Curiosity Killed The Cat 2.0

[readjusting]

Met this girl on the street.
I was asking the construction worker the way. There was a girl passing by. He said following her, she smiled. It was a good sign.
I went indirect, asking her name, getting to know her, I found out that she went to university, so I asked her major.
She went nursing, so she was ambitious.
I asked the reason, then she asked what I was doing here.
I was there to work for a big company. However, I told her that I was a transfer student, majoring in Environmental Science. It was a complete lie.
Anyway, she was finding the apartment for me, so it was a good investment.
She asked for my Facebook.
Her: "Do you have Facebook?"
Me: "Oh? Yeah!"
Her: "You have?"
Me: "No, but I heard American people use it a lot"
Her: "Do you have number?"
Trading number, I said: "I'd like to meet you again." She said: "Sure."
Still some way to my apartment, so I chatted with her a bit. Then we parted way.


Plan changes
Focus a lot more on fundamentals, and a lot less on approaches.

 

[readjusting]

Practice: "I must woo her"
2/4
Compliment opener
"May I sit here?": Give her an out, if she don't like me (the fundamentals) she can quit.
Introduction
Small talk
Say something funny
Deep dive
Vibe was awkward, if I fix it should be fine.
3/4
She stopped. It was a positive sign.
I missed the "Saying something funny" part.
She turned her body away.
She hesistated when I ejected.

4 approaches per outing seems to be optimal, because:
- After the first approach went out of the way, I start to receive positive signs
- More is not good. Past a certain point, I'll start to ignore negative signs and the interactions go bad.
So past 4 approaches, I should only goes for positive signs.

 

[readjusting]

This is a rant.

No self.
I tell my dad I have a car, but I don't have any. I choose not to have a car, because I don't like to spend money on a car, and I don't like to spend money on insurance and parking and maintenance.
Because I look more impressive that way.
I tell girls I have no job, despite I have an good job.
Because it will set me apart from all other nice guys with good jobs.
Also, I think the principle is that never impress girls with wealth. Never impress people with wealth. Because I'll need more to impress. And that's the formula for financial ruin later on.
It's okay to impress girls with social savvy. Because social skills never go away.
At the company, I never reveal I do pickup.
Because it will cost me my job if they know it.

No real self. As if I have split personality.

Or maybe I just have too many distractions in my past life.
I have quit video game, porn, junk food, distractions for 13 days. Not impressive, but it's a good sign.
But then I understand why in the past I indulge in those shit.
Problems in my life, cancerous problems don't get solved. Deny, deny, and more deny. I distract myself too much.

So I'll have to get all of them solved, one by one.
1) Strength: I'm pretty on the way. 142.5 lbs, lifting 80 lbs.
Not impressive number, but on the way.
2) Quit all addictions: video game, porn, junk food, distractions.
13 days no relapse. However, these days are close calls.
3) Job: Various problems:
- Stuck in coding, but the mentor assigned to me is not there. Now: a) Wait for her to come in; b) Figuring that out myself, will wasting some time; c) Ask other employees
- Meeting with the manager, but he cancels it. So the solution is: a) Schedule another meeting; b) Just catch him in person, and chatting with him
4) Side business. Still no customer. This is complex, so I'll have to try a lot of thing before something sticks.

Be free of distractions make me aware that I'm full of problems. And there is no short term solutions.
Strength problem, the gain will be slow as fuck.
Quitting addictions, I need several weeks to know that I have truly quit the addiction.
Job, will be a series of short problems I have to solve everyday.
Side business, I'll have to try everything possible until I find the solution.
Lastly, girls. They are problems but generally I enjoy them, so no need to rant.

So be patient.

 

[readjusting]

Practice: Producer mindset
1/4:
Compliment.
She didn't want to continue.

Earlier I passed two not as beautiful girls.
How can I produce a good experience?
Probably if the girl is not as beautiful, I'll have to go indirect.

2/4:
Compliment.
Screen was possible with body language.
If she turned the body away, she didn't want to continue.

3/4:
Indirect.
"Any cigarette?"
"Yeah", she took out cigarette
"Stop!"
"?"
"You're cute"
"Oh, thanks." She smiled
Good sign. If the girl is just cute, go indirect.
Introduction.
Chat with her a bit.
"I have a boyfriend though, waiting for him"
"Oh, that's fine"
I walked away.
"Where're you from?" She asked.
Now generally if the girl said, "I have a boyfriend," I assumed I messed up.
This was not always the case.
Tone was important. If the tone was like "If you want to go ahead it's fine, just to have you know I have a boyfriend."
I stopped, chatted with her a bit more.
Then a guy approached her, "Any cigarette."
I went away. Because I assumed that was her boyfriend.
Nope, just a real smoker.
Anyway it was too late, I produced a bad experience. Twice. Because of my assumptions.

