FR After 2 years... FINALLY: we meet

[NarrowJ]

I met this girl online about 2 years ago. We FINALLY went out on a date last Thursday.

Back Story: Ok, she is 10 years younger than me. I'm 33, she's 23. And she is smoking hot too Long strawberry blonde hair, pouty lips & a couple of the bluest eyes I've ever seen. When I first met her, she had given me her # and friended me on Facebook. I had tried to get a date scheduled with no luck a few times back when we first met. I gradually stopped texting and we have basically just liked/commented on each other's Facebook updates off & on for the past 2 years (lol).

Anyway... She sent me a Facebook message out of the blue about 2 weeks ago, and we started talking and I told her she "owed me a date still"- and so, we made plans and went out last Thursday night for sushi & drinks.

The Date:

So, I text her the morning of to make sure we're still on. She sounds excited and we handle time & logistics real quick. About an hour before the date she actually texts me "Still ok to meet?". I respond "yes, see you in an hour!" and get myself together a bit. I show up about 3 minutes early and wait for her inside. She is right on time. She is wearing jeans & a Abercrombie hoodie. Not super impressed with her choice of attire, but it's a casual place- so I think "oh well". I'm still in work clothes (business casual), so I don't look super pimp or anything. But, I'm not dressed down either.

We get a table and order a couple beers & an appetizer. She is cheery, conversation is flowing well. I'm getting her to tell me all this stuff about her new job, her new cat, her terrible driving record... which I of course rouse her about that a tad

After we eat she wants to get a couple more drinks at the bar. I had paid for our meal, and so she offers to buy the drinks. I let her buy them. As she orders, I touch her arm gently and comment on her purse (it's quite large). She starts telling about the purse and all these other purses she has and how she has a million of them blah blah blah. We sit for about another 45 minutes and talk. Stupid me, I scheduled the date at a time when I have a time constraint. So, I had to leave. But, we hug and both take off. I did not go for the kiss. (I always make sure the first kiss happens in a SL where I can escalate with them)

She texts me about 20 minutes later:

Her (9:13 PM) - Thanks again for dinner
Me (9:28 PM) - Thanks for the drinks! I had a nice time.
Her (9:29 PM) - Me too! That watermelon martini was crazy strong lol
Me (9:36 PM) - Yeah it made my eyes water haha!
Next day (Friday):
Her (10:30 AM) - Hey! I fell asleep on you. Lol. The martini knocked me out.
Me (10:52 AM) - Oh, haha I figured. That thing tasted like kerosene
Her (11:03 AM) - Yes, it was strong! Lol
Me (11:10 AM) - So, if you are free Sunday we should get together again. Otherwise, next week is still pretty open!
Her (11:12 AM) - ok

Haven't heard from her since then. So, I know I fucked up when I scheduled a date with a time constraint. But, I have been trying to get this girl out for a while so I went ahead anyway. I've gotten plenty of results (meaning sex) with the "1st date- restaurant, 2nd date- my house" approach too, so in my opinion it's not the end of the world.

Anyway, trying to figure out what my next move is- or if I have a next move. The ball is seemingly in her court now, right? I told her when I was free (perhaps I made myself a little TOO free?) and so she should be getting back to me with some options for a 2nd date. Or, since it's been a few days I don't think I'd be bothering her if I followed up with a couple texts and see what she's up to this week?

This seems like a situation where maybe I can just apply the abundance mindset and just forget about her (I have a date tomorrow with a girl I've been sleeping with regularly, so this isn't a problem)- and she'll resurface again at some point. But, this girl is REALLY hot so I have it in my mind that I do want to get with her- and SOON.

 

[NarrowJ]

She actually just texted me. Guess I'll just bullshit for about 3-4 messages and then ask if she's free this week!

 

[Tyme2k]

You got it I think, she seems into you and wanted to text you right away.. Might have been good to cancel plans and take her home after that martini lol.

