Socializing Another Gym AMOG: Acquaintance at the Gym Keeps Trying to Power Shift Me by Saying "What's up, Kid?"

[The Emerald Archer]

I'm really disappointed to be writing this, but long story short I met this acquaintance in the gym back over the summer and we hit it off really well. We seemed to click/vibe well, and I thought him to be a kindred spirit.

However, he's been throwing shade at me recently. Over the past week or so, I've seen him twice in the gym and both times he greeted me by saying "what's up kid?"

The first time he said this, I took it as him being uncalibrated and making a social faux pas to which I gently called him out on it, but in a playful/gentle manner by saying "what'd you call me? Kid?" He goes yeah, kid. Then I playfully responded with something like "actually I'm a grown-ass man" then he backed off and was like "ok how about mister then?" I don't remember the exact dialogue, but I noticed him starting to get a little uncomfortable and he tried being a little aloof by backing up and looking around kinda distracted.

My approach here was to make it a little embarrassing, unpleasant experience for him calling me "kid" that he wouldn't want to do it again.

I figured I succeeded at that and made my point, so I didn't pursue it any further and dropped it. We then made some light chit-chat until he left the dumbbell rack area.

Fast forward to last night in the gym.

I was doing seated shoulder presses, and as I was changing the weight plates, I saw him out of my peripherals and noticed he altered his walking path to come over to where I was.

And he fist-bumps me and greets me again by saying "what's up kid?"

I'll admit I was caught a little off guard and my response wasn't the greatest.

I tried playing it off by asking him "kid or mister" but he walked off and ignored me/didn't respond.

He did have his headphones in, so it's possible he didn't hear me, but regardless, that low-key ticked me off, because now I know he's ladder-climbing me on purpose and not just being socially awkward/committing a faux pas.

That one really irked me, because now I know he's intentionally ladder-climbing me.

Idk why this dude is all of a sudden throwing shade at me. I realize the gym attracts a lot of try-hards who posture, but I didn't expect this sort of behavior from him. As I said, I'm disappointed.

He seemed like a decently socially valuable dude. He played baseball in college, is now competing in powerlifting, and is pretty strong. Squats like 500, I think he deadlifts over 500 too, but his bench is kinda weak. I think it's barely 300 pounds or something like that.

He also just graduated med school in spring 2022 and is in residency now, but is officially a doctor.

I'm thinking something about me must have struck him as low attainability because this seems like auto-rejection behavior.

This is starting to get really annoying. I'm starting to interpret this as me making other guys jealous/insecure with my muscular physique and other fundamentals to the point they feel threatened by me to which their response is to try and ladder-climb over me.

I guess that's a sign that I've really moved up in value in the world, otherwise, why would guys be acting this way?

This article How to Power Shift with Social Cunning and Savvy describes perfectly what is going on here.

From the article:

#2: Labels and Attrition​

This one is a dirty little trick, used often by many. The idea is this: find a weakness, such as a pet peeve or dislike of a label, and relentlessly weaken until compliant.

It’s very subtle and gradual, otherwise it wouldn’t be very effective.

--- first appearance ---
Guy: I don’t know, she wouldn’t leave me alone.
Girl: That’s kind of being a jerk.
Guy: Huh? No way.
Girl: ….
--- a couple days later ---
Girl: You’re such a jerk.
Guy: *laughs* I know!
Girl: Right?
--- a couple weeks later ---
Girl A: Hey, this is my friend... he’s a jerk.
Guy: Ugh.
Girl B: Like jerk-off?
Guy: Wow.
*everyone laughs*
--- a month later ---
Girl A: Hey, this is jerk.
Girl B: Hi, jerk! That’s a weird name.
Guy: Yeah...
Girl A: Yeah, jerk!

Eventually it can get out of hand and leading to bullying, but that’s one example right there of attrition. It can happen with any label, and it’s used to shift power over either readily (“Don’t do that, that’s douchey”) or gradually over time. At the start the conversation was normal, but by the end the guy’d gained a new nickname.

