Anxiety to go out and depression

[ljrozz69]

Hello there,

Actually, this may seem a bit off-topic but I don't think it is. When I signed-up to this forum, it was for mainly one reason: to commit doing pu. That's it.
All I wanted to do here is to talk about women, pick up and sex. Sadly, lately I havent doing any pu. And all things in life being connected, this is the consequence -and maybe the casue too- of bad stuff happening in my life.
Now, let me tell you that I hate seeking for help, and everytime I feel I should, I feel like I am whining and I feel ashamed about it. I don't like to open up and give information that I don't think its needed and being this public; then I feel guilty for not having figured out stuff all by myself. So enhacing this is not espeecially needed...
All the stuff I am going to talk about has been already reported in my last journal post, that I haven't updated yet because I don't really know what to write on it...

The reason I don't practice any more pu is... I don't go out.
I can't fucking get past my house's door. It's so fucking silly that I am struggling to write this.
Here is why (stuff on my mind) : (TL;DR : I HAVE LOTS OF UNNECESSARY ANXIETY)

• Reason : I need a reason to go out that I find legit enough. Thing is there is never a legit reason to go out. Why? Because I should be studying (in my mind its "I HAVE TO"). I DONT FEEL ALLOWED TO GO OUT. That shit fucks me up really hard. I don't study at home (this a bit less true at the college's library but I have trouble going there...) like at all. My marks are the lowest they have ever been -and wayyy under the admissible; not enough to pass my courses. Although this is at its peak, it's been like that since... well at least 7 years... I honestly don't know what do about it and this gives me lots and lots of anxiety. I had succes in courses by finding out a super efficient method to study and by caring about my courses. My marks are so low that I am forced to act like I don't care even if, actually, I honestly do (its so fucking big that I didnt go to last exams session) ... wich worsens everything.
• Where : I need to know in advance where I go; but I don't know where I should go. I don't know wich venue I prefer -as I don't have enough experience to know- but mostly I have to know where Exactly I will go, so I dont have any anxiety about having to figure it out.
• When: When should I go out, when should I change venues etc...
• Commit : anxiety kicks in and even if I know its just bullshit its too fucking big to overcome it easily, same shit as for studying.

So whats happens is that I stay at home. If I manage to go out I will experience all of this as disconfort; but exposure/momentum does reduce it.
I strongly belive that this is related to the fact that I am depressed af and I try to isolate myself from others -I think the latter is a way of protecting myself that I do unconsciusly... also I have to point out that even if I have a general tendency of doing this; its really dependent on momentum-. And honestly I have tried -and thought- many stuff out to get past of those issues. About 6 months ago I tried living and studying in a foreign country where I did not speak a word of their language when I came there. It somehow worked for the 2 first months, I went out a lot, I did a good lots of parties and fucked some pussy, then after, I got used to that stuff -it went from exceptionnal to normal- and then I had the exams and it went downhill, at the end it ended up feeling like a living hell.
Althought I know I am depressed, I dont think that will impact my ability to pu women even if it will have on my game -I will have to run world's lowest energy game... yay!-. What does impact my game is my inhability to go out BIG TIME.

Also there is a logistic issue: I live in suburbs with my parents. The issue is this: I have to take the transports at 2 max if I want to go back home. And if I don't go home often enough it's gonna trigger suspicion and they are going to get super curious and try to find out and bust my balls to figure out what is going on. And of course I can't tell them that its me trainning to pick up girls trololo. So I really don't know how to get around this one.

If you guys can help me to get past to this it would be really amazing and help me in so many ways... I am so lost right now.
This was really painful to write, but I hope this post will give me some answers to this big, nasty issue.

Thanks for reading,
Klimax

 

[SexNotValidation]

Hello there,

Actually, this may seem a bit off-topic but I don't think it is. When I signed-up to this forum, it was for mainly one reason: to commit doing pu. That's it.
All I wanted to do here is to talk about women, pick up and sex. Sadly, lately I havent doing any pu. And all things in life being connected, this is the consequence -and maybe the casue too- of bad stuff happening in my life.
Now, let me tell you that I hate seeking for help, and everytime I feel I should, I feel like I am whining and I feel ashamed about it. I don't like to open up and give information that I don't think its needed and being this public; then I feel guilty for not having figured out stuff all by myself. So enhacing this is not espeecially needed...
All the stuff I am going to talk about has been already reported in my last journal post, that I haven't updated yet because I don't really know what to write on it...

