36 year old virgin joining the game

[morad]

Hey all.

Well... My case seems (at least to me) quite special. At 36, I've never had a girlfriend and I am a virgin. I see time passing by and I want to change things. I want to have a very active sex life and possibly have a girlfriend to enjoy life with. How did I end up a virgin at 36 ? I was always very attracted to girls but I hardly tried dating them. I was shy and had this huge complex because I started losing my hair at 15 and that took away a lot of my confidence for many years. Add the fact that I'm short (1 m 65) and that I see myself as slightly less than average looking (4/10)... and you will see how I created the situation I am in. Later in my life, I managed to go on a date with 3 separate girls but I failed to escalate each time ending up in the friend loser zone. Actually, I knew lot of cute girls but I was always the needy nice guy hoping somehow they would see the great boyfriend I could be. After searching the Internet, I discovered my errors. How was I never told about this ? How was I never taught about the real game ? I had lived in a hollywood delusion where that nice shy friend ends up with the cute girl next door. I try hitting on a few girls that come my way each year but I know there is no way this is going to work out. I need to approach thousands of girls. I just bought the girl chase ebook and hope to start on the path to a fullfilled love and sex life. I am joining the forum hoping to find comrades, support and accountability.
Still, at my age, I can only approach experienced women in their 20s/30s and having never had a girlfriend, had sex, kissed or even held a girl's hand romantically, escalating seems this almost impossible for me. Women will see me for what I am the second I try to go physical. How would guys approach the dating game in my particular situation ?

 

[Mr.Rob]

Morad,

You're doing the right thing. It's never too late to make the true change to your life that you've always wanted. You're at slight disadvantage in that you're much older than say someone who is in their early 20's but by no means is it impossible for you to make a real change.

I managed to go on a date with 3 separate girls but I failed to escalate each time ending up in the friend loser zone.

Good for you! You know women can be attracted to you romantically. You just need to learn how to position yourself as a captivating romantic instead of a friendly pal which is exactly what you'll learn here.

Still, at my age, I can only approach experienced women in their 20s/30s and having never had a girlfriend, had sex, kissed or even held a girl's hand romantically, escalating seems this almost impossible for me. Women will see me for what I am the second I try to go physical. How would guys approach the dating game in my particular situation ?

So here is the thing with mountainous change. You have a seriously long path to trod before you get to your end result (say 2-3 years of dedicated action taking). If you're going to come out of this alive and not go crazy you have got to pile up the smallest victories possible that are within your reach and pretty much forget about getting laid, getting girlfriend, or having an amazing sex life. That's probably too far out of your reality and if you focus on what is out of your reality you'll get very frustrated.

Instead you'll want to focus on what IS in your currently reality but just out of reach to your normally. Overtime you'll slowly tick off these boxes of what was previously just out of your reality and now is part of your reality and then you have expanded your breathe of life experience in that area so you move onto the next aspect of what is just out of your reality. Do that enough times and eventually you'll get to the point where sex with a woman is seemingly quite close to your reality and it you'll be able to capitalize on that opportunity.

In practical terms what this looks like this:

• >Talking to women on a regular basis
  >Talking to pretty women on a regular basis
  >Asking girls to go on a date with you
  >Moving women around a venue and have them follow your lead
  >Having women agree to go on a date with you and actually show up
  >Touching/pulling women into you and having them allow you to do so
  >Kissing a girl
  >Kissing girls on a regular basis
  >inviting girls that you kiss home with you
  >having girls agree to come home with you
  >kissing a girl at your house
  >kissing girls and pushing for sex at your house
  >Foreplay with a girl at your house
  >Sex at your house
  >Inviting women back over to your house after sex
  >Having women come back over to see you for sex a 2nd/3rd time
  >Having women devote themselves to be with your longer term
  >etc. etc. etc.

Can you see how about halfway through the list is waaaayyy out of your currently reality? But simply talking to women on a regular basis is out of your reality but you see how it could more or less easily become a norm?

As each of these becomes more of a norm the stuff further down the list seems closer and closer to becoming a part of your reality. This will over time make the impossible seem more and more possible and within your reach. One day you'll literally wake up with what was once impossible for you to imagine and it will be a reality. That's an amazing feeling and I highly recommend you following the path to do so.

In conclusion if you go approach 300 women, go on 20 dates, and kiss one girl when your expectation was to follow Chase's eBook and get straight to the bottom of the list you're going to be very disappointed and that's when people give up.

I recommend that you only focus on making what's closest in reach to your current reality a norm until it's not a huge deal anymore and this will help you not get overly intimidated and feel like you're spinning your wheels.

This list will take time to acclimate yourself to each level but you've gone 36 years now and survived just fine. What's another 1-2 years? Maybe less depending on how quickly you learn.

Hope this helps Morad,

-Rob

 

[Drck]

In addition to the above, look at it from long term perspective. If you are in good shape, you have another good 15 years of productive dating/mating life (if not 25 years). That's a lot. So focus on improving your game, focus on creating solid mind frame.

