IMO Rick H is one of the best pick up guys ever. Unfortunately he left the scene years ago and so it is not difficult to find info on him. Anyway I have looked around and compiled some notes about his thinking either straight from the horse's mouth or others who knew him.
The only addition I have made is in the titles so as to make more sense of his ideas. Of course it would be best if he explained his system but since that will not happen I think this is a decent alternative.
Outline of system
'A huge part of Rick's skill is demonstrating authority; demonstrating he UNDERSTANDS her world, as a prelude to bringing them into HIS world.’
‘Rick’s success is more due to his identity (who he thinks he is) his understanding of frames, his ability to read people (the guy is really fuckin intuitive) and his ability to become an authority by demonstrating understanding of the HBs world’.
World view understanding
‘Women have all the same needs and wants that men do. They manifest it in a different way for them. I mean they may need different triggers, they may need you to help to get them there, they have all the same feelings… What I try to do is I try to create a situation, an environment for a woman to feel perfectly comfortable and feel good and justified in her own mind why this is good for her… I am in a firm belief that women are at least as sexual as men are and given that you don’t have to convince them. All you have to do you have to create an environment that they can picture in their own mind’.
Seduction - ‘despite what the press says this is very ecological if done right. The sort of experience that I am creating for women they wouldn’t trade for anything… This is something they really enjoy. Woman love to be seduced and they love the way that feels and then if you can do that for them you have helped them as much as yourself.’
'I seem to remember Rick commenting once about how he was with this very attractive bi woman and they were out hunting for a young lady to join them. Some of the women this woman pointed out were very unattractive to Rick and he remarked that he's realized that women don't see the same things we do when they look at women. In my opinion, a "7" would probably be good enough to cause those competitive thoughts in a "10's" mind to start working’.
:
other poster: I certainly have noticed women looking atme and my thinking being that she's looking because she's interested but
(and I am sure most women find it frustrating that men don't pick up on their signals of interest) we aren't mind readers and tend
to err on the side of caution. Probably the best thing to do is to somehow test reality by going up to them, talking to them and
finding a way to find out/confirm if the reason they were looking was because they were interested or if perhaps your zipper was
open.")
Rick H - I have a different take. Women want men that they are attracted to, to notice them or pay attention to them.
That means that she may be flirting with you in front of her boyfriend to get HIM all worked up. This is a bad thing and I blow
these women off. Dueling for the love of a woman is about 200 years out of date and I'm not in favor of bringing it back into style.
It isn't worth it, there is another one just as cute that will be along in 5 minutes. It's like fighting for sand on the beach.
Not a good use of energy! Now, If a woman notices me and she does not have her Bore-friend in tow, she is free game. One approach
I use for this situation is to walk right up the second I see her looking at me and say "I noticed you noticing me, and I just
wanted to tell you that I admire a woman with good taste". It is direct but indirect, an action yet a reaction, to the point yet
very vague.’
Leading
Rick, as well, has two main rules...
Rule #1: "If you do anything with enough authority, you're going to get away with it." – One of the things that I think is
really important is that guys who are good with women is that they are completely congruent with whatever that they are doing.
It’s something you are not something you do. It’s not so much a technique, we all have techniques. Techniques are the way to
express who you are. Fundamentally if you are going to be exceptional with women you have to know first exactly who you are,
what you want and what you are about and you can convey that to them in a clear and concise way to them. By walking up to
them they get it, they can feel that you are powerful or that you are weak just by walking up and the way that you carry
yourself, the way that you present yourself is very, very different.
One of the problems that guys have is that they don’t have a clear objective and they don’t know who they are. They are
confused about them and so if you are going to bring a woman into your world, your reality… lets say you have the techniques,
the skill but you didn’t get the inside part and what they inevitably do is they bring this woman into their reality but
their reality is clouded because they don’t know who they are so what they generate is confusion on the girl’s part.
To summarise this is all about who you are and not about what you do’.
‘If your view of the universe, if the way you think, what you believe is stronger than what they believe, your belief system
dominates and that’s not only true with women that’s true in every aspect of life. The dominant, the more powerful system
is always going to be the one that dominates, whoever believes in their system more is going to be the frame in which all
communication is read’.
‘If you are sitting there and trying to think of the next thing to say, if you’re trying to be something that you are not,
that’s all that’s going to come out. They’re going to see that you are trying to be something that you are not. You have
to start internally, to figure out what you want… to give you an example on online profiles… my advice would be to make it
as specific as possible, for example 5 7 to 5 7, brunette, 120 pounds with a Masters degree. If you don’t meet this don’t
apply... If you do not qualify you are not attractive. It’s one of the basics. If you are not qualifying her she is
qualifying you and you don’t want that.
‘If you will accept anything what does that say about you, your self-esteem, what does it say about your goals, your
aspirations, what does it say about your world view? It doesn’t say anything good. You have to know what you want,
that’s the first key and the second key is to believe in yourself enough to know that you deserve it and you make
no apologies. There’s no reason to apologise for what you want in life, none. It’s your universe, everybody else is
living in it… don’t worry about their thing, worry about yours… you need to stop focussing externally and start
focussing internally’.
‘Rick would talk about women being adaptable. "Women are adaptable.. whatever frame you set, they'll adapt to..
if you set a frame of provider candidate, they'll adopt a screen frame.. if you set a frame of them being screened
for dirty slutty lesbian sex, they'll turn into sluts"
‘Rick chats up this huge breasted English HB. Then he proceeded to tell her a couple of stories about his travels
in England. She was really impressed by his knowledge of England. Then out of nowhere he looked her in the eyes
and said Do you like girls? She said I don’t go that way, I only like guys. Rick got very quiet and then said,
I guess this will never work out because you will bring home ugly girls and I only like hot girls. She replied
saying I have good taste in girls, I’ll bring home hot girls. At this point she was all over Rick’.
‘What I am always trying to do is put myself in the position that girls take with Average Frustrated Chumps. And
what that is you have to prove yourself to me that you are good enough to talk to me. It’s actually a really good
frame to have so why not just steal it’.
‘Whoever has the strongest reality wins’
Rule #2: "No good deed goes unpunished" – ‘If you are constantly making the effort to do this for somebody else,
you meet this girl and you want to take her to dinner, buy her flowers, you want to do all these others things…
you are chasing, you are pursuing her. Her natural reaction is to pull back. That’s not what you want. You need
to be the one that convinces her that you need to be pursued. You need to demonstrate in a way that she clearly
understands that you are the catch and the way to do that is not to be the guy that you mum told you to be when
you were eight. It’s good to be nice to people but don’t be too nice. Treat people with respect, treat people
with courtesy but don’t accept bad behaviour at all and don’t try too hard’.
‘Women do not want a guy they can walk all over with. If they walk all over you, you’re out, you’re done. They’re
on to the next ones that’s a challenge… Stop focusing on being a nice guy and be a confident guy, be the man that
you want to be and if you’re out there chasing, doing things for her then she’s not going to be doing anything
for you’.
Preparation
Once you know what you want, once you have decided what kind of man you want to be, that’s a big step. Sit down,
think about it. What are the characteristics of the man that you want to be, what kind of guy is that. After you
get there, its preparation time. You’re going to go out, talk to a whole bunch of girls and there’s going to be
twists and turns, surprises, things that you didn’t anticipate unless you prepare’.
Approaching women
Rick (Commenting on a private e-mail from a brother who needs some help) It sounds to me like his problem is
confidence or google as Ross puts it. I think he needs to learn how to build his mental state. As you know,
the very first step is creating a useful mental state, and I think Ross teaches how to do that as well as anyone.
Obviously some of his problems could be (1) putting too much weight on the result of one walk up. (2) not knowing
what to say once you are there. (3) Viewing rejection personally, as opposed to an opportunity for the girl to
show what kind of woman SHE is.
‘As my good friend Rick says: Every friend you have started out as a stranger...’
