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Technically, maybe. Morally, no. Better off trying to build a rotation of regulars to secure consistent sex and not lying to any of them about being exclusive.
Break Ups Broke up after 4 months - Did I make the right call?
- Thread starter Beam
- Start date
Technically, maybe. Morally, no. Better off trying to build a rotation of regulars to secure consistent sex and not lying to any of them about being exclusive.
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Most beginners are going to risk they don't want to meet new girls if they have one consistent source of sex. Why should you bother with new girls if you have one already fulfilling your needs? It's too much work at this stage, and they may go into overdrive.
If a beginenr has a chance to enter a relationship, it's either the relationship or pickup. I chose relationships in my younger days by meeting girls through social circle and online. I'm paying the price these days because I feel like there are rarely quality girls through those means, and I struggle to meet girls in other ways. Build a good habit of meeting and laying girls, then pursue your more intimate goals afterwards. I would do that differently
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A beginner should avoid relationships in the beginning if he can, seems to be the general consensus.
I guess it would very hard for him to keep the relationship and just keep practicing pickup. Plus he wouldn't have the level of congruence to keep up the facade
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@Beam,
Glad to have helped. I'm glad you made a choice you're happy with.
The answer is "You don't."
You will get rusty and you will lose a lot of what you've built.
It's not like the veteran seducer who locks in his gains before settling into a committed relationship.
You're doing this:
www.girlschase.com
That's not to say doing that is wrong. A LOT of guys do it. A LOT. Perhaps the vast, screaming majority of guys who get into pickup.
This is just the normal, typical path that most men take when they get into seduction.
Realistically most guys are going to have to choose: they need to lose that great girl they've got who's better than any girl they've had, whom they worked hard to get, or they need to lose the gains they've made in seduction, which they've also worked hard to get.
Anyway, I don't want to spin you into any self-doubt or what have you here. You're doing something very normal, that is what 98% of men are going to do when they end up in the situation you're in. I have seen it time and again with so many guys on the Boards here too. It's just a normal thing most guys do... so, do your best to enjoy the relationship and learn from it!
Chase
Glad to have helped. I'm glad you made a choice you're happy with.
The answer is "You don't."
You will get rusty and you will lose a lot of what you've built.
It's not like the veteran seducer who locks in his gains before settling into a committed relationship.
You're doing this:
Why Do Guys So Often Take Girlfriends Right After Major Pickup Breakthroughs?
Like clockwork, a guy makes a breakthrough in game – then gets a girlfriend. And before he solidifies his gains, the gains are gone. Why’s this happen? I talked to Hector the other day about a phone coaching student of his. His student had just begun to break through a barrier he’d been stuck...
www.girlschase.com
That's not to say doing that is wrong. A LOT of guys do it. A LOT. Perhaps the vast, screaming majority of guys who get into pickup.
This is just the normal, typical path that most men take when they get into seduction.
Realistically most guys are going to have to choose: they need to lose that great girl they've got who's better than any girl they've had, whom they worked hard to get, or they need to lose the gains they've made in seduction, which they've also worked hard to get.
Anyway, I don't want to spin you into any self-doubt or what have you here. You're doing something very normal, that is what 98% of men are going to do when they end up in the situation you're in. I have seen it time and again with so many guys on the Boards here too. It's just a normal thing most guys do... so, do your best to enjoy the relationship and learn from it!
Chase
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- 774
Not going to lie, reading this does concern me a little bit. Part of this decision was practical (not to devalue it as Will V said...) - me being 29 and not having any relationship experience and wanting to learn, but also wanting to keep her around longer since it seemed too early to say goodbye, rather than the strong desire to be in a relationship per se. She's a great girl, but not my ideal, hence the umming and ahhing. Main thing I'm worried about is I'm not going to be able to practice much more dominant forms of sex with her for a long long long time until she gets comfortable, which isn't ideal and something I'm fairly sure I would have been able to explore right now with HBRocker (the other girl I had to dump).@Beam,
Glad to have helped. I'm glad you made a choice you're happy with.
The answer is "You don't."
You will get rusty and you will lose a lot of what you've built.