Even if you deny this vehemently, it will still be a question of who breaks first. It’s the age old paradox of an unstoppable force meets an immovable object. In the story of the Teumessian Fox (destined to never be caught) against Laelaps (destined to catch everything), Zeus himself had to step in and break up the fight by turning the two into stone (or stars).

It’s better to not surround yourself with these types of girls or people (who will engage in petty labeling and ladder-climbing one-upmanship), and instead make friends with those higher up on the social ladder. Just be wary when this happens, and don’t engage.

So yeah, this dude is on my shitlist and my modus operandi with him from now on is to be polite, but otherwise disinterested. That's what you get for playing petty little status games with me.

Question though: If he greets me again with a "what's up, kid?" what would a good response be to squash him?

My potential courses of action I'm thinking of right now include:

1. Look at him with a skeptical look and be like "who?" or "what?" with a quizzical voice tone like from the power shift article example with the male and cohort (I like how this is the Law of Least Effort, but I've already gently called him out already and feel like something stronger is in order)
   
   
2. Throw it back in his face and jab him back with a "sup pussy" or "sup bitch" per Hector's recommendation in the bonus video "dealing with troublesome men" from the KOC course. This will most likely escalate things, but I'm ready for it. I just don't want to get others against me (especially the owners) if he decides to start shit-talking me behind my back out of resentment for doing this back to him
   
   
3. Tell him straight up what's on my mind in an accusatory tone and let him fumble. I'm thinking something like "hey knock it off. I don't appreciate you calling me kid. It's patronizing and condescending and kind of weird because I'm older than you" all said in an accusatory tone. This might be a little too high effort and also risk making me look defensive, but fuck it

This is a social environment and there are reputation considerations no matter how petty this behavior seems. And yes, this is extremely petty and this is why I'm disappointed in this dude who I thought was cool because now I have to blacklist him.

Also, I don't like it and my gut is telling me to nip it in the bud and absolutely refuse to let him keep calling me "kid." and that's all I need.

One metric I've started going by recently is "if there was a cute girl with me right now, would she lose respect for me if I let this slide?" My gut is telling me she absolutely would lose respect for me if someone kept greeting me by calling me "kid" and I laughed it off or otherwise didn't confront it.

Thoughts? Suggestions?

- Emerald

 

[Skills]

he was just fucking around, the fact that this bothers you and you got that reactive is alarming... you can say "what up babe" done

 

[The Emerald Archer]

@Skills

Alarming huh? How so? Care to explain?

 

[Skills]

@Skills

Alarming huh? How so? Care to explain?

imagine i have a black friend and i vibe and get along with them, and i say what up ma nigga? (cause is something i may been saying automatically) and he gets all offended and say who are you calling nigga??? when i did not mean it as amog but just greeting him in a fun way....

Couple of years back here, a dude whats calling me "amiguo" in spanish it means friend, imagine if i took that as an insult,

There are couple of cool black seducers here in the forum that i fuck around with them and i call them at times kunta (abbrebiation for kuntakinte) a black slave in history. Imagine if they would get reactive and want to amog or fight me.... No, they know is me fucking around they laugh now they actually copy and we fuck around calling each other kuntas...

when he called you kid if that bother you, you did not put a boundary but you played along with it.... If it bothers you so much, take him aside and say "mike you are my boy and i like you, but please when you call me kids it totally bother me, and annoys me, please just call me emerald or dude no kid" if this persist (which it should not) call him "what up babe/sweetie/hottie) if it gets to that point...

 

[rr2021 aka DEVENCI]

dude why do you even care about this guy?

how about you just cut him out of your life and never acknowledge him ever again.

that is what i would do if anyone behaved in a way i found offensive.

 

[rr2021 aka DEVENCI]

There are couple of cool black seducers here in the forum that i fuck around with them and i call them at times kunta (abbrebiation for kuntakinte) a black slave in history.

wtf?

im not sure what kind of black people you hang out with or what part of the world you are in but i assure you most black people would NOT react positively to being called a slave or the N word.

One day you will act like this around the wrong black person and get a beating you will never forget.

 

[Skills]

wtf?

im not sure what kind of black people you hang out with or what part of the world you are in but i assure you most black people would NOT react positively to being called a slave or the N word.

One day you will act like this around the wrong black person and get a beating you will never forget.

