Dating multiple girls

[mrmoose]

I could use some input whatever it is on this issue. It seems that dating culture in the US has changed completely from when I was in my 20s (I am 41 btw). It used to be pretty normal to "hook up" with someone and just be exclusive until it burned out on it's own then you go find another girl. That is what I grew up with and how my brain is wired to think of "dating". I honestly can't ever remember having the talk where you ask if the girl is your girlfriend, she just was and you both knew it lol. It seems like now not only is all of the advice out there (for both men and women) to date multiple people at the same time, but that it is normal to have sex with those people too and be pretty up front about it. I have to be honest, that is fucking creepy to me.

I'm really not a prude lol, I love sex and girls like most healthy men and have no hangups or shame there. If you felt the same way how did you address it? Whatever your opinion on this I am curious to hear it.

 

[Dash]

I'm not going to comment on the change in US dating culture, because I don't live in the States.

But I think overcoming this mentality - accepting the reality of guys dating multiple girls, and girls dating multiple guys - is part of dealing with the trap of falling for ONE girl at a time. The girl who occupies all your attention... for even a fairly short period of time.

I know exactly what that's like... because I used to go for relationships with women I found attractive. Then - whether successful or otherwise - I'd concentrate a lot on that one girl. Often for long periods of time, even after it was clear the relationship wasn't progressing.

That meant I missed out on a LOT of chances with other women who just happened by when my head was all about my current flame.

It's a bit paradoxical, but it's something I've got my head around better now.

If you want to eventually meet a woman who is worthy of your time, a partner in crime, a real firecracker - if you want to meet that girl and get her to fall for you - you have to meet and date a LOT of girls. Have a multiple irons in the fire, and be open to meeting a girl at any time, anywhere, and seeing where it goes.

I like to think that I'll get to a point where I have multiple girls in my life being seduced to varying degrees. I'm definitely not there yet! But once I get to that point, am I then going to be worried about whether one of those girls is also maybe slipping between the sheets with another dude? Not so much... unless it's happening right in front of me. Because, really, that's a pretty big double standard. I don't need to date that girl anymore if I find out she's banging her co-worker, because I still have girl X, Y, and Z on the go. And plenty more that I'll be approaching in the future.

 

[Franco]

Hey moose,

I think Chase mentions somewhere that we are also living in a new generation -- women are becoming less sexually oppressed, which also means that they are realizing that they have more options in men. It is becoming an old-fashioned thought that women should only be dating one man at a time. It just doesn't work that way anymore.

Because of this, women are also becoming much more selective in who they take as boyfriends. They know they can play the field now, so many of them use this to their advantage to select the best possible mate. But this is also why learning to become an extremely sexy man can work in your favor! It also means that any girl (even one who might be seeing another guy) is available for the pickings. You just have to know how to project your sexual vibe and get her investing in you.

In other words, the sexier men are prospering while the "nice guys" and "un-sexy" men are settling. This is just one more reason why it is a great investment to become a sexy man.

I hope this helps.

- Franco

 

[mrmoose]

Interesting replies from both of you. I just need to internalize this and make sure I have am coming at this from the right angle, abundance. If it is casual dating and not serious and I'm doing the same thing, well it shouldn't be a big deal.

The sexy comment was interesting, Franco. I am making a lot of effort in this area, it just seems to me like what is going to work for my personality far better than funny/cocky or whatever other "personas" people adopt in pickup. I'm a warm but slightly reserved person by nature, so banking on it lol.

Thanks guys

 

[Chase]

Mr. Moose -

I could use some input whatever it is on this issue. It seems that dating culture in the US has changed completely from when I was in my 20s (I am 41 btw). It used to be pretty normal to "hook up" with someone and just be exclusive until it burned out on it's own then you go find another girl. That is what I grew up with and how my brain is wired to think of "dating". I honestly can't ever remember having the talk where you ask if the girl is your girlfriend, she just was and you both knew it lol. It seems like now not only is all of the advice out there (for both men and women) to date multiple people at the same time, but that it is normal to have sex with those people too and be pretty up front about it. I have to be honest, that is fucking creepy to me.

I'm really not a prude lol, I love sex and girls like most healthy men and have no hangups or shame there. If you felt the same way how did you address it? Whatever your opinion on this I am curious to hear it.

A large part of the culture in the U.S. is now "hookup culture," yes. However, there are limitations.

Many of the most beautiful / high class girls do not partake. There's a lot of dating advice going around for women saying, "You can have sex with lots of men at once. It's okay! It's accepted," and a lot of the lower / middle status girls dive into this wholeheartedly, buying into the hype. I'm not even convinced they want to, so much as they think they should. Most beautiful / classy girls seem to refrain. The exception are the high sex drive beauties... these girls partake enthusiastically, simply because it's what they want. Think of high status women as "girls who will go get what they want," while low and middle status girls as "girls who don't know what they want so do whatever society tells them to."

Basically, I'd say, look at a girl's social value as a big indicator of how likely she is to participate in hookup culture or not. If she's "hot" - as in, cute / sort-of plain, but she does her hair up nice and puts on makeup and throws on flashy clothes - she's a likely candidate. If she's naturally beautiful, but not "hot," she's a less likely one.

My personal way of dealing with hookup culture has always been to use girls who engage in it as hookups, and to save girlfriend status for higher social status women who don't engage in it / have too much to lose, value- and reputation-wise. I like higher social status women anyway - they tend to be more sociable, have happier / more optimistic personalities, be more beautiful, be more intelligent, and often have better jobs. Our conversations are better, and relationships less work.

I'm a big believer in not having to push yourself to like or date women living lifestyles you don't want to like or date women living. It's very easy to save hookup girls for hooking up, and girls who refrain for more traditional relationship roles.

Chase

 

[mrmoose]

Thanks Chase,

Actually what you are saying makes perfect sense and now that I think about it maybe it has always been that way. I just didn't think about it like that because it wasn't my experience mostly. Your articles on screening and your comments should make it easier to determine what I'm dealing with, appreciate it.