Being the Quiet Guy

[Gamecrasher]

Hey guys,

Just wanted to start by saying that the blog and newsletters have helped me a lot with my game, and this forum will only improve it, so thanks for that!

As for my situation, I'm naturally a quiet guy in college, so it's already difficult for me to start conversations with anyone, especially for those I've never met before. When I see a cute girl at a party, I can sometimes have the courage to walk up to her and say Hi and ask her a question (like How's your night going?), but that doesn't get very far. I feel that I can't come up with many things to say on the spot or move through topics in a conversation along quickly.

Here's an example of how a conversation might go with me and a girl:
Me: So, how's your night going?
Girl: Pretty good. And yours?
Me: Really good. Cool party.
Girl: Yeah..

Then, we exchange names, and I can't come up with anything else to say, so we both get uncomfortable and I end up leaving the girl.

I see some of my friends who are natural conversationalists and ask myself: Why can't I be like them? However, I feel that I don't need to put in a lot of work, as girls have told me that I'm attractive and I get compliments on the way I dress. But that hasn't gotten me far in game or social life in general. I know I have to accept myself, but I'd like to be a more open guy who can push through different topics easier. Any special tips for me? I've read articles on the blog to help me solve this problem, and it's starting to work out, but I still find the trouble of moving through topics. I feel like my mind is a step behind everyone else's, which is also another reason why I can't move fast with women.

Thanks in advance!

 

[Just_Dave]

Hey Gamecrasher,

To answer your question directly I've selected a few posts from girlschase. I would also recommend the newbie assignment found on the forum.

https://www.girlschase.com/content/conversationalist This will help you while conversing
https://www.girlschase.com/content/secrets-getting-girls-art-deep-dive This is a powerful technique that has gotten me numerous results.
https://www.girlschase.com/content/get-to-know-a-girl This will help with building a connection with a girl.

I hope you find all this useful and informative.

Take care,

Just Dave

 

[Gamecrasher]

Hey Gamecrasher,

To answer your question directly I've selected a few posts from girlschase. I would also recommend the newbie assignment found on the forum.

https://www.girlschase.com/content/conversationalist This will help you while conversing
https://www.girlschase.com/content/secrets-getting-girls-art-deep-dive This is a powerful technique that has gotten me numerous results.
https://www.girlschase.com/content/get-to-know-a-girl This will help with building a connection with a girl.

I hope you find all this useful and informative.

Take care,

Just Dave

Thanks Dave. I've actually read and bookmarked these exact articles from the blog earlier this year, haha. They've made me realize what I need to do, but I haven't been able to act on it enough, mostly because I'm not in that zone where I can come up with different topics to start and extend conversations. Deep diving helps for the most part, but when the topic of the conversation eventually comes to a close, there's always an awkward silence, which makes things uncomfortable, and a new topic isn't introduced. I'd really appreciate if there were ways to avoid this in my case. Are there even other ways, besides just being quick on your feet?

 

[Just_Dave]

This really comes from knowing where you want to go with the interactions, taking her home and getting intimate. Talking is really to get her interested in you, and once you find out she is the next step is to move to take her home. This is where "How to move a girl" and "Asking for compliance" come into play. The the weirdness comes from you knowing it's time for you to make a move, instead of abruptly closing the interaction.

 

[Light]

[/quote]

Thanks Dave. I've actually read and bookmarked these exact articles from the blog earlier this year, haha. They've made me realize what I need to do, but I haven't been able to act on it enough, mostly because I'm not in that zone where I can come up with different topics to start and extend conversations. Deep diving helps for the most part, but when the topic of the conversation eventually comes to a close, there's always an awkward silence, which makes things uncomfortable, and a new topic isn't introduced. I'd really appreciate if there were ways to avoid this in my case. Are there even other ways, besides just being quick on your feet?[/quote]

Hi Gamecrasher,

Have you read this post?
https://www.girlschase.com/content/what- ... st-ask-her

Its got 8 quality questions to ask the girl about herself.
The key really is that you don't need to talk much, but rather just listen to her, and pay close attention to everything she says (as if you're trying to memorise everything so that you can write it all down again later).

I always say that every appearing disaster holds an opportunity. Awkward silence can be your best weapon if you know how to use it.
This is the best time to just look into her eyes and hold your eye contact to build up some tension.

