Bob Z Journal - Summer 2024 - Taking Cold Approach Seriously

[iceberg slim]

Solo Beach Game (3 approaches) - return from break:

Prelude: Wow I've really been out of the game nearly 3 weeks after a breakthrough 2 days. I have some minor excuses I could make but the main reason is that I didn't really feel motivated to approach for whatever reason. My wing ended up deciding to commit to this one girl so I'm back riding solo which is honestly no big deal. Decided to hit the beach/park area today. I watched my brain try to make excuses of why not to go out, but I went anyway.

Warming up: I knew from previous outings that warmups are key. My go-to for beach/park is asking people to pet their dog and what breed it is and starting conversations that way. I did this with a few people. Some cute girls playing were playing music on their speaker and I said "nice tunes" as I was walking by. Prior to warming up I saw a group of two girls with a cute dog (and one very cute girl of the two) who I regretted not approaching - wouldn't have been too difficult to open. Bummer. Probably chatted with 3-4 people/couples talking about their dog before making first approach.

Approach 1: Blonde girl in workout clothes was lying down reading a book. I asked her while smiling "what are you reading," she smiles back and we banter a bit about the book. We make playful small talk about city, work, school and have friendly vibe. I can't fully read her interest so I ask if she's single and she tells me about her boyfriend - she's definitely telling truth as she gave pretty specific details when I was asking about him. We continue talking another few minutes as I don't want to eject right after I realize she's taken and I politely leave. She was super friendly but taken - oh well, good first approach. Nothing I can do there really.

Missed approaches: When I was walking on trail I passed a cute girl. Didn't approach and no real good excuse why. Missed opportunity. The more difficult situation was this one girl tanning and reading. The reason I didn't approach was because there were two girls who were also tanning closely and they were facing the direction of the girl tanning. So if I was to approach her, these girls sitting 10 feet away would have clear view of entire thing. This is dumb reason but it gave me added AA and hesitancy so I avoided.

Approach 2: I actually ended up approaching the girls I said "nice tunes" to earlier. They had a case of hard seltzers and I politely with a curious/hesitant/playful smile asked if they had an extra for me. They were enthusiastic/friendly and gave me the last one. We started making playful small talk and they were there celebrating the cutest of the 3's birthday which was today. I asked for their instagrams and one of the girls rebuffed that, but I was able to carry on the conversation normally and segway it into a conversation about social media - the cutest one apparently doesn't use it (or has been fully off it the past couple months) and the other 2 were making fun of her for it. Obviously big green flag.

Eventually we talked about jumping in the water in spite of very high waves. I told them I'd go in if they followed after. They were being coy and trying to say "oh you can but idk if we will." I knew I didn't want to come off as trying to impress them, so i played it off casually and joked about it for a bit before jumping in. 2 of the 3 girls ended up jumping in after me which was a big win for compliance. When we got out of the water we chatted some more and I pulled away a bit from convo trying to be at least a bit aloof.

I asked the cutest one for her number and she gave it to me. The friends seemed generally supportive with the one who earlier rebuffed me saying "you seem like a nice guy" in an enthusiastic tone (like "oh wait this guy is actually cool"). The girl actually said she was a little nervous when typing in her number. We hung out a few more minutes later before they left on good terms. I really liked this girl so hoping this number turns positive.

A really time consuming approach as I was with them for at least an hour - not sure if this is a good use of time, but in the group situation it seems like the only move is to be cool guy/high value, hang out for a bit and exchange numbers. Doesn't feel like I can do much game. I actually made a post in the boards asking about this exact scenario (or a similar) I believe but it didn't get a reply.

Approach 3: After that I was happy but I knew I needed to make at least once more. I approached a cute girl wearing headphones watching the scenery. I complemented her outfit/style and she said thank you. She took out one earbud but held it a few inches away from her head indicating she was going to put it back as soon as I stopped talking to her. I asked if she was single and she said she actually had a girlfriend (lesbian/bi?). I assume she was telling truth - not much I can do there. She was very friendly and polite though.

