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falling for a social circle girl but been too slow, any advice?

letsdoit

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Apr 4, 2015
Messages
72
I'm 33, she is 27. We're both good looking and successful in our fields. But after my breakup 2 years ago I'm often too timid with girls I really like. I'm smooth and OK with girls I'm like "meeh" about. That is really starting to screw me up.

There is this one girl in my extended social circle who seemed to like me. We didn't know each other at all at first. She got in touch about some stuff and invited me to some places months ago but I couldn't go at the time. When I got the chance to hang out with her some time later I realised I liked her too. And now I realised I like her a lot, so much that I've become stupidly timid and unsure of myself.

We met at some parties but I didn't really isolate her and we didn't have dates until we went to a festival together and slept in the same tent. We didn't go to the festival exclusively as two persons, there were friends along but we ended up sleeping in the same tent as just the two of us for three nights. We ended up kissing, making out and cuddling each night. But didn't have sex there.
I was probably also not super smooth in front of her in other social situations as I was having some issues.

After the festival in the evening we met at friends place and she was quite cold towards me. Or avoiding to talk to me too much.

Then she agreed to come to watch a movie with me nevertheless the next day (that we had planned some time). We watched a movie and made out the entire night. She seemed more and more and in the end super into me. She said she is gonna go home at some point but in the end didn't even want to leave but stayed over until noon the next day. Didn't go into her morning gym thing and we just slept together. BUT and that's a big BUT – we didn't have sex. That was a bummer. Were naked but she didn't let me penetrate her. I was going for it for hours and she let her guard down more and more but was quite clear about it that it cannot happen (today?). The most I could do was finger her. Partly because of the upcoming planned ayahuasca ceremony on the weekend. (You shouldn't "waste" your sexual energy a few days before it). But I guess that's also just a bullshit excuse. She also said it's because of herself and myself. She said she really would like to though and that I'm hard to resist. I'm not sure what that all means. Meaning if we would have sex, then one or the other would maybe fall for each other? She also mentioned that this is going too fast. Too "fast" I'm saying?? :) She was so into kissing and eye glazing that it didn't seem she is playing or testing me in some way. Or that I wasn't dominant enough?
I was too tender with her, to think back. So maybe she was just reciprocating that.

I'm a bit screwed now, as I now really really really like the girl. But I'm afraid I should have pushed more and haven't been not at all dominant enough. And definitely have been very slow to move forward (until last night).

I'm wondering where to go from here?
One red flag is, that I seem to be asking way more questions from her, than she from me. She likes to talk about herself but has asked less about me.

If she disregarded me as a potential lover or boyfriend material then why did she want to kiss so passionately until wee hours. Why didn't see leave. I was perfectly cool about it. She literally didn't want to leave at all. (But she was mostly touching me from upper body.)
Was she just enjoying me wanting her?
Was that she thought it's the last and only time we're gonna be (sort of) intimate together?
Was it a test on how long or how many times I'm gonna try to escalate?

Is there still hope to get her to bed and close the deal?

Am I in friends zone? But you don't want to kiss your friends?

I'm in a dangerous place as I'm falling for her before even having proper sex with her. As we have talked a lot and she seems exactly my type both physically and mentally.

It seems she liked me but I've done things to turn the heat down and now she has blocks. I would totally like to spend more time with her. And it's not about physical only. She is super smart and inspiring. I'm a bit confused though how to navigate this. Wait for her to initiate contact now? She know I want her. So, it's time to back off? I think I should avoid this social circle a little bit (that's easy, I have things to do. And I have other circles.) She told me the weekend was a bit intense. As we were so new together but were together so much. But her bitchiness was probably me not moving forward during that time and she feeling rejected or me being not dominant enough.

Another question is, that on both coming weekends. We were both going to the same Ayahuasca ceremony. That's super intense, I'm not sure whether this would connect us more or rather the other way. We still haven't had sex and definitely are not gonna have it there, so I should probably not go? To avoid hanging out with her too much before having sex. I know attraction has an expiration date and I'm dangerously close there. And the next weekend I was going to the same theater festival out of town as her.

Should I go to them? If I don't message her in the meantime, then seeing her on the weekends for the festivals would be cool? Or would it be better to be away a bit, to let this weekend settle a bit.
Or maybe go only in case she gets in touch before with me?

I cannot stop thinking of her... Not good I know :DD
 

HellAtlantic

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jul 1, 2015
Messages
301
Social circle are the worst. I was in it and it throws you off your game. The problem with social circle is you have to continue to see the person so "nexting" is difficult because part of nexting effectively is not seeing the person ever again. Also in social circle the fact that you have to see the person again makes you not as dominant as you normally would be because you want to avoid awkwardness afterwards.

I would continue to live my life if I were you. A big part of a girl being attracted to you is you doing what you want and not getting sidetracked by a girl. You want to go to festivals - so go. If you see her there let her join you on your fun journey instead of you feeling the need to fit her in. A man doing what he wants and living his own life is attractive to a girl.

But it's normally best to just focus on girls not in your social circle. If things go wrong then one of you ultimately will feel the need to leave the social circle.

PS: how did you make out for hours and hours and still didn't have sex? After one hour of making out and trying to escalate to next level if she still was saying no you have to step back and take away attention. You say "ok no prob" and roll over and go to sleep. You staying in her frame of just making out weakens your frame. You could've banged that nite if you played it differently.
 
a good date brings a smile to your lips... and hers

Verisimilitude

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Dec 20, 2012
Messages
461
If it is just a week away, I don't see the problem in waiting. But I would make another move, and then if you keep escalating with her then keep trying. If she doesn't kiss you back, then move on. Also read the articles about oneitis which will help you from getting too caught up with her.
 
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