AA antidotes I tell myself

[Conquistador]

I felt like randomly sharing two things I occasionally tell myself to beat AA.

1. “She’ll be more nervous than I am.” This is true surprisingly often, at least with 18-25 girls.
2. “There’s a good chance she has a boyfriend. In which case, she’ll probably be super chill about getting approached. Nothing to stress about.”

What do you guys tell yourselves?

 

[DarkKnight]

"How do I handle the logistics, will I be interrupted, how much social pressure is there on the girl, is she with friends"

Not AA antidote but not feeling AA generally

Oh wait this is on the beginner board. Now I get the question better.

You can use visualization, you can use warm up sets where you "dont care" but the girl can suddenly like you.

 

[Conquistador]

Oh wait this is on the beginner board. Now I get the question better.

My intent was more along the lines of just trying to start a random but interesting discussion out of boredom

you can use warm up sets where you "dont care" but the girl can suddenly like you.

I do that sometimes but in certain circumstances it feels somehow wrong to intentionally lead a girl on, even for three minutes. More and more, some girls will just love my fundamentals even if I don’t reciprocate the attraction.

 

[DarkKnight]

You are not promising anyone marriage, if it makes you feel better these girls like to flirt with guys without following it up as well.

 

[James D]

"I'm nervous but I'll approach that beautiful sexy girl. If it goes well, fantastic. If it fails, well, at least I showed up as a man. At least I moved towards what attracted me."

 

[Police dog]

you can use warm up sets where you "dont care" but the girl can suddenly like you.

To add to this: warm up sets don’t even have to be with girls, just in general having some brief interactions with few random people you approached will set you in a more social mood, google flow state.

 

[DarkKnight]

No for AA warm up sets is better with girls. Dont agree with that at all. Good for social momentum maybe to talk to normal people. But rather talks with some cute girls for momentum to go for the dimes

 

[Conquistador]

No for AA warm up sets is better with girls. Dont agree with that at all. Good for social momentum maybe to talk to normal people. But rather talks with some cute girls for momentum to go for the dimes

I have mixed feelings about this. Because social momentum and seduction momentum are not completely separate, or at least shouldn’t be. To think of game as separate from normal social interactions isn’t a particularly healthy mindset.

 

[DarkKnight]

"Healthy", what are you a doctor? Do you feel AA when talking to some chump?

I dont consider regular social interactions as warmup set. Hell would mean I am warming up the entire day

 

[Conquistador]

Here’s another one.

“You’re a cut above all the uncalibrated randos she’s used to getting approached by”

 

[Kaida]

I felt like randomly sharing two things I occasionally tell myself to beat AA.

1. “She’ll be more nervous than I am.” This is true surprisingly often, at least with 18-25 girls.
2. “There’s a good chance she has a boyfriend. In which case, she’ll probably be super chill about getting approached. Nothing to stress about.”

What do you guys tell yourselves?

One thing I’ve been doing is forcing myself to stick to what I tell myself, inspired by @Will_V

Over time, this becomes a deeply ingrained habit that you can use to spring yourself into action regardless of how you feel. Its like your mouth controls your body. Im not always consistent (I try to be), but it still helps a ton.


Just the other day I saw a cute girl surrounded by a bunch of guys - didnt want to deal with all that. I was pretty nervous and my momentum was at 0 since I hadnt really talked to people the whole day, but I told myself out loud “If I see that girl alone, I will approach”. Now that I’ve said it, I just have to do it.

Few minutes later in a different area, the girl comes walking by me. I approached without hesitation. That simple.

If you choose to make this a habit, make sure it applies to every area. If you say you’re going to be at the gym 9:30, get there on time. If you say your going to beat someones ass if he runs his mouth, and he proceeds to run his mouth, you now have to beat his ass. Makes you very careful of what you say

I also always pat myself on the back for approaching no matter how the interaction went so I get that winner effect boost.

 

[leadingbealwaysido]

Love this thread.

I could be speaking about this for days! Actually I used to have social anxiety, so I know quite a lot about this.