 

[NarrowJ]

We had a somewhat brief text message exchange today:

Her (2:53)- how was your weekend?
Me (3:37)- Good! How was your Breaking Bad marathon? Lol
Her (4:07)- It was badass after I bought a 40 inch tv for my bedroom 2 hours later lol
Her (4:07)- I think it's too big for my room I think. And I just spent all my money I had saved too lol
Me (4:35)- No such thing as too big when it comes to tv's
Her (4:43)- ok 39 inch technically but I round up to 40 lol
Me (5:13)- so what do you got going on this week?
Her (5:17)- Well I just freed up tonight but I don't get off until 8
Her (5:29)- false alarm
Me (5:39)- False alarm as in you're not free tonight now? That's ok because I can't tonight anyway. I'm free thurs, fri, sat though
Her (5:40)- Thursday could maybe work!
Me (5:50)- ok well lets plan on that then
Her (5:58)- my life is like full time craziness


I just didn't respond after that last text she sent. I'll get with her Wednesday to make sure.

Tyme, where I'm at with my game- I don't go for the first date lay unless I feel like it's a shoo-in. Maybe this will change as I build my skill set, but for now I like to do what I'm comfortable with. This way, I feel congruence at all times. I'm definitely pushing boundaries and seeing what I can do & get away with. I can only get better!

 

[Laowai]

You and your girl seem to have a friendly and casual vibe which is good since it builds comfort. I'm wondering though, if things are a bit too light, since it sounds like you're not trying to get to know her enough. Throw in some deep comfort too / qualification.

- "Anyway, trying to figure out what my next move is- or if I have a next move. The ball is seemingly in her court now, right?"

In general, you shouldn't leave the ball in a woman's court. If she doesn't get back to you, you can usually text back one or two days later without losing any value.

- "Haven't heard from her since then. So, I know I fucked up when I scheduled a date with a time constraint."

It wasn't necessarily a fuck up. Nothing wrong with having a time constraint, although you can sense strongly that she is DTF. Bear in mind it took you two years to get this girl out. Going for the pull and succesfully closing in that situation on the first night sounds somewhat challenging. Not saying it can't be done, though. But you seemed to lack a master plan of action.

Also, while your texting is good and light, it also lacks a bit of direction with you suggesting out of nowhere to meet up. It's not bad, but it's also not ideal. You could change some of the things she mentions into reasons for why the two of you should get together in a SL, which works a little more smoothly.

Also, you should consider seeding stuff that you absolutely have to show her at your place and talk it up on the first day - travel pictures, your piano, whatever. This will typically make it waaay easier for you to bring her to your place next time you meet her.

You mention at one point that maybe your target will resurface later if you leave the ball in her court. NEVER leave that to either chance or her changes of mood. You risk communicating that you're not interested in her / don't like her / coming across as aloof.

All in all, you're doing a pretty good job but you must lead better.

 

[Laowai]

Apologies, but I can't find the "edit post" button. Please advice me as to how I can edit my replies, good sir.

- "It wasn't necessarily a fuck up. Nothing wrong with having a time constraint, although you can sense strongly that she is DTF."

This is not what I meant and I would change that if I could find the edit button, ha!

It should have said: Nothing wrong with having a time constraint, only if you get some hints that she might be DTF."

 

[ProblemSolving]

The reason why she's acting so flakey is because you haven't told her what you have planned for the date. She doesn't want to agree to a date only to be let down with another dinner that doesn't go anywhere. State your plans first, then find out when she's free.

You: Hey, let's chill and watch Breaking Bad at my place. What's your schedule like?

If she's interested, she'll be all over it.

 

[NarrowJ]

Thanks for the advice and feedback, guys!

She texted me today asking if we were still on for tomorrow. I said "of course!" and then asked if she had seen Django yet, because people have been saying how good it is. She is artistic, and draws and paints etcetera. I just happen to have a slew of paintings myself. So this was seeded into the convo as well. She's excited to come watch the movie & see my work! I said "I'll be hungry first though!"

So the plan is a couple drinks and some food at my place followed by movies & whatever else pops up haha

 

[NarrowJ]

Oh, edit button is at the top, right of your post by the quote button!

 

[NarrowJ]

Eh, she just texted me "I just don't want to stray too far from home since I have work early. Want to just grab some food someplace and go from there?"