Now this can go two ways;
either you did a really great job in your previous conversation, and shes interested in you. She would eventually be the one to try and break the awkwardness and end up asking you a question. Therefore, she would be the one investing in you. You can then answer her, and fly the question back at her! Keeping the conversation going on a different topic.

Or

She isn't that interested in you, and she will break the awkwardness by just saying "It was nice to meet you" and she will leave.

So it all comes down to how well you do in your first approach.

Hope this helps.

Light

 

[Flames]

I always say that every appearing disaster holds an opportunity. Awkward silence can be your best weapon if you know how to use it.
This is the best time to just look into her eyes and hold your eye contact to build up some tension.

Now this can go two ways;
either you did a really great job in your previous conversation, and shes interested in you. She would eventually be the one to try and break the awkwardness and end up asking you a question. Therefore, she would be the one investing in you. You can then answer her, and fly the question back at her! Keeping the conversation going on a different topic.

Or

She isn't that interested in you, and she will break the awkwardness by just saying "It was nice to meet you" and she will leave.La

So it all comes down to how well you do in your first approach.

Hope this helps.

Light

This is how I do it as well, sometimes deliberately leaving pauses to build tension, which usually results in the girl investing into the convo, the important thing then is to fire it back up. I was talking to Chase about this the other day as it happens.

 

[Rattler55]

I have found that being the quiet guy makes people think you are a good listener.

 

[Gamecrasher]

I always say that every appearing disaster holds an opportunity. Awkward silence can be your best weapon if you know how to use it.
This is the best time to just look into her eyes and hold your eye contact to build up some tension.

Now this can go two ways;
either you did a really great job in your previous conversation, and shes interested in you. She would eventually be the one to try and break the awkwardness and end up asking you a question. Therefore, she would be the one investing in you. You can then answer her, and fly the question back at her! Keeping the conversation going on a different topic.

Or

She isn't that interested in you, and she will break the awkwardness by just saying "It was nice to meet you" and she will leave.La

So it all comes down to how well you do in your first approach.

Hope this helps.

Light

This is how I do it as well, sometimes deliberately leaving pauses to build tension, which usually results in the girl investing into the convo, the important thing then is to fire it back up. I was talking to Chase about this the other day as it happens.

Wow, that's interesting. I'll try to build the tension with eye contact more often. Thanks Light. Also, if I'm in a big group with a girl I like, I tend to hardly say anything in the convo. Sometimes, I'll notice the girl focusing her attention on me, but I don't really know how to act on that within the group. Any tips there?

 

[Gamecrasher]

I have found that being the quiet guy makes people think you are a good listener.

This is true Rattler. People usually direct their eye contact to me when I'm with them in a big group. I would just like to be able to talk a little more than where I'm at right now. Being a good listener and talker leads to the belief of being a good conversationalist.

 

[Anonymous]

Whenever you falter in conversation simply ask one of the questions flames or light directed you too, then deep dive at every single oppurtunity, and when that goes dry revert back to the original question and ask more. Rinse and repeat

 

[Light]

[quote="Gamecrasher]

Wow, that's interesting. I'll try to build the tension with eye contact more often. Thanks Light. Also, if I'm in a big group with a girl I like, I tend to hardly say anything in the convo. Sometimes, I'll notice the girl focusing her attention on me, but I don't really know how to act on that within the group. Any tips there?[/quote]

Yes. If you notice her focusing her attention on you. You need to let her know that you know.
Give her a quick glance from the corner of your eye, hold eye contact for a very quick 1 sec, slowly spread your sexy smile, and just wink at her.
She WILL smile back, and then just look away slowly giving your attention back to the main group, still holding that smile of yours.

This is very powerful and it does wonders. It communicates to her that you are acknowledging her, and giving her the attention she deserves.
I use this everytime, and I always end up having the girl come up to me to talk to me when she finds the chance.

What you must do after, is try to create a one to one scenario (maybe going to the bar alone, or even hinting to go to the bar alone with her, or go out for some air etc). Most of the time, you will even realise that she will be the one trying to talk to you when you're alone.