Autism reread the part of friends i know and vive with, also it was a sample to a point... yes if u dont know a dude and u call him the n you willl get ur ass kick...

 

[rr2021 aka DEVENCI]

Autism reread the part of friends i know and vive with, also it was a sample to a point... yes if u dont know a dude and u call him the n you willl get ur ass kick...

there is no vibing or friendship that will protect you.

i have no idea what type of black people you are "friends" with that think "vibing" involves calling them slaves or the N word.

again, you will do this in front of the wrong black person and get a beating you will never forget.

 

[Skills]

there is no vibing or friendship that will protect you.

i have no idea what type of black people you are "friends" with that think "vibing" involves calling them slaves or the N word.

again, you will do this in front of the wrong black person and get a beating you will never forget.

Oh i missed u sexnovalidation back on the forum welcome back

 

[Kaida]

there is no vibing or friendship that will protect you.

i have no idea what type of black people you are "friends" with that think "vibing" involves calling them slaves or the N word.

again, you will do this in front of the wrong black person and get a beating you will never forget.

U been watching too much tiktok my boy

 

[Zoro]

I had friends that would “play rough”

While I don’t think that’s what’s going on here, I agree with the others that it sounds like “kid” is just a friendly quirky greeting, sounds like he’s trying to be original with it.

But let’s just say he’s “playing rough” then @Skills response was a good one “what’s up babe”

Playing rough is like busting each other’s balls. Are you man enough to play? Can you handle a little conflict, a little wit? I had friends that would do this to me in high school and I couldn’t play. Meaning I didn’t know they were mostly joking and it hurt me. But I should have pushed back in the same way, it was a game, not an insult. Imagine shit talking while playing some sports, it’s all for competition sake, it’s all light hearted, “yeah your mom calls me that too” vibe

It can actually be fun as long as the other dude doesn’t get butt hurt when he gets one up’d.

But like I said, doesn’t sound like he’s trying to put you down. I actually think what’s up babe is a good response to either him being friendly or playing rough.

sup playa
Sup man
Sup dude
What’s shakin bacon

anything as stupid as his what’s up kid works

 

[DarkKnight]

Yeah... so ... The answer to this really depends. Like Skills mentions sometimes it is about busting eachothers balls and we all laugh about it... but there are also very passive agressive types who keep trying to chip at you in order to take you down a peg. It is not all "it is just cool bro". Emerald could be a bit too sensitive because he is really overanalyzing about how much one can bench press and such, but he could also be just on point that the other guy is gameplaying.

My experience is that gyms DO attract a lot of posers. Especially when they view you as a threat they can try tactics, and there are also some clueless guys who will also try to do this , but those guys I just shut out and ocstracize. Depends on if I see if there is ill intent yes or no. Especially among regulars I have seen a lot of jockeying. Usually I tend to become a threat to other "alphas" and they will try to do their very best to defeat me, this has happened. I did not invite it as I am mainly focused on the girls, which ofcourse is the problem. Usually I do social dynamics in return, but as a response I just tend to shut them out. Some examples who were very persistent and tried to cockblock me I have manhandled. There is no limit to how obnoxious wannabe alphas can become. There was even this guy who tried to pre-empt me from approaching girls as he knew this would happen.

None of us are around in Emerald situation but status jockeying does exist, hell the pua community has developed the "neg", so how can we pretend this is not a possible option?

 

[The Emerald Archer]

imagine i have a black friend and i vibe and get along with them, and i say what up ma nigga? (cause is something i may been saying automatically) and he gets all offended and say who are you calling nigga??? when i did not mean it as amog but just greeting him in a fun way....

Couple of years back here, a dude whats calling me "amiguo" in spanish it means friend, imagine if i took that as an insult,

There are couple of cool black seducers here in the forum that i fuck around with them and i call them at times kunta (abbrebiation for kuntakinte) a black slave in history. Imagine if they would get reactive and want to amog or fight me.... No, they know is me fucking around they laugh now they actually copy and we fuck around calling each other kuntas...

when he called you kid if that bother you, you did not put a boundary but you played along with it.... If it bothers you so much, take him aside and say "mike you are my boy and i like you, but please when you call me kids it totally bother me, and annoys me, please just call me emerald or dude no kid" if this persist (which it should not) call him "what up babe/sweetie/hottie) if it gets to that point...

