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Ergon's Journal 2017

Ergon

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Mar 9, 2016
Messages
201
The girl at the square:

I saw her from a ways off and sat nearby. I eyed her for a while. She wasn't hot, but a bit cute. We both sat for a long while (5 or 10 minutes), and out of boredom I decided to approach her. I simply went to sit next to her and complimented her bag: I liked its color, it stood out, etc. Then I talked about what she was doing, who she was waiting for, etc. Her body language immediately signaled she was interested. I was sitting normally my torso pointing to the front and only my head turned slightly towards her, while her whole torso was pointed towards me.

We talked about her hobbies, her career at college, etc. She asked about me and I eventually told her I came from abroad and I was looking for a job (not really true, but that's what she understood so I let it slip). Conversation was ok, she hooked quickly so it made it easier. My speech was a bit slurred though, but she didn't seem to mind.

Suddenly it started raining hard. We ran to a nearby mall (kind of, malls here are different) and we kept talking. I did some kino while examining her scarf -it was knitted and looked cool.

I realized later, while talking with my friend, we could probably have spent the whole evening together. She was going to wait for her friends an hour, but she seemed more eager to keep hanging out with me. I could've probably taken her to grab a coffee and then make her change her plans. Instead I ejected saying I had to meet a friend (this wasn't true, I had just run out of conversation).

What happened later is that I never managed to meet her again. My icebreaker was:

Me: Hey Moni! Hope you didn't get soaked like me today. This is my number ;) -Ergon
Her: Hey, what a shame you got soaked.
Her: I got home not too long ago.
Her: We stumbled upon some friends and the conversation got interesting.


I flirted a little and I asked her out. She agreed, but then cancelled because she had too much work that day. I think that the place I proposed to meet, near my home, which was very far for her, influenced her flaking that day. We arranged to meet another day, in a more central location, but for a legitimate reason she couldn't go (a highway collapsed).

Again we arranged to meet next week. A friend suggested that I greet her and wish her a good week in the meantime (he actually grabbed my phone sent a ping to her hahah). We ended up exchanging audio messages about how our week had been.

Later the day agreed, I asked her what time could work for her. She didn't answer. A week after she sent me an "Holaaa". I replied with: "?" " Hey". My friend told me the "?" was a bit rude. I think he was right. Since the beginning I came across as a bit unattainable and this last text was the straw that broke the camel's back. No more contact after that. Luckily after this approach I began staying put in each interaction.
 

Ergon

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Mar 9, 2016
Messages
201
Continuing the series of approaches during the trip:

The one that was on her way to work.

I opened her with "Are you single?" after tapping her upper arm. "Why?"
- I just saw you walking by and I thought you had the most amazing sense of style I've seen all day. Simple, yet very elegant. Almost like mine, but better executed. By the way my name is Ergon, yours?

We chat and vibe. She's a bit skeptical throughout the interaction but did ask questions and invested in the interaction. At one point "do you do this very often?", "I think it's nice to be spontaneous every once in a while". At another moment I took her wrist to observe her wristband. She didn't seem to want to end the interaction (Could've tried short 20 minutes insta date maybe?, I think insta dates are ideal with girls here). When I asked her number she took my cellphone and kept asking me question. I was supposed to meet with a friend to visit a nearby city so he was sending me messages. I read her one: "I give you two minutes to come". Hahah, bastard. She then gave me her number. She also said goodbye with a kiss on the cheek.

Via text we agree to meet a Monday morning. Not ideal, but she works in the afternoon/evening and it's the time she proposed.

The day of the date I sent her "Hey, heading out the door in a few minutes".

Me: Hey, heading out the door in a few minutes
Her: Don't tell me :(
Me: ?
Her: I just got up
Sorry!!!
Mmm can you 11:30? [two hours later]
Me: haha, I think so.
Her: Why?
Me: Yes, 11:30 it's fine
Her: Sorry
Me: No problem
See you there
Her: I'm really sorry
What if I see you another day? (pleading emoticon)
Me: You couldn't today anymore?
Her: It's not that I couldn't, but I slept too little and I feel a bit bad
Me: Mmm, I have some errand to run downtown.
We can move it to 1
So you have time to recover
Sounds good?
Her: Hahah, but I don't recover that fast
I have nausea
Another day better
Sorry
Me: Okey XD
In that case another day
Her: Yes please
Thanks and sorry haha

Two days later I sent her a message to ask her out again. Whatsapp shows only one tick. Meaning she probably blocked me. Re reading all the messages seems like I messed up from the "haha, I think so". But the following ones were also horrible. I started chasing. So no wonder she lost all interest :(
 

Ergon

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Mar 9, 2016
Messages
201
Gosh. I take too much to update this journal sometimes. Anyway, I want to just wrap up the discussion about this long-ish trip to my native city. Almost a month ago already. As I've said, many times I felt gloomy for not doing near as well as I thought I would. I realized after returning to the old setting that my social skills are not nearly as good, and I didn't accomplish my (perhaps too ambitious) goal of one lay during this trip.

But recalling most of my approaches while there I see that I learned a lot, I have improved , and I gained experience with a whole new set of situations and people. Overall, I approached nearly 20 to 25 women. Mostly day, though some at night too. Got 10 numbers; some of the most memorable being my temporal hairdresser, who had a boyfriend, was religious, and whose texting was fun yet very challenging; and a French girl with whom I went on a date but never got comfortable with me, and even less when I tried to pull her after just one drink.

I delved a little bit into social circle dynamics, I became aware of many of my weak points and assessed a few ideas to solve them.