Light

 

[Gamecrasher]

[quote="Gamecrasher]

Wow, that's interesting. I'll try to build the tension with eye contact more often. Thanks Light. Also, if I'm in a big group with a girl I like, I tend to hardly say anything in the convo. Sometimes, I'll notice the girl focusing her attention on me, but I don't really know how to act on that within the group. Any tips there?

Yes. If you notice her focusing her attention on you. You need to let her know that you know.
Give her a quick glance from the corner of your eye, hold eye contact for a very quick 1 sec, slowly spread your sexy smile, and just wink at her.
She WILL smile back, and then just look away slowly giving your attention back to the main group, still holding that smile of yours.

This is very powerful and it does wonders. It communicates to her that you are acknowledging her, and giving her the attention she deserves.
I use this everytime, and I always end up having the girl come up to me to talk to me when she finds the chance.

What you must do after, is try to create a one to one scenario (maybe going to the bar alone, or even hinting to go to the bar alone with her, or go out for some air etc). Most of the time, you will even realise that she will be the one trying to talk to you when you're alone.


Light[/quote][/quote]

Thanks Light. I'll try the winking a little more

 

[Foreveranonymous]

hi man tons of guys are going through this same problem including me.the simple solution is to STOP wasting time and to START talking to anyone.if you see any awkward situation put yourself in it.eventually you MUST GET USED TO IT.Even sucked at learning how to drive but the more you did it the easier it will be.just stop overthinking and start acting.also read the following post on nervousness and over thinking,motivation,grit,and confidence to further help you in your endeavors. nice and more grease to your elbows

 

[Flames]

[quote="Gamecrasher]

Wow, that's interesting. I'll try to build the tension with eye contact more often. Thanks Light. Also, if I'm in a big group with a girl I like, I tend to hardly say anything in the convo. Sometimes, I'll notice the girl focusing her attention on me, but I don't really know how to act on that within the group. Any tips there?

Yes. If you notice her focusing her attention on you. You need to let her know that you know.
Give her a quick glance from the corner of your eye, hold eye contact for a very quick 1 sec, slowly spread your sexy smile, and just wink at her.
She WILL smile back, and then just look away slowly giving your attention back to the main group, still holding that smile of yours.

This is very powerful and it does wonders. It communicates to her that you are acknowledging her, and giving her the attention she deserves.
I use this everytime, and I always end up having the girl come up to me to talk to me when she finds the chance.

What you must do after, is try to create a one to one scenario (maybe going to the bar alone, or even hinting to go to the bar alone with her, or go out for some air etc). Most of the time, you will even realise that she will be the one trying to talk to you when you're alone.


Light[/quote][/quote]

EC is a very good way, you can infer a lot with EC and almost all women 'get it'. Another thing to
do is a bit of a flirt eye roll when the convo goes on or someone says something dumb.

Actually I was out with my brother the other night and there was this very drunk girl across the table and I kept looking at her and rolling my eyes and she was giggling like a schoolgirl at me, and the funny thing was nobody even noticed. You get that a lot when you get the EC cracked, which was what I started with originally because I was so awful at it.

 

[jonnywishbone]

Then, we exchange names, and I can't come up with anything else to say, so we both get uncomfortable and I end up leaving the girl.

Have you read this post?
https://www.girlschase.com/content/what-does-she-want-8-things-you-must-ask-her

I think think that post that Light mentioned would be a great start for you. Don't be afraid to jump in with a random question. I used to think that it was important to try and 'transition' into the right question smoothly, but often in social situations the conversation stalls and people (esp. girls) get that. If you run out of material, just pause, look away and think for minute. Say something like, "Sooo....... <thinking>, I think you could be a pretty adventurous kind of girl, where have you travelled?". It doesn't matter if you weren't talking about anything to do with travelling, she will appreciate you taking the initiative to keep things going. It's actually handy to have, say 5 open questions like this for any social situation.

Another tip I got from someone is to turn questions into statements. So, instead of saying "what do you do for work?", say "ok, I don't know you, but I'm going to guess that you work in Media/Fashion/Advertising". You can then have a bit of a guessing game which is kind of fun and shows that you are paying attention to her personality.

One more, (and this kind of depends on the girl) but you can talk about something really shit but make it sound fun. So, going off the example you made...

Me: So, how's your night going?
Girl: Pretty good. And yours?
Me: Really good. Cool party.
Girl: Yeah.

.