Postlude: Really good day. One strong lead and 3 good approaches. Could've made more but thats ok. The great thing about today was that approaching really felt like no big deal and almost formulaic. Something I can easily replicate. An interesting thing about all the approaches - and I think this is true of daygame in general - is that I really need to spell it out that I'm interested. Even flirty vibe seems to not be enough for most girls - I'm not "hiding the banana" at all (references the one Chase article). My go to has been just asking "are you single" which most girls appreciate the frankness of.

Nice job on the number! Keep us posted how it plays out. That's impressive to get it from the cutest girl in a group of 3. With day game I honestly feel weird if I don't let them know immediately or at least very soon that I am interested.

 

[Bob Z]

Nice job on the number! Keep us posted how it plays out. That's impressive to get it from the cutest girl in a group of 3. With day game I honestly feel weird if I don't let them know immediately or at least very soon that I am interested.

Thanks man! she seemed interested but a bit shy - she didn't respond to my icebreaker - we'll have to see how it goes from here. I might try hosting a pregame and inviting the group there. All 3 were cute honestly but this girl was cutest to me.

 

[bgwh]

Solo Beach Game (3 approaches) - return from break:

Prelude: Wow I've really been out of the game nearly 3 weeks after a breakthrough 2 days. I have some minor excuses I could make but the main reason is that I didn't really feel motivated to approach for whatever reason. My wing ended up deciding to commit to this one girl so I'm back riding solo which is honestly no big deal. Decided to hit the beach/park area today. I watched my brain try to make excuses of why not to go out, but I went anyway.

Warming up: I knew from previous outings that warmups are key. My go-to for beach/park is asking people to pet their dog and what breed it is and starting conversations that way. I did this with a few people. Some cute girls playing were playing music on their speaker and I said "nice tunes" as I was walking by. Prior to warming up I saw a group of two girls with a cute dog (and one very cute girl of the two) who I regretted not approaching - wouldn't have been too difficult to open. Bummer. Probably chatted with 3-4 people/couples talking about their dog before making first approach.

Approach 1: Blonde girl in workout clothes was lying down reading a book. I asked her while smiling "what are you reading," she smiles back and we banter a bit about the book. We make playful small talk about city, work, school and have friendly vibe. I can't fully read her interest so I ask if she's single and she tells me about her boyfriend - she's definitely telling truth as she gave pretty specific details when I was asking about him. We continue talking another few minutes as I don't want to eject right after I realize she's taken and I politely leave. She was super friendly but taken - oh well, good first approach. Nothing I can do there really.

Missed approaches: When I was walking on trail I passed a cute girl. Didn't approach and no real good excuse why. Missed opportunity. The more difficult situation was this one girl tanning and reading. The reason I didn't approach was because there were two girls who were also tanning closely and they were facing the direction of the girl tanning. So if I was to approach her, these girls sitting 10 feet away would have clear view of entire thing. This is dumb reason but it gave me added AA and hesitancy so I avoided.

Approach 2: I actually ended up approaching the girls I said "nice tunes" to earlier. They had a case of hard seltzers and I politely with a curious/hesitant/playful smile asked if they had an extra for me. They were enthusiastic/friendly and gave me the last one. We started making playful small talk and they were there celebrating the cutest of the 3's birthday which was today. I asked for their instagrams and one of the girls rebuffed that, but I was able to carry on the conversation normally and segway it into a conversation about social media - the cutest one apparently doesn't use it (or has been fully off it the past couple months) and the other 2 were making fun of her for it. Obviously big green flag.

Eventually we talked about jumping in the water in spite of very high waves. I told them I'd go in if they followed after. They were being coy and trying to say "oh you can but idk if we will." I knew I didn't want to come off as trying to impress them, so i played it off casually and joked about it for a bit before jumping in. 2 of the 3 girls ended up jumping in after me which was a big win for compliance. When we got out of the water we chatted some more and I pulled away a bit from convo trying to be at least a bit aloof.

