Cold Approach in the bus

[Dex]

Today I was heading home when I spotted this cute girl in the queue for the bus. I went to the back of the queue and I decided that I will cold approach once we are in the bus. The first bus came and enough people went in to fill it and we ended up close to the front of the queue waiting for the second bus. When the second bus arrived the girl went in and sat in a window seat, I followed and sat next to her. I looked at her from my peripheral vision and she was a beauty. One of the prettiest girls I've seen in weeks. She looked just like Tinashe, I kid you not.
I did not open her immediately because she was texting constantly on watsapp and my approach anxiety was at its maximum point. I removed my phone and also acted busy, (replied to pending text messages and so on). When we started moving I noticed she kept looking outside whenever she wasn't texting. I wasn't sure if this was a bad sign.(Usually I see some girls checking me out from my peripheral) I was hoping that we would make eye to eye contact when I open her. (Then I would act like I had just seen her.) In the city I live in the traffic congestion is crazy so when the bus was still I decided to open her.(By this time my approach anxiety had gone down). I waited for when she was looking out the window and I said "Hi" when she was turning around towards my side. This was about 15 minutes into the bus ride.

Dex: Hi
Girl: Hi
Dex: I just saw you and I thought that I had to meet you
Girl: Nicole (Let's call her Nicole)
Dex: I'm Dex. Nice to meet you
Nicole: Nice to meet you
*short pause*
Dex: So Nicole what do you do in this city?
*pregnant pause*
Nicole: I school
Dex: What do you do in school though?
Nicole: Business
Dex: You like it?
Nicole: Yes
Dex: Is that what you wanted to do since you were a little girl?
Nicole: Yes
*Silence*

At this point I already felt like the ship was sinking. She hadn't asked me a single question and her body was still positioned straight. (Not toward me, ideal or away from me, bad)
The conductor of the bus came and I paid, he didn't give me the change back though. Once the conductor went past us. I tried to start a new conversation. You know because persistence.

Dex: So are you a born and raised Nairobi girl [or insert name of city you live in],or are you from somewhere far away?
Nicole: Nairobi

After this there was silence for a short while. She then removed her earphones and put them on then kept texting away.
I was kind of relieved by this. I removed my phone again and acted like I was busy. (reading new messages and group chats etc)
Through the rest of the journey I kept playing this approach in my head and wondering what I could have done better.
We sat in silence until I alighted. I didn't tell her anything when I left. I even forgot my change which was a lot because I was distracted and being a student the money was needed.
That was how hot she was.
I'd like to know interesting conversation topics when you opening. Topics that can get the girl talking and from there I'm confident I can get the number. This girl seemed interested after hello and she even said her name pretty quickly, before me. (This never happens on any of my cold approaches) I'd also like some troubleshooting showing mistakes I made in the process. I would appreciate a step by step process showing what was said. This approach was done about 45 minutes ago so it is still fresh in my mind.

 

[Skid]

Hey dude , first i want to say good job on bringing yourself to say hi on a bus - as you realised its really high pressure and can go sour very quickly. So its way more scary than other places. With that said here is my feedback:

So the first issue is you were sitting next to her for 15 minutes before you said hi. This creates tons of pressure on you and its also incongruent with how you opened her. You opened with the standard hey just saw you wanted to meet you. But you clearly did not JUST see you you were sitting next to her for 15 mins. You did a really good job identifying how she was responding to you and realised it was mostly negative so you got more panicked and the convo died which is part of the learning experience.

Here is what I've found works quite well on buses/trains :

If you sit next to her then it creates a lot of social tension so usually i find opening indirect and making some kind of comment works well my favourite is : "you look tired" then ask her what she did last night (you didnt rob a bank did you?)and go from there be prepared with a decent story about something that happened recently to break the ice if she doesn't say much in response then go from there if she hooks she'll try to contribute after your story.

The other method is sit behind her then tap her on the shoulder (make sure you are leaning back as much as possible) direct open and then go from there. This forces her to face you if she likes you and gives her an escape so she doesn't feel trapped ie she can just turn around (even tho im sure she wont want too )

 

[Bboy100]

Dude, your thinking about waaay too many things at once. I can relate. I do the exact same thing. When you still have AA, I highly recommend disregarding her body language, her interest levels, how she responds...and so on. For now, your only job is to say hello. Yes...you will come off uncalibrated and weird at times. But the truth is (1) That's going to happen anyways. Regardless of how well you analyze a situation (2) You will and probably did come off as ingenuine (i.e. creepy) in some way which you don't even realize because of your anxiety (which is caused by overthinking the situation) (3) The reason the conversation died is not because you don't know how to talk. You've been having conversations since you're a kid. It's because anxiety has a way of keeping us silent as a way of protecting us from possible rejections (which paradoxically causes rejection haha).

So yeah...first thing I'd recommend for you is just saying "Hi" until that becomes comfortable. Give yourself permission to fumble every part of the interaction after that. The only thing that's required of you is to just say Hi. You'll have to do this quite a few times in a short time span to truly become comfortable in interactions with strangers.

