Being Dominant with Older Women

[Ambiance]

Hey fellas-
One sticking point for me has been women who are older than I am. I will be flirting with a girl and then find out that she is older than I am and thus has more life experience than I (such as having gone through college, or living on her own, or even being deep into a career). This makes it harder to sweep her off her feet and into my bed. I just graduated high school and am off to college come fall, and aside from waiting til I have done college and am more accomplished, how can I be the dominant of the two when the girl is older and more experienced than me? (Not just talking sexual experience, but that certainly applies too) I'd be curious to hear from any age range, whether that be 18 year old guys trying for a girl in her twenties, to a 28 year guy dominating a very accomplished woman in her mid thirties, etc.

-A

 

[Seppuku]

Hey Ambiance,

Maybe I'm not the best guy to answer this, I'm soon 47 and getting girls 20 years younger.

But it seems to me that being dominant has nothing to do with life experience. It's about being in control and making her submit. You're the one in control of the conversation, but she's the one talking, so it doesn't matter much if you don't have as much experience as her. You're also in control of her emotions. You make her comfortable, you make her feel connected, and get her excited with your touch, voice, and eye contact. Then you lead her to your bedroom. She has more experience than you, but you make her submit to your will. You're in charge all the time and finally take her. That's how you're dominant.

Where age comes to an advantage, in my view, is with status and value. Older guys have already achieved things in their life, so they're already proven model and higher value. You will need to compensate the gap and work on your value. But if she's already agreed to date you, you're alright!

At the end of the day, it's more about self confidence.

That's my take. Let's see what other guys have to say on this.

Cheers,
Seppuku

 

[Smith]

The oldest women I ever got together with was 29, and I'm 23. I don't think I even worried about whether I was dominant. You need to take the lead whether the girl is 18 or 28 or 38. Just don't even worried about age and focus on being yourself...as cheesy as that sound. It's all in your head. You're young! show her you got passion and ambition and that you can make her feel young again

 

[Drck]

You don't really need to be dominant with older women... I prefer the term mature, if that is ok... Most mature women (say 35+) are open minded, you don't have to deal with all the crap young females (20-28) throw at you. They know you are younger and they can "read" you, e.g. they know if you are shy, if you have lots of experience with girls, or if you are just pretending...

Work on good fundamentals, that's usually good enough. Find the 'guts' to talk to her as a normal/casual person, show her that you like her - and see if she is interested to move things forward.

The way I like to think about it is to simply accept that women are 10x smarter then we (guys). They simply know what you are after, what you want. They can see you 0.5 second glimps at her and she already knows what you are thinking about... Your work is then just to avoid being awkward as much as possible, e.g. go after what you want in sort of gentle/genuine way... Pretending that you are dominant while you are not, well, that is quite awkward... If she likes you she will enable you to sleep with her, many times she will even help you...

 

[Fuck This]

I think it is more about Leading than being dominant. A Leader creates a vision that the followers can buy into. So in your interaction with women, you express things in a leaderlike fashion. "I'll be Downtown next Wednesday night. Why don't you come down to XYZ and meet me?" A good leader won't be forceful if it is not needed. In fact sometimes they can be skilled enough to make someone think it is their idea.

You create leadership by actions not words. You demonstrate that you make things happen. You keep your promises, and follow through. You lead by example. Once you commit to a course of action, you stick to it unless there is a better way that becomes evident.

Women respect strong leaders who know what they want. So know what you want, express it and follow through to get it.

 

[Chase]

Ambiance-

Here's a funny experiment you can try. I did this when I was younger.

I used to have that happen, where I'd meet a girl who was older and all went swell until I found out too much about her and suddenly I felt like a little kid talking to a grownup. She'd get the same feeling, and it'd just get awkward after that. We both knew it was done.

So what I started to do was whenever I met a girl who was clearly a few more years or more older than me, I'd try to ask as little about her life as possible and just make it a fun, flirty courtship. Move her around, do stuff with her, tease her. I'd avoid deep diving with much older women, because that'd just lead to them making themselves sound much older and more experienced. If they started onto some topic like work or travel that was going to make them sound more experienced, I'd direct the conversation elsewhere, and quite often I'd be able to see a visible sign of relief on a girl's face doing this ("Oh thank God, I was about to make myself sound really old and boring to him, he just saved me").

All that helped me a lot with older gals. Got rid of the awkwardness problem. You can still get to know them somewhat, you just need to steer clear of topics that will make them sound more experienced, more powerful, etc., than you.

Eventually what happened was I got comfortable enough with older women I could deep dive them on whatever and it no longer mattered, there was no feeling of them being more powerful. My frame was simply strong enough. But avoiding topics where they'd feel more powerful was how I trained that frame control up.

So, if you want an idea about what to try, I might offer that.

Chase

 

[Ambiance]

@Seppuku, @Smith, @drck, @TwoRocky-
You all seemed to have the same idea, pretty much summed up as staying in control, being mature, leading, and just being yourself. The combination of these shows an older girl that you can handle her and let the courtship go down an exciting path rather than getting stuck on the experience disparity. All fantastic advice; already I am having way better interactions with girls quite a bit older than I am, and I know his will serve me very well once I am a freshman in college, talking to say a beautiful senior sorority girl for instance. It is so nice to have such wise and experienced men to aid me. Appreciate your thoughts

@Chase

I used to have that happen, where I'd meet a girl who was older and all went swell until I found out too much about her and suddenly I felt like a little kid talking to a grownup. She'd get the same feeling, and it'd just get awkward after that. We both knew it was done.

Your ability to empathize is flat out amazing. The above is exactly the event that has been a sticking point of mine. Your solution of guiding the conversation away from areas you don't quite measure up to her on is easily understood and applied. It's funny: my mental model was always that women much older than me, like my parent's friends, were the ones worried about coming across as old and unrelatable and thus boring, but as you point out this certainly applies to more than just the women in their mid thirties onward.

I've already noticed a giant diminishment of awkwardness based on your feedback. Here is a notable example.There is a very pretty girl I work with who is two years older than I am, but already is living on her own, going to college, and handling real life. In the past, when I would talk to her, things would be going great until we would get hung up on topics like her life away from the nest, and I would feel like an unworthy prospect for her, since I was in hs at the time. She would pick up on this and our conversation would feel forced from there on. Your advice completely reversed this trend, and despite the past precedent and the fact that she has a boyfriend, I now constantly catch her stealing glances at me and find her going out of her way to help me or be near me and try to talk to me more. It's like attainability reset. All I had to do was apply your advice.

Really appreciate you spending some time to help me out. This site you've created is so empowering.

-Ambiance

P.S.- I am moving to San Diego come August, if you see this would you mind telling me the name of the bar with the James Bond posters you mentioned in your book HTMGC? Would love to check it out if you have the time are there any other suggestions about SD you might have? Thanks!