You: "So here's the thing. I've really got to ask you something. <pause, look her in the eyes and be as serious as possible>. If you had to... <pause, look troubled>.... shit, i don't know how to ask this.... <pause>... would you..... pick the sausage rolls over the, pork pies?"
Her: "What? You *******! <slaps you on the arm>"
You "It's a serious question! I mean sausage rolls can be tasty, but when you've had a couple...."

Stuff like this can be pretty funny if you do it right, because it can build a massive amount of tension, then just breaks it into some really crap conversation with no pressure. She'll see that you're pretty easy going and fun, then you can go into more serious stuff later. Not sure if i put that across well, hope you get the idea

 

[Gamecrasher]

Then, we exchange names, and I can't come up with anything else to say, so we both get uncomfortable and I end up leaving the girl.

Have you read this post?
https://www.girlschase.com/content/what-does-she-want-8-things-you-must-ask-her

I think think that post that Light mentioned would be a great start for you. Don't be afraid to jump in with a random question. I used to think that it was important to try and 'transition' into the right question smoothly, but often in social situations the conversation stalls and people (esp. girls) get that. If you run out of material, just pause, look away and think for minute. Say something like, "Sooo....... <thinking>, I think you could be a pretty adventurous kind of girl, where have you travelled?". It doesn't matter if you weren't talking about anything to do with travelling, she will appreciate you taking the initiative to keep things going. It's actually handy to have, say 5 open questions like this for any social situation.

Another tip I got from someone is to turn questions into statements. So, instead of saying "what do you do for work?", say "ok, I don't know you, but I'm going to guess that you work in Media/Fashion/Advertising". You can then have a bit of a guessing game which is kind of fun and shows that you are paying attention to her personality.

One more, (and this kind of depends on the girl) but you can talk about something really shit but make it sound fun. So, going off the example you made...

Me: So, how's your night going?
Girl: Pretty good. And yours?
Me: Really good. Cool party.
Girl: Yeah.

.

You: "So here's the thing. I've really got to ask you something. <pause, look her in the eyes and be as serious as possible>. If you had to... <pause, look troubled>.... shit, i don't know how to ask this.... <pause>... would you..... pick the sausage rolls over the, pork pies?"
Her: "What? You *******! <slaps you on the arm>"
You "It's a serious question! I mean sausage rolls can be tasty, but when you've had a couple...."

Stuff like this can be pretty funny if you do it right, because it can build a massive amount of tension, then just breaks it into some really crap conversation with no pressure. She'll see that you're pretty easy going and fun, then you can go into more serious stuff later. Not sure if i put that across well, hope you get the idea

hahaha that's awesome johnny. I'll try that one night. Probably will get slapped in the face, but what the hell, right?

 

[jonnywishbone]

Yeah man, that's it! Hopefully she will because a) she will be smiling when she does it and b) you can then hit her up with "Wow, I need to take a restraining order out on you! You're going to be following be home!!" and bang, you've already established a bit of dominance and a chase frame!

I actually did something like this about a week ago and ended up talking about lettuce, then made out with her shortly after. Lettuce!!

 

[Gamecrasher]

Yeah man, that's it! Hopefully she will because a) she will be smiling when she does it and b) you can then hit her up with "Wow, I need to take a restraining order out on you! You're going to be following be home!!" and bang, you've already established a bit of dominance and a chase frame!

I actually did something like this about a week ago and ended up talking about lettuce, then made out with her shortly after. Lettuce!!

Great man! But I would bet the girl has to be really ditsy or playful, too right?

 

[jonnywishbone]

Playful - yeah, but not necessarily that ditsy. The lettuce girl was quite a strong career type but she had a sense of humour and we had been chatting for a while. It's more about the tension build-up, like you're going to ask her to marry you or something. But you do have to judge it right for sure. It's also an opportunity to get a bit physical, I might hold her hand while I say it...

 

[Gamecrasher]

Playful - yeah, but not necessarily that ditsy. The lettuce girl was quite a strong career type but she had a sense of humour and we had been chatting for a while. It's more about the tension build-up, like you're going to ask her to marry you or something. But you do have to judge it right for sure. It's also an opportunity to get a bit physical, I might hold her hand while I say it...

Cool, sounds good man. I'll give it a try the next time I'm out!