Having said that, to answer your question:

I'd like to know interesting conversation topics when you opening.

You're focusing on the wrong thing. It's not about your words (i.e. topics of conversation). It's about your nonverbals and the energy you project. And like I said before...once you get comfortable in these situations, conversation will come pretty naturally. You won't need to worry about topics.

Having said that, here's a useful trick: Cold reads.

Cold reading is basically making an educated guess about her. It could be literally anything. For example, if she had an accent, you might say "Hmm, I bet you're Russian aren't you?" Usually, your cold reads will be wrong. This is good. Because she's likely to either correct you, theraby giving you a new topic of conversation

Ex Going back to the "are you from Russia" example, she might say "no, I'm from Romania" in which case, you can start deep diving her about how it was growing up there etc.
Or, she might say "no, I'm not. Why do you think that?". In this scenario, you can mention the accent, and ask here where she's really from.

 

[HellAtlantic]

Congrats on the approach! No matter what at least you won't kick yourself saying "I wish I would've said something to her!"

Consider that during any approach there is usually if not always a sufficient amount of personal space between you and the girl when you start your opener (and as things get more comfy you or her decrease the distance over the course of the interaction). But on a bus sitting next to the girl you're technically in her personal space right off the bat. That can make most girls feel uneasy.

 

[Dex]

Congrats on the approach! No matter what at least you won't kick yourself saying "I wish I would've said something to her!"

Consider that during any approach there is usually if not always a sufficient amount of personal space between you and the girl when you start your opener (and as things get more comfy you or her decrease the distance over the course of the interaction). But on a bus sitting next to the girl you're technically in her personal space right off the bat. That can make most girls feel uneasy.

Thanks HellAtlantic I'll try and do more out in the open cold approaches before I do another one in the bus. If I see another pretty girl in the bus though I'll try and go for it.

Dude, your thinking about waaay too many things at once. I can relate. I do the exact same thing. When you still have AA, I highly recommend disregarding her body language, her interest levels, how she responds...and so on. For now, your only job is to say hello. Yes...you will come off uncalibrated and weird at times. But the truth is (1) That's going to happen anyways. Regardless of how well you analyze a situation (2) You will and probably did come off as ingenuine (i.e. creepy) in some way which you don't even realize because of your anxiety (which is caused by overthinking the situation) (3) The reason the conversation died is not because you don't know how to talk. You've been having conversations since you're a kid. It's because anxiety has a way of keeping us silent as a way of protecting us from possible rejections (which paradoxically causes rejection haha).

So yeah...first thing I'd recommend for you is just saying "Hi" until that becomes comfortable. Give yourself permission to fumble every part of the interaction after that. The only thing that's required of you is to just say Hi. You'll have to do this quite a few times in a short time span to truly become comfortable in interactions with strangers.

Having said that, to answer your question:

I'd like to know interesting conversation topics when you opening.

You're focusing on the wrong thing. It's not about your words (i.e. topics of conversation). It's about your nonverbals and the energy you project. And like I said before...once you get comfortable in these situations, conversation will come pretty naturally. You won't need to worry about topics.

Having said that, here's a useful trick: Cold reads.

Cold reading is basically making an educated guess about her. It could be literally anything. For example, if she had an accent, you might say "Hmm, I bet you're Russian aren't you?" Usually, your cold reads will be wrong. This is good. Because she's likely to either correct you, theraby giving you a new topic of conversation

Ex Going back to the "are you from Russia" example, she might say "no, I'm from Romania" in which case, you can start deep diving her about how it was growing up there etc.
Or, she might say "no, I'm not. Why do you think that?". In this scenario, you can mention the accent, and ask here where she's really from.

Bboy100, I like the advice on cold reads I'll work on that slowly, I think in a bus this may be smoother. I'll also take this one step at a time until I grow further

Hey dude , first i want to say good job on bringing yourself to say hi on a bus - as you realised its really high pressure and can go sour very quickly. So its way more scary than other places. With that said here is my feedback:

So the first issue is you were sitting next to her for 15 minutes before you said hi. This creates tons of pressure on you and its also incongruent with how you opened her. You opened with the standard hey just saw you wanted to meet you. But you clearly did not JUST see you you were sitting next to her for 15 mins. You did a really good job identifying how she was responding to you and realised it was mostly negative so you got more panicked and the convo died which is part of the learning experience.

Here is what I've found works quite well on buses/trains :

If you sit next to her then it creates a lot of social tension so usually i find opening indirect and making some kind of comment works well my favourite is : "you look tired" then ask her what she did last night (you didnt rob a bank did you?)and go from there be prepared with a decent story about something that happened recently to break the ice if she doesn't say much in response then go from there if she hooks she'll try to contribute after your story.

The other method is sit behind her then tap her on the shoulder (make sure you are leaning back as much as possible) direct open and then go from there. This forces her to face you if she likes you and gives her an escape so she doesn't feel trapped ie she can just turn around (even tho im sure she wont want too )

Skid, thanks for the advice on the opener, next time I'll open immediately and I also like the "you look tired" opener. It adds to my arsenal.
Onward and Upward - Ricardus Domino