And instead of just giving you a line you can tell yourself i want to break down the whole model I learned by hacking my social anxiety. So I will try to the best of my ability to explain the dynamics at play in approach anxiety. Il try to make it painstakenly simple for you.

First you need to have clarity about you purpose in life, I will come back to why this is piviotal for getting over AA. I believe everybody has a life purpose and your fulfillment in life will be to the degree you are able to live authenthic to your purpose. Too many people are trying to live everybody elses life purpose instead of our own. This comes from a deep seated shame. The feeling of not being good enough.

If something support your purpose in life (your values and priorities) it is good, if something challenges your purpose in life it is bad. IN YOUR perception (mind).

However the truth is thatthe event is neither good or bad, but you choose to judge it as good or bad.

So let's go DEEP here... So you are not seing actuality (what objectively is), you see a REality based on your value judgements. This is how two people can be witness to the same event, but have different emotions from the same thing. One might think the person was rude the other did not have that perception of rude at all. Or when everybody is watching a movie at the cinema and all people have a different emotional experience of what they see.

So you live in a REality based on your value judgement (support or challenge to your purpose).

You can be more or less connected to your life purpose. like this:

Purpose, highest priority
Objectivity
"I choose to" / " I love to"
"Life is happening for me"
Activates best part of the brain
Inspiration, presence, disipline, dedication, focus, love
------
------
------
------
------
------
------
------
Frustration, stress, procrastination, black/white thinking
Activated most primitive part of the brain
"Life is happening against me"
Subjectivity
"I need to" / "I have to"
Ego, lowest priority
​

The more you live in your purpose, the more objective you are, you are not in black/white thinking. You see challenges as on the way when you see the challenge helping you towards your purpose.

So talking about approach anxiety... It basically is about fear of rejection, you want to avoid the "bad" experience of being rejected.

However, you cannot have a bad experience about someone rejecting that 1+2=3

it is just factual correct that 1+2=3

People can have their opinion, but you know the facts.

So you can only have a bad experience of something you partly agree with.

And when someone rejects you, you are actually getting information on what you already reject in yourself. That you still have not learned to love.

Have you ever had a really bad experience, to see 5 or 10 years later to become grateful for it. Now you can see that it was a ON the way and not IN the way in your life (purpose). And you are not thinking black/white anymore. So if someone comes and says, oh that event was very bad, but you say to this person, no actually now i am grateful for it, it was an important part of my journey.

And here is where the magic comes in that even the legend Mystery would be impressed about... You do not need 1 month, 3 years or 10 years or a lifetime to find the meaning for a bad experience. you can do it here and NOW.

So following the law of balance, life has pain and pleasure, challenge and support, positive and negative. And when you find something meaningful you will endure the pain in pursuit of its goal. Your purpose is what is the most meaningful for you.

So when you can define what you truly are afraid of when approaching a girl. You can easily link whatever that is this to your purpose. so you start to see meaning in the rejection, you see the value in it. And that dissolves the approach anxiety.

There is actually another dynamic of this that we have not adressed, and it is the unsexy part of this process.

And that is how big your fantasy is about the result you are looking for. What I am talking about here is basically needyness.

The more you need the girl to accept you the more you are going to experience approach anxiety. You are basically delegating your own self-worth to someone outside of yourself. And because you see way more positives than negative, the law of balance comes in to make sure you get back to balance. Because it is unsustainable and your mind/brain is designed to create fear to bring you back to balance to actually break the fantasy you have about the result.

Understand this and you will actually be able to embody freedom of outcome and non-needyness as the legends of PU have been talking about. and you can unleash your true confidence. In my world I call this self-love.

Also worth noting for something you can tell yourself as a reminder... Everybody has their own purpose, and if you support their authenthic priorities and purpose, they will accept and open up to you. But if they cannot percieve you being supportive to their life they will close down. So rejection has nothing to do with you as a person, it has to do with how you are coming across in the moment to this individual. communicate yourself effectivly and you have someone who accepts you. If you fail the person will reject you.

Again, rejection is not about you as a person, it is about the other persons priorities and value judgement. That is something powerful to say to yourself when you experience an rejection because of taking it personally you understand that in this moment i was not able to communicate myself effectivly towards what was important to this person.

