A report, anybody could figure it out and what should my next move be?

[syst3k]

Hey guys!

First of all, I introduce myself. I'm a 25 years old Physics student without having much experience of women, though I've been getting it and this site have already given me oh" moments so many times.

As for her: she's an experienced woman with having 10-20 sexual partners, she's also 25 years old. She has broken up with her boyfriend recently (like a few of weeks ago) and probably sees me as a boyfriend material.

Before the date/meeting:
I met her in mid-november (2016) for the first time, we grabbed some drinks. I was a bit flirty. the conversation was great, though she told me "I reunited with my boyfriend and he's even has some problems but I love him". That's why after the meeting I cut the contact with her. An information: She needed to travel much more by public transport than me.

Next time (about 28-30 Dec), she wrote to me "she needs help with her laptop" via facebook, and could I help her? I could and did but I told her "get me something good wine in return". We were in my home. The conversation again was great, a bit flirty I was too. Then, she told me "I'm fed up with my boyfriend and prorbalby I'll have broken up with him by next summer".

So a week ago I decided to ask her out so I texted her via fb "x name, Hey, what's your schedule looks like?" She immediately told me when she was free, and I told her when and where we'd go to meet.

The day when the date was (2 days ago), she texted me "hope I wont meet my ex boyfriend acciddentally, and our meeting still good?" (that guy lives quite near to me). She needed to travel much more by public transport again than me.

My plan was getting her into the bed (I want her to be my girlfriend anyways).

So we went to a bar which is near to me (10-15 mins on foot). She told me "Next time, I'll tell the place where we'll go to".
The time was 6 PM.

The Bar
She liked the place. Our converstaion started with jobs, studies, travellings, relationships, astronomy, sociology, psyhology, and sex. I touched her hand, and asked her to show me her rings and her arm tattoo, she showed me both of them. I complimented her fashion. We laughed a lot and had a good time I guess. I told her "I love being single and stuff." I drank two glasses of beer and she drank two glasses of wine. After the last glass of drink (at 8:30 PM), I told her "what would you say if we continued it in my place with having music (our music taste is similar which is important to her) and something drink?" She immediately told me "no, I want to get home and to take a rest and your home is too far away from me, much more than this bar". I tried to persist with "just for 5 minutes and if you want to leave after that, you will, I promise". She laughed at it "what is it good for 5 minutes?" and "sometime I'm able to be persuaded, but it's not this time, and don't be stupid we'll meet again and sorry for ruining your plan". I told her "not surely, we can't count on it, and it depends on my mood" she responded "yeah its 50/50 for me too". so we said goodbye.
When she got home, she texted me:
her: I got home even though you didn't ask it
me: you're fast as much as the lightning
her: of course
me: we said goodbye like 2 mins ago
her: I lost my time feeling then
me: the time doesn't exist, though I'm happy to know you got home
her: thanks that place, sweet dreams... xoxoxoxoxoxo
me: you too :*

yesterday I linked a tune to her via fb, she responded it immediately that's a great track and tried to force something conversation a bit, but I don't want to be her platonic fb friend, so I didn't let her to get me on fb.

what should I do now? Guys, I'm lost... I don't want to chase her even though I like her.

 

[Seppuku]

Hey syst3k,

Cheers from a former Physics student (well, that was... before you were born hahaha).

I'm sorry to break it, man, but for as much as I'd like to help you, this doesn't look too good. Don't let the "I will maybe leave my boyfriend in summer" fool you. She's with this other guy, and she's framed you in friend zone / orbiter status.

That probably happened the first time you two met. If she had been interested in you, and serious about dropping the BF, she would have "forgotten" to mention him altogether.

The friend zone was confirmed when she came to your home and nothing sexual happened. Instead, she had you help her with her laptop. You cannot afford to take a girl in your home and not try to fuck her. That's what friends do.

For her, you're now established as a harmless and useful chap. She feels safe with you, she's confident she can walk you in the park the way she wants. She will use you for validation and keep you hoping as an orbiter with her BS story about "maybe dropping her BF later". You have to imagine that the whole time (since mid november) she's been copiously shagged by this other guy while letting you help her with her laptop, and take her out for drinks when she's bored.

Your latest date: there were some good things (touch, complimenting her fashion, attempt to pull...) but this came way too late when she had already put you in the "friend zone" no man's land. It is very difficult to come back from there.

There is no absolute certainty in matters of seduction, there is no "zero chance" strictly speaking. But this case is going to be very hard to reverse, if at all. If you decide to pursue, it is going to suck you a lot of energy and time and worries. Not worth it, in my opinion. You always stand much better chances with a brand new, fresh girl. That's where I would advise you to put your efforts.