I asked the cutest one for her number and she gave it to me. The friends seemed generally supportive with the one who earlier rebuffed me saying "you seem like a nice guy" in an enthusiastic tone (like "oh wait this guy is actually cool"). The girl actually said she was a little nervous when typing in her number. We hung out a few more minutes later before they left on good terms. I really liked this girl so hoping this number turns positive.

A really time consuming approach as I was with them for at least an hour - not sure if this is a good use of time, but in the group situation it seems like the only move is to be cool guy/high value, hang out for a bit and exchange numbers. Doesn't feel like I can do much game. I actually made a post in the boards asking about this exact scenario (or a similar) I believe but it didn't get a reply.

Approach 3: After that I was happy but I knew I needed to make at least once more. I approached a cute girl wearing headphones watching the scenery. I complemented her outfit/style and she said thank you. She took out one earbud but held it a few inches away from her head indicating she was going to put it back as soon as I stopped talking to her. I asked if she was single and she said she actually had a girlfriend (lesbian/bi?). I assume she was telling truth - not much I can do there. She was very friendly and polite though.

Postlude: Really good day. One strong lead and 3 good approaches. Could've made more but thats ok. The great thing about today was that approaching really felt like no big deal and almost formulaic. Something I can easily replicate. An interesting thing about all the approaches - and I think this is true of daygame in general - is that I really need to spell it out that I'm interested. Even flirty vibe seems to not be enough for most girls - I'm not "hiding the banana" at all (references the one Chase article). My go to has been just asking "are you single" which most girls appreciate the frankness of.

Wow, good stuff man. I'm inspired by the situational opening, the playfulness and how it flowed. I'm still mostly using canned, but reading this gives me so much inspiration to get to this point.

 

[Bob Z]

Wow, good stuff man. I'm inspired by the situational opening, the playfulness and how it flowed. I'm still mostly using canned, but reading this gives me so much inspiration to get to this point.

the thing with situational is theres not too many situations out there so it basically is canned at a certain point. girl reading a book, girl getting groceries, girl waiting in line.... easy to just have a line or concept for each and just recycle

 

[Bob Z]

Solo Beach Game Day 2:

Prelude: Had to take yesterday off to work more but got back out there today. Wasn't quite as good as last time but I gained some reference points and learned some things. Ended up going to different part of beach than I did previously. Day was nice but slightly cloudy.

Initial AA at first beach: I get to the first beach area and walk around. I make some warmup small talk - ask guy where bike rack is even though I know already, ask some butch looking girls to pet their dog and complement it, but i still feel a bit less confident than I did last time for whatever reason. Likely due to the different area. This beach is a lot more open and people can easily see you approaching - i know this doesn't matter but it triggers some AA. I position myself near this one girl, but back out of approaching. My excuses were 1. that she didn't look that hot facially (seemed to have bad super red skin) and 2. i couldn't think of anything to say. I repeat the same thing with another girl who is definitely hot enough but my excuses this time are that she at first looked like she was sleeping, but when she lifts her head I smiled at her and she didn't smile back/looked away but not in flirty way. So I eject again. I don't see any other girls to approach and feel lame for not having approached.

2nd beach: I know from previous failed outings that I need to change venues and start fresh after succumbing to AA so I bike a little further down to a new beach determined to make an approach. I survey the area and see two spsolo girls i think are worth approaching - i use restroom then circle back to make the approaches (surveying things first was a bit of procrastination/AA if I'm being honest)

Approach 1: (finally!!) I see girl tanning while on her computer - I walk up and while smiling/almost laughing ask "are you working from home right now." She ignores me at first (headphones) so I say it again and she angrily points to her computer/phone seemingly indicating she's on a zoom call. It was a bit rude but I get it. Was a good opener if she was just checking emails or something - could've had playful conversation about that. She also wasn't as cute up close - this further reinforces my observation that the less cute girls are ruder when rejecting than the more attractive ones.

