FR Approaches at College Fast Food Noodle Resturant

[Definitely_not_a_gymrat]

Interesting and unexpected that I'm writing a post for an event which I thought would be me simply picking up my food. To set up the event, I left my class early and went to a fast food restaurant to pick up some food. Made 2 approaches, literally back to back. (P.S: Conversations are not exactly the way I remember them, just main points highlighted).

Approach 1:

Went and placed my order on the kiosk, and saw a cute girl waiting for her food, headphones in. I go right next to her and wait for five seconds, before opening her:

Me: How long have you been waiting here for your food?

Her: Around 10 minutes.

Me: Are you taking that to go or waiting for a friend.

Her: I'm actually in a class right now, from 7-10 PM.

Me: Ok, are you actually listening or are you open to talking?

Her: No, I'm actually listening to my lecture.

Me: You don't mind a chat though right?

Her: No, I'm open to talking.

Me: Okay, what class do you have?

Her: I'm actually go to [my university] by day and [other university] at night. What's your major.

Me: I'm just [normal major]. You're really smart, intimidating me and everything.

Her: Nooo... I'm not that smart.

Me: Come on, you got brains and beauty, the whole package.

Her: [Giggle]

We proceed to talk a bit more, nothing too crazy or meaningful, till her order arrives.

Her: [Comes back for a goodbye greeting.] It was nice meeting you.

Me: Yeah, definitely, though what are you doing later this week? We can go get a coffee, or come back here, or eat somewhere else.

Her: [Names a bunch of things for the next day and day after that - actually seems pretty busy].

Me: Are you really this busy or just trying to blow me off?

Her: Nooooo. Here, lemme give you my number and we can talk further.

Me: Alright, I'll take your number. You got a good vibe(making sure to qualify her at the end).

Her: Okay, nice meeting you.

Me: You too.

She went to grab one thing quickly, then as she exited, she gave me a big wave & a big smile. I did the same.

Approach #2:

Literally 15 seconds later, I see a very cute girl and a guy finish placing their orders. Initially, I thought they were together. However, the girl proceeded to stand right next to me while the guy went god knows where. Seeing her, even though she may have seen my last approach, I knew I had to at least run game. She had her earphones in, but was very receptive to conversation.

Me: What did you end up ordering?

Her: I ordered a salad.

Me: A salad, trying to diet?

Her: Nooo, I just really like salads.

Me: No one likes salads, you're lying to me.

Her: Nooo, I really do. What's wrong with eating salads?

[I sensed I was teasing her too much at this point, and went to qualify her instead].

Me: Nothing's wrong, I was just saying you take care of yourself. I like that.

Her: Yeah, I do try to take care of myself.

Me: Yeah, you try to go to the gym. Tbh you seem like a pilates girl.

Her: Noooo I hate pilates. I just go to the gym instead.

Me: Ah so you just like lifting a bunch of heavy weight instead.

Her: Yeah.

[We proceed to talk about gyms. She said she prefers going to the gym alone, which I used to connect with her, saying that I like that you can meet more people alone.]

Me: You taking this order home and chilling?

Her: No, I literally have an exam after this.

Me: What class?

Her: [Some bullshit class].

Me: What's your major?

Her: Finance. What's yours?

Me: Guess.

Her: Finance.

Me: Yes!

[We proceed to talk a little bit more about finance, the job market, and how bad it is for internships now, then I run a joke with sexual misinterpretation.]

Me: At this rate, I might as well build something on the side. Actually, if I were to drop out and start an onlyfans, how much would you pay per month?

Her: I probably wouldn't pay for that.

Me: I was talking about my cooking channel.

Her: Ohhh! I'd subscribe to that.

Me: What were you thinking of? You dirty girl.

Her: Noooo I'm not dirty.

[She proceeds to get her order from the counter, and proceeds to say bye to me].

Me: What are you doing later this week.

Her: [Lists off a bunch things saying she's busy].

Me: Okay, maybe next week then.

