- Joined
- Sep 13, 2016
- Messages
- 7
Thank you for everyone reading this adn helping me out, I can't really understand this one...
By the way, I'm confident, I make my own rules, and I make friends in the blink of an eye, unfortunately, that's faster then I can make lovers or girlfriends out of them. So... yeah...
Backstory
So I'm in College studying physics and I know this one girl, not very attracted to her but I made good friends with her. I had bought her coffee once when we were in a rush and she insisted that she paid back the favor, there's no real chemistry between us but I figured - hell, why not. A few days later we were heading out, then one of her close friends came to her and we chatted a bit. Now this new girl was pretty, but not overly so, but since I got most of my fundementals in shape, and was already indirectly attracting some girls, I felt that the new girl was attracted to me in some way.
My friend invited her to come with us and she agreed, simple enough. We all started talking, I started to become the center of the conversation as is usually the case when I talk with women, asking questions making small talk etc... We reached the cafe, the three of us sat down and we chatted a bit. After a while, I told them about this new project i was starting, a bit of politics, had a bit of fun with a bit of history and so on.
We left, and I walked back with the new girl since we were heading in the same direction. I was definitely higher value than her and we both knew it, I tried to downplay by making jokes on myself, and so on and she looked like she was digging it. Since we then had to go separate way (I had to go back to classes) and she left I quickly got her number. A few hours later I messaged her saying that this was my number, and she seemed happy. I told her I ha just become free on Friday, and I wanted to have a coffee with her, she agreed.
Aim of date: girlfriend, I'm not experienced at all, I can't get lays, let me at least kiss 1 girl once first
The Date: Meeting
Alright, first, I'm not a fan of a formal "date". I feel casual dates keeps a bit more tension, most girls automatically assume a date (I'm in Glasgow, Scotland). And It means that if I fail to escalate properly I can still rely on the crutch that I never actually acknowledged that I had wanted a date, just good conversation. And maybe it would keep them thinking about it - maybe. since I've had exactly 0 success with any woman, I can't tell if this is a good technique. So I'm open to suggestions.
I met her after being slightly late. We met, I asked her which direction she wanted to go (I know coffee shops in every direction). She pointed and I basically started walking immediately in that direction. We talked about a few things, with a few important points;
Conversation 1
She mentioned how she would get absolutely stressed out and paralyzed for exams. I'm the exact opposite. It went something like this
" I'm get completely paralysed when it comes to exams, I just can't think straight.
I smile widely
- Yeah... I can't ever know how that feels...
-What do you mean?
- I have this thing, I never, ever get stressed during exams.
- What?
I jokingly poke her
- Yeah it got quite riddiculus, I'm like "I don't care." exams come, three weeks earlier, I'm not at all stressed. When I should be studying, I'm goofing off! My mom at one point came in and scolded me "You should be studying!" But I feel like I've attained enlightnement, Nirvana.
she Laughs
But to be honest it's more of a hassle than anything else, I can't be bothered to do anything, I prefer your problem to mine.
- But you have no idea how dibilitating it is
- It's not that bad though, my Brother is 28, and he is still terrified of exams. He survived."
After that, I didn't feel her attention come towards me, I felt that she distanced herself a bit, I imagined because I might not have touched her, or because my attainability dropped below what was normal. When we came into the coffee shop, I made a show of her deciding whether it was too loud or not, trying to raise it a bit, I'm not perfect.
Coffee shop
We went in I saw a free table, I looked at her once, for her to decide the table, but looked away too soon, I think I chose a different table with a better seating, but I wasn't smooth or suave about it. I wasn't clumsy, but I didn't make a special effort. She sat down easily, I sat down next to her so I could touch her a lot. Escalating with shoulders, thighs and eventually hands.
I didn't realize that we could have lunch there, so we sat down and ordered. We talked about everything, and often I'd touch her on the shoulder, the arm and so on. First she looked to where I was touching, but she eventually stopped looking. She never once flirted overtly, but she was very much the quiet, shy type, So I consdered it normal. She was a lot like how I used to be so I could connect with her. But then some trouble happened.
First, It would appear that my experiences in the world far far far outweighed hers, she hadn't even been outside of England till she was 15. while I had already visited over 25 countries. She appeared to be genuinely but playfully jealous of her younger siblings, like her brother for the attention they received. And from her view of her brother: Nerdy, but well known well liked, well read, and all round very intelligent, were very much the same comments I used to receive when I was a kid. I tried to associate myself with her as much as possible without lying. "I can see his perspective, but I wish I was like that when I was a kid", "I couldn't hold a decent conversation until 4 years ago" etc...
