A conversation routine for introverts?

[Incredible]

Hello guys,

this site helped me to understand some important things, but I was born as an introvert and my problem is that I run quickly out of things to talk about. I think I can make an opening, I could do some escalation, but I would need some conversation schema, some routine, a list of topics that I could stick with. This is puzzling me the most. I know sometimes is less talking more, but not if you don't talk just because you don't know what to talk about - it is just awkward.

Let's say you stop a girl on a street or you open a girl in a cafeteria and you have to spend a hour or two with her. What do you usually talk about with girls? What are you telling to her all the time and how does your conversation routine looks like right after opening and later? How do you find the topics?

 

[Sandman]

Hey Incredible,

Check out the conversation articles in the blog. Especially the ones regarding questions you should ask her.

Here are a couple:

https://www.girlschase.com/content/20-th ... ates-girls

https://www.girlschase.com/content/what- ... st-ask-her

The gist is keep her talking about good topics (dreams, motivations, things she find interesting/important) by asking questions and relating to her answers. If you get her talking like this you won't have to do much talking yourself.

 

[Bboy100]

An introvert is not someone who talks little. An introvert is someone who is drained by social situations and needs time on his own to recover (as opposed to an extrovert who feels energized by social interaction). Introversion has NOTHING to do with your conversation skills (contrary to popular belief).

If you're having trouble creating conversation, there are a myriad of potential reasons. But introversion is not one of them.

As for a "routine". I strongly recommend staying away from bs like that. Do you use "routines" when you talk to your friends? Do you use them when you talk to girls you're not interested in? Probably not right?
So they're probably not a normal part of social interactions. Instead, I would recommend learning how to talk to strangers naturally. This time, effort and experience. But it feels more natural and is frankly, more effective than having premeditated conversations.

 

[Incredible]

Thanks guys,

I understand what Bboy100 mean, but aren't there any points you are repeatedly using and developing them even further by the repetition? I've read https://www.girlschase.com/content/20-things-talk-about-dates-girls before and I'm trying to remember the topics like dreams, motivations, things she find interesting/important, but those are the things that you could talk to anybody (including family members, customers, colleagues) about if you have some free time. Maybe the question is not only what topics to use but also how to talk about them. What is the difference when you talk to your beloved aunt and to a girl you just stopped?

Anyway, if you knowingly and reapeatedly use some conversation elements or have some procedure I would be eager to hear it.

 

[Bboy100]

but aren't there any points you are repeatedly using and developing them even further by the repetition?

Yes and no. There are some topics which come up sooner or later because they're all emotionally relevant to all people (e.g. family, friends, other relevant people in their lives, life dreams/aspirations, pets etc.). BUT, by deciding to talk about them beforehand, you've mixed up order, which actually matters a lot. See...the only questions you should really be repeating with every girl are small talk related questions which are used to jump into deeper conversation (e.g. what do you do? What's your major? What do you do in your free time? etc.). After that, your conversation should be tailored to her responses. Conversation is not a checklist of topics to talk about. Its a tool used to find out more about the person you're talking to. As such, predeciding what you're going to talk about makes no sense. Why? Because each person is different, and therefore has different values and different things to contribute! So why would the conversation be the same with everyone? That makes no sense right?

Additionally, by predeciding what to talk about, it makes you sound ingenuine and robotic. Like you're checking off a box on your list. ...Don't get me wrong. It works (sometimes), but it's not nearly as effective as having a genuine curiosity for who she actually is a as a person.

So instead, what I would recommend you do is thus: take on the mindset of "I want to find out something interesting about this person". Once you do that, you'll find you'll ask the right questions and hit on all the relevant topics naturally. Because you'll eventually inevitably run into something about her which catches your interest (and probably hers as well). Then, since your goal is to find out more, given that you've been paying attention, you'll naturally ask specific, pointed and meaningful questions around this topic. This will draw out insightful and meaningful responses from her. This is how you truly connect with people, and how you create some of the best conversations you'll ever have. Whereas if you just relied on certain topics or "routines", you would just be asking random questions aimlessly, which really gets you almost no where.

 

[Big Daddy]

Thanks guys,

I understand what Bboy100 mean, but aren't there any points you are repeatedly using and developing them even further by the repetition?

I recall Marty once saying that when he was talking to a girl he imagined this spotlight on him that would eventually create some "tension" to bring the topic back to her and things would be normal. That helped me quite a bit and goes to say that you're focusing on the wrong thing.

You have to understand that you don't "need" to speak in a date; the best dates are the one where I make 5% of the talking. I'm only focused on finding more about this beauty and my only mission is:

- get her talking more about herself; creating comfort by relating back to her and steering the convo to where I'd like
- rewarding her/punishing her about shit she does or say; "I like sucking dicks" gets a reward
- making wit remarks about sex
- disqualifying myself as a bf while communicating that I'd like to fuck her, but I don't actually feel that way with every women; so she's somewhat special

That said,

viewtopic.php?f=4&t=12476&p=63406&hilit=cheat#p63406

 

[Incredible]

Actually, your points appears to be useful to me. I didn't mean to rattle 50% or more of time, but even if it is 5% it is still important how u use it. Something like this I imagined. Even if it is not directly about topics, it is what steers your conversation . Maybe a routine is not a good word. Thanks!

 

[Big Daddy]

It will depend on the girl. Some girls will require a very, very push from you and will talk non-stop; these will connect with you very fast. Other ones will you give you lots of shit and you get to get a lot of compliance from the to get them talking.

But in either case those questions should help you steering the convo to where you want. I would only put more sex talk and sex question in there.