Some of the key takeaways were:

There's a lot of room for improving my fundamentals. Gym is slow, but I've been hitting it 4 times per week and I see some gains. I'm considering a tattoo. Fashion will also need an upgrade hopefully within a month. Eye contact, posture, etc.. Are declining because I haven't been paying attention to those.

I'm growing too comfortable with my lifestyle. I'm already planning to take improv on monday, maybe I return to dance. Considering getting a job at a bar or a club. Need to approach groups. Otherwise my social skills beyond approaching girls will stay as poor as they are now, and they're important for my future personal life.

I've been steadily increasing my numbers; it feels like I take more action yet get worse results. In reality, I'm facing newer and more difficult interactions, raising the expectations and getting more straight and frequent feedback. I understand better why one needs to fail a lot. More effort, not proportional results at the beginning, but heightened intuition, habituation, power to adapt...


As always, I'll strive for more detail and frequency for posting . Gotta finish this month's snatch tournament strong, and then write down some reports... Till then!
Ergon
 

Ergon

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Mar 9, 2016
Messages
201
I read all of Alex's series on night game, where he elaborates on his whole non-verbal process, I went out to one of my favorite places for dancing and I did incredibly well. I made very little use of words, if at all, something I rarely had done, and I was satisfied with the "reaction" I got from girls (including much older ones since there's usually a lot at this place). There was one very good lead; I was dancing with this girl, I felt a bunch of sexual tension throughout, and she was alone, definitely dtf, but I screwed up when I should've invited her out of the bar with me, but I spaced out and let her go. Later, I saw her talking with different men and at the end she left with another one
It stung a little, but I still felt good about the night because held good fundamentals for the most part, I felt close to making a breakthrough.

Also at day game I feel like I'm close to that. I had my first insta-date with a girl two days ago. I knew her since before, from friends of a relative. I tried to improvise where to go and I had a bit of difficulty leading confidently at times, but we ended at a library. Here I was planning to escalate but I failed to build enough comfort, and probably sexualizing before, so she ended up leaving. Good reference point.

These past weeks I've been approaching more girls than in any other period of my life. So two months and a half of consistent approaching. I lost my mojo by wrecking my sleep schedule, and not wanting to do anything for like a week. Even getting a bit depressed at moments, creepy how important good sleep is.

Anyway, my routine is super now, but I decided to slack off a bit with day game and binge-focus on my fundamentals, just to regain some motivation. I began my own version of a 30 days challenge to make significant changes in my lifestyle and improve my fundamentals. I already mentioned what I was gonna work on last post and that's in what I've been. Began improv already, and so far so good. Next, I shall write about how well things are going and new people
 

Ergon

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Mar 9, 2016
Messages
201
Went out again a couple of nights last weekend. All things considered, I didn't do that bad even though I didn't pull any girl nor made out with one. The thing is, though, it's very ego depleting.

It's contradictory, I want to be good at night game, but I don't want to put the effort and I don't feel I'm cut for it. If I go out one night, the following two or three days I barely do anything productive. It's very taxing. So it's something I've considered before I jump into a nighttime job too. To be continued…

There was one very good approach each night. The first girls I could isolate outside the bar. We talked, but when I made incidental touch leg with leg she immediately moved it. At a certain point I ran out of conversation and I started talking about awkward stuff.

The next night I was dancing with this girl but: a) I immediately brought up the topic of where I'm from and being new, something I've already learned not to do before for good reasons and b) I asked for a lot of investment (going outside) instead of moving her to the side of the dance floor first and scale up the investment.

As for day game, I only had one very good approach last week.. The girl had a very edgy look and was cute. She was expecting a friend , we talked for one or two minutes before her friend arrived and said goodbye. She gave me some signals that she wanted me to ask for her number before leaving, asking me my name before she left and lingering before walking away, but lack of aggressiveness from my part.

I must confess many of the flaws in my game lately can be attributed to mental fog and low testosterone which itself comes from poor sleep and porn . These I'm always struggling with, but those have been out of control lately.

So things I'll be working on this week:

Better sleep and no porn
Finish buying a few more items for this fall season's outfits
I stopped doing the 30 day challenge at day 5, I'll reset and re-start it.
Regain that strong desire to meet and date new women
 

Ergon

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Mar 9, 2016
Messages
201
Goals

So at the beginning of the years I set some goals. I want to review them and adjust them to have more effective ones to pursue for the remainder of the year

Ergon said:
So my goals for 2017 are:
-My first date and lay out of street approach.
-My first lay out of nightgame
-5 lays total, and as many dates and LRs- as I can.
-10 pounds gain from the gym. Currently I weight 137 which is kind of low. I started with the gym last year and lost some weight first but then ended gaining 4 pounds total.
-Keep improving my fundamentals. I've worked around Darius advice (in here and his blog SSFJ) which has made me receive compliments on my style and even be approached by a few cute girls. This year I'll keep working on it
-I want to build a group of friend/social circle with whom I can roll everywhere. Currently the friends I make are more like acquaintances (or live in another country)
-Keep exploring social power. Last year I played around a little with preselection, social proof, compliance and persuasion, with all kinds of people. This year I want to expand on that.

-My first date and lay out of street approach? Check
-My first lay out of night game? Check. And I've decided night game is not a priority for me for the time being.
-5 lays total, and as many dates and LRs- as I can? I have 4 so far. One more LR is still very doable before the end of the year.
-10 pounds gained in muscle: Done. For the past 4 months I've been more or less consistent with the gym. Last week I checked in 147.
-Keep improving my fundamentals. This is continuous, but I've gotten better. Last month I focused on fundamentals, ordered new clothes, planned a new haircut. We'll see the results this coming weeks
-Build a social circle and keep exploring social power. This is going more or less well too. I've gotten involved in a lot more activities this season and I've made a few new friends, but I've decided my main priorities are women, school and building a productive lifestyle, so building a social circle for the sake of it will have to wait.

