Cutting contact/going cold with someone you see daily

[kiddpitt]

I met a woman 5 months ago and we see each other nearly everyday. No drama, just fun, good conversation, and constant teasing and flirting.

Just as we met, she got back together with her ex, they have 2 kids. I believe she's doing it for them.

I'm not friend zoned. I've clearly stated I want to be more than friends, but she's committed to what she's doing at home. I put the ball in her court.

Compliance is a non-issue. She does things for me without me asking and she began the touching, which is reciprical. Our investment is equal.

I believe I could bed her; she is very willing to follow me. But, I don't want to be the side dude and I told her I wouldnt encourage her to leave her current boyfriend. I've done that before and believe its a mistake, it should be solely her decision.

As I said, I put the ball in her court, but its not moving. Im providing a pleasant distraction from whatever unhappiness she has at home, but Im not getting what I want; I want to be with her. I want to really test her by going cold, but how can I do this, given that we see each other daily? I'm still out meeting other women, but this woman is awesome and our proximity is a problem.

 

[lostnumber]

I think going cold is a terrible idea in these circumstances. Freezing girls out can be a very effective technique, but its also a dangerous one that can have serious repercussions. Its one thing to stir up a drama, with some potential fling you arent attached to, but this is a girl you see every day and also someone you are clearly interested in a serious relationship with.

If you aren't willing to make a move and take her as your lover I would accept the friendzone and move on to other girls. I think you'll find that once you have a lover of your own your jealousy towards the other guy and resentment of this woman for not choosing you will decrease substantially

Thats my two cents. Maybe others see it differently

 

[kiddpitt]

Thanks for your response, I've been thinking about what you said and should clarify that I'm not jealous of her boyfriend or resentful of her. I've seen them together a couple times and acknowledged him in front of her. I was also unhappy in a long term relationship (13 years, thats why I'm back in the beginner section) and tried hard to make it work, so I respect what she's doing. I've told her that.

I just read this article:
https://www.girlschase.com/content/she-a ... re-control

I have to agree with you, going cold is going to make me look sulky and pouty...not a good look. Staying cool and staying the course displays a big dose of outcome indifference. She knows I want to be with her, but I've shown I can handle not having that. Maybe I need to rethink my aversion to being the side dude. You dont trade in your old car without test driving the new one, right?

I should add that I'm still out looking for other women.

 

[Seppuku]

Hey,

agreed with lostnumber, the "go cold" strategy can potentially fire back big time, irremediably.

I've clearly stated I want to be more than friends, but she's committed to what she's doing at home. I put the ball in her court.

I believe I could bed her; she is very willing to follow me. But, I don't want to be the side dude and I told her I wouldnt encourage her to leave her current boyfriend. I've done that before and believe its a mistake, it should be solely her decision.

This sounds like a fair amount of logical discussion / convincing on the subject. Using rational discussions usually doesn't work with women.

Also, whenever the ball is in her court, it is likely to stay there forever after. Women need to be led.

I would recommend:
* Decide what you want
* Take things in your sole hands
* Take what you want. You invite her at home under any pretext, and escalate her to sex directly. No gentle discussions.

On the escalation part, and if you're a little rusty, read a few Lay Reports on this forum to remind you how it's done.

Doing this, you are taking a risk - you may lose her. But if you go cold on her, or if you wait that she decides for you, or if you just do nothing, you will lose her for sure. If I have to lose her, I would rather lose her on a failed escalation. But the bright side is, you may also win her big time. And if not, then you know for sure, and can move on. It is a beautiful world full of lustful females who would love to have their vaginas around you.

Seppuku