If I have to take a guess, I would say that she figured you out on the very first time, on your overall experience level with women, as a potential sex partner. Again, otherwise she would have "forgotten" to mention the BF altogether. I would guess, you were too easy to read. So for the next time, and from the very beginning of any new interaction with a girl, focus on one thing: building tension, keep her guessing. You're a closed book.

And you do that mostly with your non verbals, making sure your body language does not give you away, but also by avoiding too straightforward answers.

OK man, anyway by engaging these boards you did a very good thing. The guys here are ready and willing to help you.

Cheers,
Seppuku

 

[syst3k]

Hey Seppuku, (or shall I say colleague?)

Thank you for your opinion and suggestions at first.

I tried to avoid that friendzone thing, that's why I asked her to give me some good wine in return for her laptop, and when she came to my house, we weren't alone at all, that was the main reason that I didn't try to get her into bed. I've already read about "logistical thing" on the site but then I hadn't any other option expect checking her laptop in public (there was cold as fuck in the late December). She's now being single, does it mean anything good? and what about her place? I mean, i wasn't there yet, how could me and her be managed to get there? to be specific, she lives about 35-40 mins from the downtown (about one and half hours from me) and I live about 30 mins from the downtown by PT. There are lots of bars and stuff in the downtown that's why we will probably meet there next time if she doesn't want to invite me to her house on her own or I don't try to invite her to my place again.

I'm having "many" (3-4) girl options right now, but she's the one of them who's similar to me generally and looks good enough.

and one more question, what about kissing her next time in a "bar" or a place something like that?

English isn't my mother tongue so hope everything was clear! She had been single for about a week or two when we met last time. She didn't tell me when she broke up with that bf.

 

[Seppuku]

Hey,

Hey Seppuku, (or shall I say colleague?)when she came to my house, we weren't alone at all, that was the main reason that I didn't try to get her into bed.

Yeah, so it's not your fault that you couldn't escalate. But for her it's all the same, whether it's under your control or not. It didn't result in an escalation. You didn't try to fuck her when you had the chance. Remember, it's not coming from a rational and conscious thinking. It's more at the instinctual level.

but then I hadn't any other option expect checking her laptop in public (there was cold as fuck in the late December).

It would have been best to avoid the "help her on the laptop". The wine doesn't compensate. If you don't want to be treated like a friend, don't act like one. How many decades it took me to understand this, is now summarized to you in one sentence. LOL.

I've already read about "logistical thing"

The logistical thing is huge. It's critical to seduction. It the "necessary condition": no logistic, no seduction. It is your job to prepare the logistic ahead of the date. Have a plan. Know where will you bring her.

and what about her place? I mean, i wasn't there yet, how could me and her be managed to get there?

Some guys are able to pull this out (Alek here). I find it difficult. Many variables not under control here. How about if she doesn't live alone there? Then it's the same situation you already faced at your home, except that it's not your home. You may have to prepare the ground during the date, by discreetly asking her about her place, if she's alone, etc... But you don't know the outcome until the middle of the date. What will you do if it turns out that it's impossible at her place? Much better to have your own logistic plan available before the date.

I'm having "many" (3-4) girl options right now, but she's the one of them who's similar to me generally and looks good enough.

Again, you have much higher chances with a brand new girl, rather than with one who already friend zoned you. If really you want to try again, give it *one* more try. You could be spending the next six months of your life chasing her with no result in the end. Your time and energy will be much better spent elsewhere. There are tons of girls out there who will sleep with you no questions asked. So, in the same time you spent pursuing a difficult girl, you could have many girls in your bed easily. Food for thought. So you give it one more try, and if it doesn't work, you just *move on* to the other options.

And on another note, the other options will not be here forever. Don't wait for them to be gone, too.

and one more question, what about kissing her next time in a "bar" or a place something like that?

Don't kiss her in public. It's socially embarrassing for her. And if you don't have a place to escalate right after that, it won't help you. I personally only go for the kiss if I'm just about to fuck her. On the last stages of the escalation.

She had been single for about a week or two when we met last time. She didn't tell me when she broke up with that bf.

Even if it's true, it doesn't change a thing to the above.

OK good luck, and keep us informed of what happens finally.

Seppuku
PS. Your english was fine. Its not my native language as well, and I understood it all.

 

[syst3k]

You just answered all my questions, thanks! As for her place, I've already known she lives there alone, though I've never tried a thing like that before... I'll let you know about the result (I thought the same as you said "one more try").

Have fun till then,

 

[syst3k]

So, it didn't work out! I asked her out again, but she told me that she was busy, and then I let her to ask me out which didnt happen! so probably I got friendzoned as you said but thank the god I didn't chase her and moved on! I'll write another post of questions, if you have freetime for it, feel free to suggest anything

syst3k