Reading other journals, this video, and reflecting about the times in which I had clear goals (like when I was in the snatch tournament and I promised myself to beat my last score each week) has convinced me that goals are powerful. And not just any goals, but specific, measurable, actionable, responsible, time bounded goals (SMART goals).

Thus my goals for before the end of the year are :

-One LR before the end of the year. From day game or the social activities I'm involved with
-Gain 4 pounds more from the gym. Increase 5 to 10 pounds of weight to the exercises in my routines.
-Make my "good days" consistent. By "good days" I mean days in which I accomplish at least 85% of what I set out to do for that day. Before I've been able to have one or two straight weeks of productive days, but I'm aiming for an entire 30 days of this.
-Continue the good work with my style, fundamentals and being involved in social activities.

Also my long term goals have gotten clearer.

-In the area of seduction, my main goal is to be able to have three girls in rotation, eventually.
20+ lay reports and a threesome would be nice perks too, but those are extra.

-As for lifestyle, first I need to obtain my degree and then a) find a job that pushes me to become better socially or money-wise b) that leaves me enough time to learn things on my own and c) gives me enough to have my own place. Being able to travel is also highly desirable.
 

Ergon

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
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Messages
201
Seems like I went missing, but I've been around. Only now I write more on a notebook that I have because I tend to make nonlinear notes and have better ideas that way… Yet for today I wanna update

Lately I 've been working on my lifestyle and time management to be able to fit game. It's been one of my struggles since the beginning. Maybe I try to do too many things in a day, maybe I have no discipline nor focus. Maybe I'm truly addicted to the internet and porn. Maybe the lack of stable routine and sleep messes up my energy levels and productivity?

I don't know. I seem to find people that barely sleep, manage more activities during the day, have more chaotic routines, and that are internet addicts, still able to cope with their day, and what's more, have successful social lives… Me on the other hand, I'm just required to put the minimal effort in my activities and sometimes I still fail to accomplish what I need for the day.
Having less than 9 hours of sleep make me tired the whole day, barely able to talk, also sad.

Anyway whatever it may be I'm working on it. And if it turns out my mind and body require an strict lifestyle to function , so be it…

Today I went out. Talked to 3 different girls. The first didn't even look at me, but I still delivered my compliment and told me she was married. I'm glad I didn't wandered around to long before doing my first approach… Making that first approach it's always the most difficult part, but it getting easier and faster now.

The second girl was really pretty but I suspect underage. She went to high school. My conversation was meh. Is one of those days my vibe, energy and conversation are not good, but I've learned before I just need to talk and push harder till eventually I warm up. I didn't really got to that point today, but still made one more approach. Not that good but lengthy…


If I keep going out daily for one or two hours to day game the whole week (as I plan to do), I'll build macro momentum and find it easier to chat with people. My vibe will get better if I hit the gym, do well at work and stick to no fap (as I plan to do too). My other only issue is I smile too much and talk too high pitched… For that I guess I have to be aware and remind myself everyday I need to control it…
 

Ergon

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Messages
201
Indeed I've been going out. Not necessarily to approach girls because some days I've been going out really late, but to accomplish my previously drawn goal of just going out (like every off day). Even if only to a 24 hour café or a library to get work done, I get there by transit and I have the chance to observe plenty of people and study them…

Last week I witnessed a few cases of guys trying to "seduce" women. The first guy I saw, late at night, I saw stepping down the bus with a good looking girl (borderline cute, but still cute), and when they were close enough I heard him asking her number but she was saying she didn't have a phone, she wanted to give him her instagram… And I just could tell she was blowing him off. He seemed like a nice guy but he had such a hesitating voice and not very good posture so I could kind of imagine she was not attracted to him..

I actually saw myself in him haha. Yeah that guys is probably me many times, but I can recognize the points of failure more easily (thanks chase!)

Another "failed" attempt was this guy in the bus (drunk most definitely) who was being creepy (meaning very socially uncallibrated) because at first he sat beside this girl at the back of the bus (where I was too) and began confidently, with a compliment. Soon, however, he complimented her again, asked twice where she lived (got hung up on topics), asked her if she had a boyfriend, things of that sort. Doing exactly what you don't want to do in an approach..

Another case was a guy who seemed to have a lot of edge approaching an edgy looking girl. Couldn't hear or see much this time, but just his fashion and body language gave a good idea of what having edge is.

Even without the expectation to meet girls, I end up chatting with one or two mostly indirect approaches. Trying indirect reignited some of my motivation; I was doing only direct lately and that probably consumed too much of my ego? Sorry for the whining last post, finding more and more ways to socialize and be exposed to women has lessened somewhat my worries about my capacity to follow this journey..

Cheers
 

Ergon

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Messages
201
I went out to day game very early today. Trying to vary the hours at which I game to see which times are ideal. I also hoped to find more girls out, unfortunately the weather was really bad so the streets were mostly empty.

I visited the bookstore then and approached two different girls. They both were high school students. The first one I still chatted with and left when she started to get distracted. The second one I'm not sure she went to high school because she simply stopped talking after I complimented her style. I think I botched it by having to repeat the compliment.

The third girl I met at a train stop and I had the same problem by having to repeat the compliment. I think I need to review my openers a little and speak louder. We still talked, then and old man made me break circle for a little. I don't know if that's a big deal even when I can go back to the girl after a minute? Anyway, we continued talking even on the train, but she didn't actively tried to contribute to the conversation, and then I was planning to ask her for coffee after getting off the train, but she stayed until for the next stop.