I am assuming that you are looking for LTR. If that's the case:

Emphasize your positives, for example:

* You are 36, therefore way more mature than guys in early 20's. You don't need to learn most of the stuff that young guys learn here, you already have HUGE experience with dealing with people. Your game should be more mature
* Learn to act like a mature guy (not silly teenager boy)
* At this age you should be somehow established - hopefully decent job, some money, some good friends, some good social circle (most young guys don't have these). Know your value as a mature man
* Know your target group: Are you aiming for 20 year old girls? It is doable, but honestly - good luck. Are you aiming for 27-30 year old girls? IMO that is where you find gold in relative to your situation - there are lots of girls who want to settle down with decent and mature man. They are looking for long term mate. KNOW that these girls crave a to be with good and established guy
* If you jack up your manly behavior, you can actually move away from being the "bad boy" or classical "asshole". Again, it depends on what you want - for LTR being a "bad boy" may work against you...
* Know what you are looking for - quick lays or long term relationship? IMO you are looking for LTR - if so, adapt rather dating game. I would strongly recommend reading Dr. Love's Dating Dictionary (for LTR). You can use 95% of that style to your benefit
* Keep it simple, don't overgame. In girls eyes, you are just a guy. Show that you are mature, show them what you are looking for (I'm assuming LTR), show interest ingirls.... Remember, the KEY is in Number Game - the more girls you meet the more girls will be open to you...
* Have patience. You may meet some girls and they will appear disinterested at first. They may go out with you for some dates, then they may disappear, for weeks, months... No contact... Don't be however surprised if they come back and show an interest in you this time... The way I like to think about it is that they have to adjust to your frame. Your frame has to be solid - you are a great, positive and genuine guy, you are established, you know what you want... so at first she tests waters, she tries to test how are you doing with girls,what do you want from life, if you know what you want... she may not be as excited because you are not a fuckboy (ok, let's be real, you are not at this point of time). So she will then move away from you... As the time goes however, she may change her mind - she will realize that you are actually a great LTR investment. She may come back and start greatly investing into you for LTR... Will 20 year old girl do that? Most likely not, unless you have really great value in her eyes. Will 28-30 year old woman that is looking for LTR do it? She is much more likely to do it.... So you have to have (1) Solid Frame and (2) you can't never chase the girl. Solid frame basically means that you know exactly what you are aiming for: if it is LTR, be it LTR then - present yourself as LTR guy always to that girl, never try to be a fuck boy. She needs to know what you want, and you can't change it.... That's the Solid Frame.... The "never chase" simply means that you have to be mature. Mature guys don't chase, they know their value, why have choices, and they won't sell themselves cheap... if she wants to go - let her go, cut all the contact with her, never contact her, unless she contacts you first... Remember, if you have real value as a man, many girls will come back...
* Know her value. Don't try to sell yourself to her, let her sell herself to you. Will she be a potential good mom? Is she bipolar, anxious,depressed, popping lots of antianxiety and antidepressant and antipain pills? Back off right there, she doesn't worth it... on the other hand, does she take a good care of herself? Natural approach? Excercise? What is her social circle, is she hanging around with sluts or married women? You want her to hang around married women, duh, you want quality girl. Check her FB, how many male followers she has? Check her family - mom married and divorced 5 times? Or faithful? These are HUGE clues, there are of course always exceptions, however it is more likely that you will get exactly what you see.... So again, plan ahead, focus on girls that fit into what you want... Never sell yourself cheap, it's better to be alone than be sold undervalued...
* Lastly, build your confidence. You are 1.65 and bald. And? You have to believe and behave like high value man, that is what really matters... If you believe it, they will believe it as well...

Good enough...

 

[GeneralFap]

Honestly, if you have the money i suggest you go to a bootcamp. It will speed up your learning exponentially and tell you what youre doing wrong and how to showcase your best qualities.

 

[morad]

I recommend that you only focus on making what's closest in reach to your current reality a norm until it's not a huge deal anymore and this will help you not get overly intimidated and feel like you're spinning your wheels.
-Rob

Hey Rob. Thank you for the time you to took to answer. What you say here actually resonates with me ! I understand now why escalating into kissing or sex seems so impossible. I have to take small steps until I get confortable with more. It actually seems so obvious now. Your approach definitely makes sense and the first steps seem far less intimidating than what I was trying to do ! I will definitely use this approach.

* Keep it simple, don't overgame. In girls eyes, you are just a guy. Show that you are mature, show them what you are looking for (I'm assuming LTR), show interest ingirls.... Remember, the KEY is in Number Game - the more girls you meet the more girls will be open to you...

Thank you Drck. Well, I'm both looking for LTR and casual sex. Actually, just kissing would be enough for now as I've never done anything. ;-) I understand now how important it is to approach MANY MANY girls and not just the few I asked out each year.

Honestly, if you have the money i suggest you go to a bootcamp. It will speed up your learning exponentially and tell you what youre doing wrong and how to showcase your best qualities.

Thanks. I had never thought of that !

 

[Seppuku]

Hey Morad,

It's very good that you decided to take action now...Else your problem is not going to get any easier later.

The other guys gave some very solid advice. I just want to add a couple of comments.