Getting into state before you go out - ‘what I used to do was put myself in state the same way I did for wrestling
in fighting for tournaments for karate. What I currently do is picture a flood of light coming through the top
of my head and energising my body and once I get that and feel that complete my body and I am ready to go…
I also view it almost in the third person … what I am doing isn’t really me, in a sense it is me because I am involved
but I sort of detach myself in a way… when I am going into the situation, when I am in the bar I am sitting and
I am observing and that keeps me when a really hot girl goes by… and that allows me to keep my state… its almost
as if I’m above myself and I am looking down…
Humour
‘It’s all about having fun, I mean first of all I’m gonna have fun. The process is a blast. It’s so fun. It sets up
such a better frame because there’s not an object, you’re not even worried about getting laid, you’re worried about
enjoying this process and playing around with this girl a little bit. And the more you play around with her the
better off you are because most guys are walking up to her and supplicating and you’re giving her a bad time in a
fun way not in a mean way and showing her that you are not that impressed, it’s no big deal. Instantly it changes
your whole frame’.
‘Rick H is the best example of playfulness with a little reframe. He uses it in a way that ‘turns the tables’.
This is what you want to do. He also does it in a way that elevates the woman, not demeans her’.
Cocky funny
‘If you are talking to a girl for two or three minutes and the song changes, say that'll be two songs,
forty dollars please’.
Targeting Women
Ross to Rick – ‘a lot of what you do is knowing how to select people who fit your target market’.
Rick ‘Oh I do have my target market’.
Identity
- Its not something I do, it’s something I am.
- I would not wear what Rick wears. That is not congruent with who I am. But, boy, does that work
for Rick because it represents who he is.
Most people don’t have a firm belief in their reality or who they are.
- You must be prepared to be the kind of man you want to be.
- ‘Rick H is awesome, and he sets himself as a once in a lifetime adventure. “It’s now or never baby”
‘The two greatest seducers that have ever graced the pages of asf are Rick H and Major Mark. One thing
that is absolutely true for each of them at their core is that they love women’.
Testing
Rick – ‘this whole problem about women testing you is all in your head... I go by a rule that if
she is talking she is testing... You can do some things she likes if you want to do them... Any
request she makes is just that, a request and it will be accepted or denied based on my criteria
and not hers’.
‘Always have a better answer. This is one of the cores of my being and one of the most fun of
anything, intellectual banter, always have a better answer, no matter what she says, always a
better answer… always useful to have a few canned responses just in case she throws in a zinger.
But the more you do this the better you get… the more you banter with your friends, banter with
women, the funnier you get and the more fun it is for everybody involved. It’s critical that
you think about fallbacks on if you are going to try something what are you going to do if
this does not work. You need to think 2 or 3 steps ahead at least, what am I doing right after
this, if you don’t plan, you’re going to lose. And the more you sit and think about this,
the more you plan, the better off you are going to be.
There’s a finite number of situations you are going to have, there’s a finite number of
situations you are going to get into. Sure every girl is different but not that different.
If you can out battle her in the battle of wits, you got her.
You’ve already proven your worth, you’ve already established dominance, no matter what they
say about our evolved being there’s something in that reptilian brain that gets them all
hot and bothered when they meet some guy that’s just powerful, has a better answer and not
matter what they say he has a better answer. That they feel comfortable, they feel protected
. If a woman can dominate you, if she can dominate you verbally or by manipulating your actions
and your letting her get away with things which goes back to no deed goes unpunished what
happens is that she comes to the conclusion that and rightly so that she is stronger than you
and if she is in a situation and she does not think she can handle it she can’t look to you.
She wants somebody that is going to step in, handle the situation if something happens she
needs to know that the man she is with is going to be the man’.
One of the easiest ways to prove it, when she tries and throws a test pass at you that’s
the perfect opportunity to call her on it and just say no. Don’t let them get away with
the tests because in reality they don’t want to get away with the tests. They are testing
you to see if you’re the man and if you don’t pass the test, stand up to the test and she
is going to after somebody who is’.
She asks - Are you a Player? Rick H believes that she is seeing if you are tough enough
and good enough to seduce her.
Rick H – ‘A woman will chisel away at a man one chip at a time until she has him
exclusively hers’.
RH on “qualifying resistance” – “Either consciously or unconsciously a woman will test
a man’s mettle”. “to see if you are man enough for her”.
‘A lot of guys give up way too quick. Women will throw out barriers or obstacles for
you when you do a walk up or be talking to them really to test your mettle so to speak.
I never stop until a girl does one of two things, she goes away or starts to get mad.
If she is just throwing out obstacles and excuses and she is still nice and civil even
playful and engaged. As long as she is still engaged, I’m not stopping. Women want to
know if they are with a guy and something happens that they don’t have to take care
of it, that he is stronger than they are so women will qualify you’.
RH replies to question of ‘are you trying to pick me up?’ with ‘This is not about me
trying to pick you up. This is about me taking the time to get to know you and see
if you are someone I might like to get to know better’.
-Oh, is this where you give your little opinion? Oh, that’s cute.
Supplication and Framing
Rick would talk about women being adaptable. "Women are adaptable.. whatever frame
you set, they'll adapt to.. if you set a frame of provider candidate, they'll
adopt a screen frame.. if you set a frame of them being screened for dirty slutty
lesbian sex, they'll turn into sluts"
(Rick's comment about dating several women at once, which was to answer
the question if you are dating other women with "Yeah, you wanna hear about it?")’
Rick: You raise an interesting point that I have encountered several times and it
is worth mentioning. There are a lot of girls that are bi-sexual but they don't
like the title. This girl is obvously one of those. She sleeps with girls but
defines herself as straight. Thats ok, denial is ok as long as she does what
you want. I think you are better off allowing her to keep her current definitions
and frame it in "taking girls home with us to play with". That’s how I would
play it anyway.
Rick:
Hello all! I am back after a long absence from posting. It seems that many
people are still living in the shadow world of fake problems. What I mean by
that, is that there seems to be an effort to address objections directly,
on the "Logical level" and/or within the "frame" they present those
objections to you.
Why would you want to do a thing like that?
I don't want to teach a mini-course in NLP but in case someone doesn't know,
the Logical Levels pyramid goes top to bottom: Spirituality, Identity,
Belief, Capability, Behavior, and Environment. The higher up the pyramid
something is placed, the more value it is given, the lower down the pyramid
it is placed, the less value is attached. Fortunately, these distinctions
are more arbitrary than most people believe. Lets say, for example, I
have been chatting up a stripper in the club, and I have her interested
but she says something preconditioned, like... "I don't date people I
meet in here." In addition to any number of other slight of mouth reframes,
I could use logical levels... her statement to me is coming from a fairly
high logical level.... either identity or belief... she is saying, she is
either above dating the "scum" that go there or she has a belief that it
is, for any number of reasons, a bad idea.
So the first thing, is to recategorize her statement, as just a behavior,
or an environmental situation (low importance on the logical levels) and
then give her a motivation to hook up with me, on a high logical level,
(identity or spirituality). I could respond "Good policy, look at those
people in here, if you were to date them, you could wind up eating macaroni
and cheese and living in a doublewide the rest of your life (laugh) ...
I should hope you wouldn't date them... I mean....ewwww! But you also
strike me as an intelligent woman, intelligent enough to know the difference
between that..... and this.... spiritually aware enough to recognize that
everything happens for a reason... and experienced enough to know that
extraordinary things don't happen in ordinary ways and you need the
flexibility to, shift past your ordinary rules and roles, in all the ways
you already know how, for all the right reasons, grab the prize, and win
big." (I am also doing other things here to facilitate the shift in logical
levels...validation, humor, differentiation, challenge, etc.)
> Robert (Comments from private email):
> It pisses me off that my age is such a factor now. Many women won't look
> beyond the number.
Rick H - Yeah, I am 35 and I get this slow pitched softball on occasion
(pointing to the left field bleachers...LOL). I love this one. It's one
of my favorite topics because you can do so much to powerfully set the
frame in such a short amount of time. These reframes work on the principal
of "another outcome" i.e.: it's not what they thought it was.
I often ask their age first...
