- Joined
- Sep 4, 2016
- Messages
- 2
Hello everybody, I hope you can help out a poor little fellow who's relatively new to this 
First of all, I'm apologizing in advance for my poor grammar and some typos! English is not my first language and I'm still learning – hope you guys are able to read it nevertheless
As always, there's a problem with a girl I met about 3 month ago and I REALLY like (first of many problems - don't get too attached!)
We met at a pretty lame university party (nearly everyone was quietly sitting around), where I actually didn't want to meet new women and just wanted to have fun with some of my colleges from my university! We arrived there SLIGHTLY drunk and started confidently talking to people, motivate the girls drinking shots and dancing with us etc. Long story short, my fundamentals were pretty solid even if I didn't intend to grab numbers or take any girl home … Strangely the nights I go out with my friends and don't pay much attention to the girls are the most successful …
Anyway, I met her and, I don't know why, one of the first things we spoke was „her opinion on threesomes“ - what an unconventional ice breaker! - something I would have NEVER asked her if I wouldn't have been this drunk! But hey, it worked
The night went on and I grabbed her number because we went to a quite crowded club and if we would lose each other we would still be able to meet up again …!
In the following days we texted a few times and I finally got her out on a, lets say, „OK“-date! I didn't get the chance of kissing her or taking her home … or didn't have the balls!
Soooo, we continued texting and I asked her out a few times (!) before she agreed to a second „OK“-Date where I finally managed to make out with her! Taking her home was of the table because her cat got hit by a car and was locked in her room - fate strikes again!
And again, we continued texting, me asking her out a few times before she agreed to a third date, but this time I was able to keep my cool, remember the fundamentals, ground rules of flirting, chase framing etc. But then something unexpected happened: SHE took ME home, by simply stating „Well, looks like you are going home with me tonight ...“! Not something that happens to me every day! Only problem was, before we left, she told me we couldn't have sex because she was on her period Strangely when we made out in her bed, she started looking for a condom, but didn't find one … I made the HUGE mistake by not pushing - I had a condom with me, but somehow didn't want to have sex for the first time with her (I'm not a virgin - just first time with her!) when she's on her period. IF this was true ...
So we basically just made out, cuddled and fell asleep. Next day we got up early, we kissed goodbye and she later texted me, if I came home well.
And after this night everything goes south, she texted less and less. Right now we haven't seen each other in a week and didn't have a fun/sexual/interesting conversation in about 3 weeks. Current status is, about 1 message in a week.
My last (ignored) texts – she had an exam – were: (translated from german to english!)
9.Sep.: Hey, how's my favourite nerd doing? Did the exam went well?
13.Sep.: Wow, was it so hard that you are now in some traumatic state? ^^ Next time you're going to get some private lessons as preparation! I'm sure I can show you some interesting things … it was a biology exam, wasn't it?
And I haven't texted her since! Any advice here?
Usually I would drop her, BUT:
1) I really like her! She's interesting, smart, beautiful (when we were out in the streets nearly every guy checked her out) and has the exact same (dirty) humour that I have. I think we would make a good team … whatever that means.
2) She's a REALLY bad texter. I mean, even when we were dating and I knew she liked me, she couldn't communicate that via texts. But when we meet in person everything's different, we laugh, deep dive, there's sexual tension etc. It's just SO hard to get her out … maybe because she's under pressure lately and has so much to do for her exams – one of her girlfriends (see: below) told me she practically learned all the time throughout the summer break and had barely 2 days off. OR she's just not interested any more.
3) When we met last week - she gave me back a jacket I borrowed her because she was cold on a date – she was in her flat with some of her girlfriends and brought one of them with her outside. I caught them looking at each other like „this is the guy i talked about“ and smiling. And while we were talking she pretty obviously started trying to impress me by saying, she has not much time because she has a hard MASTER-exam (emphasis on master!) and her girlfriend invited me to join them to a club afterwards. I said something like “we'll see”, but ended up not texting or calling her that night, mainly because I was already about to meet some friends and, you know, “party dates ... suck”
Since then I haven't heard from her again ...
After all, I think I know what went wrong here:
1) I couldn't live up to the expectations she had – couldn't maintain the bad boy/interesting/confident/witty-guy
I'm working on this! My fundamentals, being more confident and the bad-boy-attitude! I have no problem with being this kind of guy with girls I have no interest in! Simply because it's in my nature to talk (confidently) with nearly anybody, being charismatic and somehow always end up being in the spotlight. (I have to admit sometimes I might come of as try-hard – another thing to work on!)
2) It's really hard for me to transfer my charm, wit, humour etc. from face-to-face communication to texting. (=communicate without having non-verbal communication)
I barely had any sexual conversations via text with her – so maybe she got bored or thought I wasn't interested in her … When we met in person, this wasn't the case!
3) Texting in general – well written but not really exciting (in a sexual way) and maybe too short! At the beginning I used texting JUST for logistics – One text to ask her out. No building up a conversation and ask her on a high note. Funny thing is, she told me once she liked my messages
4) I wasn't moving fast enough! Even when I knew she would go with it (see: her taking me home).
It doesn't make any sense moving slow, being a nice guy, trying not to fuck up, …, when you met her being direct, confident, outgoing – a bad boy if you will!
5) She was always in control - agreeing to dates when SHE wanted, asking ME out sometimes and ME accepting, taking ME home , ...
I'm pretty sure what you are going to say „next“ or „everything's lost“ but maybe there is a way to turn this around … What to you think? My problem is, that I'm not really experienced in dating and meeting women (personal reasons) and don't know how to proceed. Help/inputs/advice is appreciated!
