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Anonymous
Guest
cool, great insight...thank you for the advice (AFCnoob)
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Anonymous
Guest
Breaking circle, in other words - letting others pull you out of the conversation you have 1 on 1 with someone?
Let me tell you about a short situation not so long time ago, where this applied to me.
We met up, some of my friends and I, and a new girl joined. So I was talking to my friend (a girl) and the new girl kinda made a comment towards me about what me and my friend were talking about. I ignored her, not even acknowledged her, not even moved my eye to look at her (she sat on my right side, my friend sat on her right, so she was in the middle).
After I ignored her and asked a question to my friend so she could continue, the rest of the group, which was kinda standoffish towards me, got very very warm to me and started wanting my attention.
My intention from the start was to score this new girl and I just KNEW that if I ignored her a few times, it would do only good. From my friends eyes and the group, it looked like I valued my friend MORE than the new girl, which is how it is supposed to be anyway.
BTW, me and the new girl are moving things forward
Great advice, Chase!
Let me tell you about a short situation not so long time ago, where this applied to me.
We met up, some of my friends and I, and a new girl joined. So I was talking to my friend (a girl) and the new girl kinda made a comment towards me about what me and my friend were talking about. I ignored her, not even acknowledged her, not even moved my eye to look at her (she sat on my right side, my friend sat on her right, so she was in the middle).
After I ignored her and asked a question to my friend so she could continue, the rest of the group, which was kinda standoffish towards me, got very very warm to me and started wanting my attention.
My intention from the start was to score this new girl and I just KNEW that if I ignored her a few times, it would do only good. From my friends eyes and the group, it looked like I valued my friend MORE than the new girl, which is how it is supposed to be anyway.
BTW, me and the new girl are moving things forward
Great advice, Chase!
- Joined
- Dec 20, 2012
- Messages
- 84
I'd like to share something I found that works for me regarding the root of the problem.
I'm a cold, aloof person by nature. So when I'm not forcing a mask on, I'm coming off as angry / not to be messed with. But that's not great to get into conversation like that + friends always keep commenting on why I look angry and tell me to smile more. I learned when you force a wide smile and let it sit for a while, you can actually start to feel happy yourself and have no trouble to maintain that smile for a long period when you feel that way anyway. More the reason why I started to fool around with different eyes to go with the smile, to get me fooling others about my neutral true state of mind, while actually really starting feel the way I act as well. (Like getting more and more in touch with the role I'm acting out)
So while doing that I've been juggling between 2 different masks in social situations to see what happens:
1) My relaxed mask is when I tilt my head up a little, kinda squeezing my eyes, almost like looking over my cheeks and putting on a smile. Let that sit for a while and I'll be coming off as relaxed, smooth and inviting (and even feeling myself like being like that too). This is great to get into conversation, because people will drop their guard around you, however, it is also inviting all kind of external people in to comment on you with whatever agenda they are having. This kinda seems to match what I read above about.
2) My edge mask is when I tilt my head down a little, opening up my eyes, looking at people from underneath my eyebrow and again putting on a smile. Let that sit for a while and I'll be feeling and coming off as confident, focused and interesting. I get into conversation almost as easy as being relaxed, but with a different vibe. People don't want to comment on me anymore and I seem to have get a better grasp on how to handle the conversation and keep my goals more clear in front of me.
So I learned if you are able to force to act in certain ways while in social situations, you can put on your edge mask and you're no longer distracted in groups.
I'm a cold, aloof person by nature. So when I'm not forcing a mask on, I'm coming off as angry / not to be messed with. But that's not great to get into conversation like that + friends always keep commenting on why I look angry and tell me to smile more. I learned when you force a wide smile and let it sit for a while, you can actually start to feel happy yourself and have no trouble to maintain that smile for a long period when you feel that way anyway. More the reason why I started to fool around with different eyes to go with the smile, to get me fooling others about my neutral true state of mind, while actually really starting feel the way I act as well. (Like getting more and more in touch with the role I'm acting out)
So while doing that I've been juggling between 2 different masks in social situations to see what happens:
1) My relaxed mask is when I tilt my head up a little, kinda squeezing my eyes, almost like looking over my cheeks and putting on a smile. Let that sit for a while and I'll be coming off as relaxed, smooth and inviting (and even feeling myself like being like that too). This is great to get into conversation, because people will drop their guard around you, however, it is also inviting all kind of external people in to comment on you with whatever agenda they are having. This kinda seems to match what I read above about.
2) My edge mask is when I tilt my head down a little, opening up my eyes, looking at people from underneath my eyebrow and again putting on a smile. Let that sit for a while and I'll be feeling and coming off as confident, focused and interesting. I get into conversation almost as easy as being relaxed, but with a different vibe. People don't want to comment on me anymore and I seem to have get a better grasp on how to handle the conversation and keep my goals more clear in front of me.
So I learned if you are able to force to act in certain ways while in social situations, you can put on your edge mask and you're no longer distracted in groups.
- Joined
- Nov 20, 2012
- Messages
- 6,551
BUMP!
- Joined
- Nov 20, 2012
- Messages
- 6,551
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Ego BOOST DAY
Time to bump.
Zac
Ego BOOST DAY
Time to bump.
Zac