I've read Girls Chase and the forums for a while, but since I'm in a time of particular tumult, I feel the need for some advice and straight-talk.
I am a sophomore at a mid-size college in the Midwest. I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome at age 7, but as I've grown out of some of my symptoms, I realize I have more of a mix of OCD and Social Anxiety. I tend to be a bit of a narcissist, only because I have the need to butter myself up because of my lack of ability with the fairer sex; this also leads to low self esteem. My college experience so far has been underwhelming. My social life is lacking, and people don't seem to get back to me when I try to hang out or want to party with them. I'm a virgin, and I've kissed exactly one girl (who was not my type). I want to lose 20 pounds (though I can fit into slim jeans and pants) and gain more muscle. I am a music major and play the tenor saxophone. Even though it's my passion, it seems to be a nerdy detractor to women rather than something intriguing.
Because of my scenario, I have some questions:
1. My psychologist told to stop focusing on sex and start focusing on myself, and to just be myself. At times, I've realized I really like who I am, but still feel girls don't like me for who I am. I also think of sex constantly. Does this pattern of thinking hurt rather than help me? How can I turn it into something positive and constructive?
2. I've had trouble letting go of the "Bad Boy" image I so desire to cultivate. I've realized that it doesn't fit who I am, but I'm also not a "nice guy", except when I become anxious around women. The problem is, I feel girls only will fuck "Bad Boys". I feel I'm much closer to the Byronic Hero mentioned in recent posts, someone who may have some "Bad Boy" elements, but also has a heart. How can I tap into and cultivate my Byronic traits? Would this work in a college setting? Would it be changing who I truly am too much?
3. How do I use my passion for playing the saxophone as a positive rather than feel that women think it's nerdy and square?
4. How do I build my social circle? I know joining clubs is important, but I have a hard time finding groups I want to join, and become paralyzed when thinking about walking in randomly as a new member. I want deeper friendships with people in my classes (fellow music majors I see daily), but I feel they don't want them or don't like me.
5. How do I lose my virginity? I know it's unhealthy to pursue sex in this way, but I'm 20 and feel it's a huge stigma and that girls can sense it. How do I not let my virginity impact my confidence, ability, or chances of getting laid?
6. I am admittedly very smart, and I feel this puts me at a disadvantage with females. What are some tips to use my intelligence to my advantage, and how do I turn it off when needed (i.e. intellectualizing and over-analyzing every interaction with everyone)?
7. My classes are pussy goldmines. How do I capitalize on this?
8. I don't know jack shit about how to talk to girls who glance and smile at me in the halls, class, or coffee shop. I want to talk, hang out, and sleep with these girls. Ideally I would create a harem of pretty girls at my beck and call, but I'd also be satisfied with several fuck buddies, a few one night stands, and an open relationship with a girl who's truly cool, and I know I will never come close to achieving any of these goals and desires if I can't muster a simple "hello" to the hottie sitting behind me in Philosophy. How do I capitalize on these opportunities? What are good things to talk about with girls, that make them interested in me and that make them wetter than Niagara Falls?
9. Who are some role models I should look up to on how to live my life? Hank Moody is my current hero (I'm a massive Californication fan), but is trying to live like him trying to be too much of a "Bad Boy"? I want to live a live of adventure, crazy stories; I want to embrace and celebrate myself and go against the status quo. Many people exist, few live. People I look up to in that regard include Hunter S. Thompson, Jack Kerouac, Nick Tosches, Steve McQueen, and Glenn O'Brien. Are these good role models, and do they embody the lifestyle I want to have? Who are other good role models who live an adventurous, full life on their terms?
I look forward to what you have to say.