The reason I don't practice any more pu is... I don't go out.
I can't fucking get past my house's door. It's so fucking silly that I am struggling to write this.
Here is why (stuff on my mind) : (TL;DR : I HAVE LOTS OF UNNECESSARY ANXIETY)

• Reason : I need a reason to go out that I find legit enough. Thing is there is never a legit reason to go out. Why? Because I should be studying (in my mind its "I HAVE TO"). I DONT FEEL ALLOWED TO GO OUT. That shit fucks me up really hard. I don't study at home (this a bit less true at the college's library but I have trouble going there...) like at all. My marks are the lowest they have ever been -and wayyy under the admissible; not enough to pass my courses. Although this is at its peak, it's been like that since... well at least 7 years... I honestly don't know what do about it and this gives me lots and lots of anxiety. I had succes in courses by finding out a super efficient method to study and by caring about my courses. My marks are so low that I am forced to act like I don't care even if, actually, I honestly do (its so fucking big that I didnt go to last exams session) ... wich worsens everything.
• Where : I need to know in advance where I go; but I don't know where I should go. I don't know wich venue I prefer -as I don't have enough experience to know- but mostly I have to know where Exactly I will go, so I dont have any anxiety about having to figure it out.
• When: When should I go out, when should I change venues etc...
• Commit : anxiety kicks in and even if I know its just bullshit its too fucking big to overcome it easily, same shit as for studying.

So whats happens is that I stay at home. If I manage to go out I will experience all of this as disconfort; but exposure/momentum does reduce it.
I strongly belive that this is related to the fact that I am depressed af and I try to isolate myself from others -I think the latter is a way of protecting myself that I do unconsciusly... also I have to point out that even if I have a general tendency of doing this; its really dependent on momentum-. And honestly I have tried -and thought- many stuff out to get past of those issues. About 6 months ago I tried living and studying in a foreign country where I did not speak a word of their language when I came there. It somehow worked for the 2 first months, I went out a lot, I did a good lots of parties and fucked some pussy, then after, I got used to that stuff -it went from exceptionnal to normal- and then I had the exams and it went downhill, at the end it ended up feeling like a living hell.
Althought I know I am depressed, I dont think that will impact my ability to pu women even if it will have on my game -I will have to run world's lowest energy game... yay!-. What does impact my game is my inhability to go out BIG TIME.

Also there is a logistic issue: I live in suburbs with my parents. The issue is this: I have to take the transports at 2 max if I want to go back home. And if I don't go home often enough it's gonna trigger suspicion and they are going to get super curious and try to find out and bust my balls to figure out what is going on. And of course I can't tell them that its me trainning to pick up girls trololo. So I really don't know how to get around this one.

If you guys can help me to get past to this it would be really amazing and help me in so many ways... I am so lost right now.
This was really painful to write, but I hope this post will give me some answers to this big, nasty issue.

Thanks for reading,
Klimax

hey man,

first, you should know that I'm only responding based on the title.

I did not read the rest.

here's some practical things that I think can help you find the motivation to go out.

#1: if you're currently jerking off every day, stop completely for 7 days in a row.

#2: go out super early, literally go when the club opens and you are the first person there

 

[theta14]

Hello there,

Actually, this may seem a bit off-topic but I don't think it is. When I signed-up to this forum, it was for mainly one reason: to commit doing pu. That's it.
All I wanted to do here is to talk about women, pick up and sex. Sadly, lately I havent doing any pu. And all things in life being connected, this is the consequence -and maybe the casue too- of bad stuff happening in my life.
Now, let me tell you that I hate seeking for help, and everytime I feel I should, I feel like I am whining and I feel ashamed about it. I don't like to open up and give information that I don't think its needed and being this public; then I feel guilty for not having figured out stuff all by myself. So enhacing this is not espeecially needed...
All the stuff I am going to talk about has been already reported in my last journal post, that I haven't updated yet because I don't really know what to write on it...

