Do you just bail when approaching uninterested girl?

[vicknick]

Met similar cases long ago where the girl straight up reject me but I don't know how to handle it.


That day I was dressed up nicely to do some pickups with a friend. This girl was standing at the McDonalds kiosk machine ordering food. The following is the convo:

Me: Sitting in McDonalds waiting for friend. Saw a girl ordering food at the kiosk machine, so I walk up to her

Me: Hi. Just now when I was sitting there waiting for my friend, I saw you and I think you are kinda attractive, so I come and hi to you

Her: (Looking at me with an expressionless face) So?

Me: You having lunch with your friends here?

Her: I am with my mom (Looked back at the kiosk to continue order food)

Me: Sorry am I interrupting you ordering food?

Her: (Still looking at the kiosk ordering food) Yes, I don't feel like talking to stranger.

Me: Oh, do you get approached by guys before? (Trying to figure out her concern about guys approach her)

Her: No


After that, I just leave since it seems she is not interested. I think my fundamentals and my opener were not the issues, because after that I did a few more approaches and the girls were receptive. So I am guessing it must be conversation issue.

I am wondering how do you handle this kind of situation, or do you just leave when meeting uninterested girls?

 

[Police dog]

Met similar cases long ago where the girl straight up reject me but I don't know how to handle it.


That day I was dressed up nicely to do some pickups with a friend. This girl was standing at the McDonalds kiosk machine ordering food. The following is the convo:

Me: Sitting in McDonalds waiting for friend. Saw a girl ordering food at the kiosk machine, so I walk up to her

Me: Hi. Just now when I was sitting there waiting for my friend, I saw you and I think you are kinda attractive, so I come and hi to you

Her: (Looking at me with an expressionless face) So?

Me: You having lunch with your friends here?

Her: I am with my mom (Looked back at the kiosk to continue order food)

Me: Sorry am I interrupting you ordering food?

Her: (Still looking at the kiosk ordering food) Yes, I don't feel like talking to stranger.

Me: Oh, do you get approached by guys before? (Trying to figure out her concern about guys approach her)

Her: No


After that, I just leave since it seems she is not interested. I think my fundamentals and my opener were not the issues, because after that I did a few more approaches and the girls were receptive. So I am guessing it must be conversation issue.

I am wondering how do you handle this kind of situation, or do you just leave when meeting uninterested girls?

“Ok, bye!” And leave

 

[vicknick]

“Ok, bye!” And leave

I was thinking the same. But there really is no solution to this kind of situation?

 

[Police dog]

I was thinking the same. But there really is no solution to this kind of situation?

In vast majority of cases no, and even if there is, it’s more time efficient to just move on

 

[Regal Tiger]

Yeah I'm lazy and if I think she's not interested then I just say have a nice day and beat feet on outta there

And with the McDonald's girl you mentioned you just say
Her: not interested in talking to a stranger
You: alright no problem, hope ya have a good day

 

[Skills]

Met similar cases long ago where the girl straight up reject me but I don't know how to handle it.


That day I was dressed up nicely to do some pickups with a friend. This girl was standing at the McDonalds kiosk machine ordering food. The following is the convo:

Me: Sitting in McDonalds waiting for friend. Saw a girl ordering food at the kiosk machine, so I walk up to her

Me: Hi. Just now when I was sitting there waiting for my friend, I saw you and I think you are kinda attractive, so I come and hi to you

Her: (Looking at me with an expressionless face) So?

Me: You having lunch with your friends here?

Her: I am with my mom (Looked back at the kiosk to continue order food)

Me: Sorry am I interrupting you ordering food?

Her: (Still looking at the kiosk ordering food) Yes, I don't feel like talking to stranger.

Me: Oh, do you get approached by guys before? (Trying to figure out her concern about guys approach her)

Her: No


After that, I just leave since it seems she is not interested. I think my fundamentals and my opener were not the issues, because after that I did a few more approaches and the girls were receptive. So I am guessing it must be conversation issue.

I am wondering how do you handle this kind of situation, or do you just leave when meeting uninterested girls?

i would not have said "sorry am i interrupting you from ordering food? puts you in a beggar position... you don't want to approach extrenger when ordering low odds.... But anyways if she is not giving you anything and the vibe is fuck off, then just leave, i don't even say anything i just abort...

 

[Calibration]

You were asking for compliance before she was invested. She was not hooked and you were plowing. I wouldn't have gone that far in the conversation. Best thing to do in such situations is to either walk away or call out the awkwardness.

