Socializing Feeling inferior/I don't have enough social skills after being friendzoned by online dates

[empath]

I was recently friendzoned by two of my bumble dates i.e. they will meet me as a platonic friends but don't see me as a romantic partners. (Won't make out or be sexy)

I guess I was too chill idk what I did wrong with them but they don't see me as a sexy partner one is virgin but atleast she can look me as a crush if not she lose her virginity to someone who won't commit way.

One laid girl ghosted after 2nd date.

How to get over this feeling?

I am thinking of shifting focus from laying girls to charming them and their friends like crazy so they chase me overtly like in movies ( it will be testament of my skills ) rather than empty notches.

Also feeling more apologetic towards girl like if I make them wait or something earlier I used to enjoy it how to fix these feelings and get confident and in good headspace again?

I am thinking making a girl fall in love crazily so she fights her circle for me
Will be redeeming but it will hurt the girl a lot when I leave her

 

[TwoNameGame]

Also feeling more apologetic towards girl like if I make them wait or something

I have a trick for this: flip the script. Instead of saying sorry, compliment their virtue.

You were late? Say, "You are a patient person" or "I appreciate your patience." You recognize and reward their effort and acknowledge your fault to an extent. It reframes the matter positively and they often appreciate it.

I was recently friendzoned by two of my bumble dates

It happens. Your next step should be to study escalation so you get out of the friendzone and frame (especially romantic/sexual frame) to avoid giving the wrong impression.

One laid girl ghosted after 2nd date.

Congrats, you still got laid. You would have left her anyways, right?

If not, use Skills' ping method. Text "good morning " or something quick on a holiday. Low effort, low pressure, surprisingly high response rate.

How to get over this feeling?

Use it to motivate you. There is always something new to work on.

Also consider the fact that this learning experience will get you better for the next set. These girls screwed up their chances to get with a sexier you, and lost you to the next girl, who you will improve to attract.

I am thinking of shifting focus from laying girls to charming them

As long as you don't miss escalation windows or forget to be attractive, not just entertaining. Like Hector said, Elmo is charming but girls don't wanna suck him off.

I am thinking making a girl fall in love crazily so she fights her circle for me
Will be redeeming but it will hurt the girl a lot when I leave her

You don't need love if you want to lay. Get her wet and lust so she disregards logic and LMR. You shouldn't even think about her circle if you want to lay as women sometimes prefer to protect their reputation from their sex life. Involving her circle will increase resistance, and, yes, hurt her even more. It is high risk, no reward.

Love takes time and effort and a long term relationship - which you don't seem to want.

 

[empath]

I have a trick for this: flip the script. Instead of saying sorry, compliment their virtue.

You were late? Say, "You are a patient person" or "I appreciate your patience." You recognize and reward their effort and acknowledge your fault to an extent. It reframes the matter positively and they often appreciate it.


It happens. Your next step should be to study escalation so you get out of the friendzone and frame (especially romantic/sexual frame) to avoid giving the wrong impression.


Congrats, you still got laid. You would have left her anyways, right?

If not, use Skills' ping method. Text "good morning " or something quick on a holiday. Low effort, low pressure, surprisingly high response rate.


Use it to motivate you. There is always something new to work on.

Also consider the fact that this learning experience will get you better for the next set. These girls screwed up their chances to get with a sexier you, and lost you to the next girl, who you will improve to attract.


As long as you don't miss escalation windows or forget to be attractive, not just entertaining. Like Hector said, Elmo is charming but girls don't wanna suck him off.


You don't need love if you want to lay. Get her wet and lust so she disregards logic and LMR. You shouldn't even think about her circle if you want to lay as women sometimes prefer to protect their reputation from their sex life. Involving her circle will increase resistance, and, yes, hurt her even more. It is high risk, no reward.

Love takes time and effort and a long term relationship - which you don't seem to want.

Thank @TwoNameGame feeling postive after hearing from you. Yes no point in hurting others for lack of my skills.

Will use these 2 girls who friendzoned me as motivation also will dig why they got friendly vibes so other don't feel it same way.

I think If you meet someone online its to bang only. I am just wondering why did i gave them friendly vibes were they the one who were specifically looking for friends or was I not sexy enough (I end up feeling I am not good looking or good enough as a romantic partner as in I lack something)?

 

[TwoNameGame]

I end up feeling I am not good looking or good enough as a romantic partner as in I lack something

I used to feel the same. I wear glasses, and I would avoid using them while flirting even though I couldn't see her face as well and my eyes are sensitive to light. Then I stopped and no real difference (some say they did better with glasses as it made them less unattainable).

Let's be honest, being a hot guy gets girls excited. But so do kino, a sexy voice, assertiveness, and sex talk. So you may not have the looks, but you have the other stuff better than most hot guys. You have other forms of value you know how to leverage. Play to your strengths.

 

[isildur1]

i think your sample size of dating is too low- 2 dates with 2 people is simply not enough to draw conclusions - you need more options and open up the breadth to get more feedback . Maybe do more cold approach to so you keep in a good "social state and flow" rather than the odd online date here and there -it could be that the women you dated just weren't down

but you got laid right? getting laid on the first date is still a huge accomplishment and 1 lay out of 2 dates is a great hit rate , think you're putting too much pressure on yourself and drawing conclusions out of just two dates with the opposite sex

 

[empath]

@TwoNameGame thanks man I will keep in mind these points and my knowledge to feel positive about myself

@isildur1 Yes my sample size is small but the reason I feel inferior is because

1) in most of the group settings I end up doing something goofy or stupid which gives my other friends/boys a chance to make fun of it. (Idk if its due to ADHD or my lack of social experience).