Lets say, she says "18"
I'll say something like... "Oh my God, that's like 36 in girl years, you're
older than me... what's up with that? Another couple years, I'll be
checking you into the home." (All done with the busting their balls
kind of smirk).
Then if they defend their youth..."I'm young and sexy...bla bla bla"
I might respond..."Well, to be fair, you still have a couple of years
left...but not too long. I mean just look at the models... these are the
hottest girls going and they start at like 13 or 14, by 18 they are
veterans in the industry, and by 22 or 23 they are already losing work to
the younger and cuter girls. And by 25... forget it.... they are a
dinosaur, I mean it's..... all ....over.
When they ask me my age, I tell them. If they say "you're old", or "I'm
not old, you are".... bla bla bla...
I say.... "Well, if I was a woman, you would be right, I would be ancient.
" I'd be getting you to wheel me around between my hot flashes" (all done
in a busting their balls kind of playfulness.) "But age doesn't matter
for guys. It doesn't. We're not judged by that criteria. I've been dating
the same aged girls for 15 years. Every year I get older and they stay
the same age, it's amazing how that works (laugh). Is it fair? No, but
I don't make the rules, I am just very aware of what they are."
Incidentally, overlooking a couple of comedic exaggerations, this is all
true.... and they know it. Women are much more age self-conscious, even
at a very young age, than you ever will be. They are bombarded every day
by pictures, media, and magazines, etc. Literally, you see teenage girls
starting with the creams and the masks, and facials and all the youth
preserving stuff. Why? Because they are absolutely paranoid about getting
or looking old.
>>My Comments Continue: The best other BF destroyer I think is to just
>>ignore her comment and keep going. Cliff, I agree with that advice.
It seems that he is making a Big Deal of the borefriend.
Rick H - Yep, ignoring the comment, when they throw it out and keeping going
does work.
A couple other things I like to say to "I have a boyfriend":
"Is he your only lover? It's time you took another, I think it most unhealthy,
this exclusivity."
"That's convenient, it gives you something to do when you are not with me.
I don't want you turning into a stalker or some kind of freak. You aren't
one are you?"
Rick (Commenting on my comments on reframing the dating frame to the friends
frame): I like the reframe! Nicely done! My approach to this reframe would
not be quite as direct. I would have set it up by saying something like this:
...That is really interesting because I was just talking to my friend Monica
about the very same "dating frame" that you just mentioned, and she was
telling me how she had just realized that the "dating frame" really doesn't
work and that she has been looking at this whole thing one way for years
and suddenly she discovered a new way, an open way, a (new direction)"nude
erection", a "nude erection" she can just grab a hold of, and take deep
inside, and make it a part of her. Because when she thinks about the people
who have come and gone in her life, the old boyfriends have fallen away
and that connection has been lost (point away) but some people
(pointing to self) are still by her side giving her all the things she
really needs and values. And maybe, that's because there are no demands
to place on each other, no pressures, no artificial or contrived
societal expectations to be satisfied. Only, the knowledge that this is
a person (pointing to self) who is open to all the love you can give,
all the love you have stored deep inside and you are comforted in the
quiet knowledge that this love is treasured and will be returned. Now,
with me, as she described it, I think that is the sort of thing that
would really make me think things differently. I would have also structured
it the same way regarding limiting beliefs (maybe something like...I just
attended the most fascinating seminar on limiting beliefs and the rules
and roles of society.....
Other poster - I believe this observation to generally be correct but here
is an interesting situation that I don't quite understand. I started
dating an HB that has a 10 face, and an 8.5 body. I'm probably a solid 4
or 5. I'm self
Rick H - STOP right here. This is not the reported problem, but it is
probably more significant. You just rated this girl above yourself,
and not only above, but double. As Mark would say "BAD THING". First of
all, I don't think rating yourself is useful, but if you insist on
it....what if you were to rate yourself based on your strongest qualities,
as opposed to your weaker ones? It's your scale, your universe, you
decide what counts for what. Getting sucked into the environmentally
based vacuous abyss of social constructs is probably something other
than a useful behavior. Perhaps you can look inside and recognize the
you that is unique and has much to offer and share with a woman. This
is the identity of a man who absolutely knows that he has what this
woman needs, not what she wants... because that is never important,
but what she needs deep down to feel fulfilled.
Other poster - ..employed and work 70 hours a week and don't have a
hell of a lot of extra time to spend with this girl. She is used to
having her every needs catered to by her past boyfriends, and is
constantly yelling at me for not spending time with her, or paying
enough attention to her. I don't really put up with a lot of the
crap that her ex-boyfriends have put up with, and she says she doesn't
freaken understand why she always feels like she is begging me for
attention when there are guys constantly hitting on her. So far
so good, at least I thought. I present challenges to her and treat
her in a way that she isn't used to, but now she is saying that
she wants to date other people, and feels less attracted to me
because of my behavior. Just out of curiosity what is happening here?
Rick H reply - She wants TIME, but that is not what she needs.
She needs to feel appreciated and loved. She needs to feel that she
is special and that you recognize that. If you wish to keep her,
you have to satisfy this need. In the same way that your "reported
problem" is not your real problem, neither is hers. Focus on
quality, not quantity. If you are busy, then make small surprise
gestures with irregularity... "just because". Not too much! Just
occasionally, randomly, and when you are NOT in a fight. You can
express that you wished you had more time to share, but until you
are dedicated to making that time more special to her, you aren't
going to get there. The key here, is little things, not big things.
Find her core values, meet those core values. This does not mean
do what she WANTS, which is always the road to disaster. You remain
interesting by NOT giving them what they want, at least not exactly
the way they wanted it. You remain valuable by giving them what
they NEED.
In conjunction with the above you can also use time distortion with
her to make your time seem longer, also reframe time together as
a special treat or reward (of course, then you have to make it so,
by making her feel wonderful, on the inside).
Other poster - >In a sense that comes back to the idea of being,
"the man". I know the whole alpha thing has been discussed before,
but it really hit me as being >very essential in understanding
yourself, and knowing what to change and how to change. >So, once
again, a summary that begs to be answered. In your all's opinion,
is the status of a male (alpha, omega....) a fixed genetic
determinant, or z learned role (I can't help but see a genetic
influence to say the least).
Rick H - I think it is both. Anywhere in the animal kingdom,
including humans, dominant behavior is evidenced even in infancy
and certainly in childhood. When I was a child I was anything
but the "Alpha", I was much closer being the "Omega". When I left
the 8th grade, for high school, I made the decision that Omega
sucks, and the only thing to be is Alpha (although I didn't know
the terms, I knew the behaviors and the results). I decided I
would do everything I needed to do to become the Alpha, whatever
it took. I modelled alpha behavior and integrated it as a part
of who I am. It took a couple of years before it felt like the
natural thing for me to do and be, but after that it became
an unconscious way of being. I am dominant, I am the "alpha",
it is never something I even ever give one second of thought.
Every last molecule in my being is that, and I think anyone
who knows me will tell you the same thing.
The point is that, regardless of environmental factors, or
predisposed behaviors, you can absolutely learn and integrate
more useful ways of being into the very core structure of who
you are.
Other poster - Perhaps you might include in your model of the
world some sexually adventurous, beautiful women who are open,
friendly and looking to meet people and enjoy sex.
Rick H - mmm... is someone suggesting that there is another
kind of woman???? I don't know, but if there is, they must
be invisible.
Bisexual Women
‘Bisexual girls have an interesting set of problems and I
would say, hopes that are intertwined in an unusual way. On
the one hand they have the problem that society has decided
that what they are doing is an extreme sexual activity, social
activity its socially unusual and every guy’s fantasy… Their
whole problem is for them to be who they are they have to
keep it a secret from their guy or they need a guy who is
going to understand them and not treat them as an opportunity
to fulfil their fantasy because they don’t want to be objectified.’
‘It’s my belief that all women are bisexual’. A lot of women
don’t want to consciously say that they are bisexual but they
like chicks. Whatever they want to call it, it’s fine with me’.