Me: Hi. Just now when I was sitting there waiting for my friend, I saw you and I think you are kinda attractive, so I come and hi to you

Her: (Looking at me with an expressionless face) So?

Me: Walkway! (For added effect, you can have a James bond smirk and shake your head while walking away but that can become confrontational. So, be careful in doing it only if you're super confident)

OR

Me: You know when you see someone and there is something about them that you're intrigued to go find out more about them (You're providing value before asking investment)

You're not kissing-ass by saying this. You're just putting social pressure on her by indirectly saying : You're being rude to not acknowledge someone who is interested in finding out about you.

If she still doesn't give you anything, she's the one who committed a social faux pas cos you were being a polite social guy trying to socialize.

 

[vicknick]

You were asking for compliance before she was invested. She was not hooked and you were plowing. I wouldn't have gone that far in the conversation. Best thing to do in such situations is to either walk away or call out the awkwardness.

Thanks. So you won't even try to slowly open her up in this case? The reason I have gone so far in the convo is I was trying to open her up, whenever the girl is not interested.

 

[Calibration]

Thanks. So you won't even try to slowly open her up in this case? The reason I have gone so far in the convo is I was trying to open her up, whenever the girl is not interested.

Depends on her body language and facial expression. Some chics don't hook easily cos they're shy or they misjudged your value.

If she's shy, she won't say anything but she'd be smiling or having a soft eye contact or even if she just holds eye contact you can continue to plow like how you did but if she misjudged your value, it's a bit hard to recover but you can still recover, if you do it with finesse.

With the above chic, assuming she misjudged your value and she's not giving you anything but she's making eye-contact, it means she's on the fence, saying what I suggested has chances of recovering but you need to have very strong fundamentals (you must deliver what I suggested in a slow deep voice, having a strong eye-contact without smiling and speaking in an enquiring tone) as if you're saying it matter of factly.

If you smiled when you approached but you now stopped smiling, you're non-verbally saying that you didn't like her behaviour. So, you're not rewarding her anymore with your smile.

But if she's not making eye contact or has a condescending tone, just eject with a smirk.

 

[Will_V]

Some things I would change about this.

Me: Hi. Just now when I was sitting there waiting for my friend, I saw you and I think you are kinda attractive, so I come and hi to you

Opener not the best, 'kinda attractive' is not much of a hook, and it comes off as if you just go and say hi to any girl who is kinda attractive. There has to be something special about her that made you do something you 'normally don't do' which is to go and introduce yourself to a girl you don't know.

Her: (Looking at me with an expressionless face) So?

Me: You having lunch with your friends here?

So her response was obviously very poor, but instead of dealing with that you ask her a random question about what she's doing as if she hadn't just shrugged you off. This is not calibrated and demands investment while she's already resisting. Depending on the situation, you might smile and say 'hey you seem a bit preoccupied, hope I didn't come at a bad time' or something like that. Unless she's really mean she'll give you some information about what she's not happy about.

Her: I am with my mom (Looked back at the kiosk to continue order food)

Me: Sorry am I interrupting you ordering food?

Since you weren't calibrated to her first response, the obvious answer to 'am I interrupting' is yes.

Her: (Still looking at the kiosk ordering food) Yes, I don't feel like talking to stranger.

Me: Oh, do you get approached by guys before? (Trying to figure out her concern about guys approach her)

Her: No

So here she volunteered some info - she doesn't feel like talking to a stranger. This should tell you that you need to build some quick rapport and show understanding of her feelings whatever the reason is. Instead, you ask her if she's been approached before - no! You don't want her to start remembering all the guys who messed things up before so she can slot you in the same category.

After that, I just leave since it seems she is not interested. I think my fundamentals and my opener were not the issues, because after that I did a few more approaches and the girls were receptive. So I am guessing it must be conversation issue.

I am wondering how do you handle this kind of situation, or do you just leave when meeting uninterested girls?

If a girl is really uninterested, I simply smile and say 'have a good day' and leave. But if she's just in a mood you definitely have to calibrate to that and quickly show that you understand.

 

[POB]

- Hey, I was waiting for my friend and saw you from over there...(deliberate pause)...wow, those are nice (say something about her shoes, jewelery or a piece of clothe), I think it really shows your personality!
- Thx...but I'm with my mom
- No problem, I'll let you guys get back to it. Nice meeting you.
(now you get back to your friend and let it rest)
If you wanna approach a second time to get her number, you go straight to the mom to win her over.
- Hey, sorry to interrupt again, but I've seen you guys and you look like a great pair together. Anyway, I don't know if your daughter is already taken, but she seems super nice...(pause, curious look to her mom) wow, now I can see where she got her looks from ...your family has great genes, congrats!!! Anyway, I'd really like to take her out sometime.
(now she will probably won't reject you in front of her mom....and if she does, her mom will most likely call her out on her bad behavior).