2) In most of sports/physical activities I end up sucking say Playing cricket or table tennis, badminton etc. or running I mean I don't want to be exceptional but average performance is required.

3) Lack of worldly knowledge about general stuff like repairing house appliances etc. cars etc.

4) Lower work productivity and being clumsy in general

So issues in these other areas are spilling over to girls and pick-up as well.

From point 2, 3 i know they won't improve in one day and will take some years (I used to be neglectful of these and focused on video games, reading, psychology and pick up which most people don't Focus on.) now these points themselve are affecting 1st point and for last point I think I really need to enjoy my work or have and excellent drive for making a lot of money.

 

[isildur1]

@TwoNameGame thanks man I will keep in mind these points and my knowledge to feel positive about myself

@isildur1 Yes my sample size is small but the reason I feel inferior is because

1) in most of the group settings I end up doing something goofy or stupid which gives my other friends/boys a chance to make fun of it. (Idk if its due to ADHD or my lack of social experience).

2) In most of sports/physical activities I end up sucking say Playing cricket or table tennis, badminton etc. or running I mean I don't want to be exceptional but average performance is required.

3) Lack of worldly knowledge about general stuff like repairing house appliances etc. cars etc.

4) Lower work productivity and being clumsy in general

So issues in these other areas are spilling over to girls and pick-up as well.

From point 2, 3 i know they won't improve in one day and will take some years (I used to be neglectful of these and focused on video games, reading, psychology and pick up which most people don't Focus on.) now these points themselve are affecting 1st point and for last point I think I really need to enjoy my work or have and excellent drive for making a lot of money.

look 2 dates is literally nothing in the grand scheme of things - i think you're drawing too many conclusions about yourself after such a little sample size - something i see a lot on pua forums is men have a melt down if a coffee date goes wrong or one girl flakes, bad dates , flakes , even bad sex is part of the process - if you dont see it then you have a perfectionist attitude which is shit to have in dating. I've had plenty of bad dates - i mean its a statistical probability that you will have to endure some bad dates and social interactions - its mathematically impossible for every date and every social interaction to go well all the time and if you've just had two dates then what conclusions can anyone draw from that?

Well if you think point 1 is an issue get some mature wingmen and ask for honest feedback in group setts - learn to be more socially confident that takes time for everyone not just yourself.

What has sporting performance got to do with doing well on a date? If you feel you like general knowledge then read some books.

If you have low work productivity then it could be a mental issue - clean your diet up , give up alcohol, exercise more - build up some healthy habits for your brain

 

[Skills]

I was recently friendzoned by two of my bumble dates i.e. they will meet me as a platonic friends but don't see me as a romantic partners. (Won't make out or be sexy)

I guess I was too chill idk what I did wrong with them but they don't see me as a sexy partner one is virgin but atleast she can look me as a crush if not she lose her virginity to someone who won't commit way.

One laid girl ghosted after 2nd date.

How to get over this feeling?

I am thinking of shifting focus from laying girls to charming them and their friends like crazy so they chase me overtly like in movies ( it will be testament of my skills ) rather than empty notches.

Also feeling more apologetic towards girl like if I make them wait or something earlier I used to enjoy it how to fix these feelings and get confident and in good headspace again?

I am thinking making a girl fall in love crazily so she fights her circle for me
Will be redeeming but it will hurt the girl a lot when I leave her

follow my online structure, and my how to date... Feeling ugly and failing like this is part of the process....

I failed my first 5 online dates trying to figure out what works.... feeling ugly online is totally normal for EVERYBODY...

 

[OldGuy]

I was recently friendzoned by two of my bumble dates i.e. they will meet me as a platonic friends but don't see me as a romantic partners. (Won't make out or be sexy)

If they said this without meeting you: Women don't go out of their way for platonic relationships, but they are setting low expectations. She can always take it further; how can you complain if nothing happens?

 

[empath]

If they said this without meeting you: Women don't go out of their way for platonic relationships, but they are setting low expectations. She can always take it further; how can you complain if nothing happens?

Nope my text game was good ..
So it was date only... When I met 1 girl for first time ... She ended up saying our meet was fun and she enjoyed it ... Fir 2nd meet she was in my flat ... I was to make out but she avoided it ...then I decided to back off ... After some time I asked her about vibe nd Romance ... Then I asked her what vibe she was getting and she said friendly... Doomed for here ...

I met her after this she confronted me ... She said she can be good friends but not in the headspace for anything else ... Later she told she got friendly vibes only otherwise she would have made out at the first meet only...


Another girl i didn't felt any romantic interest from here side nor she felt ... Eventually I brought topic of sex nd Romance .. nd I said I am feeling a bit disappointed ...

Then she asked me if I came out with some ideas ... I said know and then she said she can be a good friend and we are hanging out as friends (she is new in city and needs a companion)

Then there was another date... It was mostly friendly only .... It was fun ... But I ramped up the romance over text ..ended up Ghosting me ... Before this all my dates turned out to be lays ... So this was baffling for me... Idk how my vibe went from sexy/horny to friendly