It's not like the veteran seducer who locks in his gains before settling into a committed relationship.
You're doing this:
Why Do Guys So Often Take Girlfriends Right After Major Pickup Breakthroughs?
Like clockwork, a guy makes a breakthrough in game – then gets a girlfriend. And before he solidifies his gains, the gains are gone. Why’s this happen? I talked to Hector the other day about a phone coaching student of his. His student had just begun to break through a barrier he’d been stuck...
That's not to say doing that is wrong. A LOT of guys do it. A LOT. Perhaps the vast, screaming majority of guys who get into pickup.
This is just the normal, typical path that most men take when they get into seduction.
Realistically most guys are going to have to choose: they need to lose that great girl they've got who's better than any girl they've had, whom they worked hard to get, or they need to lose the gains they've made in seduction, which they've also worked hard to get.
Anyway, I don't want to spin you into any self-doubt or what have you here. You're doing something very normal, that is what 98% of men are going to do when they end up in the situation you're in. I have seen it time and again with so many guys on the Boards here too. It's just a normal thing most guys do... so, do your best to enjoy the relationship and learn from it!
Chase
I can throw myself into this for now, but I feel that nagging voice in my head is always going to be going "what if". It's Friday night now and am already thinking about it, two days in...
Thankfully, I seem to have locked in the DG skills that got her, since I approached her out of a long period of lockdown, and approached another after being rusty, and they both went well. I've got a decent approach process now. However, was just really starting to get to the point where girls were excited to see me continuously (a year ago I couldn't hold on to them longer than one date).
I'm going to collate all my notes together and all the info of what was working over the last couple months to make it easy to pick up again where I left off, should I need to.
That being said, can still work on fundamentals (posture, voice, eye contact) and generating passive attraction. And also, working to build a life in which I come into contact with women frequently, so that should things not work out I can hit the ground running.
Is it morally wrong to be thinking like this in a relationship? It feels a little bit like it, especially considering she brought it up as something she was concerned about, me having one foot in the door...
End of the day, I have to put myself first and build the life I have always wanted. We're having fun together now, that's what matters.
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@Beam,
Yes, I think that's good.
Try to really analyze what you're doing differently.
Not just technical stuff, but the way you move, how you look at women, what's going through your head, where your focus is, etc.
Get as much detail, ordered as simply as possible, as you can down. Should make it easier rebooting later if/when that time comes.
Depends if you're talking about planning ahead for in case things don't work out or you're talking about actively taking measures to keep your momentum up that also open you up to opportunities to get pulled out of the relationship emotionally or otherwise.
It's just being mentally prepared that the relationship will end and having your plans in place to hit the ground running, no biggie, that's just sensible. You can do that without having a foot out of the relationship.
If you're flirting just because you're a talkative flirt and you don't mean anything by it, that's normal too. Though if it's something you're pushing yourself to do and it's not your default personality then she's probably going to sense that and view that as you having a foot out the door. You'll also feel conflicted about it and may lose your motivation to keep up with it after a while.
If you're hanging out with your pickup buddies and talking game and going out with them while they approach but not doing any approaching yourself, maybe just serving as a more or less passive wingman, getting pulled in to chat with the friend while your buddy approaches, that ought to be fine. If you're hanging around on the forum reading other guys' stuff and commenting / participating, that ought to be fine too. That stuff keeps your mindset attuned to it without you actively going out trying to make things happen or build momentum up.
The guys who are the worst off seem to be the ones who go monogamous then just drop off the face of the planet and you don't hear from them again until they're nearing breakup time. When that happens again you know that guy's going to have a tough time wading back into pickup, because it's been completely out of his head for a year or a year-and-a-half or two years and now he's coming from some totally different head space trying to get back into it again.
If you wanted to do monogamy while losing as little as possible, I'd probably recommend:
Basically: do stuff to save your knowledge for later, and other stuff that keeps this area of life from receding into the recess of your brain, and you ought to be all right.
Chase
Yes, I think that's good.
Try to really analyze what you're doing differently.
Not just technical stuff, but the way you move, how you look at women, what's going through your head, where your focus is, etc.