She seemed to get colder.
I changed the subject, then I let her talk for a while, I would interject, but I was trying to make sure that balance between attainability and value, so for most of the time, instead of leaning back like I usually do, I leaned in close to her, touched her, I would inadvertantly look down sometimes though I estimated that this could be useful in this sittuation.
She got a bit warmer again.
Fuck-up point 1
So she seemed to love to talk about travels. I would talk about India, Dubai, New York; and all before I realized that I was getting further and further away from her. If I didn't do something I would probably have lost her.
It went like this.
"So, what's the one place you would want to visit? (me)
- Oh Africa or Japan. (her)
- Japan? wow I would love to go there as well,
- Yeah. You should go there one day, I heard it was beautiful.
- I don't think I can though not anytime soon, no money, and well... I've never traveled anywhere alone before.
- Not at all, it's really not as difficult as you might think. What's the worst that could happen, you go to Japan and you loose your passport, you go to the British embassy and you come back!
- You're very optimistic about the worst case scenario
Leaned in quite close, to make sure I would get closer to her
- Not at all, I know from some experience, my parents and the people I grew up with that if you put your mind to something, you can do it, no matter how much time it takes.
-I'm not sure if it works like that...
- No, it does... Imagine Japan right now looked up dreamily away from her, I held her forearm which was under the table The beautiful pink trees in flowers, the lakes and the rugged landscapes. the Green trees of the parks with small houses... I looked straight at her, I saw her but I didn't think that she was ready for anything, I was too far and in too awkward conditions for a kiss, it would have also alarmed her.
- Yeah, i'll never get there soon.
- No you will get there,
- It's not for me. I don't plan that far ahead
- No, don't plan that far ahead, just dream it. You'll get there eventually. let go of her forearm she then sat on her hand
- I don't plan that far ahead...
This went back and forth, until
(her) what's the point of this argument again.
- I smiled knowingly, internally I was kicking myself for going into an argument over her character Just to get you to imagine what you can do. I realized that I was leaning in with her the entire time, I leaned back now, with an arm around the next seat, legs crossed. trying to increase value again, and separating myself from her"
She didn't go cold, but I couldn't get a hold of her character at all, she wasn't reacting with her body, but she looked straight at me. since I had set myself up as a dreamer, I looked at her when she talked but looked away when I talked, trying to see if that worked.
Fuck-up point 2
Much shorter.
She basically asked if I was free this weekend, I wasn't completely.
"- What are you doing this week-end?
- A few things, I've got a list of priorities. Yes I did mentally kick myself immediately after saying that
- Really? a list of priorities?
- Yup, it was on my wall, but being me, I lost it after two weeks.
- what's on that?
- A few things, Chess... chess for example is quite low on the list.
- Alright... Moved to something else.
I could have said "A few things, why are you asking?" buuuuut noooooo... obviously I said something stupid (and true) like that.
Anyways, I saw that at this point, this was going no where, and I couldn't advance it any further.
She closed off slightly. I'm imagining this was because my attainability suddenly plummeted.
I asked for the bill, made a very slight fool of myself trying to pay, though I don't think she noticed.
Ending
Alright, so we were going back in the same direction, talked a bit.
When we were separating I stopped her,
"- I found the coffee amazing,
- Really? well, I don't know many people who would say something like that.
I smiled, looked directly in her eyes, color is green btw. At this point, I hadn't a clue what to say
- (me) Well I found it very nice.
- Yeah... I hope we won't stop talking to each other.
Internally kicking myself really really really hard right now.
- That would be a shame lightly brushes away a lock of hair from her face, even though there wasn't any locks of hair there. She reacted ever so slightly, I had planned to kiss her, but between that last sentence, and the reaction, I decided I would bide my time and come back later in the week-end
I let her go a bit, half hugged her as she was going away, then pulled her into a full hug, like the most awkward person on Earth since I had no clue about what I was doing at this point. Then I promptly said "bye" and walked off while the light was green.
***
Yup... so that went spectacularly. I have no idea what to do at this point... I don't know where she is, will she remember this fondly? badly? forget about it? I think I was memorable at the very least, but I made some very very serious mistakes. I'm planning on sms-ing her after a while, but yeah... I'm not entirely sure what I could have done in several of the places, and I know I messed up in wayy more points than the "fuck-up" points, but I can't retell the whole story.
Though I got way closer to kissing than my other attempts, and I felt that a few things went right, But I feel like I missed so many escalation windows, I have never seen a guy and a girl becoming lovers, so I had no basis about her reactions. I want to kiss a few times, but decided against it since she wasn't 100% into me. I can't seem to get past that.