More moving around: the 2nd girl i was going to approach at this beach honestly seemed a bit old for me so i didn't approach. I was glad to get at least one in here. I rode back to the original beach now with an approach under my belt to try to reapproach one of the earlier girls if still there.

Approach 2: I approach the 1st girl from the first beach (she's still there) - I just say "nice day isn't it?" she had headphones in and is like huh and looks at me like talking to her is the strangest thing in the world. I say again "oh i was just saying its a nice day out", she still is giving me a weird look like i just insulted her or something. my aa excuse that she wasn't that cute facially was right as she had very fake/plastic surgery type looking face and super red skin likely from too intense cosmetic products weakening skin + sun exposure harshly reddening the weakened skin. she had a hot body though. i was just getting bad vibes all around though and quickly ejected.

3rd location: I decided to leave this beach without looking around much more to try to salvage some solid approaches at my preferred ocean-side location before I get burnt out. i manage to make a few non-approaches.

Approach 3 (if this counts as approach): i see girl having a snack and i ask her if its from trader joes, she looks and says "i'm not really sure" she looks at label and says "oh, no its target haha" - friendly but not super flirty vibe. I ask her if she has today off and she says she is a medical student - i make brief small talk about that. i didn't try to switch to flirty mode or express interest (which i would typically have done by coy smile and asking "by the way... are you single") mostly because i didn't find her super exciting in looks or vibe. she was attractive in the sense all youngish non fat girls are and her face was a bit cute but i just didn't feel inclined to push it forward. this was an attempted approach that turned into warmup type interaction (in spite of being towards end of outing).

Approach 4 (if this counts as approach): i see girl sewing - i tell her thats very cool what she's making. she gives off rude vibes like im really bothering her and is honestly not attractive at all up close. again confirming my observation that less cute girls are ruder and the cuter ones are nicer.

After that I bike to new park venue but realize I am burnt out socially as I've been out nearly 3 hours so I decide to reel it in and go home.

Postlude/reflection: I need to have a go-to approach for girls who are "zoned out" aka tanning but either resting with eyes closed or headphones in. pretty much impossible to get any sort of pre-approach in, but if i don't approach these girls i'm eliminating a lot of possible beach approaches. two ive thought of are "can you watch my stuff for a sec while i jump in the water" and "would you be able to take my picture" (i actually need some new pictures for online game so i'd be killing two birds with one stone there). the "nice day out" is a better one for when i can preapproach a bit, if i have to get the girls attention verbally i need a better line. girls in headphones seems to be the norm and its annoying because i literally have to say the opener twice since the first time she doesn't hear it. oh well - just part of the game in 2024.

The other big takeaway is i need to be more efficient. part of this is pushing through the first approach so i don't procrastinate and also just being decisive on which approaches I'm going to make. I spent a lot of time in my head deliberating whether to approach certain girls or not. i could've sniped 2 girls in first venue, gone to second and sniped 1, third sniped a few more in a lot less time. even though it was unsuccessful materially i do feel like i have a lot to work with mentally in terms of the next time i go out.

 

[gameboy]

Ahh, a fellow beach approacher! I'm doing the same. On some days it's quite hard to find cute approachable girls, isn't it? At least that's my experience. Then on other days you just talk to one or two and they're super nice!

 

[Bob Z]

Ahh, a fellow beach approacher! I'm doing the same. On some days it's quite hard to find cute approachable girls, isn't it? At least that's my experience. Then on other days you just talk to one or two and they're super nice!

absolutely! its by far the best place in my city for daygame - the good thing with my city is that theres a coast so i can bike to like 3-4 different areas along coast until i see some good options so theres usually at least some cute girls to approach - today wasn't really that way unfortunately. girls in general are pretty nice and in good spirits. its a fun and enjoyable place to approach for sure.