I am a sophomore at a mid-size college in the Midwest. I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome at age 7, but as I've grown out of some of my symptoms, I realize I have more of a mix of OCD and Social Anxiety. I tend to be a bit of a narcissist, only because I have the need to butter myself up because of my lack of ability with the fairer sex; this also leads to low self esteem. My college experience so far has been underwhelming. My social life is lacking, and people don't seem to get back to me when I try to hang out or want to party with them. I'm a virgin, and I've kissed exactly one girl (who was not my type). I want to lose 20 pounds (though I can fit into slim jeans and pants) and gain more muscle. I am a music major and play the tenor saxophone. Even though it's my passion, it seems to be a nerdy detractor to women rather than something intriguing.
Because of my scenario, I have some questions:
1. My psychologist told to stop focusing on sex and start focusing on myself, and to just be myself. At times, I've realized I really like who I am, but still feel girls don't like me for who I am. I also think of sex constantly. Does this pattern of thinking hurt rather than help me? How can I turn it into something positive and constructive?
2. I've had trouble letting go of the "Bad Boy" image I so desire to cultivate. I've realized that it doesn't fit who I am, but I'm also not a "nice guy", except when I become anxious around women. The problem is, I feel girls only will fuck "Bad Boys". I feel I'm much closer to the Byronic Hero mentioned in recent posts, someone who may have some "Bad Boy" elements, but also has a heart. How can I tap into and cultivate my Byronic traits? Would this work in a college setting? Would it be changing who I truly am too much?
3. How do I use my passion for playing the saxophone as a positive rather than feel that women think it's nerdy and square?
4. How do I build my social circle? I know joining clubs is important, but I have a hard time finding groups I want to join, and become paralyzed when thinking about walking in randomly as a new member. I want deeper friendships with people in my classes (fellow music majors I see daily), but I feel they don't want them or don't like me.
5. How do I lose my virginity? I know it's unhealthy to pursue sex in this way, but I'm 20 and feel it's a huge stigma and that girls can sense it. How do I not let my virginity impact my confidence, ability, or chances of getting laid?
6. I am admittedly very smart, and I feel this puts me at a disadvantage with females. What are some tips to use my intelligence to my advantage, and how do I turn it off when needed (i.e. intellectualizing and over-analyzing every interaction with everyone)?
7. My classes are pussy goldmines. How do I capitalize on this?
8. I don't know jack shit about how to talk to girls who glance and smile at me in the halls, class, or coffee shop. I want to talk, hang out, and sleep with these girls. Ideally I would create a harem of pretty girls at my beck and call, but I'd also be satisfied with several fuck buddies, a few one night stands, and an open relationship with a girl who's truly cool, and I know I will never come close to achieving any of these goals and desires if I can't muster a simple "hello" to the hottie sitting behind me in Philosophy. How do I capitalize on these opportunities? What are good things to talk about with girls, that make them interested in me and that make them wetter than Niagara Falls?
9. Who are some role models I should look up to on how to live my life? Hank Moody is my current hero (I'm a massive Californication fan), but is trying to live like him trying to be too much of a "Bad Boy"? I want to live a live of adventure, crazy stories; I want to embrace and celebrate myself and go against the status quo. Many people exist, few live. People I look up to in that regard include Hunter S. Thompson, Jack Kerouac, Nick Tosches, Steve McQueen, and Glenn O'Brien. Are these good role models, and do they embody the lifestyle I want to have? Who are other good role models who live an adventurous, full life on their terms?
I look forward to what you have to say.
, but I keep it pretty short in real life. Actually listen to the person, i.e., remember what they said. With girls, it may be good to act aloof, but don't do that when talking with guys. However, you can act aloof if you actually listen to what they say -- but I don't recommend it starting out. Continue on a topic they said or repeat something they said later in the conversation. Example: (Beginning of conversation) Guy: "Man, I hate roaches." (Go on long conversation talking about something else and then start talking about science fiction.) You: "Yeah, I love SciFi. I imagine you avoid the ones dealing with killer mutant roaches?" Just something simple like that. Keep a balance of sharing information and asking questions. If a guy asks me like 20 questions without saying anything about himself, it's just odd -- Is this a fucking interview?