By the way, I'm confident, I make my own rules, and I make friends in the blink of an eye, unfortunately, that's faster then I can make lovers or girlfriends out of them. So... yeah...
Backstory
So I'm in College studying physics and I know this one girl, not very attracted to her but I made good friends with her. I had bought her coffee once when we were in a rush and she insisted that she paid back the favor, there's no real chemistry between us but I figured - hell, why not. A few days later we were heading out, then one of her close friends came to her and we chatted a bit. Now this new girl was pretty, but not overly so, but since I got most of my fundementals in shape, and was already indirectly attracting some girls, I felt that the new girl was attracted to me in some way.
My friend invited her to come with us and she agreed, simple enough. We all started talking, I started to become the center of the conversation as is usually the case when I talk with women, asking questions making small talk etc... We reached the cafe, the three of us sat down and we chatted a bit. After a while, I told them about this new project i was starting, a bit of politics, had a bit of fun with a bit of history and so on.
We left, and I walked back with the new girl since we were heading in the same direction. I was definitely higher value than her and we both knew it, I tried to downplay by making jokes on myself, and so on and she looked like she was digging it. Since we then had to go separate way (I had to go back to classes) and she left I quickly got her number. A few hours later I messaged her saying that this was my number, and she seemed happy. I told her I ha just become free on Friday, and I wanted to have a coffee with her, she agreed.
Aim of date: girlfriend, I'm not experienced at all, I can't get lays, let me at least kiss 1 girl once first
The Date: Meeting
Alright, first, I'm not a fan of a formal "date". I feel casual dates keeps a bit more tension, most girls automatically assume a date (I'm in Glasgow, Scotland). And It means that if I fail to escalate properly I can still rely on the crutch that I never actually acknowledged that I had wanted a date, just good conversation. And maybe it would keep them thinking about it - maybe. since I've had exactly 0 success with any woman, I can't tell if this is a good technique. So I'm open to suggestions.
I met her after being slightly late. We met, I asked her which direction she wanted to go (I know coffee shops in every direction). She pointed and I basically started walking immediately in that direction. We talked about a few things, with a few important points;
Conversation 1
She mentioned how she would get absolutely stressed out and paralyzed for exams. I'm the exact opposite. It went something like this
" I'm get completely paralysed when it comes to exams, I just can't think straight.
I smile widely
- Yeah... I can't ever know how that feels...
-What do you mean?
- I have this thing, I never, ever get stressed during exams.
- What?
I jokingly poke her
- Yeah it got quite riddiculus, I'm like "I don't care." exams come, three weeks earlier, I'm not at all stressed. When I should be studying, I'm goofing off! My mom at one point came in and scolded me "You should be studying!" But I feel like I've attained enlightnement, Nirvana.
she Laughs
But to be honest it's more of a hassle than anything else, I can't be bothered to do anything, I prefer your problem to mine.
- But you have no idea how dibilitating it is
- It's not that bad though, my Brother is 28, and he is still terrified of exams. He survived."
After that, I didn't feel her attention come towards me, I felt that she distanced herself a bit, I imagined because I might not have touched her, or because my attainability dropped below what was normal. When we came into the coffee shop, I made a show of her deciding whether it was too loud or not, trying to raise it a bit, I'm not perfect.
Coffee shop
We went in I saw a free table, I looked at her once, for her to decide the table, but looked away too soon, I think I chose a different table with a better seating, but I wasn't smooth or suave about it. I wasn't clumsy, but I didn't make a special effort. She sat down easily, I sat down next to her so I could touch her a lot. Escalating with shoulders, thighs and eventually hands.
I didn't realize that we could have lunch there, so we sat down and ordered. We talked about everything, and often I'd touch her on the shoulder, the arm and so on. First she looked to where I was touching, but she eventually stopped looking. She never once flirted overtly, but she was very much the quiet, shy type, So I consdered it normal. She was a lot like how I used to be so I could connect with her. But then some trouble happened.
First, It would appear that my experiences in the world far far far outweighed hers, she hadn't even been outside of England till she was 15. while I had already visited over 25 countries. She appeared to be genuinely but playfully jealous of her younger siblings, like her brother for the attention they received. And from her view of her brother: Nerdy, but well known well liked, well read, and all round very intelligent, were very much the same comments I used to receive when I was a kid. I tried to associate myself with her as much as possible without lying. "I can see his perspective, but I wish I was like that when I was a kid", "I couldn't hold a decent conversation until 4 years ago" etc...
She seemed to get colder.