 

[bgwh]

I've been thinking a lot about the topic of missing approaches due to wondering if shes hot enough or too old or not old enough... And I got great advice from jt sunshine (practice the hello anyway even if she's not hot enough etc).

That solves at least practicing something on those that dont qualify. From that I thought some more about girls you're not sure if you should open (because situation, not hot enough, not right age etc etc).

Heres my current solution: Walk up to her and open nonverbally. The "walk up" part of the approach, before you even mouth the words. And have an excuse to fall back on if she's too old, not old enough, too many people watching etc. So you're always required to walk up to a chick, but you can fall back on anything if you decide not to do a full on approach once you walk up.

 

[Higher]

two ive thought of are "can you watch my stuff for a sec while i jump in the water" and "would you be able to take my picture"

I would go exactly for those if i did beach game.

Good thing about the pic opener is that u can use it in many areas of a city as well. I use it very often, i think its really good on multiple levels.

So you're always required to walk up to a chick, but you can fall back on anything if you decide not to do a full on approach once you walk up.

Good strategy. I think part of AA comes from the act of walking up to a girl. When u force urself to do it anyway without necessarily opening, it gets u exposed to that anxiety and sorta tames it with time.

I usually walk up to any girl whos decent-looking from afar and who seems receptive to an approach. If im not sure, i sorta "hover around" her for a few seconds to gauge how attracted i am to her and if she has any wedding/engagement rings. I do this as much as possible with my peripheral vision and limited head movements - i dont wanna be the guy that walks around clearly hunting for prey.

However, many times i just open verbally anyway. With indirect its very easy to let the set die if i dont feel anything for the girl.

 

[iceberg slim]

she seemed interested but a bit shy - she didn't respond to my icebreaker - we'll have to see how it goes from here.

What happened with this lead? I read a quote in a GC article that reminded me of it:

And don't worry about getting a response; you're texting to break the ice, not open a dialogue. You'll still get dates and lovers from women who don't respond to your icebreaker text; it's just icing on the cake if they do respond.

 

[Bob Z]

What happened with this lead? I read a quote in a GC article that reminded me of it:

invited her + friends to a pool party and got no response... might try a phone call but pretty much written off as dead lead

my experience with icebreakers has been that when she doesn't respond to them its rare she responds to my new texts - and when she responds to the icebreaker she always responds to further texts

 

[Bob Z]

beach game: 2 approaches


Approach 1: I started the day off low energy. I really didn't want to go approaching - but I hadn't approached in a week and it was a beautiful day out so I forced myself to go make some approaches. Typically I'd want to make some small talk with people as a social warmup - but before I get the chance to do that I see this 10/10 girl reading in the sun. I realize I'm not warm or in state but I make the approach anyway.

"Reading anything good?"
"Uh just (authors name)" she looks annoyed
"Is it any good?"
*shrugs "yeah"
"any chance you'd be able to take a picture of me?"

she takes the picture but still seems utterly disinterested and annoyed with me and just doing the bare minimum to be polite. I wish her a nice day and eject, sensing nothing. the biggest problem here was my vibe - its not that I came off terribly (in spite of very low energy and drive internally) - but more that I didn't have enough state to overpower her annoyed frame with a more flirty/teasing one. also the picture wasn't necessary - i basically did two openers in one which was a minor faux-pas. Was a bummer since this girl was really hot - but at least I got the warmup approach in.

Approach 2: Opened with the "can you take a picture of me opener" she is more receptive. i sit down and chat with her. long story short i get her number and we agree to get ice cream later that day. we end up having the date - but the vibe is a bit more platonic than i'd hope for but still good and i'll most likely get to see her again. platonic vibe mostly due to me being extremely tired and not very horny and not wanting to push things forward for that reason. i am being so brief with this approach because i got through 75% of writing a full FR then got burnt out thinking "whats the point of taking so long to be writing this" - i already know what i needed to learn from this so i don't need to write out full post for it. main reason i'm journaling is accountability and to bounce around some ideas with people. i'll likely save writing full FR's for either if i'm really stumped with what went wrong or if i have a cool enough LR to maybe boost my forum rank lol.

the main lessons were - tease more, touch more, focus on compliance have more sexual vibe and set better sexual frames. obviously coming in with more energy and better state will be in big part momentum with consistently approaching and also taking care of myself (getting enough sleep, working out, not masturbating....)