First of all the biggest mistake that guys make with meeting
and dating bisexual women is you make a big deal of it. Stop
that, treat it like they know how to cook, it’s a good
thing its not a thing you are going to fall over…
If you treat it like that you are not begging. If you are like
wow lets go bring some girls home and you are all excited
about it she looks at you and goes loser why do I need you
to bring a girl home. If you are comfortable with it, you
can speak about it in a way that is not a big deal, that
this is part of what you do, what you like just for the sake
of you liking it. You don’t need any justification for that,
that’s the kind of women you like.
These days I don’t even ask girls if they are bisexual I just
ask what kind of girls they like right up front. And they’ll
answer the question. If it’s a big deal to you it’s a big deal
to them. This is the same sort of hurdle as getting them into
bed and they will perceive it so. If you think it’s a natural
part of life then it is so.
Another mistake that guys make when dealing with bisexual women
is they are in a rush to go out and bring in a third, found one,
great and go bring her home right now. If the girl that you are
going out with is your primary partner she’s got to feel
comfortable that she’s not going to get dumped for the next one
that she is bringing home. It doesn’t serve her interests for
her for you and her to go out and for you to find out somebody
that you like better than her. That’s not in her best interests.
One of your goals, one of your obligations is to make sure that
she understands that she is the primary relationship. You absolutely
can not pay more attention to the other girl than you do to her,
the second girl, you can’t do it. That is an absolute.
If you’re paying more attention to your primary and she is enjoying
the experience she’s going to want to do it, first of all it’s
safe it has good emotions attached to it. You want to perpetuate
that. It sounds blatantly obvious but almost nobody gets that.
You want to make sure that she is comfortable and that she has
a positive experience. Don’t worry so much about the girl you bring
home, pleasing her, be more concerned that your primary is more
satisfied’.
‘One of them has to be the primary because they act exactly like
a sleigh dog team, or a wolf pack, and if you don’t set a priority
in the chain they are going to kill each other fighting for it
and that’s just the nature of the beast. If you set the lead girl
in charge of ‘em… then it will work very effectively and smoothly’.
What are the steps? What kind of women do you like? Its huge,
it differentiates you from everybody else. It sets your standards
totally different than you just want to sleep with her, you’re
interested in the next level, that’s important. You have to convey
that not only are you comfortable in her being bisexual because
women are self-conscious about lots of things, sometimes its good
to make her self-conscious and sometimes not and its good to know
which.
When I am with a bisexual woman I am very comfortable, Im not
rushing her off to sleep with women, I am making jokes and
references to it, constantly. Then I’ll wait until she is
comfortable and because she is always checking out other women
and I’ll go no, not that one. Alright you don’t get to choose
any more, I choose. Things like that and if you get her to point
out other girls and she points to one and you go this relationship
is not going to work out, it’s funny but a qualification and a
challenge.
You are also making jokes about that conveys you are comfortable
about it and women will always throw this one at you – what is
this your fantasy? No, its just reality. You can’t be perceived
by her to be using her to fulfil your fantasy. Conversely if you
set the frame that you are open to enjoying fantasies with her,
not through, you are coming from an entirely different place.
Don’t make apologies for it, a lot of girls are going to go NO,
I don’t like girls, Come on all girls like girls, I don’t
believe you… Always keep on hitting on it but don’t make a big
deal out of it. These are just throwaways’.
Getting a second girl – ‘if you are waiting around too long it
can be perceived as indecision, indecisiveness, it can be
perceived that you are unsure what the next step is’. You are
talking about fantasies not yours. When somebody thinks about
something it is very similar to actually experiencing it because
on some conscious level they’re experiencing it so the more you
talk about these experiences, the more accepting she is of
those experiences’.
Other poster - We then talked about threesomes. She mentioned
that she had been in a few. I suggested that the next time we
get together, we should pick up a hot girl and have a threesome.
She said that she was open to the idea, but needed to know me
a little better. So my question to Ross, Rick, or any advanced
brother, is how can I convince her, the next time we go out,
to pick up on some girl and take her home with us?
Rick H reply - There are a few things you have to do.
I don't know if you have had a threesome before or not,
but as far as she is concerned it is a normal thing to you,
you have done that plenty of times. So, when you talk about
it, use the same urgency and importance that you would attach
to getting an ice cream cone. Ice cream is great, I like it,
maybe I'll have one this week, or today, depends if I am in
the mood. That is the frame. Abundance and no rush. Next,
get her to describe what kind of girls she likes, because you
are picky, and tell her that if the two of you are going to
find girls to play with, you both have to like her, so either
one of you have veto rights an any girl. Next rule... you two
are the primaries, the girl is for fun, if the other girl makes
any power plays or tries to manipulate the situation, the girl
goes home, right then and right there. Your girl has to feel
secure that she is safe in bringing another girl in, and that
you will not trade her in for your 3-some partner. That is your
job to make her feel comfortable with that.
Make sure she understands that that this is an experience for
the two of you and the 2nd girl is for play. That also means
, no one gets left out, everyone is involved the entire time,
hurt feelings can result if one person is not getting enough
attention, and that could be any of the three of you, again...
this is your responsibility to make sure that doesn't happen.
The reason why the 3-somes that don't work out well, don't work
out well, is because of the above factors. She has had, I am
sure, mixed experiences with 3-somes. That is why she needs to
feel safe and feels she needs to know you more. Do what I
suggest above, get some viagra, and you will be all good.
Physical contact
(Holding hands) it assumes rapport. I will always give her
the opportunity to maintain physical contact.. once they get
used to it… she’s allowing you to be there… What you are doing
is assuming rapport and building rapport, you are getting closer
and closer to her. There are ways you can inch forward, inch
by inch, maybe you take her palm and move a little bit forward
when you get her attention to your palm… The whole point is
diversion and if I want to move closer to a girl, just an inch,
at a time, I’m directing her attention away from me, so there
is not a perceivable difference, in the difference between us.
Once you have touched her you have changed the definition of
the physical dynamic, you are not a potential romantic interest,
you are a romantic interest and from there you can continue to
build the physicality’.
Handling Objections
She laughed and said, "I don't normally give out MY number
to guys in Los Angeles."
I said, "It's nothing personal, it's just that so many women
like to collect guys' numbers and look at them as trophies to boost
their egos...to make themselves feel attractive...and I'm not about
that. I only want to talk to sincere people." (Thanks to Bro
Rick H. who is a pal of Sis's for this.)
Setting up Dates
Rick: Cancelled date frustrations. Try this during some fluff:
"You know what I find interesting? What I find interesting is
womens' desire for commitment in relationships... the "c" word
as they say. But do you want to know what I think? I think
commitment starts with the small things... like keeping small
inconsequential promises... or keeping things said in an intimate
relationship, private... or keeping your word regarding dates and
appointments. Do you agree? Because I, like women, find commitment
a very attractive thing."
Selection of the words
Women listen for the specifics of the words and they read into
everything. They will give you the exact word for word conversation
. Going to ridiculous levels to analyse this. That's why ambiguity works
really well. If you make it a concrete statement they don't have to
think about it any more. If you make it an ambiguous statement they
will analyse it for the next couple of days. That works in your favour.
Prostitutes
I then talked to Rick a bit about Las Vegas, and I told him that last
time I was out there, I kept running into prostitutes. I asked him if
he’s ever gotten the hookers in Vegas into bed without paying, and he
told me “all the time.” He talked about his system for doing it, where
he’ll usually get them early in the night, before lots of business is
thrown their way, and he’ll be really funny about it. If she says:
“I’m working.”
He’ll respond:
Rick: “Oh… yeah… um… well, you wanna know how to get a lot of customers?”
Her: “Sure.”
Rick: “Well, you need to get warmed up first. You’re too, uh, too normal
right now. You gotta have sex. You gotta have sex and get warmed up. You
have sex, you get all riled up, come back down to the casino stinking
like sex, and guys will flock to you like bees to honey, honey. C’mon,
let’s go, up to my room and get you warmed up.”
Her: (laughing) “Oh, I don’t know…”
Rick: “It’s good for you. It’s good for you. It’s in your own best interest.
