@SparklingWadah notice how girls are more submissive to the approach when you have good eye contact?
Even though things fizzled out here, the girls were more or less willing to give you an opportunity because of the way you asserted yourself calmly.
Goal
Similar to recent Field Reports I am working on
maintaining strong eye contact to build a more sexual vibe.
- STRONG eye contact. Don't break until she does. She should break down at least once.
- End your sentences on a downward tonality.
- Deliver your opener with good energy and be more relaxed.
Outing
I visited a library next to the local university today. Normally downtown is a bit dead but the area next to the school was fairly busy.
Approach 1
While walking past a coffee shop, I noticed a girl sitting and eating alone. I procrastinated a minute and observed her body language. From how she looked a bit closed off, I guessed she would not be open to an approach. However I decided to test it by walking over and opening her. She seemed a bit surprised but thanked me, however refused to shake my hand when I introduced myself, saying she was eating.
Maybe she wanted to but had sauce all over her hand, or maybe it was a slight rebuff. But it's best not to assume disinterest if her body language is good.
I figured this meant I would be leaving soon, but I pivoted quickly to ask her what she was eating while leaning back a little, and chatted about for a little bit to get recommendations. I maintained strong eye contact and noticed she seemed a bit more friendly (because I didn't care about being rejected?) just before I left.
Good, especially when you open girls sitting down you have to find a way to put less pressure on her, because by default you're standing over her. Leaning back, smiling broadly, cocking your head, and loosening up your body language is a good start. Ideally you want to sit with her, but it's not always a possibility.
Seems like your eye contact projected assertiveness so that she started to feel more comfortable accepting your presence there. That's one of the things with calibrating - sometimes when she's a little nervous about being approached, projecting a little more intent is just the ticket to make her feel like there's a legitimacy to what's going on and submit to it.
Eye contact is also very useful to add an edge to things - like your body is very relaxed and open, you're smiling, but she feels something through your eye contact that lets her know that you're a man, she's a woman, and maybe you'll end up doing what a man and a woman do.
I think you should start writing out what you're saying here - I get the feeling that your conversation process is not locked down and you're kind of spinning your wheels when it comes to taking things past the opener.
Takeaway: I was more relaxed on this approach and did a good job relaxing my body language. I gave a generic compliment when I could have found something more unique. I forgot to pay attention to my tonality.
Approach 2
While leaving the library, I notice a girl in a elegant outfit walking in front of me. I follow until she leaves the library, then approach her outside when she is paying for her parking meter. I thought about waiting until she was done but felt like I needed to avoid procrastinating. She was surprised but pleased when I complimented her on her elegance, but I noticed she was not that cute from the front.
If you're not interested in her, fine. But make sure you don't let your reactions immediately show - women are very attuned to when you look at them and judge something negatively.
Chatted a bit about what she was up to, and noticed she created a little bit of distance from me. She then went to retrieve something from her car, said she would be right back, and I didn't know a cool way to wait around, so I just looked around a bit. When she came back, I re-engaged her but noticed she stood even farther away now.
If you're talking with her and she does something like go off to retrieve something, or pull out her phone to message someone, you have three options:
1. Just bid her goodbye and walk off
2. Call her back over, tell her you need to go, and - mostly just for practice - do a number close with a quick qualifier. It's low odds but whatever.
3. When she comes back, tease her lightheartedly for walking off on you, e.g.
You<smiling> "Can't believe you walked off on me like that, I must be the most boring guy in the world".
Her: "Oh, I just had to do XYZ, sorry!"
You<shaking head a little, slight smile> "That's pretty bad manners you know"
Her: "Yeah I'm sorry"
You<slight smile>: "how're you going to make it up to me?"
Her: "...!"
You: "anyway .. " continue conversation.
That lets her know you're not going to accept someone wasting your time, but you're not going to be weird or sore about it.
She asked what I was up to, and I told her I was reading at the library. She seemed confused about that, and I said "You don't think that's cool" in a bit of a challenging way with a smile while leaning back. She said she would prefer to go out over going to read on her day off, and I told her that I was already out, so I got the best of both worlds.
Not too bad, but it's kind of a weak qualifying of yourself. Tease her instead. She just came out of the library too didn't she? Call that out, tell her she's a nerd too but afraid to admit it, etc.
Shortly after she started texting something on her phone so I bid her farewell since there seemed to be many signs of disinterest.
If a girl is coming back to you and hanging around, it means she wants you to do something. Your job is to figure out what that is. And as you guessed in your takeaway, it's probably more teasing and fun and energy that was needed here.
Again, I have the feeling that you're not leading the conversation and taking it to interesting places, so that the initial interest from her dies out over a few minutes. Try to write out the whole conversation if you can.
Outcome
I am growing more comfortable with strong eye contact however I am not seeing a lot of girls break down, so I probably need to up the intensity and also reduce physical proximity to convey more sexuality. I am also able to relax more without thinking about it. However memory and presence seems like a problem in the field. It may be helpful for me to try to follow a step-by-step process more strictly next time to make sure I don't forget things.
I think you're doing fine. Notice how when you started using stronger eye contact, you instinctively (in both approaches) leaned back and relaxed your body language?
That's the opposite of what nervous guys do, which is to come in and stand there facing her directly the whole time while not being able to maintain eye contact - which makes her feel very nervous.