Yeah, I hear ya bro. I said we vibed, but we're not that close. He's merely an acquaintance. If he was a friend, then I wouldn't be reacting this way.
Also, I left out some context because I wanted to keep my post as short and sweet as possible. But back in the fall, another gym acquaintance of ours (I'll call him D) asked both of us to watch him squat. D asked me to record, and this guy (I'll call him F, the guy I'm writing this post about) watched.

When D was done squatting and I handed him back his phone, he asked me and F how his form looked. I briefly mentioned that his butt was tucking at the bottom (meaning his lower back was rounding which is not good). F then questioned me by asking "what do you mean tucking?" I explained and D called it butt wink which means the same thing.

Anyways, I put my headphones back in but didn't play my music yet and when I went back to my power rack (which was 2 racks down from where D and F were hanging at), I overhead F says "hey don't listen to Emerald blah blah" I didn't hear the whole thing and D was like "oh I know haha".

Maybe I misheard but idk for sure. My gut instinct told me they were low-key talking shit, but I could be wrong...

So yeah, ever since then I cooled off a little towards F and he prolly picked up on it. I've been polite, but more neutral and maybe he interpreted it as me thinking I'm better than him or something to where he feels the need to protect his ego with subtle bs like calling me "kid" or whatever.

Also, this other dude D has tried ladder-climbing with me MULTIPLE times. He's blatantly started talking over me 2 or 3 times and I know it's ladder-climbing cuz D loves to flatter me and kiss up, and then he does this subtle ladder-climbing. I don't think he can handle being around someone who outclasses him muscularly and who's a lot stronger than him.

Anyways I like your suggestion of "what's up babe/hottie/whatever" cuz that's jabbing back which I think is a good course of action here.

dude why do you even care about this guy?

how about you just cut him out of your life and never acknowledge him ever again.

that is what i would do if anyone behaved in a way i found offensive.

I don't... I only acknowledge him because of his politeness and managing reputation in the social circle (gym).

He's well-liked by the group of guys who are pretty strong and who all know the owners. As I said, I've cooled off, and don't go out of my way to say hi. The first time he called me kid, he was already at the dumbbell rack and we only acknowledged each other cuz I was doing DB bench press and the bench was next to him.

The second time he altered his walking path and came over to me and said "what's up kid?"

@Wick

I had friends that would “play rough”

While I don’t think that’s what’s going on here, I agree with the others that it sounds like “kid” is just a friendly quirky greeting, sounds like he’s trying to be original with it.

But let’s just say he’s “playing rough” then @Skills response was a good one “what’s up babe”

Playing rough is like busting each other’s balls. Are you man enough to play? Can you handle a little conflict, a little wit? I had friends that would do this to me in high school and I couldn’t play. Meaning I didn’t know they were mostly joking and it hurt me. But I should have pushed back in the same way, it was a game, not an insult. Imagine shit talking while playing some sports, it’s all for competition sake, it’s all light hearted, “yeah your mom calls me that too” vibe

It can actually be fun as long as the other dude doesn’t get butt hurt when he gets one up’d.

But like I said, doesn’t sound like he’s trying to put you down. I actually think what’s up babe is a good response to either him being friendly or playing rough.

sup playa
Sup man
Sup dude
What’s shakin bacon

anything as stupid as his what’s up kid works

Yeah, I realize now I may have gotten too analytical and sensitive here. I've just had issues in the past where I feel I let people get away with too much subtle disrespect that it turned into bullying where I eventually had to ditch that social circle because my role as "the dude everyone picked on to transfer social power from me to themselves" had been clearly carved out.

Then again those dudes were just low-level to begin with as I later found out the hard way...

But yeah, I think I need to do better when it comes to other men and "playing rough." I guess I'll find out next time I and F cross paths in the gym when I try greeting him with one of the suggestions you and Skills provided. His reaction will tell me where to go from here.

