a-jay's journal

[Sophisticated Gent]

a-jay,

All of this background certainly changes my position on your relationship with this girl. I think you did the right thing. It is a lot more complicated than I knew. I would be guarded also. I thought maybe I could provide some incite into girls approaching guys. It sounds like you have read up on this.

I have a story which may add some incite or maybe not. About 18 to 19 years ago I was in my mid 30s. I new engineer came to work for the company I work for. Her name is Amy and she is 24 years old. I was out of town on business her first day so when I got back I introduced myself. My first impression was that she was kinda cute (the true this she is an HB9, very pretty. The kind most guys drool over.). I was married with 2 small children and had no intent of rocking the boat. She was the aggressor. First she started asking me to after work drinks with the gang from work. I avoided these and I thought she was just being nice and inviting me like everyone else. Then on day I caved and decided to go. I get to the bar and she comes up right off the bat. I get normal I want you crap like What do you think about this gal (bid titty slutty gal that works at the bar), super attentive and so on. She says lets play pool. We play against a couple of other coworkers and win. She says we make a great team. I definitely could have had her that evening but I was not going there. So in the coming weeks she is escalating things to where she ask me out on two dates. I is related to the work group on a float trip but the second is going with her to a local festive which has nothing to do with the work gang. Again I turn her down. She is not happy but is the most determined girl I have ever met. We work together for another 4 to 5 years. She is constantly trying to get my attention. I finally change jobs. I see her maybe once a year or so at like a funeral for a past coworker or something. Then about three months ago my company starts to rep her company. She comes to our office to work through the details with others in my office. She stops by my office while I am with a co-worker. She stands in the doorway and ask how I am doing. I give her the general fine and remain distant. She goes on about the business with others. Then on her way out she stops by to say goodbye. I say goodbye and she leaves. One of my coworkers comes running in my office. Who was that? (drooling) My other coworker says "SGents friend" I smile because they have no idea of your past. Now there are two other guys that she worked with in the past that now work at my company. My office is between them so she when past both of their offices. She knows them very well. One actually worked for her while at the other company. So after she left I asked them if she came by and talked to them. They both said no. She still has feeling for me.

So I did I go through all of this. It is my belief that when a woman sees you as BF material her expiration date can be very long. This is especially true if you never returned the interest. Her relationship don't matter. This girl has been married, has two kids been divorced and engaged again in the time I have known her. I truly believe I could call her up right now, go on a date and bed her. But I am BF material to her and she would become more chasing than before. Your girl may have you in the BF zone. From what I have read you really haven't returned much interest. She may still consider you a potential BF. Of course I could be totally wrong but it is a possibility. Should this change the what you do with her? No, but it may give you some incite into where she is at. One side note, Amy is still and HB9 at 42 years old. One of the rare ones.

SGent

 

[Lover]

SGent

I can relate to your story to some degree, but it's another girl from a very long time ago. Whether your case with Amy applies to May or not, I have decided to not overthink what she could think of me or how she could feel about me. When you mentioned her, I was in an emotional fog that temporarily blinded me. Because of our past I don't want to go there. To be in the moment, I can't allow myself to get distracted by her. I'm protecting myself because of how I felt about her. Whether she sees me as potential to become BF, lover, friend or orbiter, I don't want her in my life as things are now. I want to focus on myself and my ambitions for education, sport and pickup. I know you're not advicing me to do otherwise (just to clear things). But I do appreciate your two cents on this!

Imagine that Amy felt this way about you - and 20 years later, nothing has changed. I broke up with my ex GF seven years ago. Would love to see how she felt about me in 13 years...

 

[Lover]

A quick update

**The field**

Thursday: went to the gym. On my way back home I approached two strangers (women, that is) just asking about the time again. It seemed more natural than Wednesday.

Friday: went to a party at my friend's campus. We were here for an hour or so because he was driving and had to get up early. First I talked to a tall brunette with beautiful green eyes, second I talked to a short blond girl at the bar. In both cases I was just practising the following
- Conversation: Turning the conversation sexual, which I failed to do. But I had great conversation with both.
- Fundamentals: body posture and voice tonality. Went great.
- Touch: went great. In my past I didn't bother touching people. But I'm slowly getting it down. When I barely know girls, I stick to half hugs from the side and pushing lightly on their arm when we banter.
- Gaining momentum: I had already been with my friend for two hours before he decided to tell me about the party (he's been avoiding parties the last year). Talking with these girls made me want to keep going, but time constraints beat me to it
- Mindset: have fun and see what happens.