Get as much detail, ordered as simply as possible, as you can down. Should make it easier rebooting later if/when that time comes.
Depends if you're talking about planning ahead for in case things don't work out or you're talking about actively taking measures to keep your momentum up that also open you up to opportunities to get pulled out of the relationship emotionally or otherwise.
It's just being mentally prepared that the relationship will end and having your plans in place to hit the ground running, no biggie, that's just sensible. You can do that without having a foot out of the relationship.
If you're flirting just because you're a talkative flirt and you don't mean anything by it, that's normal too. Though if it's something you're pushing yourself to do and it's not your default personality then she's probably going to sense that and view that as you having a foot out the door. You'll also feel conflicted about it and may lose your motivation to keep up with it after a while.
If you're hanging out with your pickup buddies and talking game and going out with them while they approach but not doing any approaching yourself, maybe just serving as a more or less passive wingman, getting pulled in to chat with the friend while your buddy approaches, that ought to be fine. If you're hanging around on the forum reading other guys' stuff and commenting / participating, that ought to be fine too. That stuff keeps your mindset attuned to it without you actively going out trying to make things happen or build momentum up.
The guys who are the worst off seem to be the ones who go monogamous then just drop off the face of the planet and you don't hear from them again until they're nearing breakup time. When that happens again you know that guy's going to have a tough time wading back into pickup, because it's been completely out of his head for a year or a year-and-a-half or two years and now he's coming from some totally different head space trying to get back into it again.
If you wanted to do monogamy while losing as little as possible, I'd probably recommend:
- Jot down all your comprehensive "my process / tactics / fundamentals / mindsets right before leaving the game" so you can come back to it easily. Include all your best stuff... stuff that if you were training a guy you'd give to him and he'd go, "Oh yeah, that's good!"
- Keep reading and participating on the forum. You won't be posting field reports but you can weigh in on discussions. Keep an eye on the field reports board too... reading reports kind of sucks your mind back into it for a little while
- Hang out with your pickup buddies (I assume you have some) still and go with them when they go out to approach sometimes. Mix it up... maybe get lunch with the guy, then go out with him as he runs some day game sets. He can bring you in to wing him on the girls he approaches. This is harmless. You can just tell girls if they ask that you have a girlfriend, or drop it in incidentally. You'll get to see how girls react to an attractive attached guy who's cool, chatty, and accessible but isn't actively pursuing them... that might be eye-opening for you
Basically: do stuff to save your knowledge for later, and other stuff that keeps this area of life from receding into the recess of your brain, and you ought to be all right.
Chase
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Why don't you just travel to somewhere new once a week where your GF doesn't live. Do as many approaches as humanely possible to keep yourself sharp.
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Being in a relationship is almost like the ultimate position of power to be when practicing pickup.
-A girl that is completely into you and has consistent sex with you.
-Shes invested and committed to you. None of the silly worrying that comes with a FWB. Will she find another guy that captures her attention more and then she disappears into the wind.
-No more frustration when you don't get laid as you know you have a GF to go back to.
You go on dates and cold approaches with a position of power.
All these benefits will automatically push your behaviours into a high value male when you go out cold approaching. You'll automatically outcompete thirsty and desperate guys, who are the majority of males. You're not gonna have that background neediness that most guys have when they're approaching girls. You're not gonna have that worry on dates, "will this be the date I get to sleep with this chick". Man, it's like a superpower tbh. You will be Authentically and Genuinely non needy when approaching women.
I just think its a great opportunity to take one's cold approach skills to the next level. That way if you do break up rather than most guys who get all depressed and sad, you will be able to get a higher quality chick.
The only downside is, hurting the girl's feelings if she finds out and this being morally questionable. I guess if you're not interested in getting married anytime soon then the girl's feelings are a non factor plus once must also realise. When a woman breaks up with a man, her dating options are unchanged while a man's are basically non existent. I guess why not just use it as an opportunity to go even harder with cold approach and reach that next level.
Cold approaching while in a relationship with a girl who you find hot, who's committed and is invested in you. Is one of a few situations where a man and woman can operate on a equal footing in the dating market.
