Any hope still? any and all advice helpful.

[KingTurtle]

Hey guys, been hanging around the forums for a while, decided it was time for a post.

Met a girl at a get together with friends, could tell instantly she was into me. Got her separated from the group and we hit it off right away.

Ended up going to a bar with her and her friends, everything went great. She even tapped me on the shoulder when I was talking to a friend I ran into at the bar, and she kissed me. Pretty much knew she was going home with me after that.

Then things got complicated. One of her friends was just a mess after a recent break-up, and she was worried about her (this was why I went with her friends to the bar, she said her friend was struggling and "needed" her). This friend kept insisting in front of both of us that we not have sex as we just met which I basically just ignored but was annoying. after trying to get her to leave with me for a while she finally agreed she was ready to go home with me, but couldn't find her friend. Basically we spent a forever looking for her (45-an hour?) by this time it was getting pretty late. The girl coming home with me got visibly tired on the cab ride home, was close to dozing off.

When we got back to my house we went right to bed, she told me she was into me, wanted to hook up, but was just too tired, but we kissed for a while and she said we'd hang out again tomorrow when she got off work (had to take her home early). Kissed her goodbye when I dropped her off, She then texted me about an hour later, so I was pretty sure she was still interested.

Not sure how but she ended up getting sick at work. I knew someone she worked with he confirmed she went home early and looked to be legitimately sick. She said she wanted to hang out but was in no condition too. She apologized profusely and said I could take her out to dinner when she felt better. Only issue? the next day I was leaving town for two weeks.

been out of town for four days and we've been texting on and off. Personally I'm not a fan of using texting as anything other than a tool to set up a time and place to meet, but since I am gonna be gone for a few weeks, I figured I needed to stay in touch.

Been flirtly texting her to show I'm interested, she has seemed to reciprocate. Until a bit ago I texted her about teaching her to snowboard which we mentioned when we hung out. She replied, "you're going to teach me?" "you don't know what you're getting yourself into" I laughed and said I was up for the challenge, and reminded her she told me she was uncoordinated. She responded "I'm also ornery" that's it and it took her longer than usual to respond.

just got a weird vibe from the text and think maybe I should just not respond and give her some space for a day? Is it a good idea to just not respond to her message period? does it sound like I'm screwed already?

would love any type of feedback you guys can give.

 

[Seppuku]

Not responding to a message, once in a while, is something I do often. It lets her ponder. Good thing for you.

Now you have other things going on here.

You meet a girl at a get-together, build chemistry then later on bring her home: very good. At least we won't have to tell you about the virtues of pulling fast.

You get stuck around at the bar, got caught by the cockblocker friend, ended up too late and tired at your home: can do better. This is the logistic part. You want to get out of the group of friends as early as possible, because it will get in the way. Also, you want to arrive at home early enough so that you both are (1) not too drunk, and (2) not too tired, to have reasonably good sex, and still time to sleep, especially if the next day is a working day. There is a time barrier that will get in the way, too. Keeping that time barrietr in mind is an integral part of the seduction.

Voicing explicitly that you two are going home and have sex: a bit dangerous. You didn't mention it explicitly but it is sort of implied by the cockblocker comment. So not sure. But just in case, actually voicing out about sex is likely to trigger some "Anti Slut Defenses". It is better to be covert. "Let's go and listen to some music at my place" or similar. It gives her plausible deniability.

You bring her to your home, and let her go without fucking her: not too good. When you bring a girl to a place where sex should naturally happen, but actually doesn't happen, it is more or less equivalent to a "failed escalation". The negatives of a failed escalation are coming mostly from her unconscious mind, telling her: "he didn't fuck me. Surely, he doesn't like me this way". It doesn't matter if it's because you tried and failed, or just couldn't try for good reason.

So now, that is not the end of the world in itself. But it will likely be harder for you to bring her home again. Just for the next time, remember that you can't afford to bring a girl home and not attempt to fuck her.

Now, with this girl, you should definitely persist. I would personally take it back from scratch, as if nothing happened, as if it was a first date. Have plenty of time ahead, take her out for two hours, pretext you two go and listen to some music in your place, pull, escalate.

I hope that helps.
Seppuku

 

[KingTurtle]

That was my assessment on the situation, regardless of the details still should have found a way to seal the deal.

Keeping the time barrier in mind is great advice. Most likely this is were I truly lost the opportunity.

Regardless I’ll keep in touch with her and see what happens when I get back in town.

The advice is much appreciated,
KT