I have also been to work a lot these days. Here I focus on body posture and voice tonality as well as conversation skills and some sale techniques. I managed to apply a chase frame with a girl a couple of days ago. I had my back turned against her when she entered. I turned my head enough too see in my peripherals that she was looking at me. So when she was ready to tell me what she wanted to buy, I said playfully "oh, here you are, checking me all out" (winking). She laughed and played along, replying "now that I had the chance, I wouldn't waste it". I'm certain you wouldn't

 

[Lover]

**The field (Wednesday)**
So I went to a coffee shop yesterday and opened a girl (Marie). She's the first stranger I ever open during the day and have a conversation with that lasts longer than 10 seconds. We had conversation for like 3-4 minutes, mostly about her education. I number closed her, but she didn't respond to my ice breaker. I think it's a dead end, but just for the sake of it, I will try to set up for a meeting that involves coffee. I will put up a FR soon. The most important thing to remember here is that I opened her. I didn't chicken out like I usually do. I'm not ready to go dating her at all, I barely know how to open a girl. But as I wrote, I will try to set up a meeting just for the sake of it.

**Old friend reconnects**
Also, an old female friend of mine (Sascha) has gotten in touch with me again. We haven't met or talked for two or three years. She's actually cute, and our story goes waaaaaaaay back. We agreed to meet for a cup of coffee Friday next week, but I'm not sure what her intentions are. A friendly cup of coffee? Or is she trying her luck because she got single recently? (Thank you Facebook for that piece of information..) We'll see. I'll make sure to write the major things about our background if necessary.

**Thoughts about the cold approach**
Just keep going. The opening sequence is much more foreseeable now that I have tried it a few times. I just need to keep going and accept the nervousness inside of me when I'm about to approach.

 

[Lover]

So I met with my old friend Sascha today for a cup of coffee (see last post). The vibe was platonic, but when catching up we didn't talk about our educations and work only.. no no no, 80 % of conversation was about sex: about her ex bf and how he sucked in bed (even kissing he didn't do passionately), her rebounds afterwards, sexual restriction on women, being discrete, bad sex, good sex, some of my experiences vaguely explained while relating to her and so on. Her pupils were dilated most of the time, wonder if she got turned on, even just a little Because of our past (friendship since 2007-2008), I have a hard time seeing her as a lover and didn't make a move (my dick didn't even get hard at any point which happens normally during sex talk). If I missed a window, it should have been when she said in frustration "I haven't got laid in a month now". But her body language was relaxed, and we talked about sex as we would talk about any other topic. I have doubts whether it was all talk, but I actually enjoyed the conversation with her because recent conversations with other women are so boring (or rather, I suck at turning them sexual and exciting - one thing I need to work on).

I have been busy this whole week, thus no cold approaches. Must make sure I don't slack off

Oh, and I texted Marie. She stopped texting back after my message number two, and I think I know what went wrong. FR is up this weekend

 

[Lover]

No approaches lately. I have been too much in my head and not even gone out. But I've been hitting the gym regularly the last two weeks, so I'm in a good mood. Work situation is the same, practising fundamentals. I noticed my voice had gotten a little lighter, so I'm working my way back to the dark, deep, sexy one.

I can also feel that a predictable future is awaiting me because of my current career goals. How can I tell this? Because my everyday patterns change dramatically when I'm working hard. Example: I only slept 3-4 hours yesterday because I had to work morning shift. I didn't eat anything at work, only drank water and a cup of coffee. Hell, I only got a banana for breakfast. But I made it to the gym after work - that's a first after morning shifts. The difference in my pattern when I'm working hard vs. when I'm not is that when I'm working hard I get shit done. Excuses rarely occur when I'm working hard. So can't wait to see what happens in the future.

Also, I need to make seduction goals again and commit to them. I don't need much improvement in fundamentals and vibe currently, but in taking action. That's been my biggest obstacle this whole year. More about that in my next post

 

[Lover]

Just got home from downtown (night time). First, two guys approached me and asked for direction to a certain night club. I led them to it. It took us 5 minutes to get there, and we had a great talk on the way. Later I tried to open two girls. The first was a brunette. As we were passing each other on the street, I managed to summon a weak "hey" from my vocal folds. She ignored it. The second was a blond. She came from behind and walked fast in front of me. I tried a "going home already?" (It was 1 am at this point) but she ignored me or couldn't hear me.

I felt relieved after saying hey to the brunette. The blond didn't really matter. I went out alone during night time to see what was up - that's what matters for now

 

[Lover]

A conclusion of 2015

This is from my very first journal post. So I guess it's time for an update...

My current goals
- Improve my fundamentals and first-hand impression
- Improve my conversation skills
- Identify girls' indications of interest. When I learned of these, I could tell that I've been passing up many girls..
- Just approach new girls. With my current experience, I don't give a damn whether it's day or night game. Currently I just want to meet girls, gain lots of experience and then make my preferences
- Always push my limits and don't end up in a comfort zone.

