Casual/FWB An idiot's guide to a casual relationship

[Verisimilitude]

I would love to see a detailed step by step guide on how to start and maintain a casual relationship stickied on this board, so I thought I'd share my thoughts and hopefully others can add stuff.

Stuff that's already on this board/on the site:

1. Have sex with her every time she comes over.
2. Only see her twice in a week max (should be less than that).
3. For booty calls, be romantic, but not a bf type.

Advice I got from Narrow J (I hope you don't mind me sharing this NJ):

1) First and foremost, you need to make sure she knows that you don't have any judgmental type of feelings about the kind of relationship the two of you are engaging in.

2) Set the right frame for a casual relationship, but do it in an indirect way. (Not obvious, but something like, "I like hanging out with you, but I'm not relationship material right now")

3) You need to be letting her come to you or get a hold of you about 70-80% of the time. If you are initiating contact any more than 20-30% of the time, she'll lose her view of you as a "challenge".

4) Like you've heard before, have sex with her EVERY time you guys hang out. Reason for this should be fairly obvious. Oh, and rock her world too. I'm talking Earth-shattering, mind-blowing, sweaty, animal sex. LOL. Seriously though, keep her coming back for more.

5) This is really up to you. But I just thought I'd make note of this. Sometimes a girl will go along with a FWB type of thing, even though she really wants a relationship with you. She's just "taking whatever she can get". She'll end up with very strong feelings for you. If you sense her falling for you, and she's getting a little crazy and being jealous and stuff like that, you'll want to consider ending it.

Things I would like to know:

1. How and when to break the ice after the first time. (my current problem)

2. Booty calls or dates?

3. How to keep it going for a while

Let me know what you think guys! I'll add more to the list as I learn more or find more advice.

 

[BarryS1]

Cool advice from NJ!

How and when to break the ice after the first time. (my current problem)

I've done a text Chase suggested in the 2nd date article about letting her know w/in 12 hrs of seeing her you had a great time. https://www.girlschase.com/content/3-second-date-strategies-make-her-flirt-and-swoon. This is after having sex on the first date b/c Chase argues the girl may go into auto-rejection. I think the text is a way of communicating warmth, so it can be used after sex for the first time. I used the text twice after first-time sex and got warm reception, one being on the first date, other the third.

 

[Franco]

xcrunner,

Pretty decent list you have here. I'll make a few comments:

2. Only see her twice in a week max (should be less than that).

You should definitely only being seeing her twice a week (or more) if you are absolutely sure you are turning this into something long-term. If you aren't, then you should keep it to once every 7-10 days until the end of the casual relationship. Sometimes a girl will surprise you -- initially, you can start seeing her once every 7 to 10 days, but if circumstances change and you realize she might be worth holding onto, then you can up it to twice a week. It's always easier to move forward than it is to move backwards.

1. How and when to break the ice after the first time. (my current problem)

If you're talking about sending the first text after getting her number, then you should be sending that either later the night you met her if it was a bar or club where she was bound to meet multiple guys, or in the morning the next day otherwise.

2. Booty calls or dates?

I generally consider booty calls to be asking her to come over at a late time (like maybe after 10 pm) purely just to have sex and go to sleep. I don't really do this too often as most of my hangouts are planned in advance, and we usually at least plan to do something like cook dinner or watch a movie for the night. You don't always have to follow the plan though.

3. How to keep it going for a while

Empathy is probably the number one factor to contributing to how long you're able to make it go. The better you can read a girl's emotions, the more consistently you'll be able to give her "just enough" that she's content and will come back. At some point though, she will make a stand (in one way or another) to find out where the relationship is heading. The timeline for this will vary on both the girl and how well you handle your casual relationship with her. The main things you need to do to keep it going are to give her great sex, be completely non-judgmental, and avoid meeting close friends too early if possible. The more of a "secret" you are, the longer she can go on having that type of relationship with you.

- Franco

 

[snipefield]

Do you think a girl can go into autorejection if I don't re-initiate contact? As in, "well if he's not contacting me, he must not be that interested"....

I invited a girl I'm in a casual relationship with to hang out and she said she was busy (because of Thanksgiving holiday). I figured I'd just let her re-initiate contact, but now am starting to second-guess myself.

I realize it could be a multitude of factors, including that she's seeing someone who is more serious about her, since I've by my actions communicated that I'm not bf-material.

 

[Big Daddy]

I like the idea of getting more in-depth as well, as my problem isn't that I don't what to do, but rather that I don't know how to do. For instance:

2) Set the right frame for a casual relationship, but do it in an indirect way. (Not obvious, but something like, "I like hanging out with you, but I'm not relationship material right now")

I'd do it in almost explicit way because I don't know how to communicate it to a girl. I fucked a girl recently that I want to turn into a fuck buddy.

I can't pull her home and we can't go on there as well, so we'd have to rend a motel room for a couple of hours. I framed it nonchalantly saying that "we can't go to a motel every time" as if we're going for the next couple of times, but we can't do it ad infinitum, to which she said "yeah, we can't even fuck in peace." I bantered a little bit and she said "going to motel is strange. It's automatic, I don't know" I took that as a hint she's not entirely comfortable with the "only fucking part".

That said, I haven't texted her for days. And when I did was to arrange a meetup (fucking) with no success because she couldn't come over that day.

3) You need to be letting her come to you or get a hold of you about 70-80% of the time. If you are initiating contact any more than 20-30% of the time, she'll lose her view of you as a "challenge".

Hard shit to do, at least for me. Girls rarely, if ever, text me first in every situation. I think it's a local thing. How do you solve this? Just explode her brains in the bedroom and hope for the best?

 

[Big Daddy]

Same night lay was the case with this girl. I thought that made it clear, but it seems it hasn't...

A Fb is usually created in a few times of having sex not the very first time. It's an investment shift. After the first time having sex she wants to think she's more than a Fb because the relationship hasn't been defined yet. Don't set off slut alarms with late night texts or same day hangouts until you've established the Fb relationship. The Fb relationship will be established automatically.

My bad then. I thought I shouldn't go out to eat if I wanted to establish fb relationship. Just straight up booty call a few days in advance for fucking. I'll try getting her out to eat next week then.