Oh well, I still scouted the area some more but didn't really find any girl to approach. Except for one but I chickened out because she looked older than me (maybe 30 -ish) and dressed really well.

I remember there used to be a time I actually went for girls older than me and not so many young one… but now I'm the other way around. It's not that I go for hot young ones now, it's more that I'm auto rejecting the older ones because the image of myself went down after I failed a few classes and postponed my graduation. I definitely still should go for them since that will actually improve my self-image… and that should help focus a lot more on my career too. :)

Tomorrow my goal is 4 approaches or more. At least one more than today
 

Ergon

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Messages
201
Thursday.

Holidays. Had some feedback about my social skills. I spent time with extended family, including girls that are not related. Some liked me or at least were really curious about me, but I either acted super awkward or rude (this before I knew of GC) and then saw how I really am when too comfortable.

I smile too much, laugh too much, act like a little kid, and say silly things when I'm with people I'm too familiar and also a bit bored or drunk… I keep a totally different person when gaming or in unknown setting.

This is a problem because in most circles I'd be at the bottom or get drained to try to maintain my cool persona. Also when I start getting into relationships I'll lose it all as soon as I get familiar with a girl. In fact the last girl I had sex with, probably disappeared because of that. No dominance 24/7…

Ok, but I've talked about how I'm working on reprogramming those behaviors. Again: Being consisting with day game, succeeding in all the important areas, journaling the situation and then the "should've been" response or reaction, etc…

At the moment I wrote this I was feeling low, but thinking about these feelings served as fuel.

Lessons:
Getting good at game helps getting socially savvy. Improving one helps the other. Getting good at both aspects builds total congruence.

Being a stickler for rules is dorky and not bad boy at all. Especially for something inconsequential like playing a game with others.

If a reunion gets too boring find ways to entertain yourself (cellphone, item), leave early. Get just one drink. Practice acting like the most powerful man in the room, until you can't. Then leave.

Friday.

I finally realize that the best option is to approach a ton (from 6 and upwards) to get real results. I've been only speaking with 1 - 3 girls a day and that's just not enough if you want to learn or get results. 

*And it does something with my vibe. 
*I stop obsessing over any particular girl.
*I have more sexual energy, making me seem pre-selected. 
*It seems like my testosterone levels go up. 
*I make girls smile - even when it doesn't lead somewhere. 

Amongst a ton of other benefits. Guys, if you're not approaching every day, you're really missing out. Its never easy, but we learn a lot faster than those who just rely on social circle/online. 

Real talk from Kristian. Some days I had been content with making only one approach, but , what I need is a ton of interactions to troubleshoot and learn from. Only one was good when I had crippling AA, not anymore.

Some event in downtown draw a ton of people downtown.

1. After wandering around the mall, I saw this girl. I had to climb down the electric stairs and go around her. She was skeptical of my "Sense of style" opener. Then her sister and mother came. Too much pressure so I ejected. Need to watch some examples of two girls approaches.
2. Complimented a dude's shoes. Exchanged some words with a young guy. A couple asked me to take their picture and the girl stared at me with a lot of intrigue.
3. Asked a question to a girl. Didn't seem receptive so I didn't force a conversation.
4. Talked with this women waiting for the train. She was too old for me. I opened indirect. Couldn't keep the conversation flowing.
5. At an avenue I opened a girl complimenting her glasses and how she looked really cute. She seemed delighted but her bus arrived at that very moment.
6. Joked a little with a girl who had missed just that same bus. We talked as if we knew each other.
7. I immediately opened a girl with gorgeous red head. She liked the opener but I made the mistake of walking with her to where she seemed to be going, and told me she was rushing to work. She probably also though I hit on the last girl haha.
8. At the train station. Closer up she was too overweight and not as pretty. We had a lengthy conversation, very platonic though.
9. Back home on the bus I complimented a woman's nails. Teased her a little too. She was friendly but not cute enough.

Overall there were plenty of opportunities to be a better conversationalist. My openers got much better after #4.
 
a good date brings a smile to your lips... and hers

Ergon

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Mar 9, 2016
Messages
201
Saturday

1.
Approached at the mall. I saw her sitting. She smiled at the compliment but was with her boyfriend. The boyfriend came out to hug her. I awkwardly stood up and said goodbye.
This reminds me to figure ways to exit gracefully after a brush off. I've seen a few videos from James (The Natural lifestyle) and I think he has a few infield examples. Gonna review them.

2.
Later there wasn't much going on at the streets. Went to my favorite bar. Ordering my beer a lady looked at me and stood really close to me. I didn't open. She got her drink and I got mine minutes after. I saw her sitting by herself at the patio and asked her to sit with her. She said she was actually waiting for someone. I told her I could make her some company and also warm up myself since she was under a heater on the ceiling. I sat right next to her.

I made a cold read that was just right on point for her (I guessed her profession). We talked about it, and we both liked the topic… It was landscaping, she asked me what was my favorite park in the city and I told her. She told me hers. I thought about telling her that she take me there because I hadn't seen it, but I felt I didn't have comfort and I didn't act super sexy since the very beginning (I let go an opportunity to open when she was at the bar). So I thought it wouldn't been a bit incongruent.
Then there's also a mindset I have, when if a significantly older women than me acts nice and really friendly toward me, I feel she's only being friendly and not actually interested.

Well, her friend arrived and sat opposite to her. She introduced us. And had a
conversation the tree of us. He was a nice guy, and definitely only a friend. I didn't see the point in asking her number, and I wouldn't isolated her from her longtime friend. So I excused myself. She said, however you like, you can stay here or whatever. I said, I think I'll move to the bonfire.