Hope to hear from you soon,
cheers MrEinstein
First of all, I'm apologizing in advance for my poor grammar and some typos! English is not my first language and I'm still learning – hope you guys are able to read it nevertheless
As always, there's a problem with a girl I met about 3 month ago and I REALLY like (first of many problems - don't get too attached!)
We met at a pretty lame university party (nearly everyone was quietly sitting around), where I actually didn't want to meet new women and just wanted to have fun with some of my colleges from my university! We arrived there SLIGHTLY drunk and started confidently talking to people, motivate the girls drinking shots and dancing with us etc. Long story short, my fundamentals were pretty solid even if I didn't intend to grab numbers or take any girl home … Strangely the nights I go out with my friends and don't pay much attention to the girls are the most successful …
Anyway, I met her and, I don't know why, one of the first things we spoke was „her opinion on threesomes“ - what an unconventional ice breaker! - something I would have NEVER asked her if I wouldn't have been this drunk! But hey, it worked
The night went on and I grabbed her number because we went to a quite crowded club and if we would lose each other we would still be able to meet up again …!
In the following days we texted a few times and I finally got her out on a, lets say, „OK“-date! I didn't get the chance of kissing her or taking her home … or didn't have the balls!
Soooo, we continued texting and I asked her out a few times (!) before she agreed to a second „OK“-Date where I finally managed to make out with her! Taking her home was of the table because her cat got hit by a car and was locked in her room - fate strikes again!
And again, we continued texting, me asking her out a few times before she agreed to a third date, but this time I was able to keep my cool, remember the fundamentals, ground rules of flirting, chase framing etc. But then something unexpected happened: SHE took ME home, by simply stating „Well, looks like you are going home with me tonight ...“! Not something that happens to me every day! Only problem was, before we left, she told me we couldn't have sex because she was on her period
Strangely when we made out in her bed, she started looking for a condom, but didn't find one … I made the HUGE mistake by not pushing - I had a condom with me, but somehow didn't want to have sex for the first time with her (I'm not a virgin - just first time with her!) when she's on her period. IF this was true ...So we basically just made out, cuddled and fell asleep. Next day we got up early, we kissed goodbye and she later texted me, if I came home well.
And after this night everything goes south, she texted less and less. Right now we haven't seen each other in a week and didn't have a fun/sexual/interesting conversation in about 3 weeks. Current status is, about 1 message in a week.
My last (ignored) texts – she had an exam – were: (translated from german to english!)
9.Sep.: Hey, how's my favourite nerd doing? Did the exam went well?
13.Sep.: Wow, was it so hard that you are now in some traumatic state? ^^ Next time you're going to get some private lessons as preparation! I'm sure I can show you some interesting things … it was a biology exam, wasn't it?
And I haven't texted her since! Any advice here?
Usually I would drop her, BUT:
1) I really like her! She's interesting, smart, beautiful (when we were out in the streets nearly every guy checked her out) and has the exact same (dirty) humour that I have. I think we would make a good team … whatever that means.
2) She's a REALLY bad texter. I mean, even when we were dating and I knew she liked me, she couldn't communicate that via texts. But when we meet in person everything's different, we laugh, deep dive, there's sexual tension etc. It's just SO hard to get her out … maybe because she's under pressure lately and has so much to do for her exams – one of her girlfriends (see: below) told me she practically learned all the time throughout the summer break and had barely 2 days off. OR she's just not interested any more.
3) When we met last week - she gave me back a jacket I borrowed her because she was cold on a date – she was in her flat with some of her girlfriends and brought one of them with her outside. I caught them looking at each other like „this is the guy i talked about“ and smiling. And while we were talking she pretty obviously started trying to impress me by saying, she has not much time because she has a hard MASTER-exam (emphasis on master!) and her girlfriend invited me to join them to a club afterwards. I said something like “we'll see”, but ended up not texting or calling her that night, mainly because I was already about to meet some friends and, you know, “party dates ... suck”
Since then I haven't heard from her again ...
After all, I think I know what went wrong here:
1) I couldn't live up to the expectations she had – couldn't maintain the bad boy/interesting/confident/witty-guy
I'm working on this! My fundamentals, being more confident and the bad-boy-attitude! I have no problem with being this kind of guy with girls I have no interest in! Simply because it's in my nature to talk (confidently) with nearly anybody, being charismatic and somehow always end up being in the spotlight. (I have to admit sometimes I might come of as try-hard – another thing to work on!)
2) It's really hard for me to transfer my charm, wit, humour etc. from face-to-face communication to texting. (=communicate without having non-verbal communication)
I barely had any sexual conversations via text with her – so maybe she got bored or thought I wasn't interested in her … When we met in person, this wasn't the case!
3) Texting in general – well written but not really exciting (in a sexual way) and maybe too short! At the beginning I used texting JUST for logistics – One text to ask her out. No building up a conversation and ask her on a high note. Funny thing is, she told me once she liked my messages
4) I wasn't moving fast enough! Even when I knew she would go with it (see: her taking me home).
It doesn't make any sense moving slow, being a nice guy, trying not to fuck up, …, when you met her being direct, confident, outgoing – a bad boy if you will!
5) She was always in control - agreeing to dates when SHE wanted, asking ME out sometimes and ME accepting, taking ME home , ...
I'm pretty sure what you are going to say „next“ or „everything's lost“ but maybe there is a way to turn this around … What to you think? My problem is, that I'm not really experienced in dating and meeting women (personal reasons) and don't know how to proceed. Help/inputs/advice is appreciated!
Hope to hear from you soon,
cheers MrEinstein
