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25, Made Money, Trying to Re-Adjust

BallSoHard

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Nov 15, 2019
Messages
16
1. Ultra flexible schedule, can party/travel 5-6 days of the week
2. Not worried about spending unless it's ridiculously expensive
3. In shape due to having personal trainer (friend of mine)

I took big risks and did this for myself, can I use any of it in the social world?
 
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BallSoHard

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Nov 15, 2019
Messages
16
Posting update, this should help other people in my situation.

I tried a bunch of night spots near my apt with no restrictions. I would never have set foot in some of these places ($25-$40 drinks, $20-$40 cover) before my hard-work phase. Now, the bouncers/promoters spot me when I walk in and try to sell me the table/VIP experience. I should have used this to get their contact info and refer my friends, learn from my mistake.

I 'vibed' with a lot of similar girls - fashionable, relaxed, around my age. I was stuck in my old 'frame' quite a bit, had to shake it off to be more successful in the interactions as the way I live now is really different. You need to have multiple conversations to get used to your new 'frame'. This will not be fast, expect to spend at least a few days having a hard time conversing. It's something you have to get over and is probably the most important thing to change.

From conversation, I learned you need experiences to show off your freedom, not clothes/apartments/cars. Plenty of regular joes buy designer on credit and rent luxury penthouses they can't afford. What they can't do is take a spontaneous two week trip to Barcelona, see every single major attraction, and do it all again somewhere else next month. Sell your lifestyle, not the dollar value of your purchases, because I guarantee some loser will try to beat you at that even if costs them their shirt.

Finally, don't isolate yourself. You need to socialize, get yourself ready to do as fast as possible and get out there. You worked hard, enjoy it.
 

Chase

Chieftan
Staff member
tribal-elder
Joined
Oct 9, 2012
Messages
6,195
@BallSoHard,

If money's not a concern, many of the options on this list should be open to you:

Top 7 Easiest Ways to Get Laid & Raise Your Notch Count

Even more so if you're location independent.

If you intend to do nightlife, you have a leg up over the 9-to-5 crowd in that you can go on the off nights, build relationships with the staff, and enjoy perks on the weekends once they know you and like you.

I'd also potentially look into throwing dinners, parties, or barbecues if you have a nice place and it's something you'd enjoy doing. I knew a guy who with a buddy of his used to regularly throw dinner parties where he and his buddies would invite girls they'd approached, and also invite a bunch of cool bouncers and some bartenders from nightclubs they liked to frequent. The girls liked to go because then they'd get to meet and flirt with bar staff and build relationships they could use to get into hot clubs more easily. The bar staff liked to go because they got to meet cute new girls and eat free food and socialize with staff from other clubs. And my buddy and his friend benefited more than anyone else... the girls they were able to meet by being VIPs in the hot clubs more than made up for whatever girls they brought to the dinners. And they could still go for a lot of the girls who came to the dinners too (just because she flirts with the bouncer and makes a contact with him doesn't mean she's necessarily off the table for you... especially if she doesn't start sleeping with him).

Alek has a nice post on hosting your own after parties you might want to check out.

There's a lot you can do in terms of lifestyle design if you're not beholden to spending most of your time on work.

In-shape-wise, make sure you dress in ways that show off your physique. That makes it easy for women to use your body as an opener (touching your muscles, commenting on your body, etc.).

As far as displaying it... if you go out and day game, you will meet college girls, women on their days off, etc., and they will generally be curious about what you do.

I get a lot of comments on this out during the day -- she gives you a bemused look and asks you at some point "So, do you work around here?" (my response is always something along the lines of "Yeah, sometimes I work out of cafés, there's a really nice café down that road with an amazing atmosphere, it's perfect for just focusing without too many distractions"... so now she is even more curious about what you are and why you do not have to be at an office sitting at a desk until your boss allows you to leave).

You can also talk about work in the past tense when it comes up in conversation: "You know, I used to have a 9-to-5. And when you're in it, it feels like just a normal thing... like 'This is just what you've gotta do'. But once you're out of it you realize it's almost like being on a kind of parole. You have to watch what you say and not anger the wrong person. You have to be certain places at certain times, and stay there even if there's nothing for you to do. A lot of jobs are as much about the appearance of work as they are actually doing the work. And you realize how constrictive it is, and how good it feels to not have to do that anymore."