3.
I got to the bonfire and I smoothly grabbed a seat next to two girls. It was really smooth because first I asked an older couple if I could sit at a bench where they had their drink. The girls where next to that bench, and the their dog got to me and I petted him. I think they said hi, and I inquired about why the dog didn't have a sweater. The replied something. I remarked that he actually had think fur.

The dog was Australian. I wondered why an Australian dog needed such thick fur. I asked where she was from. If she liked it there (Colorado), she said not. At this point I was talking to the girls closest to me, who had sort of an All-American look. Not bad but I liked her friend better, but was a bit farther. At some point the conversation died out.

Moments later I asked another question. Bantered about what she was drinking. It was wine so I teased her with how bohemian that was. Asked whether she was a painter or artsy, no but the cute girl was. At this point the cute girl was really intrigued by me. Cute girl asked me where I was from and Ignored the first time. The second I made her guess.

I think they were about to leave after finishing their drinks, and cute one asked me something. I couldn't hear after three times. I stood up and leaned toward her. I then grasped she was saying "What do you need?" Caught me off guard for a moment, but I said back "Just warmth and a drink". "Me too". "You need warmth?", I quipped. "Yes" She answered giving me bedroom eyes. Damn, I didn't say anything else because she was still sitting far, almost across the bonfire.

Then both girls left, they said goodbye, and the really cute girl said goodbye to me lingering, almost wanting to hug me, giving me that lusty look.

Edit: At one point one of them asked me what area I lived. And they implied they live nearby. Don't know what to make of it right now haha.

Lessons here:

When she commented something and I couldn't hear her I should have commanded her to sit next to me (there was space for her). Then made the same "warmth" comment, continue with something like "Did you know the human body is a machine for generating heat. A thermic generator?". You know just to up the heat (no pun intended).

Then, ask "Are you girls up to something right now?". Tell her "You know, why don't you join me for one more drink?. Or something else… ANY IDEAS HERE ARE GREATLY APPRECIATED. I'M LOST WHEN IT COMES TO ISOLATING AND PULLING.


4.
Another girl totally dismissed my direct opener. When we both got off the bus. I don't know if I forced it too much or I slurred my speech like I do when I'm drunk. (Even though I had just one whole beer!) Or maybe because it was night and she thought I was a regular weirdo haha. No biggy.
 

Ergon

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Messages
201
Monday.

I had two interesting approaches.

1. The first one was kind of bold (compared to my usual approaches). It was in the morning, at the library. She was sitting a few tables away giving me her back.

-Hey, you looked a little like one of my classmates…
[She smiles]
-Have we met before?
-I don’t think so…
-You mind if a take a seat
-Ah, I'm working on something right know
[I took seat anyway and asked what she was working on]


I ended asking for her number, She said she was going abroad after the end of the term (classes for the season). And something else about having to visit parents before, yada yada. I said she could give it to me and maybe we could arrange some time before finals… She gave it to me. Didn't respond the icebreaker later.

A lot of mistakes here.. I think asking to take seat next to hear was too abrupt. Also she was definitely busy, so I should've stay standing to not make it seem I was going to take much time. Could've teased her for letting things at the last minute (she was working on a paper she had to turn in in an hour, for a feminism class lol). I also could've said "You definitely have to finish that paper if it's due in an hour. But…hey. At what time does your class finish? We should grab a bite for lunch, you seem like cool people".

It was early morning. I was quite tired and nervous (she was among the prettiest girls I've talked to lately). It's ok if I botched the approach.

2. Met her waiting for the train. Complimented her style. We talked a lot. Almost before getting off the train I told her she should grab a drink sometime. It was pretty awkward. I'm totally out of practice asking for numbers. She gave me a reason not to, then told me she had a boyfriend. The boyfriend sounded fake. Should've challenged that as I used to do: "What's his last name?".

---------------
The next two days I don't remember well what I did. I complimented girls and chatted with a few but none real prospects for me (too old or too young). I just remember there were many occasions I could've talked to very pretty girls and I didn't

-Like the one at subway. Smiled at me when she entered the store. She inserted herself in the conversation I was having with the attendant about her coworker locking her in the freezer.
-The one on the street who smiled at me and then looked down.
-The really cute girl at the bookstore that was with her friend.

Last two days I was busy completing paperwork and other formalities for my car. Finally I have my own car and I can drive it. Yei! This should be a big logistics improvement.
 

Ergon

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Saturday
I decided to go clubbing last night. It was such an interesting night. I hadn't been in a club in a long time, and I don't remember having much fun at them… Last night was different. I really tried to have plenty of fun, do crazy and spontaneous stuff. I danced on top of a little stage, I danced like crazy, I played some bongos that were on the dj booth. I was very social, talked to man and women alike, and I didn't have to drink save one beer all night.

Overall I had a good experience, although, I with many many things to improve of course.

I need to find a way to be dominant on the dance floor. Initiate dancing with a girl and insert myself into groups. At some point in the past I've tried to grab girls hands and spin them, showed them my hand so they grab it or just ask them "Do you dance?", with poor results.
Last night I didn't do that much, but focused more on enjoying the music dancing with myself, and being playful with one or two girls there. I noticed some groups of girls opened circle or started grinding very close to me, but I didn't know how to capitalize those signals. I made a few weak attempts. I need to see people or watch some examples of good dance floor game.

I went overboard with my dancing a little bit on one or two occasions. I tried to do some latin dancing when the girls really wanted to do regular club dancing. Not a big issue, but a reminder to calibrate. The salsa steps could be great to initiate and spice up the dancing, but after a few change gears.