Her: Actually, I have a boyfriend.

Me: How's that working out for you?

Her: Good. Ok bye!

Thoughts: I focused more on qualifying girls and asking them out naturally, rather than first going for the number, advice given by @Will_V . Also tried the onlyfans joke, which I never did before, might experiment a few times with it. The first conversation was really short, but I'm pleasantly surprised she offered me her number. Texted her the icebreaker text, no response, only been 40 minutes and she's listening to an online lecture rn. The second girl, there was interest, but I think at the end, she brushed me off with the boyfriend excuse, I could sense that there was no boyfriend. Really sucks cuz I thought she was cute and we had a good vibe going. One thing I want to do is not wait till the end of interaction to ask these girls out, feels a bit forced tbh. Any other comments? I'll see how things with the first girl goes.

 

[Definitely_not_a_gymrat]

Update: Girl 1 hasn’t responded to icebreaker text, will possibly call her in a day or two. Any cause for concern that she didn’t respond yet?

 

[Will_V]

Well done on taking the opportunities, feels good when you go out and just sort of run into a bunch of cuties!

You're doing some stuff well, but the whole approach isn't ending up where it needs to be by the time you get the number.

Interesting and unexpected that I'm writing a post for an event which I thought would be me simply picking up my food. To set up the event, I left my class early and went to a fast food restaurant to pick up some food. Made 2 approaches, literally back to back. (P.S: Conversations are not exactly the way I remember them, just main points highlighted).

Approach 1:

Went and placed my order on the kiosk, and saw a cute girl waiting for her food, headphones in. I go right next to her and wait for five seconds, before opening her:

Me: How long have you been waiting here for your food?

Her: Around 10 minutes.

Me: Are you taking that to go or waiting for a friend.

Her: I'm actually in a class right now, from 7-10 PM.

Me: Ok, are you actually listening or are you open to talking?

Her: No, I'm actually listening to my lecture.

Me: You don't mind a chat though right?

Her: No, I'm open to talking.

Not the best opening, lots of questions and then asking for permission.

When you ask questions, it's usually best to not make them specific ones, because that gives you a lot of room to steer things based on her response.

When you ask "How long have you been waiting?" and she says "10 minutes" it's not the easiest to find a continuation there.

If instead you ask "Been waiting here long?" it's a subtle difference but there's so much more room to spin that thread, for example if she goes "Not long" you can say "ok cool cos you look like you've got places to go, what are you up to today".

Informational exchanges are just a pathway toward emotional exchanges, and when your question receives pure data as a response ("10 minutes") that transition is harder.

Secondly you don't need to ask permission, you did so twice there, best to assume she wants to speak with you, if she really doesn't it'll be pretty clear.

Me: Okay, what class do you have?

Her: I'm actually go to [my university] by day and [other university] at night. What's your major.

Me: I'm just [normal major]. You're really smart, intimidating me and everything.

Her: Nooo... I'm not that smart.

Me: Come on, you got brains and beauty, the whole package.

Too much compliments and self-deprecation. Not good for a first meeting before you've established chemistry and rapport. This definitely puts you in the chase frame.

So far she's done nothing at all, jumped through no hoops nor proved anything to you, and she's getting compliments and offers of a date.

Her: [Giggle]

We proceed to talk a bit more, nothing too crazy or meaningful, till her order arrives.

This was an opportunity to establish more connection, get more compliance by getting her to qualify to you, and rebalance the frame as you leading and her following.

Never let conversations turn into chitchat, there's no time for that.

Her: [Comes back for a goodbye greeting.] It was nice meeting you.

By this stage she's probably feeling happy and contented but not invested at all, which is text ghosting territory.

Me: Yeah, definitely, though what are you doing later this week? We can go get a coffee, or come back here, or eat somewhere else.