The reason I don't practice any more pu is... I don't go out.
I can't fucking get past my house's door. It's so fucking silly that I am struggling to write this.
Here is why (stuff on my mind) : (TL;DR : I HAVE LOTS OF UNNECESSARY ANXIETY)

• Reason : I need a reason to go out that I find legit enough. Thing is there is never a legit reason to go out. Why? Because I should be studying (in my mind its "I HAVE TO"). I DONT FEEL ALLOWED TO GO OUT. That shit fucks me up really hard. I don't study at home (this a bit less true at the college's library but I have trouble going there...) like at all. My marks are the lowest they have ever been -and wayyy under the admissible; not enough to pass my courses. Although this is at its peak, it's been like that since... well at least 7 years... I honestly don't know what do about it and this gives me lots and lots of anxiety. I had succes in courses by finding out a super efficient method to study and by caring about my courses. My marks are so low that I am forced to act like I don't care even if, actually, I honestly do (its so fucking big that I didnt go to last exams session) ... wich worsens everything.
• Where : I need to know in advance where I go; but I don't know where I should go. I don't know wich venue I prefer -as I don't have enough experience to know- but mostly I have to know where Exactly I will go, so I dont have any anxiety about having to figure it out.
• When: When should I go out, when should I change venues etc...
• Commit : anxiety kicks in and even if I know its just bullshit its too fucking big to overcome it easily, same shit as for studying.

So whats happens is that I stay at home. If I manage to go out I will experience all of this as disconfort; but exposure/momentum does reduce it.
I strongly belive that this is related to the fact that I am depressed af and I try to isolate myself from others -I think the latter is a way of protecting myself that I do unconsciusly... also I have to point out that even if I have a general tendency of doing this; its really dependent on momentum-. And honestly I have tried -and thought- many stuff out to get past of those issues. About 6 months ago I tried living and studying in a foreign country where I did not speak a word of their language when I came there. It somehow worked for the 2 first months, I went out a lot, I did a good lots of parties and fucked some pussy, then after, I got used to that stuff -it went from exceptionnal to normal- and then I had the exams and it went downhill, at the end it ended up feeling like a living hell.
Althought I know I am depressed, I dont think that will impact my ability to pu women even if it will have on my game -I will have to run world's lowest energy game... yay!-. What does impact my game is my inhability to go out BIG TIME.

Also there is a logistic issue: I live in suburbs with my parents. The issue is this: I have to take the transports at 2 max if I want to go back home. And if I don't go home often enough it's gonna trigger suspicion and they are going to get super curious and try to find out and bust my balls to figure out what is going on. And of course I can't tell them that its me trainning to pick up girls trololo. So I really don't know how to get around this one.

If you guys can help me to get past to this it would be really amazing and help me in so many ways... I am so lost right now.
This was really painful to write, but I hope this post will give me some answers to this big, nasty issue.

Thanks for reading,
Klimax

Hey man,
I've been depressed and it can be tough. That feeling of looking down a hall with no light at the end kinda feeling sucks. When I'm feeling down and out, I lift some weights. It helps you see things clearer. You walk out of there feeling great because you get a cocky attitude kind of feeling that says "I'm the prize". That thought really helps for talking to chicks!

If you don't have access to a gym, look up a body weight exercise routine on YouTube or go for a run to get the runner's high.
If you type in "Greg Plitt workout" on YouTube, click on his MFT28 videos.

Remember: there is more to life than women and getting better with them is a marathon rather than a sprint. If I were you, I would kick the depression issue before chatting up girls. They can sense the negative vibes man!
Good luck Klimax!

 

[authenticSelf]

Hey @Klimax , looks like you are mixing going-out with negative self-talk about your grades. It might help you to separate the two and clearly set aside time to 'study' and 'go out'. Be disciplined about the time separation to reduce the 'I should be studying instead' talk. I will say that it doesn't get any easier with age- just the stressors change.