@DarkKnight

Yeah... so ... The answer to this really depends. Like Skills mentions sometimes it is about busting eachothers balls and we all laugh about it... but there are also very passive agressive types who keep trying to chip at you in order to take you down a peg. It is not all "it is just cool bro". Emerald could be a bit too sensitive because he is really overanalyzing about how much one can bench press and such, but he could also be just on point that the other guy is gameplaying.

My experience is that gyms DO attract a lot of posers. Especially when they view you as a threat they can try tactics, and there are also some clueless guys who will also try to do this , but those guys I just shut out and ocstracize. Depends on if I see if there is ill intent yes or no. Especially among regulars I have seen a lot of jockeying. Usually I tend to become a threat to other "alphas" and they will try to do their very best to defeat me, this has happened. I did not invite it as I am mainly focused on the girls, which ofcourse is the problem. Usually I do social dynamics in return, but as a response I just tend to shut them out. Some examples who were very persistent and tried to cockblock me I have manhandled. There is no limit to how obnoxious wannabe alphas can become. There was even this guy who tried to pre-empt me from approaching girls as he knew this would happen.

None of us are around in Emerald situation but status jockeying does exist, hell the pua community has developed the "neg", so how can we pretend this is not a possible option?

Yeah, that's what I'm getting at. I just don't want to let this potentially snowball into someone chipping away at me over time with patronizing/condescending labels like the power shift article mentioned.

And yeah, lots of people around me seem to be saying the same thing about how I'm a little too defensive. I do struggle to be vulnerable/let my walls down.

But then again, that's also a way for people to suck you into their frame and low-key get away with passive-aggressiveness and/or other forms of indirect disrespect. It's a fine line to walk and I have trouble with it. I either play along with their frame or I get too aggressive when my patience runs out.

I'm still trying to get better at being firm and setting boundaries while being socially intelligent and not aggressive.

Almost no one challenges me directly. They're too intimidated/afraid. It's always this passive-aggressive/subtle ladder-climbing and status-jockeying stuff that I see. But I can definitely sense more and more guys around me getting threatened, especially because of how muscular I've become. EVERYBODY talks about how big/muscular I am. At work, at the gym, etc.

Anyways, I appreciate the feedback from all of you. Definitely some things to think about, especially with me potentially being too sensitive. I think it's time I start taking attainability seriously with everybody, not just girls. I've always been a low-attainability dude.

I've even had friends in the past say stuff like "I feel there's this wall with you Emerald and I can't penetrate it/get past it" so yeah...

My next move, should he greet me with "what's up, kid?" will be to play rough back and say something like "what up babe/sweetie/hottie" as you guys suggested.

I'll let you guys know how it goes.

 

[Skills]

Yeah, I hear ya bro. I said we vibed, but we're not that close. He's merely an acquaintance. If he was a friend, then I wouldn't be reacting this way.
Also, I left out some context because I wanted to keep my post as short and sweet as possible. But back in the fall, another gym acquaintance of ours (I'll call him D) asked both of us to watch him squat. D asked me to record, and this guy (I'll call him F, the guy I'm writing this post about) watched.

When D was done squatting and I handed him back his phone, he asked me and F how his form looked. I briefly mentioned that his butt was tucking at the bottom (meaning his lower back was rounding which is not good). F then questioned me by asking "what do you mean tucking?" I explained and D called it butt wink which means the same thing.

Anyways, I put my headphones back in but didn't play my music yet and when I went back to my power rack (which was 2 racks down from where D and F were hanging at), I overhead F says "hey don't listen to Emerald blah blah" I didn't hear the whole thing and D was like "oh I know haha".

Maybe I misheard but idk for sure. My gut instinct told me they were low-key talking shit, but I could be wrong...

So yeah, ever since then I cooled off a little towards F and he prolly picked up on it. I've been polite, but more neutral and maybe he interpreted it as me thinking I'm better than him or something to where he feels the need to protect his ego with subtle bs like calling me "kid" or whatever.

Also, this other dude D has tried ladder-climbing with me MULTIPLE times. He's blatantly started talking over me 2 or 3 times and I know it's ladder-climbing cuz D loves to flatter me and kiss up, and then he does this subtle ladder-climbing. I don't think he can handle being around someone who outclasses him muscularly and who's a lot stronger than him.