Too indecisive, sounds like you're asking her to take the lead. Here was your last chance to recoup a little bit of authority. Something like:

You: "Yeah, you know what, I'm kinda intrigued by you"
Her: "Why?!"
<Give a casual, somewhat ambiguous bit of qualification, preferably with a gentle tease>
You: "I think I'd like to get to know you more, when are you free this week?"

Authoritative, and framed like she's slowly working on you and has a ways to go.

Her: [Names a bunch of things for the next day and day after that - actually seems pretty busy].

Me: Are you really this busy or just trying to blow me off?

Not good! You're implying a negative frame here and making her feel like she has to be nice to you.

Her: Nooooo. Here, lemme give you my number and we can talk further.

Me: Alright, I'll take your number. You got a good vibe(making sure to qualify her at the end).

Her: Okay, nice meeting you.

Me: You too.

She went to grab one thing quickly, then as she exited, she gave me a big wave & a big smile. I did the same.

Overall she definitely enjoyed it but:

- You over-complimented her and didn't create any real interest or intrigue in yourself
- You came across as indecisive (asking for permission, throwing out date options like you want her to choose)
- Your qualification of her was a little weak (on her vibe)

This is the sort of thing that ends with her feeling like "what a nice guy and what a fun little interaction" but without a real motivation to take it any further.

Approach #2:

Literally 15 seconds later, I see a very cute girl and a guy finish placing their orders. Initially, I thought they were together. However, the girl proceeded to stand right next to me while the guy went god knows where. Seeing her, even though she may have seen my last approach, I knew I had to at least run game. She had her earphones in, but was very receptive to conversation.

Me: What did you end up ordering?

Her: I ordered a salad.

Me: A salad, trying to diet?

Lol, not the safest option to ask a girl if she's trying to diet!

Her: Nooo, I just really like salads.

Me: No one likes salads, you're lying to me.

Her: Nooo, I really do. What's wrong with eating salads?

[I sensed I was teasing her too much at this point, and went to qualify her instead].

Me: Nothing's wrong, I was just saying you take care of yourself. I like that.

Her: Yeah, I do try to take care of myself.

Well done on sensing the need to recalibrate.

Me: Yeah, you try to go to the gym. Tbh you seem like a pilates girl.

Her: Noooo I hate pilates. I just go to the gym instead.

Me: Ah so you just like lifting a bunch of heavy weight instead.

Her: Yeah.

[We proceed to talk about gyms. She said she prefers going to the gym alone, which I used to connect with her, saying that I like that you can meet more people alone.]

That's well done.

Me: You taking this order home and chilling?

Her: No, I literally have an exam after this.

Me: What class?

Her: [Some bullshit class].

Me: What's your major?

Her: Finance. What's yours?

Me: Guess.

Her: Finance.

Me: Yes!

[We proceed to talk a little bit more about finance, the job market, and how bad it is for internships now, then I run a joke with sexual misinterpretation.]

The conversation here has spent way too long in the friendly/polite/information exchange zone, you want to quickly get to emotional topics and ones that give her an opportunity to tell you what sort of girl she is.

You sensed that, it seems, but the onlyfans joke just doesn't seem like the best route here. It sorta came out of nowhere and the punchline is a bit confusing.

You're not there to be a comedian, and unless the vibe is super relaxed and fun, girls often don't know how to respond to this sort of thing, especially if they are feeling a little excited and anxious about the approach.

Me: At this rate, I might as well build something on the side. Actually, if I were to drop out and start an onlyfans, how much would you pay per month?

Her: I probably wouldn't pay for that.

Me: I was talking about my cooking channel.

Her: Ohhh! I'd subscribe to that.

Me: What were you thinking of? You dirty girl.

Her: Noooo I'm not dirty.

That's a bit much and again the whole thing came out of nowhere - you were talking about finance one minute and the next it's onlyfans and dirty girls.

If you want to bring sexual innuendo into it, it's best to do it subtly and smoothly, and look for a positive response at each step.

[She proceeds to get her order from the counter, and proceeds to say bye to me].

Me: What are you doing later this week.