It’s in your own best interest. C’mon.” Rick said that for some reason,
the key to making it work is saying “It’s good for you,” and “It’s in your
own best interest.” But you have to say them twice, otherwise it
doesn’t work.”
The only addition I have made is in the titles so as to make more sense of his ideas. Of course it would be best if he explained his system but since that will not happen I think this is a decent alternative.
Outline of system
'A huge part of Rick's skill is demonstrating authority; demonstrating he UNDERSTANDS her world, as a prelude to bringing them into HIS world.’
‘Rick’s success is more due to his identity (who he thinks he is) his understanding of frames, his ability to read people (the guy is really fuckin intuitive) and his ability to become an authority by demonstrating understanding of the HBs world’.
World view understanding
‘Women have all the same needs and wants that men do. They manifest it in a different way for them. I mean they may need different triggers, they may need you to help to get them there, they have all the same feelings… What I try to do is I try to create a situation, an environment for a woman to feel perfectly comfortable and feel good and justified in her own mind why this is good for her… I am in a firm belief that women are at least as sexual as men are and given that you don’t have to convince them. All you have to do you have to create an environment that they can picture in their own mind’.
Seduction - ‘despite what the press says this is very ecological if done right. The sort of experience that I am creating for women they wouldn’t trade for anything… This is something they really enjoy. Woman love to be seduced and they love the way that feels and then if you can do that for them you have helped them as much as yourself.’
'I seem to remember Rick commenting once about how he was with this very attractive bi woman and they were out hunting for a young lady to join them. Some of the women this woman pointed out were very unattractive to Rick and he remarked that he's realized that women don't see the same things we do when they look at women. In my opinion, a "7" would probably be good enough to cause those competitive thoughts in a "10's" mind to start working’.
:
other poster: I certainly have noticed women looking atme and my thinking being that she's looking because she's interested but
(and I am sure most women find it frustrating that men don't pick up on their signals of interest) we aren't mind readers and tend
to err on the side of caution. Probably the best thing to do is to somehow test reality by going up to them, talking to them and
finding a way to find out/confirm if the reason they were looking was because they were interested or if perhaps your zipper was
open.")
Rick H - I have a different take. Women want men that they are attracted to, to notice them or pay attention to them.
That means that she may be flirting with you in front of her boyfriend to get HIM all worked up. This is a bad thing and I blow
these women off. Dueling for the love of a woman is about 200 years out of date and I'm not in favor of bringing it back into style.
It isn't worth it, there is another one just as cute that will be along in 5 minutes. It's like fighting for sand on the beach.
Not a good use of energy! Now, If a woman notices me and she does not have her Bore-friend in tow, she is free game. One approach
I use for this situation is to walk right up the second I see her looking at me and say "I noticed you noticing me, and I just
wanted to tell you that I admire a woman with good taste". It is direct but indirect, an action yet a reaction, to the point yet
very vague.’
Leading
Rick, as well, has two main rules...
Rule #1: "If you do anything with enough authority, you're going to get away with it." – One of the things that I think is
really important is that guys who are good with women is that they are completely congruent with whatever that they are doing.
It’s something you are not something you do. It’s not so much a technique, we all have techniques. Techniques are the way to
express who you are. Fundamentally if you are going to be exceptional with women you have to know first exactly who you are,
what you want and what you are about and you can convey that to them in a clear and concise way to them. By walking up to
them they get it, they can feel that you are powerful or that you are weak just by walking up and the way that you carry
yourself, the way that you present yourself is very, very different.
One of the problems that guys have is that they don’t have a clear objective and they don’t know who they are. They are
confused about them and so if you are going to bring a woman into your world, your reality… lets say you have the techniques,
the skill but you didn’t get the inside part and what they inevitably do is they bring this woman into their reality but
their reality is clouded because they don’t know who they are so what they generate is confusion on the girl’s part.
To summarise this is all about who you are and not about what you do’.
‘If your view of the universe, if the way you think, what you believe is stronger than what they believe, your belief system
dominates and that’s not only true with women that’s true in every aspect of life. The dominant, the more powerful system
is always going to be the one that dominates, whoever believes in their system more is going to be the frame in which all
communication is read’.
‘If you are sitting there and trying to think of the next thing to say, if you’re trying to be something that you are not,
that’s all that’s going to come out. They’re going to see that you are trying to be something that you are not. You have
to start internally, to figure out what you want… to give you an example on online profiles… my advice would be to make it
as specific as possible, for example 5 7 to 5 7, brunette, 120 pounds with a Masters degree. If you don’t meet this don’t
apply... If you do not qualify you are not attractive. It’s one of the basics. If you are not qualifying her she is
qualifying you and you don’t want that.
‘If you will accept anything what does that say about you, your self-esteem, what does it say about your goals, your
aspirations, what does it say about your world view? It doesn’t say anything good. You have to know what you want,
that’s the first key and the second key is to believe in yourself enough to know that you deserve it and you make
no apologies. There’s no reason to apologise for what you want in life, none. It’s your universe, everybody else is
living in it… don’t worry about their thing, worry about yours… you need to stop focussing externally and start
focussing internally’.
‘Rick would talk about women being adaptable. "Women are adaptable.. whatever frame you set, they'll adapt to..
if you set a frame of provider candidate, they'll adopt a screen frame.. if you set a frame of them being screened
for dirty slutty lesbian sex, they'll turn into sluts"
‘Rick chats up this huge breasted English HB. Then he proceeded to tell her a couple of stories about his travels
in England. She was really impressed by his knowledge of England. Then out of nowhere he looked her in the eyes
and said Do you like girls? She said I don’t go that way, I only like guys. Rick got very quiet and then said,
I guess this will never work out because you will bring home ugly girls and I only like hot girls. She replied
saying I have good taste in girls, I’ll bring home hot girls. At this point she was all over Rick’.
‘What I am always trying to do is put myself in the position that girls take with Average Frustrated Chumps. And
what that is you have to prove yourself to me that you are good enough to talk to me. It’s actually a really good
frame to have so why not just steal it’.
‘Whoever has the strongest reality wins’
Rule #2: "No good deed goes unpunished" – ‘If you are constantly making the effort to do this for somebody else,
you meet this girl and you want to take her to dinner, buy her flowers, you want to do all these others things…
you are chasing, you are pursuing her. Her natural reaction is to pull back. That’s not what you want. You need
to be the one that convinces her that you need to be pursued. You need to demonstrate in a way that she clearly
understands that you are the catch and the way to do that is not to be the guy that you mum told you to be when
you were eight. It’s good to be nice to people but don’t be too nice. Treat people with respect, treat people
with courtesy but don’t accept bad behaviour at all and don’t try too hard’.
‘Women do not want a guy they can walk all over with. If they walk all over you, you’re out, you’re done. They’re
on to the next ones that’s a challenge… Stop focusing on being a nice guy and be a confident guy, be the man that
you want to be and if you’re out there chasing, doing things for her then she’s not going to be doing anything
for you’.
Preparation
Once you know what you want, once you have decided what kind of man you want to be, that’s a big step. Sit down,
think about it. What are the characteristics of the man that you want to be, what kind of guy is that. After you
get there, its preparation time. You’re going to go out, talk to a whole bunch of girls and there’s going to be
twists and turns, surprises, things that you didn’t anticipate unless you prepare’.
Approaching women
Rick (Commenting on a private e-mail from a brother who needs some help) It sounds to me like his problem is
confidence or google as Ross puts it. I think he needs to learn how to build his mental state. As you know,
the very first step is creating a useful mental state, and I think Ross teaches how to do that as well as anyone.
Obviously some of his problems could be (1) putting too much weight on the result of one walk up. (2) not knowing
what to say once you are there. (3) Viewing rejection personally, as opposed to an opportunity for the girl to
show what kind of woman SHE is.
‘As my good friend Rick says: Every friend you have started out as a stranger...’