I just posted some strategies that I am trying to implement to get myself out of the house: https://www.skilledseducer.com/threads/strategies-to-get-myself-out-of-the-house.22229/#post-110286

It helps if you don't get into a mind-debate about going out. It should be like brushing your teeth kinda habit- no debate, the decision is already made.

 

[Teevster]

Hey Klimax. I understand your frustration and the exam period does not make things easier. Exams can really fuck up with your head. But I think you need to split the problems in order to find solutions to each of them. Making them into one cluster will not serve you much -it will at least make it harder to solve them, and may even make the problem seem bigger to you than it is.

School:
Solution here are:
- Work harder and smarter (use youtube). This is easier said than done
- Get councelling and try to find something you like more than what you are currently studying. I won't tell people what you are studying but they should know you are studying one of the hardest fields that really requires dedication and interest. Maybe you should PM carousel about this thing since he has worked in this field for years.
- Change program (it is ok to pick the wrong program!)

Pick up:
- Well you are NOT A HOPELESS CASE. I have been out with you, and you don't suck. Once you get past the approach anxietty you will use your knowledge better and actually do quite well (with room for improvement). So maybe the problem here is approach anxietty. Let me remind you that you managed to do an amazing job with the friend (who was tired) of my target. She was not exactly ugly... so the potential is there. I have been out with many lost cases - you are not one of them
- We may do another outing soon, hopefully that will help (in end of january/february - i.e. when I am done with exams).
- Logistics - erhm you had access to my flat when we went out

Only serious problem I see here is your parents. You are in your 20's. They should understand that you are going out, partying with other people your age. I sadly do not have any other solutions to this than move out or just try to find a way to convince them

Overall depression:
- Check carousels post on body therapy This may be your cure.

 

[Teevster]

Ps: do not feel ashamed writing such a post. We have all had a period likd this in our life.

 

[ljrozz69]

@theta14 ,
I completly agree with you on that exercising can help me get out of depression, but sadly I struggle in keeping motivated enough to keep doing it.

--
@authenticSelf ,
I have been trying that several times; making a schedule and do whatever is on it. It makes sense that I can solve that through discipline; yet discipline is exactly what I am lacking of. Actually I managed to go out a few times to check out places of where I could go someday later.

--
@Teevster ,
Thanks for the kind words! You are right about splitting the problems but actually I think it all originates from a deeper problem -I will talk about this later.

School:
Talked to the director of my major, I told him about my case and he suggested me to split the year in two so I could have time to work on this issue.

PU:
Honestly I don't really know if I have AA, or what my game lacks - I have a few ideas but... I think I am still too fresh to really know.
Sure! I'd enjoy meeting up and hitting the field together again, ring me when you are done with the exams (bon courage! =p)
Yes, exactly, main problem s are my parents. I think the best solution would be moving out, althought that is something a bit longterm. They shouldnt say anything about my behavior, if my "not coming home" outings remain rare though.

Depression:
I tried doing some TRE yesterday, I couldnt make complete it but I think it helped me. I will try again after searching if there is something I was missing out.
I think a huge problem -this is the deep one I was talking about earlier- is that there are underlying frames that control my behavior. There is a certain threeshold I have to surpass to get free of it. Then I am very hooked in and I do no longer have this shit happenning.
1- I make a HUGE deal of the result of my actions. Only results matter (and I don't give a fuck about efforts). Ie: having a good mark, getting laid that night, etc. (btw this makes you either extremely try-hard or lazy-optimization-drived; nothing to be proud of).
2- My expectations are craazy high. Ie: entering a top tier program, getting really good with women in 6 months, etc.

I know these are super toxic, and I think they are behind all this. I know that but the case is that I belive in those frames very hard - they are part of my personnality-. So I have a lot of trouble refraiming them... and if I find a way to do so, I have to adopt those new frames; wich will take lots of time.
So my idea behind the first post was to find a way to reframe concretly those things, but actually it wasnt very focused as you said.

If anyone would help me out doing so I would really appreciate.



Thank you very much for the efforts and inputs,
Klimax

 

[ElderPrice]

This is exactly me 2 years ago.