Her: [Lists off a bunch things saying she's busy].

Me: Okay, maybe next week then.

Her: Actually, I have a boyfriend.

Me: How's that working out for you?

Her: Good. Ok bye!

Sounds like towards the end she was confused by the joke and the sudden change in direction of the conversation, and just wanted to escape that tension.

Anyways, well done on the approaches and posting the report, this is how you grow!

 

[Definitely_not_a_gymrat]

Not the best opening, lots of questions and then asking for permission.

When you ask questions, it's usually best to not make them specific ones, because that gives you a lot of room to steer things based on her response.

When you ask "How long have you been waiting?" and she says "10 minutes" it's not the easiest to find a continuation there.

If instead you ask "Been waiting here long?" it's a subtle difference but there's so much more room to spin that thread, for example if she goes "Not long" you can say "ok cool cos you look like you've got places to go, what are you up to today".

Informational exchanges are just a pathway toward emotional exchanges, and when your question receives pure data as a response ("10 minutes") that transition is harder.

Secondly you don't need to ask permission, you did so twice there, best to assume she wants to speak with you, if she really doesn't it'll be pretty clear.

Yeah, I could see it set's a bad frame, she was clearly down to chat. Will try the slight word change next time. Only reason I asked for permission was because she was in a zoom lecture for class, not listening to music or anything else like that.

Too much compliments and self-deprecation. Not good for a first meeting before you've established chemistry and rapport. This definitely puts you in the chase frame.

So far she's done nothing at all, jumped through no hoops nor proved anything to you, and she's getting compliments and offers of a date.

Yeah, I could see that, at this point, I haven't asked her of anything yet. This time I was trying to focus more on qualifying, since I did the opposite last field report, though I could see the problem with what I did.

This was an opportunity to establish more connection, get more compliance by getting her to qualify to you, and rebalance the frame as you leading and her following.

Never let conversations turn into chitchat, there's no time for that.

Tbh, idt there was much time between the last piece of dialogue and when she went to get her order. I asked her if she had time to wait for me, and she said no - probably not a good sign with the negative compliance.

By this stage she's probably feeling happy and contented but not invested at all, which is text ghosting territory.

Yeah I see why this is probably the case, do you think I have any chance with reviving it with a phone call in a couple days? She said she would be out all day tomorrow at [city], so definitely not a good time to call.

Too indecisive, sounds like you're asking her to take the lead. Here was your last chance to recoup a little bit of authority. Something like:

You: "Yeah, you know what, I'm kinda intrigued by you"
Her: "Why?!"
<Give a casual, somewhat ambiguous bit of qualification, preferably with a gentle tease>
You: "I think I'd like to get to know you more, when are you free this week?"

Authoritative, and framed like she's slowly working on you and has a ways to go.

Will try this out next time, hopefully it goes well.

Not good! You're implying a negative frame here and making her feel like she has to be nice to you.

Yeah, I regretted saying that, not a good frame to set.

Overall she definitely enjoyed it but:

- You over-complimented her and didn't create any real interest or intrigue in yourself
- You came across as indecisive (asking for permission, throwing out date options like you want her to choose)
- Your qualification of her was a little weak (on her vibe)

This is the sort of thing that ends with her feeling like "what a nice guy and what a fun little interaction" but without a real motivation to take it any further.

Yeah, seems like it, although she asked me to take her number, would that count for anything?

Lol, not the safest option to ask a girl if she's trying to diet!

How could I respond to this better?

Well done on sensing the need to recalibrate.

Thanks! Trying not to bust balls too much.

That's well done.

Thanks again!

The conversation here has spent way too long in the friendly/polite/information exchange zone, you want to quickly get to emotional topics and ones that give her an opportunity to tell you what sort of girl she is.

You sensed that, it seems, but the onlyfans joke just doesn't seem like the best route here. It sorta came out of nowhere and the punchline is a bit confusing.

