Friend-Zoned a Girl

[PinotNoir]

I met a girl and wasn't sure if I really liked her or not. But since we clicked well enough, I texted back and forth with her a good bit, and then she hung out with me and my friends (both girls & guys) about three times now. At first, I was pursuing friendship. But having known her better now, I realize that I do like her. Oops! I'm wondering if it's too late now. I tried to get her on a one-on-one, but she was busy today. Tomorrow or some day this week I'm going to ask her for schedule and set up a one-on-one. (Should I ask today? I'm wondering if since she couldn't today it would look needy or to chasey?)

So, I'm wondering if it's too late? Originally, I friend-zoned her, and so now she's probably friend-zoned me. And, having known her better now, I like her friendship as well.

I'm thinking that I'm just going to set up a one-on-one at a coffee shop or something. I'm not going to label it as a date, but I'll try to frame it or do sexual teasing to try and change her perspective of me from a friend to a lover. Good idea?

This seems to happen every now and then where I'm not *that* attracted to a girl, but then her personality ends up changing my mind about her completely.

 

[Ross]

Something that you might consider adding into your game is properly screening and deep diving women at the beginning of knowing them. This way you won't have the problem of running into realizing that you actually do like them. You'll know it from the beginning, which is another great thing that deep diving creates other than simply creating an emotional connection.

It's not too late, but I wouldn't go after her. It's like always seeing a girl in average clothes and no make-up and not giving any thought into a relationship, then all of the sudden she is wearing this hot red dress and the perfect amount of make-up. Your mind goes stupid and thinks, "Wow! Why didn't I see that she was this hot before? Now I definitely want her!" Then you try and change things and it's pretty damn difficult.

Something that I've been working on figuring out is a way to create sexual attraction in all women so that if this situation occurs (happens for me a lot, I must admit) I am able to transfer her into a sexual relationship. Trying to do this without making them dependent/clingy is the problem that I constantly run into, as well as avoiding auto-rejection by me creating these feelings while trying to keep frequency down to avoid a friend role nomination. I'm exploring areas in sexual tension so that I get slotted into a lover-only role, but as I said before auto-rejection is a big problem.

To get back on topic, go for the 1 on 1, but be prepared for a LOT of resistance and challenges from her. Constant role switching is a pretty good way to train your abilities up in this aspect, as you're going to learn what to do and what not to do when it comes to switching women from a friend role to a lover role. Just do everything else you would normally do, except you're going to have to deal with a lot of objections on her part.

 

[PinotNoir]

Solid advice man, thanks.

In fact, I'm wondering if I should just date girls automatically even if I'm on the fence. Push hard on being sexy, deep-diving, and screening right off the bat like you said and date them. If it doesn't work out and I want to be friends, surely I can transition to that somehow without it being awkward -- just difficult at times.

Note: I probably shouldn't have created two posts, but I felt like this is a new topic. This is actually the same girl as the one in my "lesbian" post that I met and we kissed, but then I didn't do anything but hang out with her as a friend (with friends) like I mentioned in the first post of this thread.

I think I'm going to go ahead and ask her out because I've realized that she's starting to crop up in my mind too much. I've had enough experience in my life where I know this is a bad thing. I have to ask her out so that I can get all of my focus back on meeting new women. [I actually deep-dived and asked out a girl at a restaurant recently, but she said no (not a waitress but we were both customers, so not same girl in my "waitress trip" post) -- maybe I was affected here.]


I can't really meet her in person to ask her out, so I'm going to have to text/call. I like calling better, but we've never talked on the phone (always text each other) so I think I'll text...

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Either I can send an opening like "hey Name, <insert something interesting>, <insert general question>" or just go right into it. Right now, I think I will just go right into it:

"hmmm, question, I know you're a lesbian, but have you ever had any interest in guys?"

She'll either say no or yes. Doesn't matter to me; I'll still send the next text:

"well, I'm asking because I find you quite cute. are you free this week for a date?"


Let me know what you think; criticize it as harshly as you can. In the past, I've always been spontaneous about how I've handled this, but I'm really trying to improve my "game" and myself, so I appreciate the feedback. Thanks.

 

[PinotNoir]

Update. I got a date scheduled. We'll see if it actually happens...

I feel kind of bad posting this. If she ever reads this, I do apologize, but here is the text conversation below so that I can get pointers/feedback. This is exactly as written (punctuation, spelling, everything, etc.).

Me: (I text her something about myself related to the last text she sent me [which was a day ago] and a question.)
Her: (She sends one back answering.)
Me: (I send another question in reply and a "funny" comment about it.)
Her: (She texts back "haha" and answers.)

Me: "sweet question... i know you're a lesbian, but have u ever felt intrigue for a guy?"
Her: "I mean, I've had sex with guys before if that's what you're asking"

(This comment catches me off guard... I refrain myself from asking "let's have sex then" haha, but maybe I should have?)

Me: "hmmm, i see. well, that makes sense, u r quite alluring and cute. want to go on a date together?"
Her: "you really wanna take me on a date?"
Me: "yes. is that hard to believe? lol it can just be coffee&casual, doesnt have to be fancy&formal"

(10 minutes go by...)

Me: "I didn't mean to put u on the spot, dont have to answer tonight. if u say yes, then great. if u say no, then still build great friendship. just txt whenever "
Her: "haha you didn't put me on the spot, I'm just terrible at responding, but i dont mind you asking and I'm fine with goin on a date."
Me: "ok sweet what days u free this week? i usually get off work at 6ish. and u made me curious, why did u act surprised when i asked? surely im not that scarey lol"
Her: "haha no, i was just clarifying. making sure i didn't read it wrong."


And that's it. I'm glad to have finally asked. I ended up not wanting to do the friend hanging out one-on-one thing; I realized I had to just ask as date. I can see where I made mistakes, but I was trying to alleviate the tension. Let me know what you think.

I'm actually really shocked by this one! It ranks up in one of the most surprising girls that agreed to go on a date with me (mainly because of the whole lesbian thing).