First off, make sure your top priority is studying and doing a good job in your classes.

Second, wanting to go out and meet girls is a legit reason to go out. So don't think it's not. But I know what you mean. Here are some 'legit' reasons to go out that should help you:

1. Study outside the house as much as you can. If the school library doesn't work, that's okay. Find a coffee shop, or maybe a public library, or even a casual restaurant. The only thing you should worry about with regards to girls is going somewhere that cute girls go to. Don't go to the coffee shop within walking distance if only middle aged guys go there. Find a place that cute girls go to, and go there. Then study. If a cute girl sits near you, say hi and talk to her. If you notice a cute girl on the other side of the establishment, you can go over to her, say hi and talk to her.

2. You obviously aren't starving, so you have to go out and get food. If you're getting fast food one day, try parking and going in rather than doing drivethrough. If it's a regular restaurant, sit at the bar. Might be cute girls to say hi to in there. Go to the grocery store, even if you never cook. Buy some snacks. Try and find a grocery store that cute girls shop at.

3. Other shopping. You need clothes and stuff like that, right? Go shopping in person, not online. Even if you just can't buy shit in person, you can at least go to try stuff on that you might buy online later. If you see cute girls while out shopping, you can go say hi and talk to them.

To get over the anxiety, just get started by going out. Don't think you have to talk to anyone. Just get in a habit of going outside the house. Then as it starts feeling more comfortable, start doing a little more than you did previously. Say hi to one girl. Next time say hi to two. Next time say hi and start a conversation, etc. That should get you moving in the right direction.

 

[ljrozz69]

BUMP

Do you know anyone that has gotten out of depression and would like to share his experience here or via PM?

Thanks,
Klimax

 

[BigPapa]

I was quite depressed for a while , had to do with work , but the interesting thing is even though it was “just “ about work and money basically , it affected everything and became depressed : could not focus at work , smoked more than 2 packs of cigarettes per day , could not sleep , could not eat , hell I could not even get my dick hard anymore , did not feel like talking with anyone , spent most of my free time in house smoking and looking at the walls . It was the lowest I ever been in my life .

then after a while ,realizing that my health started to deteriorate , I just told to myself , fuck this shit it ain”t worth it , and just moved to a new country to remove myself completely from everything . I started making friends ,my sleep quality startered to improve ,etc . It took me like 6 months to recuperate like 80%

sometimes it is just better to disappear for a while so you can order your thoughts and see what is important and what is just noise

 

[ljrozz69]

Hey BigPapa,

Could you tell me what do you think was holding you back and caused all those symptoms ?

 

[BigPapa]

Well , I took charge of the digital side of a quite big company from scratch ( my first senior tenure ) and built everything from scratch , and it was amazing with amazing results . I thought that finally I found peace and quiet .

then people that I took them literally from shit and my boss ( who I thought we were friends ) seeing that everything is fine now and that I have a strong personality decided to treat me like shit . Never been treated like that ever , and for me it did not made any sense this behavior based on how things were for like 2 years .

after a while I told them that I should have let them in shit and told them to fuck off . Went to another country and partied for like 3 months non stop and ending up at the new job barely capable of speaking in the morning haha

looking forward 2 years after the incident , everyone got fired for lack of results and when they see me are super friendly and they tell me how much they are sorry for being stupid , that money made them blind and other bullshit like that . I just tell them that I will either fuck them at least the same they did to me , either I will take a shit on their grave in the same day as the funeral To mess their loved ones beautiful flowers .

Babylonian law , an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth

the funny thing though is that I feel even more determined and motivated to be even more successful when bad shit happens and then just piss on the haters every time I see them

 

[BigPapa]

@Klimax you should listen to some Ryan Leslie amigo . That guy is great

Ryan Leslie - the black flag
Ryan leslie - history
Ryan Leslie - never break down
Ryan Leslie - Swiss francs
Ryan Leslie - 5 minute freshen up

he has a lot of songs about the hustle . Harvard educated , built a company from scratch and sold a minority stake to sales force , while doing rap songs even though everyone told him that he is not talented . He is not the best rapper , but the lyrics of his songs and beats are amazing