- Joined
- Jul 25, 2015
- Messages
- 91
Hey James Bonds,
Let me just start by saying despite what you're about to read, I am not totally hopeless. I have a reasonable degree of charm, decent looks and fashion. Beginner-to-intermediate in how to act with women, but I have glaring beginner-tier flaws (probably still technically a beginner altogether). Not just glaring, I mean prodigious flaws. Well, the biggest one is over now but let's just say it got insane. I'm talking about chasing and the lengths I've gone to and the high quality women I've given up just for a girl that was never into me to begin with. Eh, it happens to the best of us, but I mean this is after learning and re-learning and re-re-learning this lesson over and over.
My issue is this: this girl I met back in November who I am almost entirely certain was into me auto-rejected me when we went on a lunch date last Monday. She rejected my follow-up I proposed a couple days later (she suggested we invite friends to it, etc). Now, it took me until February to ask her to do anything because I had my final, absolute last straw of chasing women in the months prior. Long story short, I pulled a "working on her" for what turned into 2 and a half months and change at the cost of an incredibly interesting woman (with red hair no less, who also approached ME...I know, I hate me too...missed a wild one) who actually was blatantly into in me, as well as a dark brown haired one who I tried to salvage things with (also incredibly interesting for different reasons). I could detail it here but I'll spare the egregious details. I thought I was done chasing but I somehow pulled a Sisyphus. It was such a disaster in every possible way, I "lived" a lesson, for the last, last time, that I apparently only intellectually grasped. My experience finally caught up with the intellectual understanding. I have done this literally my whole life, this being the WORST case. I'm 22 lol. I'm zen about it, as I have different goals with women than the majority of you guys (respect) but it's still not preferred...
The bigger issue is, the girl I chased like an idiot and the girl who I tried with last week both know each other and are good friends. In fact, they're from the "girl I dig's friend digs me" post. Oy. And before I tried salvaging it with this girl, I tried salvaging it with the red head who smartly moved on and has a boyfriend...That wasn't too bad, only took a couple days to figure that one through some texts and an in-person chance meeting at our college library. No big.
I really enjoyed my lunch with the latest one, though. I was so confident she was still into me because she didn't seem to care if she even knew about how I called her friend to lunch (funny story, that). Because of this, I may have acted too "friendly" or "familiar" on the date. The lunch with her friend (there's explanation as to why I went in knowing she didn't consider it a date) was weeks before, it wasn't like I did them the day after but it's still pretty terrible. Yeesh. If nothing else, I've run the gauntlet on mistakes. More things to experiment with from the fallout of failure.
So we have the lunch, I have enough reason to think she's interested, I make a follow-up, she rejects. Also, I am certain she knows about her friend now if she didn't before and that may have been part of the reason she rejected, other than typical auto-rejection of 'Wow, it took him this long to realize this?" That, coupled with, "Wow, I was his LAST choice? Behind one of my BEST FRIENDS?" Hard to reconcile that...That said, she legitimately has an other-worldly kindness to her so I don't think she was mad. She also has this third friend with she and the other girl I chased. They absolutely all talked. I just have a hunch that third friend convinced her to reject me because blablabla he's a clown. She's right, but that's changing.
Thing is, I saw her tonight and she honestly seemed interested again. I charmed her (it helped I honestly looked good, I had dress clothes on because of a mock trial event). It seemed like a, "I know I shouldn't like him out of respect for my self, buuuut..."
My other theory is I somehow completely misread everything but I highly doubt that, the signs were there, at least at first.
Any way...I was going to ask her to go dancing with no strings attached (asked her before because I was so confident I could ask anything due to her apparent devotion), just for a fun thing. Of course, "no strings attached" is a lie lol. There's ulterior motives to salvage. When I say dancing, I mean classic stuff, like west coast swing. Now, usually, I know you're not supposed to do this, but she's extremely religious (as am I). She loves traditional stuff like that so I figured it can be an exception. I'm not chasing her, I don't care about the outcome. It's just fun interacting with her and I think I can shmooze her. I think I saw tonight a possible chance if I just keep the charm up and find a way to get her out, which is why I slot it into a "persistence" category. I won't pretend to be anything but a beginner so feel free to be brutal.
Also, for what it's worth, my mindset is completely different now. I was reminded of this realization I had of how to view women and it's pretty empowering stuff, so don't think I'm coming at this from a "I absolutely NEED her," angle, because that is dead forever. Good riddance.
Do you guys follow? Maybe I'm inferring too many things and over-thinking it. Happens. I have a guy on the inside, I'll try and get him talking. These girls are all involved with ministry but the red head might be removed enough from them for them not to know...but probably not. Yeah, I made sort of an ass of myself if you assume everyone knows because everyone talks and it's college so you kind of have to assume, even if it's ministry. I am almost 100 percent certain what happened was auto-rejection when she rejected the follow-up stuff. Her friend probably mentioned, "Oh hey, so you know, he asked me out a few weeks ago" after the first date if not long before that.
I want to reiterate, I'm not trying to launch a new campaign. I can see it happening if I persist though, with flirtations and such.