You're not there to be a comedian, and unless the vibe is super relaxed and fun, girls often don't know how to respond to this sort of thing, especially if they are feeling a little excited and anxious about the approach.

Yeah, might try this joke later on in a date setting, rather than a cold approach. Gotta learn how to start building emotional connections and commonalities with girls. You think that would help reduce flakes?

That's a bit much and again the whole thing came out of nowhere - you were talking about finance one minute and the next it's onlyfans and dirty girls.

If you want to bring sexual innuendo into it, it's best to do it subtly and smoothly, and look for a positive response at each step.

Fair point, I'll try a lighter joke next time if at all, this might be the point where she lost interest - I could definitely sense it in the beginning, she removed her air pods and was willing to start a conversation with me, all without me asking for permission.

Sounds like towards the end she was confused by the joke and the sudden change in direction of the conversation, and just wanted to escape that tension.

Anyways, well done on the approaches and posting the report, this is how you grow!

Yeah, I could see that. Thanks man, trying my best to learn, got no other option but to grow!

 

[Will_V]

Yeah, I could see that, at this point, I haven't asked her of anything yet. This time I was trying to focus more on qualifying, since I did the opposite last field report, though I could see the problem with what I did.

You can do both at the same time - make her prove herself to you and qualify her. In fact, that's the best way to do it.

So for example let's say she's doing some boring degree like accounting, you can say something like:

You: "So do you really like that or are you just <shrug>"
Her: "Yeah I do"
You: "Why's that, what do you like about it?"
Her(thinks a bit): "I really like organizing things"
You "Oh ok I can see that about you .. I bet you have your little apartment always in perfect order" <smiling>
Her: "Haha yeah I do!"
You: "I like that" smile and touch her arm or move a bit closer.

In this scenario, she doesn't just get a compliment dumped on her, she feels a bit of pressure with the first question, qualifies herself to you, you dig a little deeper, uncover something about her that probably not even all her friends know or noticed about her, and then you qualify her on it.

Yeah I see why this is probably the case, do you think I have any chance with reviving it with a phone call in a couple days? She said she would be out all day tomorrow at [city], so definitely not a good time to call.

Generally speaking in my experience the approach is make or break. Without eye contact, nonverbals, chemistry etc in play, things can only really stay on course or go down, but not up, when it moves to the medium of text.

You can try stuff, and I'm not saying it can't work, personally though I don't enjoy one bit trying to salvage something over text, and I don't really bother.

What I'd do is send a follow up message a day or so after, just a standard followup after the icebreaker like what is laid out here, and if she doesn't respond to it I'd move on.

Yeah, seems like it, although she asked me to take her number, would that count for anything?

Not necessarily, a number doesn't mean very much, and it's possible she wanted to be nice to you in return for the compliments. Getting compliance/investment from her, and making her prove herself and lean toward you, is what actually moves the needle.

How could I respond to this better?

About the salad? Your followup comment was good, "Nobody likes salads", that could've replaced the diet line. I'd wager it was the diet line that ruffled her and made her feel defensive there.

Thanks! Trying not to bust balls too much.

Thanks again!

Yeah, might try this joke later on in a date setting, rather than a cold approach. Gotta learn how to start building emotional connections and commonalities with girls. You think that would help reduce flakes?

The way I see it, the main thing that reduces flakes is:

1. Getting her to prove herself to you - that she's an interesting, fun, smart, adventurous girl who's your type
2. Qualifying her on the things she's proved to you

That way you get an ideal frame - you are the authority and she's bending to you - and the date is then not you chasing her, but her having a further opportunity to prove herself to you.

Yeah, I could see that. Thanks man, trying my best to learn, got no other option but to grow!

Yeah, seduction is one of those things where you don't get a report card from her at the end when you mess up, you just gotta enjoy the process, enjoy getting in amongst the pigeons and making them flutter about, and do as much self-evaluation as you can - and of course writing reports here is going to help you a ton.