 

[vicknick]

With the above chic, assuming she misjudged your value and she's not giving you anything but she's making eye-contact, it means she's on the fence, saying what I suggested has chances of recovering but you need to have very strong fundamentals (you must deliver what I suggested in a slow deep voice, having a strong eye-contact without smiling and speaking in an enquiring tone) as if you're saying it matter of factly.

If you smiled when you approached but you now stopped smiling, you're non-verbally saying that you didn't like her behaviour. So, you're not rewarding her anymore with your smile.

If you stop smiling, wouldn't that make the entire vibe negative? The girl will see you stop smiling and she will mirror your emotion, causing a downward negative spiral? I usually will keep on smiling to show that I am not that easily affected by the girl, and trying to build a good vibe between us.

 

[vicknick]

Opener not the best, 'kinda attractive' is not much of a hook, and it comes off as if you just go and say hi to any girl who is kinda attractive. There has to be something special about her that made you do something you 'normally don't do' which is to go and introduce yourself to a girl you don't know.

I wasn't able to find anything special about her, apart from her looks, and I wouldn't want to keep staring at her to find out which part of her is special. How will you open in this situation?

So her response was obviously very poor, but instead of dealing with that you ask her a random question about what she's doing as if she hadn't just shrugged you off. This is not calibrated and demands investment while she's already resisting. Depending on the situation, you might smile and say 'hey you seem a bit preoccupied, hope I didn't come at a bad time' or something like that. Unless she's really mean she'll give you some information about what she's not happy about.

This is good. I should learn to respond like this. Thanks!

So here she volunteered some info - she doesn't feel like talking to a stranger. This should tell you that you need to build some quick rapport and show understanding of her feelings whatever the reason is. Instead, you ask her if she's been approached before - no! You don't want her to start remembering all the guys who messed things up before so she can slot you in the same category.

Do I ask rapport question about her? For example, I can say "I can see you are very focus in ordering food. I guess you are the type of person who doesn't want people to interrupt when you are 100% focusing on doing something". Sounds dumb, not sure how to build rapport in this case, especially she is closed off.

 

[Will_V]

I wasn't able to find anything special about her, apart from her looks, and I wouldn't want to keep staring at her to find out which part of her is special. How will you open in this situation?

It's not about the words, you don't have to explain to her why you think she's special, but you do have to make her feel it in the way you look her in the eye, smile with enthusiasm, etc.

One of my favorite openers these days is 'I just wanted to meet you real quick' (from John Anthony) precisely because it isn't an explanation and leaves the context to my body language.

But any reason is fine - 'you look really stylish' is my other favorite, even 'you're really cute' - it's not the best in my experience but I mean if you are going to compliment her on the way she looks don't half do it.

The only thing I think was an issue with the opener was the 'kinda' as it makes the compliment floppy.

Do I ask rapport question about her? For example, I can say "I can see you are very focus in ordering food. I guess you are the type of person who doesn't want people to interrupt when you are 100% focusing on doing something". Sounds dumb, not sure how to build rapport in this case, especially she is closed off.

I understand why you come up with these things - I used to say a lot of exaggerated situational stuff too that when you think about it just sounds like 'what..?'. But you say yourself it sounds dumb. Why is it dumb? Because it is skirting around the real issue, which is that she's not in a mood to talk to strangers. When you don't deal with the real issue, it makes her feel like you don't get it and you're just bulldozing along without any understanding.

To build rapport you have to pace her on what she's feeling, by saying what she's thinking and reframing it. For example if she says I don't feel like talking to strangers you could say 'Hey I know we just met but when you're feeling less grumpy you'll wish we'd gotten to know eachother a bit more' with a bit of a lighthearted smile, or something like that.

Think of it not as pickup but just good social skills first and foremost, the foundation of good social skills is showing the other person that you understand their reality and share it. And then you lead with your frame on top of that.