Any and all help is appreciated, I'm somewhat pissing in the dark here.
Let me just start by saying despite what you're about to read, I am not totally hopeless. I have a reasonable degree of charm, decent looks and fashion. Beginner-to-intermediate in how to act with women, but I have glaring beginner-tier flaws (probably still technically a beginner altogether). Not just glaring, I mean prodigious flaws. Well, the biggest one is over now but let's just say it got insane. I'm talking about chasing and the lengths I've gone to and the high quality women I've given up just for a girl that was never into me to begin with. Eh, it happens to the best of us, but I mean this is after learning and re-learning and re-re-learning this lesson over and over.
My issue is this: this girl I met back in November who I am almost entirely certain was into me auto-rejected me when we went on a lunch date last Monday. She rejected my follow-up I proposed a couple days later (she suggested we invite friends to it, etc). Now, it took me until February to ask her to do anything because I had my final, absolute last straw of chasing women in the months prior. Long story short, I pulled a "working on her" for what turned into 2 and a half months and change at the cost of an incredibly interesting woman (with red hair no less, who also approached ME...I know, I hate me too...missed a wild one) who actually was blatantly into in me, as well as a dark brown haired one who I tried to salvage things with (also incredibly interesting for different reasons). I could detail it here but I'll spare the egregious details. I thought I was done chasing but I somehow pulled a Sisyphus. It was such a disaster in every possible way, I "lived" a lesson, for the last, last time, that I apparently only intellectually grasped. My experience finally caught up with the intellectual understanding. I have done this literally my whole life, this being the WORST case. I'm 22 lol. I'm zen about it, as I have different goals with women than the majority of you guys (respect) but it's still not preferred...
The bigger issue is, the girl I chased like an idiot and the girl who I tried with last week both know each other and are good friends. In fact, they're from the "girl I dig's friend digs me" post. Oy. And before I tried salvaging it with this girl, I tried salvaging it with the red head who smartly moved on and has a boyfriend...That wasn't too bad, only took a couple days to figure that one through some texts and an in-person chance meeting at our college library. No big.
I really enjoyed my lunch with the latest one, though. I was so confident she was still into me because she didn't seem to care if she even knew about how I called her friend to lunch (funny story, that). Because of this, I may have acted too "friendly" or "familiar" on the date. The lunch with her friend (there's explanation as to why I went in knowing she didn't consider it a date) was weeks before, it wasn't like I did them the day after but it's still pretty terrible. Yeesh. If nothing else, I've run the gauntlet on mistakes. More things to experiment with from the fallout of failure.
So we have the lunch, I have enough reason to think she's interested, I make a follow-up, she rejects. Also, I am certain she knows about her friend now if she didn't before and that may have been part of the reason she rejected, other than typical auto-rejection of 'Wow, it took him this long to realize this?" That, coupled with, "Wow, I was his LAST choice? Behind one of my BEST FRIENDS?" Hard to reconcile that...That said, she legitimately has an other-worldly kindness to her so I don't think she was mad. She also has this third friend with she and the other girl I chased. They absolutely all talked. I just have a hunch that third friend convinced her to reject me because blablabla he's a clown. She's right, but that's changing.
Thing is, I saw her tonight and she honestly seemed interested again. I charmed her (it helped I honestly looked good, I had dress clothes on because of a mock trial event). It seemed like a, "I know I shouldn't like him out of respect for my self, buuuut..."
My other theory is I somehow completely misread everything but I highly doubt that, the signs were there, at least at first.
Any way...I was going to ask her to go dancing with no strings attached (asked her before because I was so confident I could ask anything due to her apparent devotion), just for a fun thing. Of course, "no strings attached" is a lie lol. There's ulterior motives to salvage. When I say dancing, I mean classic stuff, like west coast swing. Now, usually, I know you're not supposed to do this, but she's extremely religious (as am I). She loves traditional stuff like that so I figured it can be an exception. I'm not chasing her, I don't care about the outcome. It's just fun interacting with her and I think I can shmooze her. I think I saw tonight a possible chance if I just keep the charm up and find a way to get her out, which is why I slot it into a "persistence" category. I won't pretend to be anything but a beginner so feel free to be brutal.
Also, for what it's worth, my mindset is completely different now. I was reminded of this realization I had of how to view women and it's pretty empowering stuff, so don't think I'm coming at this from a "I absolutely NEED her," angle, because that is dead forever. Good riddance.
Do you guys follow? Maybe I'm inferring too many things and over-thinking it. Happens. I have a guy on the inside, I'll try and get him talking. These girls are all involved with ministry but the red head might be removed enough from them for them not to know...but probably not. Yeah, I made sort of an ass of myself if you assume everyone knows because everyone talks and it's college so you kind of have to assume, even if it's ministry. I am almost 100 percent certain what happened was auto-rejection when she rejected the follow-up stuff. Her friend probably mentioned, "Oh hey, so you know, he asked me out a few weeks ago" after the first date if not long before that.
I want to reiterate, I'm not trying to launch a new campaign. I can see it happening if I persist though, with flirtations and such.
Any and all help is appreciated, I'm somewhat pissing in the dark here.