This is just my personal opinion tbh. Also if you want to have kids then the advice above is basically rubbish.
-A girl that is completely into you and has consistent sex with you.
-Shes invested and committed to you. None of the silly worrying that comes with a FWB. Will she find another guy that captures her attention more and then she disappears into the wind.
-No more frustration when you don't get laid as you know you have a GF to go back to.
You go on dates and cold approaches with a position of power.
All these benefits will automatically push your behaviours into a high value male when you go out cold approaching. You'll automatically outcompete thirsty and desperate guys, who are the majority of males. You're not gonna have that background neediness that most guys have when they're approaching girls. You're not gonna have that worry on dates, "will this be the date I get to sleep with this chick". Man, it's like a superpower tbh. You will be Authentically and Genuinely non needy when approaching women.
I just think its a great opportunity to take one's cold approach skills to the next level. That way if you do break up rather than most guys who get all depressed and sad, you will be able to get a higher quality chick.
The only downside is, hurting the girl's feelings if she finds out and this being morally questionable. I guess if you're not interested in getting married anytime soon then the girl's feelings are a non factor plus once must also realise. When a woman breaks up with a man, her dating options are unchanged while a man's are basically non existent. I guess why not just use it as an opportunity to go even harder with cold approach and reach that next level.
Cold approaching while in a relationship with a girl who you find hot, who's committed and is invested in you. Is one of a few situations where a man and woman can operate on a equal footing in the dating market.
This is just my personal opinion tbh. Also if you want to have kids then the advice above is basically rubbish.
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I think everyone is missing something here. Relationship skills are way more useful in the long run than pickup skills. One day it's likely that you're going to want to settle down and have a family, or at least integrate a woman deeply enough into your life that it would cause a lot of chaos if things fell apart. And relationship skills are way, way more difficult and complex than pickup, even though pickup seems at first glance to be a much greater feat.
There's a lot to learn about any given woman, especially when you put her in different situations, situations where what she says and does influences your success or failure. Regardless of how much you think you can just put yourself first or ignore her bs, the fact is that she will become your right hand for better or for worse, a hand that either helps or hinders you. When you don't handle her properly, she will wear your ego down to a stump, whether it takes months, years, or decades, but if you run a tight ship, she'll add a joy and satisfaction to your life that you can't get anywhere else, helping you get things done, taking care of your body and mind, turning bad days into good days and heaviness into lightness, and making you look good everywhere you go.
Surely that's something worth spending a substantial effort learning to get right.
There's a lot to learn about any given woman, especially when you put her in different situations, situations where what she says and does influences your success or failure. Regardless of how much you think you can just put yourself first or ignore her bs, the fact is that she will become your right hand for better or for worse, a hand that either helps or hinders you. When you don't handle her properly, she will wear your ego down to a stump, whether it takes months, years, or decades, but if you run a tight ship, she'll add a joy and satisfaction to your life that you can't get anywhere else, helping you get things done, taking care of your body and mind, turning bad days into good days and heaviness into lightness, and making you look good everywhere you go.
Surely that's something worth spending a substantial effort learning to get right.
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Absolutely true.
There's a saying I heard, I think it's from the 7 habits of highly effective people. In a great relationship where both partners are happy and satisfied, 1+1 does not equal 2 but it equals 4 or 8.
1+1=8
I guess the main question is. If a man has no intention of having a family or if for some reason does not expect the relationship to be serious. Should he proceed to continue practicing cold approach while in a committed relationship?
Simply for the fact that being in a positive relationship with a women that he finds attractive and is invested him, will allow him to possibly level up at cold approach quicker?
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I don't think a guy should stop flirting while in a relationship. In fact I'm all for multiple wives (sadly it's hard to find a place where the environment is not hostile to the idea). Cold approach - I don't see why not, although I think it'll be hard to maintain the right perspective on it.
My point is not about family or marriage. It's the fact that when you spend years with a girl you end up psychologically wrapped up together. You can't avoid it. There's no such thing as an LTR of any kind that's not serious. You end up depending on her and she on you, even if you only realize it when she's gone or not giving you what you need.
