"Falling" for women to fast.... Why?

[TheRuralJuror]

Hey guys, this should be short

I've noticed a pattern when it comes to women I make some type of connection with. We talk, connect, she likes me, I fuck up somewhere, she goes cold (understandable), I chase, nothing happens, I get upset (now knowing I'm more mad with myself). And then we don't speak anymore.

I guess what my question is, is how do I stop falling for women so early? I mean I don't want a gf, because I'm trying to get better with women overall, but when i make that connection I immediately know it's not gonna end well, because I'll fuck up somewhere. But I can't help myself, and I'll repeat the process all over again!

I know chase wrote that article "can't stop thinking about her" but for some reason I don't apply it! I just hate going through the same things all.over.again.


Thanks again, TheRuralJuror

 

[Seppuku]

Hey,

It's scarcity mindset, for one. You're not sure when you're going to get another one like this, so you get clingy and attached. And also, there's an ego thing, since in the case you mention she seems to be letting you go. We chase more what we want to have, but can't have.

You will solve that when you find a way to get much, much more options like this. If you have two dates planned with two different girls in the week, plus a couple of other prospects at hand, you won't care that much about failing this particular girl. When you will have 100+ dates behind you, you will also start to get a feeling like "more of the same", and that particular girl won't look so particular anymore. When you're there, it's much, much harder to fall to early.

Anyway, if you start to see a pattern in your dates, it means you're picking reference points, and getting experience. Kudos for that.

Now food for thought: if you keep doing the same, you will keep getting the same results. You need to change something in what you are doing.

Seppuku

 

[TheRuralJuror]

Hey seppuku!


You make 100% sense! If I have multiple girls of the same type then I would eventually see that there are plenty of them out there. But i don't know, for some reason in the back of my mind I can't seem to apply that logic. I guess it's because deep down maybe I'm scared to lose them as much as I try to play it off? And some of these girls have good personalities, interesting to talk to etc.. but of course I fuck up! Haha. And also some girls I probably shouldn't have even tried, they weren't good candidates at all! But one I was very inexperienced back then, and two I think I was just attracted to their bodies and nothing else.

I guess where I'm getting at is, how would you suggest I let go of the scarcity mindset? Because I think you're right on the money with that one!! Sometimes I feel like I am trapped. Like I know I shouldn't be doing "xyz" because I know how it's gonna play out (losing them) but my dumbass still continues to do it. And gets pissed off when they don't respond like they used to. Although I'm happy to admit that ever since I started to read this site, I DEFINITELY am responsible for that!. Before I used to blame the girl for not responding, but now I see it's my fault for messing up somewhere. And I like that. I'm taking more responsibility!

But yeah, what would you recommend for me to do? I just wanna let go of these mental "shackles" and just be Free!

Thanks, TheRuralJuror

 

[Seppuku]

TRJ,

Does this ring a bell to you?

(Hint: all of us have been here before)
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You land a date once in a blue moon. It is scarce enough that you don't know when is the next time you'll get lucky again. Therefore you come to the date with the background fear of fucking it up. So you are needy and clingy, which acts as a girl repellent and makes your prophecy come true.

Also, you believe that by giving her a good time during the date, you will make her like you and willing to come on a second date. You want to be 95% sure that she really likes you before making a risky move. And maybe she actually has a very good time. But later when she's at home, she realizes that you were needy, you're no challenge, and she can get you too easily. That will not necessarily be a conscious thought. She will just become aware that "she doesn't really feel it".

You rationalize that she had a great time with you, so how come she won't answer your texts now?

And when you start to chase her, this is death sentence, confirming her what she intuitively knew.
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If this rings a bell:
1. You need to get yourself much more dates, to get rid of this scarcity
2. If she came on date 1, she already likes you. You do not need to spend more time "to be 95% sure". You should do your risky move right now.
3. Same, no need to spend time "to make her like you", or "prove her how great a guy you are", because she already does like you. She wouldn't be here otherwise.
4. So, instead on focusing on giving her a great time, or making her like you, you should focus on building tension

Seppuku
PS. I have tried to guess your problem. You should be posting your interactions with the girls here. We can help you debug it. Just remember to put as much details as you can.