 

[Bob Z]

beach game expedition / insta date (2nd instadate in a row from beach game)

decided to run some beach game today. was a really dry day - not many girls out, but i was persistent and ended up with an instadate and a good lead.

warmups + no cute girls: went to my usual first spot and not seeing any cute girls. I've gotten pretty good at telling from afar whether a girl is going to be cute up close. I'm warming up and talking to people - asking fat girls who went in water how water is, said hi to some random dude. I can feel the awkwardness in my initial interactions but i feel it flowing out of me like when you turn a faucet on and theres some gunk in the initial flow but clear water comes through afterwards - warmups are extremely necessary especially when coming from low momentum state.

I'm not seeing any cute girls in the initial area i go to which is unusual. I go to another area and it looks pretty dead, mostly older women and couples, i'm still warming up socially talking to people. i approach one girl and she seemed into me but she just wasn't attractive enough so i made it brief small talk and dipped - but it was a close call - I question if i'm being too picky. sure - its valuable to gain reference points but i just cant get myself to pursue girls im not at least a bit excited by.

approach 1: after walking around longer I approach a cute girl w big boobs in purple bikini. i open with my typical "reading anything good?" she gives me a face kind of surprised i'm talking to her - hard to gauge her level interest. she mumbles something and i ask the question again. she says "i don't know yet I'm only half way through." i joke around/flirt with her a bit about this. i get her to crack a small smile falling into my frame (when i'm in a good social flow i'm great at getting girls to smile back at me - something I've always done naturally), but she still seems mildly uncomfortable with the conversation giving brief answers - but maybe she is just shy/nervous/not expecting to talk to someone. really tough to read. i ended up saying goodbye and leaving.

this is one of those situations where i don't know if its best to move on or keep persisting. the default logic would be to keep persisting to see where things go - but i feel like when the girl is stationary its different because she doesn't have the option to leave (easily) so you don't want to overstay your welcome. i wonder if theres a good girlschase article that brings this up.

still dry: go to the third beach having only made 1 approach from the first 2. typically there are 2 or 3 girls at least in each beach worth approaching. i continue to keep warm by chatting with people and being social/friendly

approach 2: at the 3rd beach i see one girl tanning face-down - honestly might have overlooked her on a better day. i cant tell if she is cute - she has the kind of butt where she could get up and be attractive but thick girl but also could get up and end up being fat. oh well i need to get another approach in. she has a book near her so i go with my "reading anything good" line and she turns out to be just ok lookswise (she's still face down so i cant really tell) - she mentions that shes in town visiting her boyfriend so I chat a bit more then leave.

the journey continues: now headed to 4th beach. in spite of things being dry i find this whole process very thereputic now (as opposed to earlier this summer when it was largely anxiety producing) to be outside just chatting up girls and enjoying the nice weather is refreshing especially since I primarily work and do most things at my computer. really enjoying the process.

approach 3: I finally i see a few potentially cute girls (i'm looking from afar). there are 3 girls who while clearly not there together are close enough that i could only really open one without spam approaching. luckily one girl makes my decision easy by giving a pretty clear A.I. - i open with my "can you take a picture of me" - this girl is green light and enthusiastically takes a few pictures. I forget exactly how I transitioned but I must've said something (maybe i said she was cute or that we should do something sometime - weird that i cant remember) - that caused her to tell me she was "talking to someone." i tease her about it and say something like "ohh so a relationship? or... a situationship?" she says situationship. she clearly is hesitant. I say "ohhhh well why don't you get my number and that'll put more pressure on him to make his mind up" or something along those lines (just came up with that on the fly - pretty good one). she enthusiastically puts her number in my phone and i continue the conversation sitting near her.

