- Joined
- Jul 6, 2014
- Messages
- 477
Background
Her: Vietnamese, Long brown hair, glasses, cute face, kind of mid body-wiseHow we met: Street stop. At first she thought I was an influencer and thought she was being recorded on youtube so I told her that while I do have a face for media, I’m not an influencer. I was flirting and bantering with her right from the get go and she was also asking me some stuff. We also found out we went to the same school so that probably helped with connection.
Date Structure: Met outside the subway, walked over to a cafe, went to a pizza joint for a slice, ate back at my apt.
My focus on this date was to banter and flirt more because that’s something Dante had pointed out to me as a big missing ingredient in my interactions to work on. And also I realized that from the last date this was severely lacking and would be a good idea.
First Venue
I texted her to meet me outside the subway stop, and when she arrived, I greeted her with a hug and told her she looked great. She said I looked great too, and things felt on from the get-go. As we walked to the café I started with just standard how was your day questions but that actually seemed to tank the vibe a little. When we got there, the place was crowded, and we ended up sitting across from each other at a small table. The setup wasn’t ideal—loud, cramped, and with someone sitting just a few inches away—but for some reason, it didn’t matter. It felt like we were in our own little bubble, and I wasn’t self-conscious about people listening in.The walk had been fine, but as soon as we sat down at the cafe (across from each other), there was a moment of awkward silence where we just looked at each other and were like "So...." I decided to break it by introducing the questions game. She immediately lit up, saying she loved it and referenced the “36 Questions to Love,” which she plays with friends. I clarified that my version was different and explained the rules. We started asking each other questions, and this time I was always looking for opportunities to flirt and tease. Thing is I’ve been working this into my approaches a lot so it was quite easy to do it on the date, especially because she was really down and also because she was the type who got aroused by them a lot.
At one point, her hand was resting on the table, so I started touching it occasionally to emphasize points. She seemed comfortable, so I tested things further by asking for her hands, and saying okay lemme test you: “what’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done” (Sinn’s hand test) We held hands across the table and she was flustered in a good way but told me about how she was hiking in a bunch of different cities.
Then I was getting a little horny so I was flirting with her more and occasionally touching her hand. At one point she was like “ohhh stop!” and touched my hand back. so I figured it was super on by then.
After a while, she suggested we grab lunch since neither of us had eaten. When we left, I offered my arm and she was holding my hand. On the way to the pizza place I pointed out my apartment in passing as we continued to walk.
Second Venue + Pull
At the pizza place, there wasn’t any seating, so I suggested we take the pizza back to my place. She was totally down. Once there, I gave her a quick tour, and we sat close together while eating. I kept things flirty with some roleplay about her being a sugar mama and me being a trophy husband, which she played along with. I wanted to escalate kind of slowly because at the cafe she had mentioned a previous date where the guy was way too aggressive and it freaked her out and she walked out. (I responded to that saying that yeah after a while you also value an emotional connection on top of a physical connection)So as we were sitting at my kitchen table, I would be flirting with her more but also testing her comfort to kissing by having us try each others pizza slices and just doing light incidental touches
After eating, I suggested watching something, so I put on an episode of Love, Death & Robots. We sat on my ‘couch’. I had my arm around her and She snuggled up against me almost immediately, resting her head on my shoulder. At some point she put her arm on my chest. When the video buffered, we started making out, and at some point grabbed her hand and took her to the bed (which was right next to the ‘couch’)
She was clear about not wanting to have sex, and I reassured her I was fine with that” Yeah of course baby we’re not gonna have sex”. When we were on my bed I had her take her clothes off “so that we can get comfortable” she kept the panties and bra on, but she would get soo turned on when I kissed her neck or her chest that eventually I just told her to take her bra off (it was an athletic bra lol otherwise I would’ve just unfastened it) Then squeezed her butt, which turned her on even more and started fingering her from the back to eventually get her panties off.
At some point I asked her what her favorite sex position was and that’s when she told me she was a virgin.
I would’ve considered the whole “just the tip” stuff because she had no issues with me rubbing my dick on her pussy and getting on top of her and dry pounding her but since she was a virgin I was like “Eh I’ll probably just give it a few dates to seal the deal”. And putting more than one finger for her was a little painful. So I figure I would be in for a long and painful deflowering session and she also had to leave at 5.
Had her suck my dick a little bit (yep definitely a virgin)
It seemed she wasn’t soo opposed to having sex but her hang-up was “I’m nervous about it” so while she was saying “no sex no sex”, I feel like I probably could have done some prodding and eliciting to reassure her about whatever it was that made her nervous. But I didn’t the any eliciting. And she also gave the objection of “we just met”.
Oh— and she told that she had actually given me a fake name and still playfully refused to give me her real name…
What I did well
- Flirting and having fun
- TOUCH TOUCH TOUCH (mainly the hand holding) and actually going for it.
- I kind of stumbled upon this logistics set up as I went along which ended up working nicely. Having a ‘pre-pull’ spot that sounds innocuous but where going back to your place is the natural choice has been the most consistent way to pull for me. EG going to a grocery store to buy wine (which means you have to go back to your place) or getting pizza at a corner shop pizzeria means taking it up to your apt to eat is the natural choice. Otherwise, I have to find a way to inject in the conversation "Oh btw lets go back to my place to do XYZ" which has not worked as well for many reasons but this will require more field testing.
What I could do better
- Discussed this with @Devilicious and @Kvothe and they suggested trying to figure out what her hang-up was with the sex
- Dev had a good suggestion here to phrase this with “What is it that’s standing between us?”, like instead of going the logical pace n’ lead route, go the passionate emotional route
- Got a lot of feedback from @StrayDog on the verbals and timing of each of the bounce venues.