4/4
She looked at me, smiled a bit then turned away.
Good sign.
Compliment.
I chatted with her a bit.
She was biking. So I used the gym story to relate.
She was a doctor.
She showed me the doctor badge.
I was floored (bad as a producer). She was beautiful, and was also a doctor.
That meant I needed to produce an exceptional experience.
I chatted with her a bit. I quitted.
I can't provide an exceptional experience if I put her on the pedestal. Exceptional experience = experience with an attractive men.
This interaction opened my eyes. This type of girl is possible if I'm good.

 

[readjusting]

On the bus. Girl stood, her mother sat down.
She was talking with her mother.
She looked at me once in a while. So the need was there. Producing a good experience was difficult.
Nevertheless, better to get it out.

Tapping her arm.
She turned.
Me: "You people. Sit there," I motioned to a seat nearby.
Her: "Oh, no, I'm accompanying mother to dinner, so I'm standing."
Her mother said something to her, I couldn't hear.
Her: "Do I disturb your view?"
Me: "Nope."
Her: "Thank you."
Then she stood on the side.
It was a so-so experience.

 

[readjusting]

On the bus. I sat next to a beautiful blonde.
She was looking at her phone. She looked out of the window when I came there.
So she didn't want an experience. Then don't give her an experience.

After a while.
She put her phone down. She looked around. Then she looked out of the window.
Maybe the need was there.

Me: "Where are you going?"
Her (smile): ________ square
Yeah, the need was there. She was playing hard to get.
Me: Is it beautiful?
Her: It's very beautiful.
I hung for a second, didn't know what to say next.

She returned to the phone.
A while after, she put her phone down again. Probably because she thought "putting phone down = guy talking to me."

 

[readjusting]

There was an ugly girl stared at me.
I should have approached her.
If the need was there. Go for it.

1/4:
Compliment.
She was married.
At least I produced a positive experience.
Hmmm. Yeah, but the compliment opener was from a position of weakness, hoping she would like me.
So a more authoritative voice will help.

2/4:
Better voice.
She didn't turned her body towards me => not want to continue.

3/4:
Fast rejection,
so I read the sign wrong.

Slow down.
Calm.
Read better.

4/4:
Compliment
She didn't want to continue.

 

[readjusting]

Near my dorm.
I considered workplace and around my dorm "danger zone."
So:
- More conservative guess: Only approach if I'm 90% sure she want to talk.
- Always indirect
- Social circle style: Ping her once in a while if she's interested.

A girl came near me.
Me: "It's bad for your health."
She took off her earphone.
Her: "I know, I'm finding for gummies but I haven't seen one around here."

A girl came near me.
Me: "Looking for..."
She turned around. She was ugly. I turned back.
Hmmm. So I had this knee-jerk reaction, she noticed it.
She said in a timid tone, "Sorry."
If she's ugly but the need is there, by all mean, moving forward.

A girl looked at me.
I thought it was the wrong read.
But another guy came in, and he was correct.
Why was that? She left the seat next to her empty. The need was there.

 

[readjusting]

Received this text:
"I just want to be friends. Is that okay with you?"
Ah, the good ol' friend zone.
Next.

 

[readjusting]

Practice: Overcome objection - Invitation/Self-deprecation, producer mindset
1/4:
Compliment
Open was fine
"It's a nice chain"
Okay repartee.
"May I sit here?" - Give her an out
=> however my voice was weak.
But her body language was not interested.
Her girlfriend objected.
I invited.
They refused

2/4
She didn't stop.
She didn't want it.
Next.

3/4
At the bus stop
Compliment
Went well.
I said something funny.
She laugh.
Chatting with her a bit.
She went to law school there. Not much free time.
She was from California.
"Why do you come here?, " I asked.
"Because the weather is nice," she said.
"Or because you want to be away from parents and free," I cold read her.
"Not really," she laughed, "I'm older now, so not really get away from them."
Cold read was good. Because she would qualify herself even if I was wrong.
Chatting with her a bit more. The vibe, I should be moving forward.
"How about you join me for coffee?," I asked.
My voice was hesitated.
By the way, hesistating didn't look like a good experience. Get rid of it.
"I appreciated it, but currently I'm seeing someone," she said.
"Oh, that's cute," I said.
I chatted with her a bit more. No need to rush.
The bus came. I went on the bus.

4/4
On the bus.
"Hey"
She took her earphone off.
"Going somewhere fun?," I asked.
"No, I'm taking off."
Not interested.
She smiled. At least it was a positive experience.

 

[readjusting]

"What do these people want?"
I was thinking while on the company cruise.

I started off with my group. I went along, and providing a good mood.
Providing the good mood was quite easy. Let other talked, and went along.
Cold approaching guys were as easy as cold approaching girls.
The key was trying to produce a good experience.
A guy was talking to me. He was talking 80% of the time.

It was draining however. I didn't socialize much on my life.
I left the group, and went around the cruise, chatting with people.
I couldn't hold a long conversation
"What do these people want?"
The big guy group stood in the middle wanted to be the center of the party
The girl who organized it wanted to be loved
The one who stayed with the manager wanted to get in good grace with him
Two people talked with each other wanted to talk.