And that's not a bad thing, it's a necessary part of the human experience. There are parts of you that can't develop without that kind of closeness to someone, experiences that you won't be able to access. It's best to accept that and learn how to do it in such a way that it becomes a positive part of your life story.
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I apologise I did not fully see the point you were conveying. However on rereading it now, I do see it. I do agree that a relationship should be something that's experienced for every seducer.
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I wouldn't go on dates or cheat, but I think it may definitely be a good opportunity to work hard on indirect game in a way that makes women want to chase you.
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Exactly, and this takes time. If I have sons, I'm going to encourage them to start working on this stuff early. To give enough time to have these multi year experiences while also going through hoe phases, so that they can find high quality partners sooner which will enable them to reach new heights in all other areas of their lives sooner. Looking back, I had great opportunities with really pretty girls starting at 13. And now I am somewhat stressed about time at 29. Funny how that happens. Time stops for no one.. It's good that I am a man and can still turn this around with time to spare.
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A lot of what I am planning to do I was planning to do anyway, like taking up partner dancing. I have told her about it and encouraged her to join, but she is not interested.
It's funny, just in the last week I have noticed that I feel conflicted about doing daytime street approaches now, even if I have no intention of going further than a polite conversation. It feels wrong. And these were my main source of leads. However, chatting and flirting with staff, girls in other stationary environments which I traditionally have had a harder time with is now easier and more natural. I also went out to a bar with my pickup buddies. And here, it felt wrong sitting there not talking to anyone. Stifling. So I went and flirted with some pretty girls and had a great time. Just waiting and talking with my buddy/ waiting for him to approach and being passive was depressing. For the most part I was ok, there wasn't too much temptation.
I do wonder why this is. I think it may be that I got pretty decent at daytime street approaches, so if I was to put myself into those situations, there would be a not insignificant chance that the girl would be somewhat interested and so that would cause a lot of conflict in my mind. Whereas other areas which I struggled in, like nightgame, it's easier to put myself into those situations because I have the expectation that it would not go far anyway, so I feel less guilty. Obviously not a good attitude to have overall, but in this specific instance it is helping.
Yeah, I will still be here and involved in the community. This place is like a home and it's useful not just for women but in upskilling all other areas of your life as well.
Thanks Chase!
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Good stuff, @Beam.
Happy to hear you're still socializing. That'll help for sure.
Just one remark:
The reason is actually not "Because I'm best at method X and not as good at methods Y and Z" but rather because "method X is something I have to consciously go out of my way to do and make a conscious mental effort to do, that is not a normal/usual part of daily socializing, so it feels like I am actively TRYING to meet other women... whereas methods Y and Z are more natural, incidental, socially expected interactions, so it doesn't feel like any kind of conscious betrayal of trust being social there."
This is "it just happened" psychology -- it's the psychological mode women keep themselves in almost all the time, btw (and which you will sometimes need to police girls on in relationships, if they put themselves into a lot of situations where things can "just happen").
The human mind is funny, no?
Chase
Happy to hear you're still socializing. That'll help for sure.
Just one remark:
The reason is actually not "Because I'm best at method X and not as good at methods Y and Z" but rather because "method X is something I have to consciously go out of my way to do and make a conscious mental effort to do, that is not a normal/usual part of daily socializing, so it feels like I am actively TRYING to meet other women... whereas methods Y and Z are more natural, incidental, socially expected interactions, so it doesn't feel like any kind of conscious betrayal of trust being social there."
This is "it just happened" psychology -- it's the psychological mode women keep themselves in almost all the time, btw (and which you will sometimes need to police girls on in relationships, if they put themselves into a lot of situations where things can "just happen").
The human mind is funny, no?
Chase
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- Nov 11, 2019
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Reason is cause you are protecting the relationship you know how to get laid from day game and went on a hot streak those references experience ingrained in your brain, when you see a day game hottie you forecast and predict the seduction from a to z, then you get anxious cause you forecast scenarios of conflict wit main, these is one of the reasons people pass on lays and some nitpicking don't get or can't relate.... anyways when you are doing night game is more social and harder to pull, so you don't see it as a threat to your relationship.