That is why my date game is so powerful, because I find out what they true priorities are and ask questions about that, and all of the sudden I am the best talker in the world even though they are doing all the talking.

I wrote a thread about my journey from social anxiety to a vibrating dating life. You can check it out here on the forum if you wanna dive deeper into this.

 

[Will_V]

I don't tell myself anything because my mind is too quick to debunk anything I could say. So I just have to let my desire propel me.

 

[DarkKnight]

I tend to feel obliged to open these days. Like feeling less of a man if I don't. Unless I really do not feel like it for whatever reason but if a girl is >8 I will try to find a way. It's like Tiger Woods being professional about it or something.

 

[Karea Ricardus D.]

I don't tell myself anything because my mind is too quick to debunk anything I could say. So I just have to let my desire propel me.

Same, reframes or things I tell myself about AA have never worked for me. For years I saw them on forums and would write them down, and I have a list of hundreds of these. But whenever I really had AA, a reframe was never enough to get over it.

And the reason is that reframes work on the mental level, on the conscious mind. Whereas AA is based on 1. subconscious, 2. emotions, and 3. beliefs... WAY deeper. So the only way I ever got over AA was hitting those 3 directly... not reframes on the mental / conscious / cognitive level.

• For the subconscious, affirmations help, if done the right way (first thing when waking up, when the brain waves are still in alpha or maybe even theta), a lot of repetition, speaking out loud, writing with pen and paper at the same time.
• For the emotions, what has helped me are social momentum such as going with wings or doing warmups, as well as all the X-Factor stuff in my signature. Unfortunately one of the X-Factor prerequisites is a good night's sleep, so I'm kinda fucked there with my insomnia these days
• For beliefs, nothing beats psycho cybernetics. I specifically recommend the audible version by Dan Kennedy, even though it's geared towards business, it is 100% transferrable to game. Sinn's inner game course is excellent also.

If just saying a sentence to yourself in your head like "she'll be nervous" is enough to overcome AA then the AA was probably pretty mild. Good! Means you don't get stuck in you head as deep as some of us INTJ types.

(Actually I think ESFP is the ideal seducer Myers Briggs type... but maybe a topic for another thread).

 

[Will_V]

Same, reframes or things I tell myself about AA have never worked for me. For years I saw them on forums and would write them down, and I have a list of hundreds of these. But whenever I really had AA, a reframe was never enough to get over it.

And the reason is that reframes work on the mental level, on the conscious mind. Whereas AA is based on 1. subconscious, 2. emotions, and 3. beliefs... WAY deeper. So the only way I ever got over AA was hitting those 3 directly... not reframes on the mental / conscious / cognitive level.

Spot on. And nothing causes quite as much instability as pitting the conscious and the subconscious on different sides of an argument.

• For the subconscious, affirmations help, if done the right way (first thing when waking up, when the brain waves are still in alpha or maybe even theta), a lot of repetition, speaking out loud, writing with pen and paper at the same time.

Haven't tried that. I wonder if the reason this works is because after doing it you build up positive momentum in small tangible things throughout the morning - so that by the time you're out approaching you've had a good day in terms of actual experiences.

The only things I can do mentally put myself in a good place are:

1. Meditating/calming myself.
2. Recalling past positive experiences.
3. Facing up to the present moment with my desire and intent, and not thinking about any of the possible outcomes.

• For the emotions, what has helped me are social momentum such as going with wings or doing warmups, as well as all the X-Factor stuff in my signature. Unfortunately one of the X-Factor prerequisites is a good night's sleep, so I'm kinda fucked there with my insomnia these days
• For beliefs, nothing beats psycho cybernetics. I specifically recommend the audible version by Dan Kennedy, even though it's geared towards business, it is 100% transferrable to game. Sinn's inner game course is excellent also.

Looks interesting, I'll check these out.

If just saying a sentence to yourself in your head like "she'll be nervous" is enough to overcome AA then the AA was probably pretty mild. Good! Means you don't get stuck in you head as deep as some of us INTJ types.