Anyways I like your suggestion of "what's up babe/hottie/whatever" cuz that's jabbing back which I think is a good course of action here.



I don't... I only acknowledge him because of his politeness and managing reputation in the social circle (gym).

He's well-liked by the group of guys who are pretty strong and who all know the owners. As I said, I've cooled off, and don't go out of my way to say hi. The first time he called me kid, he was already at the dumbbell rack and we only acknowledged each other cuz I was doing DB bench press and the bench was next to him.

The second time he altered his walking path and came over to me and said "what's up kid?"

@Wick



Yeah, I realize now I may have gotten too analytical and sensitive here. I've just had issues in the past where I feel I let people get away with too much subtle disrespect that it turned into bullying where I eventually had to ditch that social circle because my role as "the dude everyone picked on to transfer social power from me to themselves" had been clearly carved out.

Then again those dudes were just low-level to begin with as I later found out the hard way...

But yeah, I think I need to do better when it comes to other men and "playing rough." I guess I'll find out next time I and F cross paths in the gym when I try greeting him with one of the suggestions you and Skills provided. His reaction will tell me where to go from here.

@DarkKnight



Yeah, that's what I'm getting at. I just don't want to let this potentially snowball into someone chipping away at me over time with patronizing/condescending labels like the power shift article mentioned.

And yeah, lots of people around me seem to be saying the same thing about how I'm a little too defensive. I do struggle to be vulnerable/let my walls down.

But then again, that's also a way for people to suck you into their frame and low-key get away with passive-aggressiveness and/or other forms of indirect disrespect. It's a fine line to walk and I have trouble with it. I either play along with their frame or I get too aggressive when my patience runs out.

I'm still trying to get better at being firm and setting boundaries while being socially intelligent and not aggressive.

Almost no one challenges me directly. They're too intimidated/afraid. It's always this passive-aggressive/subtle ladder-climbing and status-jockeying stuff that I see. But I can definitely sense more and more guys around me getting threatened, especially because of how muscular I've become. EVERYBODY talks about how big/muscular I am. At work, at the gym, etc.

Anyways, I appreciate the feedback from all of you. Definitely some things to think about, especially with me potentially being too sensitive. I think it's time I start taking attainability seriously with everybody, not just girls. I've always been a low-attainability dude.

I've even had friends in the past say stuff like "I feel there's this wall with you Emerald and I can't penetrate it/get past it" so yeah...

My next move, should he greet me with "what's up, kid?" will be to play rough back and say something like "what up babe/sweetie/hottie" as you guys suggested.

I'll let you guys know how it goes.

I see in context, i am so used to stuff like that i am numb to it by now... stuff like that will never stop, read this post and answers:

Socializing - Why do seducers get picked on with amog, fights, disrespect....

So you are wondering why do people are picking on me with fights, sometimes rude comments, some times bad looks, some type people nitpicking on you.... Well is very simple (some times is strangers or even people in your circles women and men alike).... It is an inner frustration with the lack...

www.skilledseducer.com

 

[Zoro]

After hearing more I'm starting to think @DarkKnight was right.

Not sure how to play this and win, maybe @Skills or DK can tell you. I'm the kind of guy that doesn't play. I got no time for that, not sure how I do it, but I have had good experience with shutting it down by not playing. Basically that person stops existing for me. I give it zero energy, so he's got nothing to use.

 

[HoofHearted]

It's just a test. Throw it back at him, and then invite him home. Isolate, and proceed to escalate. Start by kissing on the mouth. If he won't let you take his top off, he's probably just playing coy and wants you to work for him.

Otoh if you're not gonna fuck, i'm unsure what the problem is here? You're an adult man for fucks sake. No one cares.

"Whats up kid."
"Shut up, idiot"

And then continue having your strange and overly sensitive day i guess.

 

[The Emerald Archer]

I see in context, i am so used to stuff like that i am numb to it by now... stuff like that will never stop, read this post and answers:

Yeah, I prolly should've added in that context originally. I hope to get to the point where I too become numb to that stuff like you. And thanks for the link. I'll give it a re-read since I have more reference points now.

