and to my mind not that useful for a newb to learn and emulate...
The infamous interaction that I covered on my blog, which he took down from his YT, was him talking to some random chick on the Upper West Side of NYC.
Todd opens some random chick at a bar -
"What are you doing in my city?"
Unbeknownst to him, the chick is actually from Manhattan, born and raised, so she takes umbrage and gets into a mini-argument with Todd about it.
Remember Todd is a transplant.
What Todd was trying to do, was to playfully get at the girl and lord his "status" as a resident over the chick, not knowing her background.
But Natives >>>>>>> Mere Residents.
Realizing that his status gambit failed, he tries to backpedal and shift the conversation -
but she won't let it go. Even after she calms down, she comes back to it.
From a naive PUA perspective, it looks like our hero is losing.
He's on his heels, he's trying to stop the attack dog, but the bites keep coming.
Her sense of self-value is increasing, as she gets indignant, and his sense of self-value is decreasing.
From a 3rd party, it looks like he's losing. They're having an argument.
From a vet's perspective - he's got the chick right where he wants her.
She's exhibiting all of the chase behavior. It's not the ideal chase behavior - but
Todd tapped into a deep current of emotion that gets chasing responses.
I am right, and you are wrong.
He's basically dictating all of her moves, all of her actions, reactions, and emotions (except the one he seemingly wants) - he's actually in the driver's seat, even though he doesn't seem to notice it.
If I recall, we don't actually see him flip her, so it's not narratively satisfying - but he put it up as a success.
I didn't think it was successful years ago, but thinking back on it now, in 2023, it was much better in my memory (lol).
The key here is that us members of the bottom 90% - are not going straight to the hindbrain, like the top 10% - instead, we are using verbal and non-verbal behavior, action and inaction, to
tap into a woman's deep current of emotion.
And she wants to be in that space.
But she can't get there without us.
So if we give her a way to get there, she wants more.
Thus she chases.
So when you look at Style picking up Britney on live television, he's tapping into her curiosity stream.
When Mystery tells his Titanic story, he's tapping into that curiosity, paranormal, conspiratorial, secret stream.
- Some PUAs have that sex guru/tantric/yoga vibe. So they can tap into that part of a woman.
- I personally lean heavy into the "knowledge of self" type vibe by making observations/asking questions about a girl's behavior. "Someone that gets me..."
- The frat boy style is again tapping into that uncontrollable/let's party all the time vibe that are in many young girls.
- The thug/gangsta/dope boy thing taps into rebellious
- The musician/artist actually has an edge on regular guys, because he can use more than just his own verbal/nonverbal to get into a chick's head.
- The IG player is not just selling a lifestyle, he's marketing in the true business sense - and tapping into FOMO.
I've given you the theory, my theory at least, what about the practice?
Steps 3 & 4 - Deepen your content, deepen your delivery
Right now, it doesn't seem like you're hitting those real "passion points" with women. And that's why you're not getting that chase response.
Personally, I don't get that much traction with teasing or compliments early on in the interaction. So I tend to use those sparingly. But it really could be my lack of skill of using those.
What I tend to do, as I alluded to above, is focus my attention on the female. If I see something is not "perfect", I pull on that thread.
By see, I don't mean I give her a once over and make a comment about her shoes.
Instead, I just talk, interact with her, and see how she reacts - and then comment on, dig into those reactions.
Without getting too deep into how I approach interactions - it normally goes from neutral and 3rd party topic, to something personal. This deepens the content. And it fits with my style of pick up though.
In terms of delivery - this is where pauses, eye contact, inadvertent touches, my own facial expressions, etc - that's what really makes the conversation powerful.
If you've ever soothed a 2 year old - you should recognize that the power of that is much greater than any words you can say.
That's what you're trying to do with your nonverbal language, your delivery.
So in conclusion - develop your material, develop your nonverbal, look for ways into the chick's deep passions (and I don't mean food or music), but those things that she can't let go of (and I don't mean politics), and tap into that.
Once you've tapped in, play with it, pull back, chastise her, and explore her chase...then take her back to your place to play Mario Kart