(Actually I think ESFP is the ideal seducer Myers Briggs type... but maybe a topic for another thread).

Yeah, I'm an INTJ and I don't think it's ideal for seduction. It is ideal for relationships though.

 

[Karea Ricardus D.]

Spot on. And nothing causes quite as much instability as pitting the conscious and the subconscious on different sides of an argument.

Well put.

Haven't tried that. I wonder if the reason this works is because after doing it you build up positive momentum in small tangible things throughout the morning - so that by the time you're out approaching you've had a good day in terms of actual experiences.

That may contribute. The main reason it works is because these techniques get around the critical factor.

The subconscious mind is difficult to program because we can't see it or directly access it, and it instantly rejects anything that doesn't match previously formed beliefs. The techniques I mentioned all get around that:

• When brain waves are in alpha and especially in theta, the subconscious is much more accessible
• Speaking something out loud while writing it with pen and paper is an actual self hypnosis technique
• Repetition also gets past the critical filter

Yeah, I'm an INTJ and I don't think it's ideal for seduction. It is ideal for relationships though.

Sounds right... I never had problems with retaining girls after sex. IIRC I've only been broken up with twice in my whole life. But somehow to meet girls in the first place I ended up reading the equivalent of the library of Alexandria

 

[Will_V]

The subconscious mind is difficult to program because we can't see it or directly access it, and it instantly rejects anything that doesn't match previously formed beliefs. The techniques I mentioned all get around that:

• When brain waves are in alpha and especially in theta, the subconscious is much more accessible
• Speaking something out loud while writing it with pen and paper is an actual self hypnosis technique
• Repetition also gets past the critical filter

Oh yeah, that's definitely right about the subconscious being much closer to the surface right after waking up.

I still think that the subconscious learns best from experience. Maybe it's just that I've never been that comfortable with trying to program myself any other way. The only teacher I really trust is reality, because no matter what happens, there is always some universal truth to be learned there, whereas messages tend to become tainted by the ego, and, like laws and customs in a society, mold themselves in such a way as to be self-perpetuating rather than truly useful.

I've always thought that the role of the conscious mind is not to speak to the subconscious, but to choose the right environments from which the subconscious can gather optimal information for learning.

Sounds right... I never had problems with retaining girls after sex. IIRC I've only been broken up with twice in my whole life. But somehow to meet girls in the first place I ended up reading the equivalent of the library of Alexandria

Lol, yeah I've always been way too much of a studier too.

 

[Karea Ricardus D.]

I still think that the subconscious learns best from experience. Maybe it's just that I've never been that comfortable with trying to program myself any other way.

Interesting... I like to do both, although I understand your reservations. I believe the principle behind affirmations is sound, Napoleon Hill has an entire chapter about it in "Think and Grow Rich." If you're interested, it's the chapter on "auto suggestion".

I believe it made a huge difference for me, I was pretty much a total drifter and procrastinator until I studied that stuff and started applying it daily. After that my life started to really take off... I give it huge credit.

But, YMMV.

 

[Mr.SocialAcceptableHarem]

If I'm rusty and have AA, first I have to identify I have AA

Some people lie to themselves and say "oh she wasn't hot enough" or "now isn't the right moment"

When I hear myself making excuses like that, I know I have AA

Right now If I get AA, I still have no problem approaching, just because I'm so used to approaching and I pretty much have experienced all of the possible outcomes (even, "sorry but your not black" like wtf that one was so funny lol)

But if I were to go back four months:

• Look at things from a broader perspective, your just a guy talking to a girl in the mall, in the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter and you have nothing to lose. A compliment or flirting isn't a big deal. "What do I have to lose?" Is the mentality here. We tend to build up In our mind things we think are scary that really aren't that big a deal.
• If the AA is really bad, what I do is I approach impulsively, I remove the filter in my mind that is making up all of these excuses and just go for it. If I'm not giving my anxiety room to manifest into thoughts, then is there really Approach Anxiety? Kinda a philosophical question but that's the idea behind it.

So those are the too tricks that worked for me, lmk if they work for you