Getting into state before you go out - ‘what I used to do was put myself in state the same way I did for wrestling
in fighting for tournaments for karate. What I currently do is picture a flood of light coming through the top
of my head and energising my body and once I get that and feel that complete my body and I am ready to go…
I also view it almost in the third person … what I am doing isn’t really me, in a sense it is me because I am involved
but I sort of detach myself in a way… when I am going into the situation, when I am in the bar I am sitting and
I am observing and that keeps me when a really hot girl goes by… and that allows me to keep my state… its almost
as if I’m above myself and I am looking down…
Humour
‘It’s all about having fun, I mean first of all I’m gonna have fun. The process is a blast. It’s so fun. It sets up
such a better frame because there’s not an object, you’re not even worried about getting laid, you’re worried about
enjoying this process and playing around with this girl a little bit. And the more you play around with her the
better off you are because most guys are walking up to her and supplicating and you’re giving her a bad time in a
fun way not in a mean way and showing her that you are not that impressed, it’s no big deal. Instantly it changes
your whole frame’.
‘Rick H is the best example of playfulness with a little reframe. He uses it in a way that ‘turns the tables’.
This is what you want to do. He also does it in a way that elevates the woman, not demeans her’.
Cocky funny
‘If you are talking to a girl for two or three minutes and the song changes, say that'll be two songs,
forty dollars please’.
Targeting Women
Ross to Rick – ‘a lot of what you do is knowing how to select people who fit your target market’.
Rick ‘Oh I do have my target market’.
Identity
- Its not something I do, it’s something I am.
- I would not wear what Rick wears. That is not congruent with who I am. But, boy, does that work
for Rick because it represents who he is.
Most people don’t have a firm belief in their reality or who they are.
- You must be prepared to be the kind of man you want to be.
- ‘Rick H is awesome, and he sets himself as a once in a lifetime adventure. “It’s now or never baby”
‘The two greatest seducers that have ever graced the pages of asf are Rick H and Major Mark. One thing
that is absolutely true for each of them at their core is that they love women’.
Testing
Rick – ‘this whole problem about women testing you is all in your head... I go by a rule that if
she is talking she is testing... You can do some things she likes if you want to do them... Any
request she makes is just that, a request and it will be accepted or denied based on my criteria
and not hers’.
‘Always have a better answer. This is one of the cores of my being and one of the most fun of
anything, intellectual banter, always have a better answer, no matter what she says, always a
better answer… always useful to have a few canned responses just in case she throws in a zinger.
But the more you do this the better you get… the more you banter with your friends, banter with
women, the funnier you get and the more fun it is for everybody involved. It’s critical that
you think about fallbacks on if you are going to try something what are you going to do if
this does not work. You need to think 2 or 3 steps ahead at least, what am I doing right after
this, if you don’t plan, you’re going to lose. And the more you sit and think about this,
the more you plan, the better off you are going to be.
There’s a finite number of situations you are going to have, there’s a finite number of
situations you are going to get into. Sure every girl is different but not that different.
If you can out battle her in the battle of wits, you got her.
You’ve already proven your worth, you’ve already established dominance, no matter what they
say about our evolved being there’s something in that reptilian brain that gets them all
hot and bothered when they meet some guy that’s just powerful, has a better answer and not
matter what they say he has a better answer. That they feel comfortable, they feel protected
. If a woman can dominate you, if she can dominate you verbally or by manipulating your actions
and your letting her get away with things which goes back to no deed goes unpunished what
happens is that she comes to the conclusion that and rightly so that she is stronger than you
and if she is in a situation and she does not think she can handle it she can’t look to you.
She wants somebody that is going to step in, handle the situation if something happens she
needs to know that the man she is with is going to be the man’.
One of the easiest ways to prove it, when she tries and throws a test pass at you that’s
the perfect opportunity to call her on it and just say no. Don’t let them get away with
the tests because in reality they don’t want to get away with the tests. They are testing
you to see if you’re the man and if you don’t pass the test, stand up to the test and she
is going to after somebody who is’.
She asks - Are you a Player? Rick H believes that she is seeing if you are tough enough
and good enough to seduce her.
Rick H – ‘A woman will chisel away at a man one chip at a time until she has him
exclusively hers’.
RH on “qualifying resistance” – “Either consciously or unconsciously a woman will test
a man’s mettle”. “to see if you are man enough for her”.
‘A lot of guys give up way too quick. Women will throw out barriers or obstacles for
you when you do a walk up or be talking to them really to test your mettle so to speak.
I never stop until a girl does one of two things, she goes away or starts to get mad.
If she is just throwing out obstacles and excuses and she is still nice and civil even
playful and engaged. As long as she is still engaged, I’m not stopping. Women want to
know if they are with a guy and something happens that they don’t have to take care
of it, that he is stronger than they are so women will qualify you’.
RH replies to question of ‘are you trying to pick me up?’ with ‘This is not about me
trying to pick you up. This is about me taking the time to get to know you and see
if you are someone I might like to get to know better’.
-Oh, is this where you give your little opinion? Oh, that’s cute.
Supplication and Framing
Rick would talk about women being adaptable. "Women are adaptable.. whatever frame
you set, they'll adapt to.. if you set a frame of provider candidate, they'll
adopt a screen frame.. if you set a frame of them being screened for dirty slutty
lesbian sex, they'll turn into sluts"
(Rick's comment about dating several women at once, which was to answer
the question if you are dating other women with "Yeah, you wanna hear about it?")’
Rick: You raise an interesting point that I have encountered several times and it
is worth mentioning. There are a lot of girls that are bi-sexual but they don't
like the title. This girl is obvously one of those. She sleeps with girls but
defines herself as straight. Thats ok, denial is ok as long as she does what
you want. I think you are better off allowing her to keep her current definitions
and frame it in "taking girls home with us to play with". That’s how I would
play it anyway.
Rick:
Hello all! I am back after a long absence from posting. It seems that many
people are still living in the shadow world of fake problems. What I mean by
that, is that there seems to be an effort to address objections directly,
on the "Logical level" and/or within the "frame" they present those
objections to you.
Why would you want to do a thing like that?
I don't want to teach a mini-course in NLP but in case someone doesn't know,
the Logical Levels pyramid goes top to bottom: Spirituality, Identity,
Belief, Capability, Behavior, and Environment. The higher up the pyramid
something is placed, the more value it is given, the lower down the pyramid
it is placed, the less value is attached. Fortunately, these distinctions
are more arbitrary than most people believe. Lets say, for example, I
have been chatting up a stripper in the club, and I have her interested
but she says something preconditioned, like... "I don't date people I
meet in here." In addition to any number of other slight of mouth reframes,
I could use logical levels... her statement to me is coming from a fairly
high logical level.... either identity or belief... she is saying, she is
either above dating the "scum" that go there or she has a belief that it
is, for any number of reasons, a bad idea.
So the first thing, is to recategorize her statement, as just a behavior,
or an environmental situation (low importance on the logical levels) and
then give her a motivation to hook up with me, on a high logical level,
(identity or spirituality). I could respond "Good policy, look at those
people in here, if you were to date them, you could wind up eating macaroni
and cheese and living in a doublewide the rest of your life (laugh) ...
I should hope you wouldn't date them... I mean....ewwww! But you also
strike me as an intelligent woman, intelligent enough to know the difference
between that..... and this.... spiritually aware enough to recognize that
everything happens for a reason... and experienced enough to know that
extraordinary things don't happen in ordinary ways and you need the
flexibility to, shift past your ordinary rules and roles, in all the ways
you already know how, for all the right reasons, grab the prize, and win
big." (I am also doing other things here to facilitate the shift in logical
levels...validation, humor, differentiation, challenge, etc.)
> Robert (Comments from private email):
> It pisses me off that my age is such a factor now. Many women won't look
> beyond the number.
Rick H - Yeah, I am 35 and I get this slow pitched softball on occasion
(pointing to the left field bleachers...LOL). I love this one. It's one
of my favorite topics because you can do so much to powerfully set the
frame in such a short amount of time. These reframes work on the principal
of "another outcome" i.e.: it's not what they thought it was.
I often ask their age first...
Lets say, she says "18"
I'll say something like... "Oh my God, that's like 36 in girl years, you're
older than me... what's up with that? Another couple years, I'll be
checking you into the home." (All done with the busting their balls
kind of smirk).
