Compliance ?

[Flames]

I'm going to post in beginners section again as its a fairly basic concept, but one I dont really look for Intentionally and don't really understand (yet)

I was with a girl the other day who was holding an object I needed and I offered my hand out to get it but instead of passing me the object she offered out her other hand as if to hold my hand (or at least touch), would that sort of thing still be counted as compliance or is it always doing something FOR you, as in getting her to goto the bar, or 'look after' something?

Also what's the idea behind it? is it primarily an investment thing?

 

[Light]

I'm going to post in beginners section again as its a fairly basic concept, but one I dont really look for Intentionally and don't really understand (yet)

I was with a girl the other day who was holding an object I needed and I offered my hand out to get it but instead of passing me the object she offered out her other hand as if to hold my hand (or at least touch), would that sort of thing still be counted as compliance or is it always doing something FOR you, as in getting her to goto the bar, or 'look after' something?

Also what's the idea behind it? is it primarily an investment thing?

It depends... need a bit more detail, and you have to pay attention to the rest of her body language. Was she smiling at you when she did that? Was she giving you eye contact? Did she do it intentionally to tease you? Or did she mistook your signal as to cluelessly hold her hand out to you?
You need to take every little details into consideration.

But as far as I'm concerned, anything like that is an investment, and any investment is good.

If say you held out your hand slowly without saying anything, then you got a pretty good response from her.
You was obeying the law of least effort, and appear authoritative.

 

[Flames]

Well I don't like to get to tied into 1 girl posts, it's not healthy for one thing but it seemed almost involuntary. I'm almost reasonably certain she's quite fond of me, but hasn't exactly said so

And I'm presuming the thing to do here would be to try and escalate it, by getting increasing levels of compliance?

See compliance tests are not really parts of my game (rightly or wrongly) but I'm thinking it maybe something she responds to, so why not?

 

[Rusty_]

I remember about an article on the blog where Chase mentioned compliance is good because it allows a girl to become comfortable to doing things for you (investing her emotional energies in you). Now that you mention it, I don't check for compliance much either, but it's been like 4 months since I got out of a long-term relationship...you could say my game is a little...rusty

 

[Franco]

Hey Flames,

See compliance tests are not really parts of my game (rightly or wrongly)...

Compliance should absolutely be a part of your game! If there was one thing I picked up on very quickly when I first started cold approaching women was that compliance was one of the primary keys to success.

Not using compliance when trying to pick up women is like opening up a toolbox with a power drill inside and then grabbing the screwdriver instead. There's no reason not to use a tactic that is just ten times as effective at getting results over the other options in your arsenal.

Compliance is a difficult thing to ask for if you're used to being the "nice guy" all the time, but it becomes addicting once you begin to see the power it has in getting women to follow your lead. The only thing that should vary in your game is what kind of compliance fits your style. Do you like to ask women to move with you? Do you like to ask women to give you their hand? Do you like to have women give you their phone number at the high point of a conversation?

You don't need to do all of these, but if you aren't doing any of them, you are definitely missing out!

Anyway, just thought I'd give a quick tip.

- Franco

 

[Flames]

Thanks Franco,

What do you think about reciprocating compliance? A kind of 'you scratch my back ill scratch yours'? Is that giving up something or adding something? I'm always unsure about this as generally the advice is not to do things for women without them showing investment.

I suppose I'm asking what the balance point is?

 

[Light]

Not using compliance when trying to pick up women is like opening up a toolbox with a power drill inside and then grabbing the screwdriver instead.

LOL!!!! That is one of the best metaphor I have ever come accross.... it made my day!!
Thanks Franco.

Thanks Franco,

What do you think about reciprocating compliance? A kind of 'you scratch my back ill scratch yours'? Is that giving up something or adding something? I'm always unsure about this as generally the advice is not to do things for women without them showing investment.

I suppose I'm asking what the balance point is?

The balance is to do anything for her as long as it doesn't require a lot of effort (the mindset you should have is of a lazy one.. you do not want to do it because you can't be bothered, ie; takes too much energy, too much time).

So if you was to ask for her hand, you just simply hold out your hand and look at her. You don't even say "give me your hand".
If she doesn't understand what you want, just say "Your hand". Be cool... be smooth...

The key is to appear effortless while you're doing something back for them. Chase wrote a good blog about being the Gentleman.
For example, you only hold the door for the lady like a gentleman does, only if it is no big deal to do so, ie; you're already in front opening the door, so you just hold it open for her to get in first. You do not run in front of her from behind and quickly open the door making it seem like such a big deal.

 

[Flames]

Ah the lazy way.... That I can do....

In future Light I'll just pm my questions directly to you ok?

So going back to my example, what I did was in-advertantly do a compliance test, to which she responded positively.

And back to my questions do YOU think I'd be right to carry on doing little things like this to see I she'll 'bite'?

 

[Light]

haha.. I'm more than happy to answer any questions if I can, feel free to PM me

But its always good to learn from people like Chase and Franco too. Your questions can help others who may also be on the same boat as you.

And back to my questions do YOU think I'd be right to carry on doing little things like this to see I she'll 'bite'?

- Definitely yes. It is the only way to learn. Test and Trial. What may work for others may not work for you, and vice versa. You need tknow find out what works best for you and what your style is. Don't be afraid to try out new things, although I recommend you do them on girls you're not that into first

 

[Flames]

Thanks Light.

I've actually done a search on this and didn't get any really decent hits. I was hoping for kind of compliance escalation ladder sort of thing but I guess I'll just have to see what works on my own

If I ever formulate any kind of structural analysis of this I'll let everyone know.

 

[Franco]

Flames,

What do you think about reciprocating compliance? A kind of 'you scratch my back ill scratch yours'?

In general, you want to try to avoid any kind of "reciprocating" if possible because then it looks less like you are leading her. She might even view it as you not knowing how to lead her, so instead you are looking to her to try to "figure out" how you should lead.

It's not necessarily a deal-breaker to reciprocate forms of compliance (especially if it's a girl that already really likes you and is just trying to help you move things forward with her), but it also looks much "stronger" for you to ask for compliance without any form of signal from the woman. I generally like to attempt to move a woman when she leasts expect it, but at the same time when I know she is very intrigued by me. If she does comply, you'll notice that you'll have a much stronger hold on her over the rest of the interaction.

- Franco

 

[Flames]

Flames,

What do you think about reciprocating compliance? A kind of 'you scratch my back ill scratch yours'?

In general, you want to try to avoid any kind of "reciprocating" if possible because then it looks less like you are leading her. She might even view it as you not knowing how to lead her, so instead you are looking to her to try to "figure out" how you should lead.

It's not necessarily a deal-breaker to reciprocate forms of compliance (especially if it's a girl that already really likes you and is just trying to help you move things forward with her), but it also looks much "stronger" for you to ask for compliance without any form of signal from the woman. I generally like to attempt to move a woman when she leasts expect it, but at the same time when I know she is very intrigued by me. If she does comply, you'll notice that you'll have a much stronger hold on her over the rest of the interaction.

- Franco

Actually that's a good point, it's always better to lead, thanks.