 

[Kvothe]

The only thing I think was an issue with the opener was the 'kinda' as it makes the compliment floppy.

https://www.girlschase.com/article/how-real-direct-game-works-compared-neo-direct#3 - Teevs goes into the "kinda" argument here. It seems like it can be done, but needs to be more tongue in cheek. From cursory look, it seems like OP's vibe was uninterested, which I don't think is what the direct openers in the article used. Curious on your thoughts

 

[Will_V]

https://www.girlschase.com/article/how-real-direct-game-works-compared-neo-direct#3 - Teevs goes into the "kinda" argument here. It seems like it can be done, but needs to be more tongue in cheek. From cursory look, it seems like OP's vibe was uninterested, which I don't think is what the direct openers in the article used. Curious on your thoughts

@Teevster is an extremely skilled technical guy who I've learned a lot from, I think I can see what he's saying there and it's what you said, 'tongue in cheek' or slightly teasing.

Everything is in context. When a guy starting out says that he goes up and says 'kinda attractive', along with the rest of the context of the approach I think of it as coming across in a lukewarm way. And rather than just say something like 'words don't really matter' I emphasize the point through a reframing of the opener, if that makes sense. Even though any decent opener works when body language is on point.

Another thing is that I'm a daygame guy, as was this approach, and my feeling is that a lot of the things that typically work well in clubs and bars just don't have as much context when a girl's just going about her day rather than being dressed to the nines and getting ready to throw loads of lame guys into the pit. Night game is way more competitive and easy to mess up because you're not standing out by default and your intent on getting sex is almost a given. So you have to be more careful with your frame.

 

[Teevster]

https://www.girlschase.com/article/how-real-direct-game-works-compared-neo-direct#3 - Teevs goes into the "kinda" argument here. It seems like it can be done, but needs to be more tongue in cheek. From cursory look, it seems like OP's vibe was uninterested, which I don't think is what the direct openers in the article used. Curious on your thoughts

No, it is not tongue in cheek. It is not active disinterest either. It is all about AMBIGUITY followed with a challenging vibe: "not sure about you yet, but our interaction may change my mind". However, you must seem and feel excited about talking to her - excited about finding out whether she is worth your time.

That is the frame.

-Teevster

 

[Teevster]

Another thing is that I'm a daygame guy, as was this approach, and my feeling is that a lot of the things that typically work well in clubs and bars just don't have as much context when a girl's just going about her day rather than being dressed to the nines and getting ready to throw loads of lame guys into the pit. Night game is way more competitive and easy to mess up because you're not standing out by default and your intent on getting sex is almost a given. So you have to be more careful with your frame.

In nightgame you use situational openers. That is the meta.

-Teevster

 

[Will_V]

No, it is not tongue in cheek. It is not active disinterest either. It is all about AMBIGUITY followed with a challenging vibe: "not sure about you yet, but our interaction may change my mind". However, you must seem and feel excited about talking to her - excited about finding out whether she is worth your time.

That is the frame.

-Teevster

I see what you mean, when I said 'teasing' I did include ambiguity, with the 'tongue in cheek' as a form of softening it up, which looks like you don't do or don't emphasize? I guess the frame is more challenging than playful then?

Something I've found works well for me is to deliver the opener in a very offhand tone like it's not important, while conveying general excitement in my body language. That seems to do a good job of making her feel like it's not much as much of an investment on my part.

I'll definitely challenge girls a bit more during the interaction if I see that they are feeling that interest is too one sided, I like to say 'don't jump the gun' or something along those lines if she's getting too easy with my interest, and then put a little more pressure on her to qualify.

 

[José enrique]

No, it is not tongue in cheek. It is not active disinterest either. It is all about AMBIGUITY followed with a challenging vibe: "not sure about you yet, but our interaction may change my mind". However, you must seem and feel excited about talking to her - excited about finding out whether she is worth your time.

That is the frame.

-Teevster

I can understand what Teevster is referring to as an element of ambiguity and challenge when using a direct opener.

That's something along the lines of what Swinggcat or even Todd V does. He has similar openers where if he shows some interest he doesn't give it all away completely and balances it with a bit of challenge for example by adding a qualifier to the opener

In that theory I was inspired to create a straight opener but that indicates I'm not quite there yet and need to first evaluate what she's like to see if I end up convincing myself of my interest in her for example I usually say something like:

Hi. Nice style you seem like someone nice to meet although I don't know if it's just my impression of you.....

When I add the "Although" I let it be understood that I don't buy her at all and she must make more merits to get my Validation and get more interested in her. In line sets I use a similar opener with a high cup of good initial response and responsiveness.


I say something like: Hi. Nice profile you seem to be someone interesting although I would like to find out.