A girl does not want to speak with me

[Pablo678]

First of all, I want to say that my english is not very good, but I will try to explain my problem as well as I can.

I am 17, and I want to meet a girl who is in my school but is not in my class. I know her because we have friends in common and we have met as a group. When I try to speak to her, she says a very short answer and she goes to speak to another person.
My best friend, who is also her best friend, told me that she does not want to date with anybody at this moment. I can understand this, but I do not know why she does not speak to me. She is very sociable and very outgoing.

Although we do not speak too much, when we went to a party two months ago, she saw that I was bored and she asked me to dance with her. We both had a great time.

What can I do to become important to her and maybe date someday? What do you think?

Thank you very much!

 

[ray_zorse]

First of all, meet more women. You cannot control an individual woman's behaviour. You can control women's reactions to you in general by becoming a sexy-ass motherfucker following the instructions on this site. But in individual cases so many things can happen, you can be fucked over by circumstances, or maybe you fucked up somewhere, or maybe she just doesn't like you for her own reasons... doesn't matter, the only reasonable approach is to control the factors you can control -- so act nice to this girl, don't supplicate, have good body language, try to have preselection (flirt with other girls in her presence)... but above all, have a high turnover of women in your life. Quickly investigate whether they're down for dating/relationship/sex with you and take it as far as you can with each girl and move on. There is no point getting all hung up on any one girl.

Now as to your specific interaction, if she was warm and receptive to you and you danced together and now she's cold and aloof, it's highly likely you fucked up somewhere, for example by missing an escalation window, as described in this article. To put this on context suppose you danced together and she said "it is very warm in here, let's go outside for some fresh air" (girltalk for I really like you, please take me somewhere private and kiss me) and you replied "it's not that warm, anyway we can get a drink over there" and then made bullshit polite conversation with her in the bar queue until she lost interest in you and turned away. That would be a missed escalation window. She'd be thinking "OMG this guy must hate me, either that or he just doesn't have a clue!! I put my whole reputation on the line for him because I really liked him and he just threw it back in my face!! OMG I have acted like a slut because of this guy!! What an asshole!!".

The only reasonable way to recover from a missed window is through preselection, let her see you flirting with lots of girls and she MIGHT take it as being the first option (you just didn't like her that much because you have lots of options and she has to work harder to get you) rather than the second option (you are clueless about women). But if you are capable of doing this, you don't need her ass anyway. So just move on.

Ray

 

[normajean106]

To put this on context suppose you danced together and she said "it is very warm in here, let's go outside for some fresh air" (girltalk for I really like you, please take me somewhere private and kiss me) and you replied "it's not that warm, anyway we can get a drink over there" and then made bullshit polite conversation with her in the bar queue until she lost interest in you and turned away. That would be a missed escalation window. She'd be thinking "OMG this guy must hate me, either that or he just doesn't have a clue!! I put my whole reputation on the line for him because I really liked him and he just threw it back in my face!! OMG I have acted like a slut because of this guy!! What an asshole!!".

This is too true, unfortunately.