Improve my fundamentals, first-hand impression and conversation skills
*I'm better dressed than ever but can still improve here
*My voice and eye contact can use a little improvement, but nothing significant.
*My social and conversation skills are better than ever. I'm good at opening people and relate to them, ask them about their dreams and so on. I should put a little more banter and humour into conversations, and try more topics to not feel that we have nothing left to talk about later on.
*I have noticed that my body language is better after a day of hard work, it's like I overcame some huge obstacle. But in general, it's great.
*My hair is probably what is doing worst because I'm balding on the top of my head and have been for over a year now. Next time my hair grows out of control, I'll go all bald.
*I'm unsure if I am making a sexy first-hand impression, but compared to a-jay a year ago, two years ago and waaaaaaaaay back, it's much much better

Identify girls' indications of interest
Before I talk to girls, I have no chance of recognizing any. This could be for whatever reason So I must look for these when I'm mid-conversation

Just approach new girls. Always push my limits and don't end up in a comfort zone
These two can only be done if I have a certain goal in mind and I commit to it. Recently a lot of funny question have popped up in my head (and unfortunately, I get stuck in it too often). Do I want girls bad enough? Do other things in life interest me more than girls? Is getting laid really worth it? I'll answer these a little below

What is the conclusion of the last year in my journal?
I'm taking too much of a theoretical approach to seduction. I should really just go approach lots of women and discuss theory later. I don't know what I'm trying to accomplish by this approach, but I guess it's something like "being as prepared as possible". But being prepared for what? To be as calibrated as possible in social situations. Why would I want this? Because this is what I always do - take my time to be as prepared as possible. I hate moving fast myself.. big changes in no time is a no-go for me because it drains me . I also want this because I sucked at it most of my life.

How can 2016 be better
*Improve my touch game
*Open anywhere daygame and accept whatever I feel during an approach.
*Qualify others and reward them for qualifying themselves. I'm tired of thinking of myself as inferior to or coming off with lesser value than any woman I want to approach. I know I'm high value.
*Post once every week in my journal instead of randomly. If I post too often, I get tired and then I post too little. If I post too little, I lose sight of my goal. For now, I'll keep it to one journal post per week.
*Get rid of my ego of seduction once and for all.
*Set a clear goal for seduction long-term.

Is getting laid really worth it? (setting a long-term goal)
This is the number one question I need to answer in order to continue my seduction path.
My answer is yes and no. I don't want to get laid by anyone. I don't want to have sex for the sake of sex (and in all honestly, I don't even have the skill set to pull this off yet). But I do want to get laid by a woman whom I feel connected to, who is high value to me and live up to my standards. Somebody I can turn into my girlfriend later. To me, the number of women I will lay my entire life won't even matter that much to me. That is not value to me. Even if I should have sex with 99 women to find out that number 100 is the one for me, then be it. But it is therefore I need to qualify women and open about anyone that lives somewhat up to my standards.

The above could also be denial.. that I can't see myself bang chicks left and right and thus, protecting my ego by saying "the number of sex partners is not value to me". But I doubt it. If I don't give it a shot, how am I even supposed to know?

Stuck in my head again, cutting off here... I want to find a girlfriend, and that's it. I know I can find one through social circle because it's the norm, but I want to see if cold approaching offers better options

Damn me and my theoritical approach to life...

 

[Lover]

I was about to write a long ass post again, so I'll keep it short.

No approaches this week.

But I was thinking I needed a change in mindset. So these last couple of days I tried to have a "I can do what I want, I don't give a fuck" kind of mentality, but in a (somewhat) fun and outcome independent way. What came out of it? ----> my motivational word from now is "Try". Simply try.

I shall try to achieve my goals

I shall try to get the results I desire

It's okay I get "rejected" trying to achieve my goals/get the results I desire. Who cares? I tried. BUT! I shall try again, maybe harder.

How did I accomplish anything in my life so far? By trying.

Try until success. That's how we get good at video games, chess, study, sport, anything. That's how I accomplish my goals. By trying.

I swear by this post, the word "try" is now the foundation of my life. Yes, of my whole life. No exceptions. Everything I want to do, I ought to try it. My life won't try if I don't.

Be a man of action

This is what I need right now to take action generally in my life. Less thinking and commit myself to trying. Once I'm trying something, there's no such thing as going out midway ---> by this, I mean because of lazyness. If I discover that I really don't want this anyway, then I'll quit, no worries. I tried something but didn't like it anyway. That happens. But nonetheless is it important that I go all the way.

So what will I try for the next few months? (until June/July)

- Finish my BSc in med school
- Work enough hours to get a good saving
- Keep myself in shape
- Cold approach women I would love to talk to

This is what I can manage for now. And I will make a specific time plan for when I do what.

Also, why this mindset shift? Because I'm really starting to hate myself for not doing what I came to GC for two years ago. Remember the reason you came here...