Then if they defend their youth..."I'm young and sexy...bla bla bla"
I might respond..."Well, to be fair, you still have a couple of years
left...but not too long. I mean just look at the models... these are the
hottest girls going and they start at like 13 or 14, by 18 they are
veterans in the industry, and by 22 or 23 they are already losing work to
the younger and cuter girls. And by 25... forget it.... they are a
dinosaur, I mean it's..... all ....over.
When they ask me my age, I tell them. If they say "you're old", or "I'm
not old, you are".... bla bla bla...
I say.... "Well, if I was a woman, you would be right, I would be ancient.
" I'd be getting you to wheel me around between my hot flashes" (all done
in a busting their balls kind of playfulness.) "But age doesn't matter
for guys. It doesn't. We're not judged by that criteria. I've been dating
the same aged girls for 15 years. Every year I get older and they stay
the same age, it's amazing how that works (laugh). Is it fair? No, but
I don't make the rules, I am just very aware of what they are."
Incidentally, overlooking a couple of comedic exaggerations, this is all
true.... and they know it. Women are much more age self-conscious, even
at a very young age, than you ever will be. They are bombarded every day
by pictures, media, and magazines, etc. Literally, you see teenage girls
starting with the creams and the masks, and facials and all the youth
preserving stuff. Why? Because they are absolutely paranoid about getting
or looking old.
>>My Comments Continue: The best other BF destroyer I think is to just
>>ignore her comment and keep going. Cliff, I agree with that advice.
It seems that he is making a Big Deal of the borefriend.
Rick H - Yep, ignoring the comment, when they throw it out and keeping going
does work.
A couple other things I like to say to "I have a boyfriend":
"Is he your only lover? It's time you took another, I think it most unhealthy,
this exclusivity."
"That's convenient, it gives you something to do when you are not with me.
I don't want you turning into a stalker or some kind of freak. You aren't
one are you?"
Rick (Commenting on my comments on reframing the dating frame to the friends
frame): I like the reframe! Nicely done! My approach to this reframe would
not be quite as direct. I would have set it up by saying something like this:
...That is really interesting because I was just talking to my friend Monica
about the very same "dating frame" that you just mentioned, and she was
telling me how she had just realized that the "dating frame" really doesn't
work and that she has been looking at this whole thing one way for years
and suddenly she discovered a new way, an open way, a (new direction)"nude
erection", a "nude erection" she can just grab a hold of, and take deep
inside, and make it a part of her. Because when she thinks about the people
who have come and gone in her life, the old boyfriends have fallen away
and that connection has been lost (point away) but some people
(pointing to self) are still by her side giving her all the things she
really needs and values. And maybe, that's because there are no demands
to place on each other, no pressures, no artificial or contrived
societal expectations to be satisfied. Only, the knowledge that this is
a person (pointing to self) who is open to all the love you can give,
all the love you have stored deep inside and you are comforted in the
quiet knowledge that this love is treasured and will be returned. Now,
with me, as she described it, I think that is the sort of thing that
would really make me think things differently. I would have also structured
it the same way regarding limiting beliefs (maybe something like...I just
attended the most fascinating seminar on limiting beliefs and the rules
and roles of society.....
Other poster - I believe this observation to generally be correct but here
is an interesting situation that I don't quite understand. I started
dating an HB that has a 10 face, and an 8.5 body. I'm probably a solid 4
or 5. I'm self
Rick H - STOP right here. This is not the reported problem, but it is
probably more significant. You just rated this girl above yourself,
and not only above, but double. As Mark would say "BAD THING". First of
all, I don't think rating yourself is useful, but if you insist on
it....what if you were to rate yourself based on your strongest qualities,
as opposed to your weaker ones? It's your scale, your universe, you
decide what counts for what. Getting sucked into the environmentally
based vacuous abyss of social constructs is probably something other
than a useful behavior. Perhaps you can look inside and recognize the
you that is unique and has much to offer and share with a woman. This
is the identity of a man who absolutely knows that he has what this
woman needs, not what she wants... because that is never important,
but what she needs deep down to feel fulfilled.
Other poster - ..employed and work 70 hours a week and don't have a
hell of a lot of extra time to spend with this girl. She is used to
having her every needs catered to by her past boyfriends, and is
constantly yelling at me for not spending time with her, or paying
enough attention to her. I don't really put up with a lot of the
crap that her ex-boyfriends have put up with, and she says she doesn't
freaken understand why she always feels like she is begging me for
attention when there are guys constantly hitting on her. So far
so good, at least I thought. I present challenges to her and treat
her in a way that she isn't used to, but now she is saying that
she wants to date other people, and feels less attracted to me
because of my behavior. Just out of curiosity what is happening here?
Rick H reply - She wants TIME, but that is not what she needs.
She needs to feel appreciated and loved. She needs to feel that she
is special and that you recognize that. If you wish to keep her,
you have to satisfy this need. In the same way that your "reported
problem" is not your real problem, neither is hers. Focus on
quality, not quantity. If you are busy, then make small surprise
gestures with irregularity... "just because". Not too much! Just
occasionally, randomly, and when you are NOT in a fight. You can
express that you wished you had more time to share, but until you
are dedicated to making that time more special to her, you aren't
going to get there. The key here, is little things, not big things.
Find her core values, meet those core values. This does not mean
do what she WANTS, which is always the road to disaster. You remain
interesting by NOT giving them what they want, at least not exactly
the way they wanted it. You remain valuable by giving them what
they NEED.
In conjunction with the above you can also use time distortion with
her to make your time seem longer, also reframe time together as
a special treat or reward (of course, then you have to make it so,
by making her feel wonderful, on the inside).
Other poster - >In a sense that comes back to the idea of being,
"the man". I know the whole alpha thing has been discussed before,
but it really hit me as being >very essential in understanding
yourself, and knowing what to change and how to change. >So, once
again, a summary that begs to be answered. In your all's opinion,
is the status of a male (alpha, omega....) a fixed genetic
determinant, or z learned role (I can't help but see a genetic
influence to say the least).
Rick H - I think it is both. Anywhere in the animal kingdom,
including humans, dominant behavior is evidenced even in infancy
and certainly in childhood. When I was a child I was anything
but the "Alpha", I was much closer being the "Omega". When I left
the 8th grade, for high school, I made the decision that Omega
sucks, and the only thing to be is Alpha (although I didn't know
the terms, I knew the behaviors and the results). I decided I
would do everything I needed to do to become the Alpha, whatever
it took. I modelled alpha behavior and integrated it as a part
of who I am. It took a couple of years before it felt like the
natural thing for me to do and be, but after that it became
an unconscious way of being. I am dominant, I am the "alpha",
it is never something I even ever give one second of thought.
Every last molecule in my being is that, and I think anyone
who knows me will tell you the same thing.
The point is that, regardless of environmental factors, or
predisposed behaviors, you can absolutely learn and integrate
more useful ways of being into the very core structure of who
you are.
Other poster - Perhaps you might include in your model of the
world some sexually adventurous, beautiful women who are open,
friendly and looking to meet people and enjoy sex.
Rick H - mmm... is someone suggesting that there is another
kind of woman???? I don't know, but if there is, they must
be invisible.
Bisexual Women
‘Bisexual girls have an interesting set of problems and I
would say, hopes that are intertwined in an unusual way. On
the one hand they have the problem that society has decided
that what they are doing is an extreme sexual activity, social
activity its socially unusual and every guy’s fantasy… Their
whole problem is for them to be who they are they have to
keep it a secret from their guy or they need a guy who is
going to understand them and not treat them as an opportunity
to fulfil their fantasy because they don’t want to be objectified.’
‘It’s my belief that all women are bisexual’. A lot of women
don’t want to consciously say that they are bisexual but they
like chicks. Whatever they want to call it, it’s fine with me’.