A girl looked at me.
I sat nearby.
She came sitting next to me.
"That's unhealthy," I pointed to her plate.
I didn't remember what happened next.

Hard to build a socializing habit.
That's fine.
Number one habit should be: quitting video game, porn, distraction, junk food.
Already 25 days. After 90 days I can add more habits.

 

[readjusting]

On the bus.
Some old guy was chatting with me and a Chinese guy and a girl.
At some point he told the Chinese guy, "Get her phone number."
Interesting. How would I deal with that?
I was thinking chase frame, like, "if she's good."
The Chinese guy stood there awkwardly.
"Come on, be brave."
The Chinese guy laughed nervously. Not good. This diffused tension.
Then he looked at me.
I smirked at him.
He turned back to the Chinese guy, didn't want to deal with me.

 

[readjusting]

At night. There would be creepiness factor.
So I had to use a different way to approach:
- Hugging the bus stop, and passively waiting for a girl crossing by
- On the bus

1/4:
This girl was just part way with a guy.
Whatever. I came in.
Compliment.
Her body language was not good. She turned away and fold her arm.
Although she answered normally.
Not interested.

2/4:
On the bus.
"You're going home"
She had annoyed face, then a slight smile.
Not interested, because the annoyed face was her instant reaction.
The slight smile was because she corrected herself.
I jumped off the bus right away, and I should. At that point I already failed to produce a good experience.
Leave.

3/4:
On another bus.
She came near me. Could be good.
"Hey, you look familiar."
This time I had a good vibe. With a broad smile.
"I don't know."
Not interested, but the vibe was good.

4/4:
Instant rejection.

Too few people, so I wasn't target.
Better to do daytime, lots of people, I can choose.

Social circle:
A coworker went by. Her walk was cute and silly.
I smiled.
She smiled.
So appreciation was good. My read was that she wanted male attention, so I gave her that.
Pointless talking.
Probably it just a matter of going around and talking to people.
What really matters is improve. I don't need to be right. I need to improve.

 

[readjusting]

Social circle:
She asked me if I had plan for weekend.
"No plan. You?" I said.
"Probably going to movies. I have no commitment."
Did she want me to ask her out? Or she just wanted to make a small chat.
I didn't. Too risky, it was the workplace.

So, what can I use in social circle?
Sexual tension
Sexual tension gives good experience, with no reputation risk.

 

[foggy]

Social circle:
She asked me if I had plan for weekend.
"No plan. You?" I said.
"Probably going to movies. I have no commitment."
Did she want me to ask her out? Or she just wanted to make a small chat.
Too risky, it was the workplace.

What was the risk?

 

[Inbocca]

What was the risk?

Very good point.

Even if she was just making friendly conversation, you've got nothing to lose by asking her if she wanted to hang out. Personally, I've far more often regretted not asking co-workers out when they end up dating my other co-workers who did ask them out, than asking them out and possibly getting shut down.

No one really cares; the guys will admire your cojones, and if the girls hear about it they probably won't say anything about it to you. A lot of people date co-workers, that's probably one of the more socially acceptable places to meet women.

 

[readjusting]

Yeah, I was playing too safe in social circle.
Have to be more bold,
Massive socializing, with: friendly + sexual tension + asking them out when there was an opportunity.
Is good.

Today:
At bus stop.
She looked at me quite often.
Probably good.
I approached.
"Hey"
She had an annoyed face.
"You're beautiful"
She smiled.
(So she was annoyed because it took quite long for me to approach.)
I chatted with her a bit.
My bus come.
I parted way.

 

[readjusting]

Mixed group.
I approached a girl, but her body turned away as I went near.
So I changed to another girl.
Skeptical face.
But her body still faced me.
I only turned my upper body towards her.
Compliment.
She smiled.
Then she spoke something in my language.
Good.
She wasn't from my country though.
I chatted with her girlfriend a bit.
The girlfriend moved away, leaving room for us.
(Good sign. If I was coorperative, usually the girlfriend would help).
I was locked in, against the wall.
The guy friend offered me his lemonade.
"Thank you," I said, taking his lemonade, drinking a bit, then returning it to him.
Better to be coorperative.
He didn't intervene after that.
I chatted with the girl a little bit.
Some touching.
But lacking repartee.
She was waiting for more friends to go into the concert.
I chatted about the concert a bit.
Time to close.
I asked her if she was free after concert.
"No, I have worked tomorrow," she said.
Her body slightly turned away from me.
Not good.
I chatted a bit, then the group went away.

 

[readjusting]

Social circle:
This week I started implementing friendly + sexual tension.
Definitely harder than being friendly alone.
Right now is small talk, with accidental touch, eye contact, and non-chasing.
It depends on the girl.
Principle is still giving her a good experience.
Right now I have weak calibration.
Let's see what will happen in 2 weeks.

 

[readjusting]

Approach 1 girl on the way home, failed.

Social circle:
Balancing friendliness and sexual tension was more difficult than I thought.
Probably I'll need one whole month to train this skill.