Drinking on dates

[alexlaguma]

Interested on hearing thoughts from those who are alcohol free, and how they structure their dates to be successful without the use of alcohol.

Where I live drinking alcohol, particularly on dates, is very much part of the culture.

Through a mix of DG and online I've been going on a bunch of dates recently. 2-3 a week over the last couple month or so. And it has absolutely wiped me out, I feel completely drained. There is the mental strain of trying to keep so many plates spinning, but also the physical drain from the impact from alcohol.

I will say I'm not getting wiped out on these dates, I'm typically doing 2-3 glasses of wine. But it all adds up, and I'm feeling super tired, skipping on my gym work, slacking at work etc. And I have a few other priorities outside of women that I need to focus on in parallel. I don't really think I can keep this up with the volume of girls I'm trying to see.

So I guess my question is - has anyone managed to find a good formula for dating which doesn't involve alcohol? And if so, what is it?

I'm sure it is possible, but my reservations are -

1. Going for a drink on a date is so ingrained in the culture here, and some girls pretty much expect it
2. I'd say like 90%+ of the lays I've ever had have involved at least a little alcohol to get the mood going etc. I know this is a mental crutch, but even so, my brain kinda associates laying a glass of wine together with then pushing for the lay.

Thoughts from others?

 

[nikolas]

You can always try alcohol-free pubs or local breweries. But Instead of going for a drink you can always choose something for fun and sportaneous if she's not into alcohol.

Visit an art gallery, go to a concert, let her accompany you to your everyday chores with a cup of warm chocolate, let her be your personal stylist when you pick up new shirts etc...

The bottom line of drinking alcohol on dates is that it tremendously helps with escalation and sets a very specific frame, which of course you cannot get with other methods. Imagine trying to escalate by drinking coffee on a Saturday morning.

 

[Atlas IV]

I'm on the same page.

It's a bit of a slippery slope, because evening is the best time to meet a girl, and there's not much to do in the evening other than go to a bar, so it ends up being the default date activity. The last couple of months I was also dating a lot, therefore drinking a lot, and I definitely noticed it draining my productivity in other areas (not to mention the cost of it adds up).

One thing I started doing was mentioning to girls that I have a low tolerance to alcohol and I get drunk easily (a white lie), then I'll nurse the single drink for the time we're at that bar. I'll also order a glass of water so that I'm not just drinking straight. This definitely helps.

Still, we often end up drinking again when we get back to mine. It's just so easy to say "let's grab a bottle of (whatever) and listen to music at mine". I really want to cut this out, so I'm going to challenge myself to pull without mentioning alcohol - ice cream, kombucha, milk tea seem like good options.

 

[Skills]

Interested on hearing thoughts from those who are alcohol free, and how they structure their dates to be successful without the use of alcohol.

Where I live drinking alcohol, particularly on dates, is very much part of the culture.

Through a mix of DG and online I've been going on a bunch of dates recently. 2-3 a week over the last couple month or so. And it has absolutely wiped me out, I feel completely drained. There is the mental strain of trying to keep so many plates spinning, but also the physical drain from the impact from alcohol.

I will say I'm not getting wiped out on these dates, I'm typically doing 2-3 glasses of wine. But it all adds up, and I'm feeling super tired, skipping on my gym work, slacking at work etc. And I have a few other priorities outside of women that I need to focus on in parallel. I don't really think I can keep this up with the volume of girls I'm trying to see.

So I guess my question is - has anyone managed to find a good formula for dating which doesn't involve alcohol? And if so, what is it?

I'm sure it is possible, but my reservations are -

1. Going for a drink on a date is so ingrained in the culture here, and some girls pretty much expect it
2. I'd say like 90%+ of the lays I've ever had have involved at least a little alcohol to get the mood going etc. I know this is a mental crutch, but even so, my brain kinda associates laying a glass of wine together with then pushing for the lay.

Thoughts from others?

you can go on dates normally and just get a non alcoholic drink, i done it in hundreds of dates.....

 

[topcat]

you can go on dates normally and just get a non alcoholic drink, i done it in hundreds of dates.....

yeah this.

we live in the same city. i’ve pulled girls after going for green tea. they really don’t care. as long as you’re non chalant and confident with the ask it actually serves as a pattern interrupt and tips the dynamic in your favour.

 

[Chase]

@alexlaguma,

Do your dates have to be at bars?

Personally I'm a big fan of café dates (I don't drink coffee, so it's a hot chocolate for me), ice cream parlor dates, parks, etc.

Bar dates I usually try to avoid unless the girl is only available late at night. Or if I can tell she's really itching to "go out."

With a good sexy vibe, touch, and sexual topics, you do not need alcohol to assist...

Plus IMO lays are more fun when the girl is sober.

No excuses, no "alcohol made me do it", no sloppiness, plus a lot of girls have that cute little bit of self-consciousness there about their bodies as you undress them that disappears a lot when they've been drinking (disinhibited).

Chase

 

[Derek da man]

, let her accompany you to your everyday chores

Similar to this on several occasions I've asked a girl to go clothes shopping with me with the excuse I'm not so go at choosing styles that suit me. I offer to shout them s coffee/tea/etc I'm return for their advice.

Then as we shop I make sure to take them through ladies wear and lingerie departments. I can then link sexy lingerie/outfits/stockingsetc into things I like and by judging her responses find out what she likes. I also bring up the idea of her modeling outfits for me. In effect this is an escalation and on both occasions I've used it we've gone home and spent the rest of the day. with her having fun.

If the dare isn't working out you can cut to coffee and move on fairly quickly.

just another idea.

Can't say it will always work but it's been good so far.

 

[OldGuy]

By avoiding drinking, you avoid waking up next to a woman with a hangover!

 

[KJ Francis]

I've mostly done cafes weekdays around 6pm or weekend afternoons.

Haven't done a ton of late night dates, but I've ordered herbal tea in cocktail lounges when the girl is having a drink. I've said I don't drink or I'm driving and it's no issue. It also keeps her to one drink.

At dive bars I've gotten a small order of fries and a diet coke. Seemed to take the focus off she has a drink and I don't. The vibe is slightly more like sharing an appetizer while still being frugal.

Another one I've liked lately is going to a sushi restaurant for tea. It's usually more dim and intimate than a cafe, and works later at night when some cafes are closed. Once she got tea and I got a tiny miso soup for a few bucks, and she poured me a cup.

 

[alexlaguma]

Thank you gents ... some v good advice here

It's just so easy to say "let's grab a bottle of (whatever) and listen to music at mine".

Yeh bro like 90% of my lays have involved a variation of that sentence lol.

they really don’t care. as long as you’re non chalant and confident with the ask it actually serves as a pattern interrupt and tips the dynamic in your favour.

Yeh man, time for me to get over the mental crutch. I'm gunna try next week. Funnily enough last week I actually TRIED to meet a girl for a protein shake. When I got to the place, she was all like "ahh there's a really nice bar there actually, do you fancy getting a drink instead?" and I folded like a pack of cards lol. Should've stayed strong.

Plus IMO lays are more fun when the girl is sober.

No excuses, no "alcohol made me do it", no sloppiness, plus a lot of girls have that cute little bit of self-consciousness there about their bodies as you undress them that disappears a lot when they've been drinking (disinhibited).

Agree with all this. It's a lot better. I can imagine probably less regret on their side as well. I've had 2 girls over the last month disappear after a lay, and its not because I didn't perform. I imagine they just woke up with a hangover and thought "wtf did i do that for" ...