Cluster B girl turned our whole friend group against me

[Chase]

I never wanted this girl though! I don't even find her that attractive. I literally just wanted to be friends with her, we had great connection and that's where I wanted it to stay. She was a great friend, gave me a lot of presents and compliments.. (this might have been the love bombing stage though - but then again, good friends are nice to each other too).

But then suddenly she started coming on to me very strong. She was all over me, literally in front of the other guys. Also she asked me what things I found attractive, and the next week she had all of that stuff on her (a choker, eyeliner wings, clothes I liked..). So she was the one who basically seduced me.

I could have moved faster, but 1) I still didn't want her that much, and 2) anytime I made a step forward, she retracted. The only thing that worked was just being passive and taking it. Even little things like looking at her first made her want me less. She HAD to be the one chasing me.

So that's why it took 6 months. I never wanted anything, and every step was such a pain (like the first kiss, that "traumatised" her for a week, that she told everyone in the group about, and due to which we had many stages of "who wants it less".

Anyway, thank you for the advice. It really hurts that I have to loose this girl. And yes, even when I win this small battle (to at least keep the guy friends), I have no other choice than to let her go later.

Which sucks because I've never gotten so much understanding about trauma, being a victim, mental issues.. I was able to be REAL with these people. To present myself as what I am: a victim. I left PUA communities because they didn't like my victim "mindset". And I found these guys. And now I have to leave the one that understood me the most.

And also, again, in this case I'm not "choosing" to stay in relationships that mimic my childhood abuse. This girl gave me tons of validation and so, being so depraved of it, of course I stayed and ignored the red flags. It's how my brain is built: I survived as a child thanks to ignoring red flags. It's automatic and it will take experiences such as this one to rewrite it.

BPD people sexualize all sufficiently close/deep attachments to other people.

If you get close to them, they get confused, romanticize the attachment, then wanna fuck.

They're all bisexual for this reason. Any friends they have, that they get too close to, they then try to fuck.

On the victim stuff: on the one hand, I commiserate. What your parents did, following up gifts with beatings, is horrible. I'm sure that's just the tip of the iceberg too.

On the other hand, yeah, PUA's not the right place to look for sympathy.

People from all sorts of backgrounds here. Some much better than yours. Some that are probably much worse (I've talked with some of them. Some truly, truly horrible stuff). But PUA in general for people from rough backgrounds is "I'm sick of being a victim. It's time to be the champ."

You haven't reached that point yet and still get value out of / identify with the victim persona.

Perhaps someday you will tire of it. But it seems like not right now, for now.

~C

 

[ulrich]

@Renegade… the best I can suggest for you is to get out of there.
That dynamic is not healthy.