i felt great about my game here - i was being flirty, using touch, teasing (all the things I messed up with the last girl I insta-dated with that i mentioned in the previous journal entry). this girl was also more receptive and i had better momentum so those are also big factors. i ask if she wants to get dinner at the beach cafe nearby and she said sure. insta-date secured.

insta-date: we grab dinner and its a great vibe - we're really bonding and going into semi-deep conversation while keeping it flirty and teasing a lot and using selective touch. i'm even more into her after talking to her. totally great energy all around. the bill comes and its a bit more than i would've thought tbh. i thought this place was gonna be a cheap spot and its not craaazy expensive but its more of "taking her to dinner" price than "grabbing a bite" price. i pick up the tab and i can tell she's a bit uncomfortable with me paying and offers to venmo me. I tell her its no big deal. she's broke college girl and i wouldn't want to make her pay. maybe i should've let her venmo me a bit to keep the frame more lover vs provider. idk honestly - any thoughts on this are welcome.

i worry this may have changed the frame and set more of a provider/relationship frame. the energy does kind of shift after that. we sit back on the beach for a bit after and she seems. a bit more shy and emotional. less eye contact and laughing but no coldness either. i had already considered logistics for getting her back to my place and unfortunately it didn't seem tenable. I rode my bike and she took public transport. it would've been an hour walk (walking with my bike) to my place and likely even longer to hers. looking back i had enough compliance I probably could've gotten her back to mine even with the long walk but an hour long walk with a bike felt out of the question at the time.

after deciding logistics weren't there for same day lay - i thought about wanting to get a kiss. i honestly forget if this is "protocol" for a date with no sex. is it better to get kiss or not? will want to find a girlschase article on this. when we're at the beach i consider going for a kiss but as i mentioned above shes acting more reserved/shy and isn't giving me the eye contact i'd need to go for the kiss. maybe in retrospect i could've rubbed her back or done some sort of touch to signal to her this but didn't catch the right vibe.

i walk her to her public transport. i think about on the walk trying to get kiss. i take off her hat at one point in teasing flirty way thinking this will set up situation where i can move to kiss but she quickly puts it back on embarrased about her hat hair and it creates flirty vibe but doesn't set up a kiss well. maybe its not best to even kiss. i drop her off at train station and we do nice long hug and she tells me to text her with sweet parting look.

on ride home i fantasize a bit of relationship with this girl. i know better than falling too far down that rabbit hole at this point though - but she is genuinely sweet and fun girl. when i get home I send her message "hi! its bob. was really nice to hang with you today " to my surprise she didn't respond to icebreaker text, maybe that was too much. really thought she would reply to that but i'm still optimistic about her.

overall another successful day of daygame. 2 same day dates in a row. definitely have a lot to think about and learn from regarding this instadate and where i may have messed up - or maybe everything is good and i will have nice 2nd date w her soon where i seal the deal.

1st same day date girl i still am texting but she is responding increasingly slowly. i just did a soft close to which she replied a full 27 hours later. maybe i will try phone call tomorrow if I have time. i leave on a trip a week from now so need to get something going with either/both of these girls before then if i want things to continue.

i'm making a ton of progress though. just need to continue building on my momentum.

 

[Higher]

this is one of those situations where i don't know if its best to move on or keep persisting. the default logic would be to keep persisting to see where things go - but i feel like when the girl is stationary its different because she doesn't have the option to leave (easily) so you don't want to overstay your welcome. i wonder if theres a good girlschase article that brings this up.

Yeah, im also not pushing it too much in these scenarios. I always think that i better spend the time approaching someone else.

Its also true tho that many girls need to wam up to us approaching them, so maybe politely leaving like u did (which shows calibration) and circling back later and glancing at her might get her to glance back at u. And thatd be ur green light.

i continue to keep warm by chatting with people and being social/friendly

What do u do exactly here? U just say "hi" and talk about the weather or sth?