Basically just take her through a mini NLP sequence, tying her daily experience to feeling constricted, and anchoring a feeling of freedom and liberation from that to your lifestyle and being around you.

Lots you can do here. You're limited only by your imagination!

Time is the most precious commodity in the world. With enough of it, you can do whatever you want.

Chase
 

Cody Lyans

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Mar 8, 2019
Messages
140
Seduction is separate as a skill from money. But it will help, as girls do indeed want to be HIGHER CLASS. Problem is that you can't just advertise it, it is more a backup weapon used to create jealousy, possession, and fear.
You have to use it the right way, for example. Talk to women about their passion and attempt to succeed and be supportive but don't advise them or tell them how to succeed. This will help her like you because you don't USE your power desperately. So thus as she wants things she can't assume you will comply, so then you just slowly and patiently ask her questions and how it is going.

From that spot you can weild the money appropriately by setting up dinners and parties etc in nice locations. But first you need to develop social circles and your leadership traits and ability to be a good host
 

BallSoHard

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Nov 15, 2019
Messages
16
Chase thank you for the detailed response, and Cody thanks as well.

Chase, time is my most valued asset and what I am realizing now is that it gives me value in a social context in ways I did not imagine. The fact that I'm also an MIT CS grad with multiple CS trophies and $10k+ cash prize wins under my belt makes it even harder. I have the ultimate 'smart person' credentials in what is percevied to be the smartest industry. I've read all your articles on the A in VAC and realized that suppressing myself is not the way to go. I can warmly and confidently put it all out there and not just limit my dating pool to the ultra educated.

I firmly believe in giving back so if there is anything I can help members of this forum with please let me know. Thanks guys.
 
you miss 100% of the shots you don't take

BallSoHard

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Nov 15, 2019
Messages
16
I have a FR that I will post, but wanted to write an update.

Chase, I read your articles on Loser vs Stable and have drastically been accentuating my loser traits - vagabond, waking up at noon, crazy bar tabs - and downplaying the Stable traits. This goes hand in hand with everything you said above about talking to girls during the day because that's something a vagabond would do, not a 9-5 corporate drone. Most importantly, I've given myself permission to talk about all these things because even though it's not socially acceptable, that's just how I live and I'm not going back.

I was trying to throw parties and events but no one even lets me pick up the tab because of my age. I think this will make sense in a few years, for now I'm mainly sticking to spending on my clothing and my fitness. In terms of that, it's 80% spending on fitness and 20% on clothes because I don't want to alienate 23 year old girls by buying $1k shirts. Some of them like that but the majority don't seem to.

The 100% hardest part is giving myself permission to spend my time on women. The world keeps trying to shove ridiculous expectations down my throat and I have to say no because I don't care. I did all this to live however I want and I'm not letting other people get in my way now that I can finally live free of money restrictions, time restrictions, life restrictions, etc.
 

BallSoHard

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Nov 15, 2019
Messages
16
Follow up. There's a money version of the Lover Loser Provider idea:

Loser - can't spend
Lover - spends even though they can't spend
Provider - can spend but doesn't because society brainwashed him not to, aka boring rich guys
Baller - can spend and spends a lot, >$4k/mo excluding rent, and has more free time than any of the above categories

Everyone bags on guys with money - especially girls - because the guys don't like them and the girls want to force them with all their heart to become the stable types. Screw those women. Never ever let girls tell you how to spend your money (thank you Chase, I dodged this bullet).

As for me, my current strategy is still showing off my free time because it implies money without me saying anything. It's also the single biggest difference between me and corporate America. I get nowhere talking about my $200 bar tabs. And I'm #1 in my industry, if anything happens I'll just get a high paying job that's <20 hrs a week and run the same 'frame'.

Sorry for the spam, this site has just been fantastic so far. Keep going everyone.
 

Marcellus

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Dec 27, 2014
Messages
367
Just wanted to mention that if money isn't a concern for you maybe try out coaching! @Hector Castillo has incredible game and offers different coaching services, if you're trying to develop super fast and get super good at game really quickly I would definitely give him a call and see what hes got to offer :)
 

MWall

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Sep 6, 2019
Messages
36
I'm in a similar life changing hard work moment that will pay me big as you mentioned ball so hard. What's some words of advice that helped you through it?
 

BallSoHard

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Nov 15, 2019
Messages
16
Thanks for the ask.