After hearing more I'm starting to think @DarkKnight was right.

Not sure how to play this and win, maybe @Skills or DK can tell you. I'm the kind of guy that doesn't play. I got no time for that, not sure how I do it, but I have had good experience with shutting it down by not playing. Basically that person stops existing for me. I give it zero energy, so he's got nothing to use.

Ha yeah, @DarkKnight seems to have a good radar for stuff like this. I'll see what he says.

Until then, my next move will be to jab back with a gay nickname like "sup cutie." His response will let me know his true intentions. If he gets taken aback or weirded out or otherwise defensive, then I'll have smoked him out as a ladder-climber. If he likes it, then I'll know it was just "playing rough" and some bro love. We shall see...

 

[Rakehell]

This is pretty common among guys. Its why I prefer to spend my time around women.

It’s pretty inevitable for guys to get into “who’s the bigger man” dick swinging competitions. I feel like you can either play, or be above it, but it’s pretty much inevitable.

I choose not to spend my time around guys like that, even though I know how to play, and win at it Lol. Less energy expended.

If you’re in groups where you’re clearly well respected and don’t necessarily engage in it, guys tend not to do it as much. & when they do usually it’s guys you’re cool with and have that dynamic with because it’s also important not to take yourself too serious.

Alot of times when it’s uncalibrated, people will defend you anyway, especially chicks.

In situations like this tho where it’s a guy you’re kind of cool with but not in the sense where you joke around like that, I just wouldn’t give em any value till he starts shaping up. Brush it off and ignore from that point on.

 

[rr2021 aka DEVENCI]

He's well-liked by the group of guys who are pretty strong and who all know the owners

who cares bro?

i have 0 tolerance for BS like this from men.

anything that i might even consider 1% disrespectful and i will never acknowledge the guy again.

i have even done this to guys i have known for years.

they say one thing that i consider even 1% disrespectful and i will never acknowledge them again.

they will walk up to me an i will give them the "do i know you?" look or just act like they dont exist.

if this guy annoyed you enough to start this thread, i would never ever again interact with him in any way if i was you.

 

[Will_V]

Some good answers here already.

Main thing I would point out is: taking this kind of stuff too seriously is already a failure of social flexibility. Life is competition. You can't escape it. And everyone knows and senses when someone has cornered themselves by trying to avoid it, whether by defensive or offensive means. For such people there is only the certainty that they will be taken to that corner again and again at the will of others.

In my experience, there is no such thing as a good defense in social situations, there is only preemptive offense. The same way that there are many people who obsess over finding the perfect defensive combat tactics, not realizing that their lack of offense is entirely the problem, there are people who obsess over coming up with the perfect way to react to a neg or tooling or whatever, not realizing that the fact that they are the ones reacting is the problem. As in fighting, when there are no rules, there is no good defense, there is only whoever is most ambitious and willing to win. At some point, if you're still in the interaction, you have to be on the offense.

The thing about offense is, for those people who use their relative willingness to engage in conflict to gain the upper hand, they tend to rely on the defensiveness of the other person to give them room to gauge what they should do next in order to stay on top. But if their victim is unpredictable, and doesn't seem to take them too seriously, and sometimes completely ignores them, and sometimes goes on the offense and ambushes them out of nowhere, they cannot maintain the psychological advantage. It's no longer clear who is playing what role.

My general approach to these things is like this: I like to ignore/not take seriously at first so I can see what their reaction is, this helps me stay calm and unreactive as a habit. If they keep pushing thinking they can take advantage, I will find some way to attack them when they don't expect it. Nothing too much, something on an equal level, something that I find enjoyable and satisfying to do. And then I will reestablish the frame that I want to have with them, such as being polite but a little condescending, not pushing for the advantage like they did. That way they understand that I don't want to squash them, but I will prepare my own plans if things continue and not be simply reacting.

It sounds complicated but it's really not - I think one of the main problems that someone can have socially is not being able to enjoy this kind of social arm wrestling. Nobody is ever good at fighting or competition without enjoying it - unless it is all out war which is almost never the case, and relying on being able to escalate to that is already a weakness and long term strategic failure.