I changed the subject, then I let her talk for a while, I would interject, but I was trying to make sure that balance between attainability and value, so for most of the time, instead of leaning back like I usually do, I leaned in close to her, touched her, I would inadvertantly look down sometimes though I estimated that this could be useful in this sittuation.
She got a bit warmer again.
Fuck-up point 1
So she seemed to love to talk about travels. I would talk about India, Dubai, New York; and all before I realized that I was getting further and further away from her. If I didn't do something I would probably have lost her.
It went like this.
"So, what's the one place you would want to visit? (me)
- Oh Africa or Japan. (her)
- Japan? wow I would love to go there as well,
- Yeah. You should go there one day, I heard it was beautiful.
- I don't think I can though not anytime soon, no money, and well... I've never traveled anywhere alone before.
- Not at all, it's really not as difficult as you might think. What's the worst that could happen, you go to Japan and you loose your passport, you go to the British embassy and you come back!
- You're very optimistic about the worst case scenario
Leaned in quite close, to make sure I would get closer to her
- Not at all, I know from some experience, my parents and the people I grew up with that if you put your mind to something, you can do it, no matter how much time it takes.
-I'm not sure if it works like that...
- No, it does... Imagine Japan right now looked up dreamily away from her, I held her forearm which was under the table The beautiful pink trees in flowers, the lakes and the rugged landscapes. the Green trees of the parks with small houses... I looked straight at her, I saw her but I didn't think that she was ready for anything, I was too far and in too awkward conditions for a kiss, it would have also alarmed her.
- Yeah, i'll never get there soon.
- No you will get there,
- It's not for me. I don't plan that far ahead
- No, don't plan that far ahead, just dream it. You'll get there eventually. let go of her forearm she then sat on her hand
- I don't plan that far ahead...
This went back and forth, until
(her) what's the point of this argument again.
- I smiled knowingly, internally I was kicking myself for going into an argument over her character Just to get you to imagine what you can do. I realized that I was leaning in with her the entire time, I leaned back now, with an arm around the next seat, legs crossed. trying to increase value again, and separating myself from her"
She didn't go cold, but I couldn't get a hold of her character at all, she wasn't reacting with her body, but she looked straight at me. since I had set myself up as a dreamer, I looked at her when she talked but looked away when I talked, trying to see if that worked.
Fuck-up point 2
Much shorter.
She basically asked if I was free this weekend, I wasn't completely.
"- What are you doing this week-end?
- A few things, I've got a list of priorities. Yes I did mentally kick myself immediately after saying that
- Really? a list of priorities?
- Yup, it was on my wall, but being me, I lost it after two weeks.
- what's on that?
- A few things, Chess... chess for example is quite low on the list.
- Alright... Moved to something else.
I could have said "A few things, why are you asking?" buuuuut noooooo... obviously I said something stupid (and true) like that.
Anyways, I saw that at this point, this was going no where, and I couldn't advance it any further.
She closed off slightly. I'm imagining this was because my attainability suddenly plummeted.
I asked for the bill, made a very slight fool of myself trying to pay, though I don't think she noticed.
Ending
Alright, so we were going back in the same direction, talked a bit.
When we were separating I stopped her,
"- I found the coffee amazing,
- Really? well, I don't know many people who would say something like that.
I smiled, looked directly in her eyes, color is green btw. At this point, I hadn't a clue what to say
- (me) Well I found it very nice.
- Yeah... I hope we won't stop talking to each other.
Internally kicking myself really really really hard right now.
- That would be a shame lightly brushes away a lock of hair from her face, even though there wasn't any locks of hair there. She reacted ever so slightly, I had planned to kiss her, but between that last sentence, and the reaction, I decided I would bide my time and come back later in the week-end
I let her go a bit, half hugged her as she was going away, then pulled her into a full hug, like the most awkward person on Earth since I had no clue about what I was doing at this point. Then I promptly said "bye" and walked off while the light was green.
***
Yup... so that went spectacularly. I have no idea what to do at this point... I don't know where she is, will she remember this fondly? badly? forget about it? I think I was memorable at the very least, but I made some very very serious mistakes. I'm planning on sms-ing her after a while, but yeah... I'm not entirely sure what I could have done in several of the places, and I know I messed up in wayy more points than the "fuck-up" points, but I can't retell the whole story.
Though I got way closer to kissing than my other attempts, and I felt that a few things went right, But I feel like I missed so many escalation windows, I have never seen a guy and a girl becoming lovers, so I had no basis about her reactions. I want to kiss a few times, but decided against it since she wasn't 100% into me. I can't seem to get past that.