First of all the biggest mistake that guys make with meeting
and dating bisexual women is you make a big deal of it. Stop
that, treat it like they know how to cook, it’s a good
thing its not a thing you are going to fall over…
If you treat it like that you are not begging. If you are like
wow lets go bring some girls home and you are all excited
about it she looks at you and goes loser why do I need you
to bring a girl home. If you are comfortable with it, you
can speak about it in a way that is not a big deal, that
this is part of what you do, what you like just for the sake
of you liking it. You don’t need any justification for that,
that’s the kind of women you like.
These days I don’t even ask girls if they are bisexual I just
ask what kind of girls they like right up front. And they’ll
answer the question. If it’s a big deal to you it’s a big deal
to them. This is the same sort of hurdle as getting them into
bed and they will perceive it so. If you think it’s a natural
part of life then it is so.
Another mistake that guys make when dealing with bisexual women
is they are in a rush to go out and bring in a third, found one,
great and go bring her home right now. If the girl that you are
going out with is your primary partner she’s got to feel
comfortable that she’s not going to get dumped for the next one
that she is bringing home. It doesn’t serve her interests for
her for you and her to go out and for you to find out somebody
that you like better than her. That’s not in her best interests.
One of your goals, one of your obligations is to make sure that
she understands that she is the primary relationship. You absolutely
can not pay more attention to the other girl than you do to her,
the second girl, you can’t do it. That is an absolute.
If you’re paying more attention to your primary and she is enjoying
the experience she’s going to want to do it, first of all it’s
safe it has good emotions attached to it. You want to perpetuate
that. It sounds blatantly obvious but almost nobody gets that.
You want to make sure that she is comfortable and that she has
a positive experience. Don’t worry so much about the girl you bring
home, pleasing her, be more concerned that your primary is more
satisfied’.
‘One of them has to be the primary because they act exactly like
a sleigh dog team, or a wolf pack, and if you don’t set a priority
in the chain they are going to kill each other fighting for it
and that’s just the nature of the beast. If you set the lead girl
in charge of ‘em… then it will work very effectively and smoothly’.
What are the steps? What kind of women do you like? Its huge,
it differentiates you from everybody else. It sets your standards
totally different than you just want to sleep with her, you’re
interested in the next level, that’s important. You have to convey
that not only are you comfortable in her being bisexual because
women are self-conscious about lots of things, sometimes its good
to make her self-conscious and sometimes not and its good to know
which.
When I am with a bisexual woman I am very comfortable, Im not
rushing her off to sleep with women, I am making jokes and
references to it, constantly. Then I’ll wait until she is
comfortable and because she is always checking out other women
and I’ll go no, not that one. Alright you don’t get to choose
any more, I choose. Things like that and if you get her to point
out other girls and she points to one and you go this relationship
is not going to work out, it’s funny but a qualification and a
challenge.
You are also making jokes about that conveys you are comfortable
about it and women will always throw this one at you – what is
this your fantasy? No, its just reality. You can’t be perceived
by her to be using her to fulfil your fantasy. Conversely if you
set the frame that you are open to enjoying fantasies with her,
not through, you are coming from an entirely different place.
Don’t make apologies for it, a lot of girls are going to go NO,
I don’t like girls, Come on all girls like girls, I don’t
believe you… Always keep on hitting on it but don’t make a big
deal out of it. These are just throwaways’.
Getting a second girl – ‘if you are waiting around too long it
can be perceived as indecision, indecisiveness, it can be
perceived that you are unsure what the next step is’. You are
talking about fantasies not yours. When somebody thinks about
something it is very similar to actually experiencing it because
on some conscious level they’re experiencing it so the more you
talk about these experiences, the more accepting she is of
those experiences’.
Other poster - We then talked about threesomes. She mentioned
that she had been in a few. I suggested that the next time we
get together, we should pick up a hot girl and have a threesome.
She said that she was open to the idea, but needed to know me
a little better. So my question to Ross, Rick, or any advanced
brother, is how can I convince her, the next time we go out,
to pick up on some girl and take her home with us?
Rick H reply - There are a few things you have to do.
I don't know if you have had a threesome before or not,
but as far as she is concerned it is a normal thing to you,
you have done that plenty of times. So, when you talk about
it, use the same urgency and importance that you would attach
to getting an ice cream cone. Ice cream is great, I like it,
maybe I'll have one this week, or today, depends if I am in
the mood. That is the frame. Abundance and no rush. Next,
get her to describe what kind of girls she likes, because you
are picky, and tell her that if the two of you are going to
find girls to play with, you both have to like her, so either
one of you have veto rights an any girl. Next rule... you two
are the primaries, the girl is for fun, if the other girl makes
any power plays or tries to manipulate the situation, the girl
goes home, right then and right there. Your girl has to feel
secure that she is safe in bringing another girl in, and that
you will not trade her in for your 3-some partner. That is your
job to make her feel comfortable with that.
Make sure she understands that that this is an experience for
the two of you and the 2nd girl is for play. That also means
, no one gets left out, everyone is involved the entire time,
hurt feelings can result if one person is not getting enough
attention, and that could be any of the three of you, again...
this is your responsibility to make sure that doesn't happen.
The reason why the 3-somes that don't work out well, don't work
out well, is because of the above factors. She has had, I am
sure, mixed experiences with 3-somes. That is why she needs to
feel safe and feels she needs to know you more. Do what I
suggest above, get some viagra, and you will be all good.
Physical contact
(Holding hands) it assumes rapport. I will always give her
the opportunity to maintain physical contact.. once they get
used to it… she’s allowing you to be there… What you are doing
is assuming rapport and building rapport, you are getting closer
and closer to her. There are ways you can inch forward, inch
by inch, maybe you take her palm and move a little bit forward
when you get her attention to your palm… The whole point is
diversion and if I want to move closer to a girl, just an inch,
at a time, I’m directing her attention away from me, so there
is not a perceivable difference, in the difference between us.
Once you have touched her you have changed the definition of
the physical dynamic, you are not a potential romantic interest,
you are a romantic interest and from there you can continue to
build the physicality’.
Handling Objections
She laughed and said, "I don't normally give out MY number
to guys in Los Angeles."
I said, "It's nothing personal, it's just that so many women
like to collect guys' numbers and look at them as trophies to boost
their egos...to make themselves feel attractive...and I'm not about
that. I only want to talk to sincere people." (Thanks to Bro
Rick H. who is a pal of Sis's for this.)
Setting up Dates
Rick: Cancelled date frustrations. Try this during some fluff:
"You know what I find interesting? What I find interesting is
womens' desire for commitment in relationships... the "c" word
as they say. But do you want to know what I think? I think
commitment starts with the small things... like keeping small
inconsequential promises... or keeping things said in an intimate
relationship, private... or keeping your word regarding dates and
appointments. Do you agree? Because I, like women, find commitment
a very attractive thing."
Selection of the words
Women listen for the specifics of the words and they read into
everything. They will give you the exact word for word conversation
. Going to ridiculous levels to analyse this. That's why ambiguity works
really well. If you make it a concrete statement they don't have to
think about it any more. If you make it an ambiguous statement they
will analyse it for the next couple of days. That works in your favour.
Prostitutes
I then talked to Rick a bit about Las Vegas, and I told him that last
time I was out there, I kept running into prostitutes. I asked him if
he’s ever gotten the hookers in Vegas into bed without paying, and he
told me “all the time.” He talked about his system for doing it, where
he’ll usually get them early in the night, before lots of business is
thrown their way, and he’ll be really funny about it. If she says:
“I’m working.”
He’ll respond:
Rick: “Oh… yeah… um… well, you wanna know how to get a lot of customers?”
Her: “Sure.”
Rick: “Well, you need to get warmed up first. You’re too, uh, too normal
right now. You gotta have sex. You gotta have sex and get warmed up. You
have sex, you get all riled up, come back down to the casino stinking
like sex, and guys will flock to you like bees to honey, honey. C’mon,
let’s go, up to my room and get you warmed up.”
Her: (laughing) “Oh, I don’t know…”
Rick: “It’s good for you. It’s good for you. It’s in your own best interest.
It’s in your own best interest. C’mon.” Rick said that for some reason,
the key to making it work is saying “It’s good for you,” and “It’s in your
own best interest.” But you have to say them twice, otherwise it
doesn’t work.”