1. it's not over until it's really over. Double check everything to make sure it doesn't blow up at the last minute.
2. Don't over-copy other people, even if they're way ahead of you in your industry. You can do things they can't and you need to exploit those chances when you get them.
3. It's going to suck, make sure you want it. Ideally before you start.
 

13829938

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jan 14, 2014
Messages
51
Designer clothes are a really good way to demonstrate wealth without bragging. i personally have a gucci belt with the GG that does the trick quite nicely. If I had more money I would definitely have Louie belt, designer wallet, probably even sneakers. You can get sweaters and t-shirts with huge ass designer logos that cost a ton of money... and everyone knows it. I look at trap rappers for inspiration. Also designer fragrances. Anything dior or chanel for men. It's not hard to make an image that exudes wealth and riches without ever bringing it up. Plus when your outfit alone is worth a few g's, it really does something for the confidence...
 

Fuck This

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jul 24, 2015
Messages
2,091
Gifted I'd rather BE rich than LOOK rich. Besides I could name a lot of really happy rich people who look homeless.

What you describe is like calling something a lake that is just water on a salt flat....Pretty in the light but no depth.....
 

13829938

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jan 14, 2014
Messages
51
Gifted I'd rather BE rich than LOOK rich. Besides I could name a lot of really happy rich people who look homeless.

What you describe is like calling something a lake that is just water on a salt flat....Pretty in the light but no depth.....

I mean, I get your point. And if I had to choose, I would obviously rather be than look rich as well. Luckily we live in a reality where we can both be AND look rich lol. I was simply saying that if OP wants women to know he's rich immediately, without having to come out and say it, designer clothes are a very easy way to do so. Same as a car and a nice apartment.

Personally, I love the flashy style of dressing. And as I continue to reach income milestones, I will continue to buy flashy pieces to show it off (belts, shoes, watches, etc). If you'd rather look homeless and get chicks that way, more power to you! Although obviously, your outfit will contribute substantially to what kinds of girls you attract.

Another thing about designer clothes is they are often passed around circles of rich or very well connected people. I've told people my gucci belt was a gift before (as it basically was). Which gives the status of a super connected bum, which is an attractive archetype I believe. I've also received many designer colognes as gifts.
 

BallSoHard

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Nov 15, 2019
Messages
16
Hey,

Wanted to update this since it's hard to find communities where everyone is committed to improving their social lives.

Conspicuous Consumption and Lover vs Provider are really good articles but for guys like me the devil is in the details. Here are those details:

1. In male social circles, net worth and income will give you automatic status. With women not at all because they cannot experience it. Do not mistake male social approval for female approval. Women do not care about making money and will not give you props JUST for having it unlike men who will give you infinite social props.
2. If she cannot experience your money it does not exist for her. In terms of showing it: fitness doesn't convey money because it's cheap to get jacked, clothing is pretty good at conveying money if you go hard enough, bottle service and VIP tickets are even better, house party at your penthouse or 50th floor condo is the best. Housing is crazy expensive and is a recurring cost, I am starting with designer clothing plus VIP events first and will buy the apt later. It should be obvious on approach that you are rich. If not, buy something 1k or higher - Rolex works great. Remember, it's high end clothing plus expensive experience. This is consistency.
3. The right way to flex is multiple high end events. This means quality plus quantity. If you are FI and spend less per event because you have a lot more of them to go to per month, this can also work. Very few people have as much free time as someone with FI. Just keep in mind that ideally it's bet to have a lot of expensive events strung together. That is the best combo.

So why do all this? Simple. The whole point of money is to live better by SPENDING more money. You did not get to 250k income just to spend as much as you did at 100k. Net worth let's you spend investment income instead of Job income but what no one ever talks about is how much morecomfortable you are spending money with a lot in the bank. I guarantee you it's much more fun blowing $5k in a night with $500k in the bank than it is with $0 in the bank. Most high earners aren't financially independent yet so take this to heart in your sales pitch, subcommunicate that you are comfortablly spending lots of money.
 

BigPapa

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Jan 12, 2020
Messages
601
I am going through the same motion as you :)

Being a vip in the high end clubs / bars definitely helps , but the human quality of the women there is very shit in general but they are good looking though . The problem is that most of them have a lot of makeup on and you will notice that in the daylight most of them are not quite as hot as they are in the club \ bar .

if you want to find interesting girls I would go for day game , the human quality is way better
 
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