Things I did right:
Introduced people I met with each other.
Winks, sticking out tongue, tease girls that were with their cellphones.
Not drink yet still be energetic, keep the fun constantly doing things.

There was one girl who was very receptive to my opener. She told me she was going to a hot tub or something like that with her female friend in a couple of hours. I immediately jump at it and kind of invited myself. Too soon. I should've just talk about it, build rapport, move the girl and maybe than have a shot at that.

Another girl not dancing, I playfully made her dance. Then she didn't like my dancing after a while and I walked somewhere else. Later I found her sitting near the same area. Sat nearby drinking my water. I start chatting, she doesn't warm up immediately but I keep making a few comments. She tells me she had a girlfriend, we talked a little about that. I flirted with her a lot. I touched her and she was pretty okay with that… though she didn't reciprocate… or wait. I actually remember she reciprocated when I touched her hands and asked her why she had no accessories.

Something to think about with this girl. She didn't seem to react to my verbal flirting and sexual framing, and she would be quite snarky at times, but she did react to touch. And she would keep her face very close to mine when talking and rest her head on my shoulder a little. Should I have just acted on those non-verbal and ignore what she said? Probably yes. Ignore that she had a girlfriend? Said girlfriend didn't show up in all that time and the girl never said "she's there" nor anything. Humm…

After a while, a guy, I think, tried to cockblock. I handled it by ignoring, but I also let the conversation died a little. Minutes later the girl went to dance, told me something I couldn't hear. I left. Another issue here: I didn't move her. I really should've tried. "Let's go get water"


A third different girl I actually flirted with the whole night. Then I saw her leaving while I was talking with a friend I made there. I made her come where I was, asked about what other cool gig where she was going. Got her number. She hasn't reply today, but I don't really mind. I'm thinking maybe I could've made her wait for me, grab my coat and take her somewhere else for the night? I was a bit apprehensive, though, cause I drove to the place and I still drive pretty crappy.
 

Smurf

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714
Following for the seduction gainz!

Jake.
 

Ergon

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201
Jake D. said:
Following for the seduction gainz!

Jake.

Haha. Thanks for the follow brother!

Sunday
Lazy day, but I still needed to get some work done, so I went out after twilight to my favorite coffee shop.

I wasn't expecting to meet any girl. Usually past sunset, on winter, the city is empty, and even more on a Sunday, but I saw a girl dressing a bit extravagantly waiting for the bus and I had to compliment its uniqueness. She wasn't interested. Not dismissive but not intrigued in the slightest, and I didn't think she was cute up close haha.

At the coffee shop I sat near a girl I thought looked cute. I did my thing for a while, she seemed comfortable with my presence (she didn't try to draw her things or orient her screen away from me). After half an hour, while taking a break I just asked her what she was working on, and she talked (a lot). She was pretty animated but not nervous?. It was difficult to read her. Don’t know if she really liked me or was a super friendly girl or what. I suggested we grab drinks sometime after finals. Not very smooth but she said yeah.

I think I cut her kind of abruptly at the end, but I was running out of energy to talk and she talked a lot haha. I thought maybe I could've invited her to grab a bite then, but she (and I) were there studying for finals, so maybe no? I sent her an icebreaker and she responded. So we'll see what happens.

On my way back home I complimented a girl who had a great body and cute glasses at the bus stop. She got so nervous excited while talking to me, she hooked hard even though my mental power at that moment was zero. After about five minutes, she gave me a look which I righly guessed meant that her bus was coming. I quickly told her we should grab drinks and gave me her number. I had to ask her name also cause silly me forgot to ask her at the beginning.

I texted her "Hey ___ (Did I spell it right?), cool chatting with you today -Ergon". She didn't reply. Why? Because of the name issue. Maybe she also liked me so much I spiked her emotions and I should have taken her for drinks immediately. There were a few hints during the interaction I should've done that… Sad.

Tuesday
I made friends with an ex classmate guy. We'll get a drink next week.

I talked and got the number (again) of a girl I met some time before at one group dance performance. I don’t know why. I used to like her, but after interacting several times with her I disliked her personality. And after my friend commented "she's ugly" I disliked her looks too haha. Also I know she doesn't like me neither. But she's flirty and I have frigging approach addiction now so I need to approach whatever crosses my way now. lol.

The girl I met at the club, and gave me her number, responded a day after. I botched it today by sending a super incongruent message. I was super aloof and indirect all along until today when I shot her a long text like "Hey, hope your week went well, yadda yadda…
I stumbled upon this café, bla bla, I wanna take you there… this and this day work for me. Bla bla." Basically super long and out of nowhere. Oh well. It dawned upon me almost immediately.

Things to work on:
-Rest well, work on having a clear mind and go for those insta-dates/insta-lays. There's been a lot of signals lately that tell me you should be going for that already.
-If texting can't be avoided I shall make it fluid and congruent.
-still keeping awareness of excessive smiling and laughing.
 

Ergon

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Friday.
Date and failed escalation.

I talked too soon haha. The girl from the club (Saturday) did answer (the next day) and could meet today. Unfortunately the girl from the coffee shop could only meet today also. I prioritized the girl from the coffee shop cause she was more cute.