 

[Definitely_not_a_gymrat]

You can do both at the same time - make her prove herself to you and qualify her. In fact, that's the best way to do it.

So for example let's say she's doing some boring degree like accounting, you can say something like:

You: "So do you really like that or are you just <shrug>"
Her: "Yeah I do"
You: "Why's that, what do you like about it?"
Her(thinks a bit): "I really like organizing things"
You "Oh ok I can see that about you .. I bet you have your little apartment always in perfect order" <smiling>
Her: "Haha yeah I do!"
You: "I like that" smile and touch her arm or move a bit closer.

In this scenario, she doesn't just get a compliment dumped on her, she feels a bit of pressure with the first question, qualifies herself to you, you dig a little deeper, uncover something about her that probably not even all her friends know or noticed about her, and then you qualify her on it.

Actually, now looking back at the conversation again, I tried to do something like that when she said she went to two different universities, but wasn't that great of an attempt. Can solidify for next time.

Generally speaking in my experience the approach is make or break. Without eye contact, nonverbals, chemistry etc in play, things can only really stay on course or go down, but not up, when it moves to the medium of text.

You can try stuff, and I'm not saying it can't work, personally though I don't enjoy one bit trying to salvage something over text, and I don't really bother.

What I'd do is send a follow up message a day or so after, just a standard followup after the icebreaker like what is laid out here, and if she doesn't respond to it I'd move on.

Ok, will try that.

Not necessarily, a number doesn't mean very much, and it's possible she wanted to be nice to you in return for the compliments. Getting compliance/investment from her, and making her prove herself and lean toward you, is what actually moves the needle.

Will keep in mind for future interactions.

About the salad? Your followup comment was good, "Nobody likes salads", that could've replaced the diet line. I'd wager it was the diet line that ruffled her and made her feel defensive there.

Yea perhaps, could have also framed it positively, instead saying, "Oh, you're a gymrat(or some variation of someone who takes care of their health)."

The way I see it, the main thing that reduces flakes is:

1. Getting her to prove herself to you - that she's an interesting, fun, smart, adventurous girl who's your type
2. Qualifying her on the things she's proved to you

That way you get an ideal frame - you are the authority and she's bending to you - and the date is then not you chasing her, but her having a further opportunity to prove herself to you.

Yea, will definitely try those qualifying frames out in future interactions. I feel like for the next few I'll experiment with a tease, cold read, and then qualify, or some variation of that.

Yeah, seduction is one of those things where you don't get a report card from her at the end when you mess up, you just gotta enjoy the process, enjoy getting in amongst the pigeons and making them flutter about, and do as much self-evaluation as you can - and of course writing reports here is going to help you a ton.

Yeah, writing reports is like the report card. Thanks for the support!

 

[Definitely_not_a_gymrat]

UPDATE WITH GIRL 1

Decided to give her a call today, since based on the FR given, I came across as a nice guy who sparked less attraction. Figured texting wouldn’t do anything.

To my great surprise, she picked up.

Won’t put the full convo here, more of a summary:

Me: Hey [name], this is [me] from [place we met].

Her: Ah, yes I remember.

At this point I focused on re-establishing the vibe, while teasing her more. When we met in person I qualified her too much on being smart, this time I decided to tease, then qualify as well. Would’ve done a cold read or two but it was a phone call.

She was also asking questions back, trying to get to know me more.

Eventually I poked around her schedule, she said she’s going back for thanksgiving break to her home country, but coming back in 2 weeks. I focused on making a concrete plan, asking her for ice cream, and eventually we settled on a day and time.

She was resisting at first, saying things like she was older than me, and that she has a boyfriend. The entire time I framed it as “two people getting ice cream together.” Whatever excuse she had I gave this and eventually she accepted.

I figure I’m gonna have to call her again a few days before to confirm the plan again, but wow what a surprising turn of events! Call lasted around five minutes.

She also said she’s not an avid tester, and if I want to get in touch to call her - don’t really know if this is a good or bad sign.