* About first time sex. Chase had an article recently about paying for sex. I am generally against that for myself, but in your case it could make some sense? Hire a good looking professional and experience it with her a few times. The immediate benefit for you is that, at least, you won't be afraid of feeling stupid in front of your first girl. That's one less barrier to overcome. Well, see for yourself if it makes some sense. If you go that route, just make sure you don't get addicted, 3 or 4 times then stop. If you get addicted, then it will divert your drive from learning the real solution to the problem (game). And... Condom, condom!

* About looking good. Like Chase says all round in his writing, there are many things you can fix. Get fit, improve your dressing, take care of your physical appearance, the way you walk, the way you stand. It's nothing different than what girls are doing. So many "hot" girls out there, once you remove all clothes and make up, are not so hot anymore. They just make the maximum they can with what they have. Just do the same. This should be your first step. You'll

Now, Mr Rob gave you the best description of the steps to expect in your learning. It is a two to three years learning process if you're diligent and motivated. Don't give up!

Cheers,
Seppuku

 

[morad]

It is a two to three years learning process if you're diligent and motivated. Don't give up!

Thanks for the advice Seppuku. 2/3 years. I'm trying to let that sink it. That's where the battle will be won or lost. Working each week towards that goal without giving up.

 

[Yhaceed]

If it helps you think of it as if you were 13. Many of us became more confident around girls at that age maybe even younger. One of my best friends at that age lost his virginity when he was about 10. Now of course he was dealing with little girls but if they're into you they'll make it easy no matter what age. I finally told a girl I liked her when I was about 13 but she didn't feel the same way so it didn't really make a difference. Mind you I was very nervous about that but it definitely got easier afterward. When I was 14 I made it my goal (actually New Years resolution) that year to have my first girlfriend and get my first kiss which took about 3 months to get a girlfriend and not until the summer to get my first kiss. My buddies wanted me to go further and lose my virginity but I wasn't ready. That would come later but could have happened sooner probably had I wanted it to. I think the key was that when I made that resolution I had to talk to girls to find one that like me enough for a relationship. With one girl that I kissed when I was 16 her friend made it easy for me telling me she wants to do this and this. So I did it. Another one took the initiative ( after I had already made my interest known verbally and taking her on a date) herself by being by pulling me into her and kissing my neck. Now I'm only telling you all this because at that age it varies for all of us but they can make it easy for you if they know you're interested. And it doesn't necessarily have to be any harder as you get older. So when you say you need to let the time frame "sink" in it may or may not take that long. If you talk to a lot of women it may happen faster. Of course this is about not getting frustrated if you're not where you want to be after a certain number of women. So I guess what I'm trying to tell you is to focus on what you can right now and then see what happens. Don't worry about 2-3 years from now. You'll know that time will pass quickly anyway. Also personally after coming to this site and putting my fundamentals together at the same time which I hadn't really done before I saw women doing things almost immediately revealing they were interested. For example if you work out but you're not huge or you're pretty far from your goal (as I am) it doesn't mean girls won't notice it anyway. They can tell after a few weeks of it that you do and it ups your value right away. Seriously (and I'm just talking about fundamentals ) also around this time I was at my aunts birthday party and a neighbor that I've known for a long time was obviously attracted to me but I didn't know it until that night. I mean she tried to kiss me but I only let her get a peck close to my lips. If I wasn't involved with someone it's likely a little more would have happened at least. Of course everyone's results are different but I'm just talking about things like fashion, having a haircut, working out and this was the result and women have never made it so obvious the way they feel as after I got a few things down. So I don't know what you need to do but you may get lucky. I think we all do actually. We're just able to read women's signs and know when we can capitalize from studying this site. So good luck my friend. I hope this was useful.

~Yhaceed

 

[Raqimus]

Congratulations on starting this journey Everyone has already covered everything... I just wanted to congratulate and help motive you!

 

[Seppuku]

hey morad,

Thanks for the advice Seppuku. 2/3 years. I'm trying to let that sink it. That's where the battle will be won or lost. Working each week towards that goal without giving up.

Just to be clear, 2 to 3 years is what it takes to start becoming good at seduction, given the right efforts. But don't let that scare you! Most guys here get a girl much before that, like 6 months or so. What it takes is to apply yourself at it diligently and regularly. It can be done!

Good luck,
Seppuku

 

[morad]

Thanks guys. I understand. I have decided not to think about the time it will take but just work my way up diligently. I have already started practicing some of the advice I got from this thread and the fundamentals from Chase's book. I talk to women around me just for the sake of it, just to get used to making conversations. I can even manage to be playful. I find the fundamentals help in all areas of life as it gives and shows a lot of self confidence. I will keep you posted with my progress. Thank you for your words of encouragement. They do help !!

 

[NealIRC]

How did I end up a virgin at 36 ? I was always very attracted to girls but I hardly tried dating them.

That's only half of it. The other half of it is - women didn't try to date you either.

Later in my life, I managed to go on a date with 3 separate girls but I failed to escalate each time ending up in the friend loser zone.

At the same time, they also failed to escalate with you to.

For every time you didn't do ____ with girl, the same is true the other way around.

Neal.

 

[ResentMasculinity]

there are many guys in Japan like you