Thus I had a date with CoffeShopGirl. In term of the date, the only outstanding thing I had to deal with were logistics. We were supposed to meet at an avenue 20 min from my place but she texted me saying she had to stay in a lab for I don't know what, and whether we couldn't meet at [university we both go to] (which was one hour away from home). I didn't like that but decided to go with it. I met her there and probed logistics and everything. I ended taking her by train to where she parked her car (and it was like 15 minutes away) and then in her car we drove to the avenue where I live (and where there are a few bars). Unfortunately there was a lot of traffic and took us almost 40 min to get to the bars. She probably regretted a little having to follow my lead, but I think I did a good job entertaining her and not making her completely give up

We got to the bars near my place. Only beers. She didn't drink beer and preferred cider or a kind of alcohol I had at home, so after finishing my beer and she her cider I walked her to my home to drink that kind of alcohol. She hesitated but did come to my pad. She ended leaving about 30 minutes later, kind of abruptly, after trying to escalate in several ways. After reading Seppuku's escalation article, and a bit of thinking myself, I realized there were a few problems:

1. The long journey to get to my place lowered the mood and the sexual tension a lot, thus I should've built it more and more gradually once we were at my place
2. I tried to go for the kiss first (yes I did a lot of touching during the date, , which comes natural now, but only enough to keep it not platonic). It had been ok for me to kiss girls almost immediately beofre, but those were cases where the girl was experienced, and I had made it obvious what was gonna happen, by luckyly portraying myself as very sexual. Yet in cases where I had met the girl very normally and took her home not telling her explicitly where we were going, my escalation routine hadn't been working. Enter Seppuku's touch routine and physical escalation. He actually recommends a more gradual and incidental escalation with make outs at the later stages. Time to try that and vary my methods.

ps: I thought maybe is worth mentioning that to prepare for dates I usually write a "profile" of the girl (using any flexible note taking software) which consist of me brainstorming topics, jokes and banter I may use with the girl in particular, as well as some probable objections or reminders for issues I feel I might run into. Kind of a strange thing to do, but effective methinks since I don't run out of conversation nor do I forget to sprinkle some chase frames anymore.
 

Ergon

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Wednesday
I went out with this girl I met at the club. She wasn't nearly as cute as I remembered. We went to grab tea and then to a bar where I got a beer and she got something to eat. There , we had fun talking and playing a game with cards that had weird situations and several possible reactions you would have. E.g.. If you had a superpower it would be.. a) grow a tentacle b) switch genitals, etc. The name of the game is f* that. I think I'm gonna take next dates there and play it every now and then because you can turn it sexual pretty easily haha.

Anyway, this girl was like a social worker, so she said a lot odd stuff and talked about feminism, her being lesbian and stuff like that. After the tea, I took her somewhere first but it didn’t have food. I would've suggested we go my place and I could give her some pizza, but her being odd make me doubt myself. so I took her to the other place with food and the cards game. I thought maybe she would've accepted, even though only half hour had passed? I don’t know, it was a hard call.

After the two venues I asked her to take me home. She just drop me off but didn’t want to get off and join me because she was going to watch the meteor shower with her roommate. I only insisted once and then let her go.

She was an artist too, which I really liked, but I think the fact I wasn't really attracted to her, plus her personality and opinions, hindered that strong attraction vibe. I did sexualize a little, touch her a bit, and kept some intrigue, but I didn’t try as hard nor persisted much.
------------------

Later I went to a bar near my place. It was full of college people celebrating finals. I talked to a lot of girls. I was actually approached by one who was really cute while waiting in line. I think the key was that I was talking to lots of people there before, including another cute girl. My only mistake with girl that approached me was that I didn't get touchy and familiar with her immediately and did some very boring conversation. Some guy then stole her.

What I noticed the whole night was that college dudes cockblock very actively, and act very desperately save for those few really cool guys who you see with girls all around them and who don’t mind at all your presence, as long as the girls also dig you…. Definitely different from how people behave in regular bars haha.

At one point I started talking to a girl and we had a nice vibe going because we both weren't from the same college all those people came from. Then some guys I asked to play pool with called me and I had to leave. I had to go cause otherwise I would've seemed too invested…
After that another dude just kept talking to her and she didn't free up again. Even though at several points she flirted with me and helped me grab water all in front of this other guy..

Lessons
I guess my problem here was not being aggressive with girl who were interested. More touchy, hug them, act really flirty and more high energy
E.g. With girl who approached I could've hug her and say "Hi there. I really dig your [Christmas] sweater", ask her name. Touch her sweater and read what it said. Ask her name. Creating a bubble immediately would've made it hard for the jealous friend to cock block.

With the other girl I should've start the conversation sooner and keep talking in between turn at with pool.
-------------------

Since last Friday had been having problems to get out of bed. Nothing in particular, but rather the sum of stress from finals, too much coffee, no money, thinking about failed pickups etc.,…
Very temporal issues. Resting a lot, a good workout and a very lazy day had me feeling much better today.

Only approached one girl at the book store. Hopefully I can get 5 or more daily approaches now that I'm on break. I think I should explore new places too cause my usual area has been drying up…
 

Ergon

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Went out to try to daygame. I spent a good amount exploring and looking for approachable girls.
A few I didn't intend them to go anywhere, just being social.

Like the one who was checking out gifts at the bookstore but wasn't cute enough.
The girl who served me hot chocolate and looked exotic but was from my own country.

But the only serious approaches I had was one with the girl at the mall who I approached very direct. She got nervous. She gave me signals of interest like continuing the conversation and making it clear she was going to meet with a girlfriend for brunch. Then it was odd she wanted me to give her my number. I just handed her my phone and she put it and show me that she sent herself a message to have my number. Four hours later she didn’t reply to my message.

Another girl a different day kind of engaged me because there was a funny situation on the street. I made a few jokes. When I deep dove she didn't seem very interested though. I let her go because something happened again that distracted us. Then train arrived and I didn’t re engage before boarding because couldn't think of anything (at that moment).