Still being flakey even after we made plans. Not sure what to make of it. I'm going to go with it, and try to pull her back to my place during dinner. This just got a little more difficult I'd say!

Edit: additional message from her "lets save it for a night when we don't have to get up early, and just get some food and hang out for a while"... Totally non-compliant.

Ugh I'm now either being boyfriend-zoned or worse. I may cancel the date altogether.

 

[NarrowJ]

This is really getting out of hand. She is not LETTING ME lead, and being extremely non-compliant. Not only did she deflect the movie at my house idea, but now she's switched restaurants on me:

Text she sent me this morning- "I don't know where to park for [place X], so lets meet at [place Y]"

I am *this close* to cancelling. Problem is, I've waited 2 years for the opportunity so I feel compelled to keep going with it. If she does not comply with my requests for us to be alone somewhere by the 3rd date, I will just separate myself from it entirely.

 

[Laowai]

She is giving you lower levels of compliance all of a sudden. I'm guessing you triggered some ASD when you suggested explicitly over text that the two of you should go to your place.

How to do this now? It depends on how much you like her. But seeing just HOW you like her, you gotta grab at the compliance she is giving you now and follow her on a date. This will still put you in control of the conversation when you get there and use this to your advantage.

Then you must build a more solid emotional connection and seed all the awesome stuff you wanna show her at your place. Think deep-diving and strong eye contact, but do make sure to also keep the talk light so you avoid the friend zone.

Good luck, or I'll fly all the way from Denmark and snatch her... and I don't even know where the hell to look for her! ;-)

 

[ProblemSolving]

This is really getting out of hand. She is not LETTING ME lead, and being extremely non-compliant. Not only did she deflect the movie at my house idea, but now she's switched restaurants on me:

Text she sent me this morning- "I don't know where to park for [place X], so lets meet at [place Y]"

I am *this close* to cancelling. Problem is, I've waited 2 years for the opportunity so I feel compelled to keep going with it. If she does not comply with my requests for us to be alone somewhere by the 3rd date, I will just separate myself from it entirely.

If she is not down for meeting at your place, it usually means your Deep Dive on date 1 wasn't effective. Did you get the sense that she trusts you and would go home with you on day 1?

She is trying to call all of the shots because she's known you for 2 years (even if through facebook) and she's not worried about losing you. That's the problem with meeting girls online, they don't get to experience your dominance and sexiness like they would on a cold approach, so they are much less invested.

I would follow your instincts and cancel. You will NOT get the girl by marching to the beat of her drum.

 

[NarrowJ]

I'm thinking its ASD as well.

The restaurant switch didn't bother me so much, since the place she wants to go is a place I originally suggested anyway.

I see the point on the explicitly asking her to my place for a date. This is a second date though, so I didn't think her slut wall would be that high. Or maybe she wants spontaneity, the excitement of a random idea during the date to go someplace more private, instead of this obviously pre-planned "seduction attempt". I really need to keep that in mind, myself, for future interactions. Pull during the date- not outright "hey just come over and have the date here" before!

 

[Laowai]

SO... what happened? Did you meet her?

I think you failed to build a deeper emotional connection on the first date. It sounded like it was somewhat superficial which I indicated in my first reply.

You seed all the awesome stuff that will take place at your place, and then lead her there after a dinner / drinks without mentioning explicitly that it's your place unless she asks.Otherwise you can seed some awesome food that you can make and that she just HAS to try.

One thing you'd benefit from is establishing her schedule and logistics early on - does she have to get up early tomorrow morning, is she meeting smb later, etc. to give you an idea of the time frame you're operating within.

Again, you need to set up your sarge along a logistical ladder and have the right seeds in place for each step on the ladder to make it easier for her to follow along.

 

[NarrowJ]

I'm meeting her in 1 hour.

I'll let you guys know what happens.

Again- thanks for all the feedback & help with this one!

 

[NarrowJ]

Just got home. She fell asleep and left me awake at her house in her own bed. But.... LR coming soon (tomorrow sometime)

So yeah- You can go ahead & cancel that flight to the states Laowai ;p