I def need to do more of this as well.

"ohhhh well why don't you get my number and that'll put more pressure on him to make his mind up"

In these cases i ask her if she feels her situationship is going anywhere serious, but this might put me in a bad frame. Im totally gonna steal this line of urs.

Even better that u were prepared to give her ur number (and potentially losing the lead) and she gave hers instead.

maybe i should've let her venmo me a bit to keep the frame more lover vs provider. idk honestly - any thoughts on this are welcome.

"Next round of drinks is on u", or sth like that. Tho id have avoided getting dinner.

after deciding logistics weren't there for same day lay

Hmm im a bit conflicted about instadates lately. In general i suspect its better to strongly time-constraint every encounter that has bad logistics, possibly avoiding instadates altogether (barring a quick coffee if its on ur way).

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Good progress tho, keep those reports coming!

 

[Bob Z]

Its also true tho that many girls need to wam up to us approaching them, so maybe politely leaving like u did (which shows calibration) and circling back later and glancing at her might get her to glance back at u. And thatd be ur green light.

very good point and good link - will definitely try this.

What do u do exactly here? U just say "hi" and talk about the weather or sth?

the easiest one is if i see someone with a dog i'll say its cute, try to guess the breed and ask to pet it. sometimes if i catch eye contact with someone im passing ill just nod my head and say "nice day out eh?" - complementing an item of clothing is another easy one thats always congruent

"Next round of drinks is on u", or sth like that. Tho id have avoided getting dinner.

i actually did say "you can get me back next time." it was like a beachside outdoor spot and looked casual so just logistical error on my part as i hadn't been there before.

Hmm im a bit conflicted about instadates lately. In general i suspect its better to strongly time-constraint every encounter that has bad logistics, possibly avoiding instadates altogether (barring a quick coffee if its on ur way).

thats an interesting perspective. my intuition says that you're in a much better position after a good date with no sex to get her to meet up again than you are with just a number and a strong initial interaction. of course the negatives are that its a bigger time commitment and you have more opportunity to mess up along the way. i would be interested in hearing your rationale on this.

Good progress tho, keep those reports coming!

Thanks for the thoughtful response man! Very much appreciated.

 

[Bob Z]

new profile picture. picture of bob dylan - my namesake. spending far too much time on the boards to go without profile picture. hope this helps people remember me more as well.

been spending a lot of time on the forum lately. wondering if this is useful use of time? it feels like it for now - although i don't think its something that is sustainable. need to develop this skill asap and as fast as i can. trying to give value in the form of encouragement and what insights i do have at my stage of the game in return for all the valuable feedback, encouragement and accountability i get from everyone who reads this journal.

 

[Higher]

thats an interesting perspective. my intuition says that you're in a much better position after a good date with no sex to get her to meet up again than you are with just a number and a strong initial interaction. of course the negatives are that its a bigger time commitment and you have more opportunity to mess up along the way. i would be interested in hearing your rationale on this.

I find instadates are harder to time-constraint - again, unless its just a quick coffee on the way to wherever ure going.

Also, she invests less. Ure out and about, shes out and about, u meet, u go for dinner. She didnt have to think about u, fantasize, plan, get dolled up, travel to the meet location, worry whether u like her or not.

But yes, as u say, pros and cons. Im a bit conflicted on whats best. For sure id go for a more relaxed instadate with a tourist whos soon gone.

 

[Bob Z]

But yes, as u say, pros and cons. Im a bit conflicted on whats best. For sure id go for a more relaxed instadate with a tourist whos soon gone.

After further reflection I tend to agree with you. Found this old forum post - it seems skills and some other senior guys are against it unless the logistics are there for same day lay

regarding my own instadate - it seemed like the problem was autorejection from low attainability and moving too slow/missing escalation window - she seemed to want me to close after further reflection (wrote about this in last comment of my field report on this - you can ignore the long main post but i explain the clues there if you're interested)