I spent a good amount of time out (more than 4 hours each day this week) and I'd literally had only one viable approach each. The weather is really bad now, I don't have nice clothes that are warm enough. There's very few people on the streets. I might be missing two or three possible street stops and difficult looking approaches, but still...

I foresee a big change in my lifestyle.

Edit: In the meantime, need to work on some street stops, pairs of girls, mall game, girls browsing girl retail, go out with a new friend I made.
 

Ergon

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Yesterday I ran around the city and made a few approaches. Unlike today, yesterday my mind felt so foggy..

So the first girl I asked, what are you up to? I interrupted her when she was responding, and then I asked the question again. She excused herself very graciously. I kind of laugh but also feel embarrassed cause it was that bad.

I complimented a super cute girl at the bookstore on her shoes, but I didn't follow it with something. I tried to open another but she ignored me and I gently sneaked away.

I chatted with some guys that came just out of rehab, they were odd, but it was amusing. I learned now that not letting go any opportunity to be social is really good, for keeping momentum (a good mood, and creative conversation).

I talked to a girl that looked stunning, but closer up had a just ok smile and acted so, so odd. I would talk to her and she would drop her head and talk so softly to herself. Normally that'd be good, because it's a sign of nervousness, yet the way she did it was extreme. I don't think she was faking it, the thinks she talked about were kind of random too…

At the end I opened a girl at another bookstore inside a mall. She seemed receptive, but I spoke so plain, and felt so drowsy that it show off. She declined giving going for drinks cause she was leaving the city and just spending time with her family, but still game me her number. She asked me to send her a text so she had mine.

When I get that even though there was no spark I wonder whether it means the girl does cause I seem fragile? Haha
I'm also wondering whether I let too many possible approaches go? Like the hard ones and other I just hesitate? How can I accurately asses that?

Anyway, going out today again, for a bit less time. My goal is another 3 girls.


Fundamentals to focus on: Smiling and laughing little. Do it strategically. And good eye contact. Look at them, not all over the place.
 

Ergon

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201
Last post of the year and of this journal. New year eve is a time to review, time to reflect and a time to set new goals.

Of all the goals I set out to do:

Ergon said:
my goals for 2017 are:
-My first date and lay out of street approach.
-My first lay out of nightgame
-5 lays total, and as many dates and LRs- as I can.
-10 pounds gain from the gym. Currently I weight 137 which is kind of low. I started with the gym last year and lost some weight first but then ended gaining 4 pounds total.
-Keep improving my fundamentals. I've worked around Darius advice (in here and his blog SSFJ) which has made me receive compliments on my style and even be approached by a few cute girls. This year I'll keep working on it
-I want to build a group of friend/social circle with whom I can roll everywhere. Currently the friends I make are more like acquaintances (or live in another country)
-Keep exploring social power. Last year I played around a little with preselection, social proof, compliance and persuasion, with all kinds of people. This year I want to expand on that.

I guess I accomplished almost all of them except 5 lays. They were 4 though, so I guess I didn't do too bad. I've been having a long dry spell since September, but that's ok because I still have had several dates and have approached girls more easily than ever before since then (and in new situations)

Just taking a moment to look back I can see the incredible improvement I've had:
At the beginning of last year I couldn't talk to anybody without feeling incredibly anxious. I was incredibly shy and insecure. Today I went out and even though I felt tired, worn out and irritable I still had a girl talk to me and flirt a lot plus another whom I opened pretty casually (I just commented about how good her lunch smelled).

All of my recent approaches indicated that I've pushed past approach anxiety and getting into the realms of being able to open, hook and attract women without being in state.

Top accomplishments of 2017:
-First day game lay
-First same night lay
-Twice the dates and girls home than last year
-Met and bedded a girlfriend quality girl (with whom afterwards I screwed things with but I still learned so much)
-Conquered new experiences: Tried Improv, got my first dates in my native city and got my first job
-Learned to approach even when not feeling it and totally not in state; hooked girl like this and had two lays like this.
-Longest no fap streak (17 days)


Top learning:
-Once you start not depending on being "on state" you're reaching another level. Girls will notice and abundance will feel real.
-same day/night lays doesn't require a super advanced level (maybe a bit of luck)
-Fight for consistency. Even if for a short time and just one approach, try to keep AA at bay. Once you take a break for more than 2 weeks you have to start from scratch (you'll progress super-fast though, but I'll still be uncomfortable).
-You'll feel the need to improve in new areas, and you'll feel the need to return to thing you feel you had handled. That's just part of growing. Embrace it.

Top lessons:
- Knowing how to pull and handle logistics are super important
- Going for insta-dates and same day lays is effective (will explore this more in 2018)
- Eventually you'll be pushed to work on your value, goals and social life.
- Social proof and pre-selection are both powerful.
- You don't need state. You need permanent sexual state


My goals this year:

1. Get a FB. (Have sex with the same girl a third time)
2. 8 lays (twice the number of 2017)
3. 3+ insta dates.
4. 2 more same day/night lays
5. Beat porn/masturbation addiction (30 days streak)


Other goals not quantified yet:
Kick ass at job and social life
Build incredible pecs and abs
Hit a milestone in one of my careers (computers, math or music production)
Make game and seduction an even more integrated part of my lifestyle

Just to finish:

I ended the year like I wanted:
Approached two very hot women at the bookstore. They weren't available or interested at all. Then approached a foreign girl and tried insta-date. She declined and I persisted. Got her number only and she responded to icebreaker (still to see if she respond to second message inviting her to grab that drink soon). Then approached a super-hot girl who was rude at first (cause all my fundamentals were pretty tbh) but then acted a bit warm at the end. No number but still instructive.

Peace!
 
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