Eye Contact Way Into a Relationship

[Yhaceed]

Here's my deal: I've never made much eye contact my whole life and only one time was I advised to do so by my grandfather many years ago although I didn't really understand that I wouldn't have to worry about being intimidated at that time or being creepy. I didn't understand I could get comfortable with the tension and actually enjoy it and I think its really hindered my relationships. It's as if people don't even realize that I was never being disrespectful or not listening or shy or insecure or whatever negative connotation they attached to it. It's just been a habit. So finally I just did it after reading the article by Chase about eye contact flirting as well some other articles on the web and it's incredible that I'm already seeing good results. Also I don't mind looking friends, family, strangers, etc. in the eye. I think even so far most have been comfortable with my eye contact but I have a friend who I may be beginning a long distance relationship with and I don't know if I want to have heavy eye contact with her. Not that I'm scared but I don't know how she'll react as i haven't done this in the few short years I've known her. I've held eye contact on different occasions I'm sure but only a couple times was it kind of tense but I didn't maintain it because I didn't want to come across as creepy. So my question is should I go full steam ahead with it or build up? Interestingly no one has said anything but it's possible she will and she will know that that aspect of our relationship will go into overdrive (of course not creepy I hope) if she's comfortable with it. My other fundamentals have fared me well but this could take things to whole nother level. So are my chances pretty good that she'll receive positively or will it scare her off not because it's creepy but because it'll be a change from everything I've done in the past?

Thanks for any advice


Peace

 

[Inbocca]

As someone who's struggled making eye contact for longer than 3 seconds with just about anyone for most of my life, I've seen that when you do make intent eye contact no one really cares. I doubt they even consciously notice. It's one of those things like a deeper voice. People aren't aware it's changed, even after you mention it; but the subconscious effect is present.

And if she does notice, then it will seem special because you don't normally do it. Eye contact is a sign of confidence, respect, and investment. If you see her breaking eye contact a lot then maybe tone it down. But if holding it is an issue for you, you're more likely to break it more than you should.

 

[Yhaceed]

Thanks for replying. Yeah basically I'm not afraid to do it. It's like when you go out on stage in front of people and you don't want to do it but you do it anyway. I also read about a guy and his wife had to tell him to do it and he was 30 years old and I probably wouldn't do it myself for even 3 seconds in most settings unless I was about to get in a fight or something. So I could definitely relate. I think it just stemmed from childhood when you're told "not to stare at someone" or the way they feel about it in the military. It's just crazy to think no one really cares as you said which seems to be the case with some of my family members at least and they actually seem more than receptive. And if the lady in question breaks eye contact I will tone it down but if she doesn't I can't really see myself breaking it except for a fast break here and there to release the tension. Actually I guess I'll have to feel that out but I read that 10-15 seconds or more is good plus I read about a study done with couples going for 2 minutes. But I won't find out for a couple weeks. So we'll see how it goes. Thanks again.